It’s NXT time and we’re kicking off with a tag team match!
Match 1: Enzo Amore & Colin Cassidy vs Scott Dawson & Dash Wilder
Enzo and Cass make their way to the ring accompanied by Carmella, followed by two of the toughest jobbers in NXT. Dawson starts off against Amore, and Enzo does some fancy footwork that intimidates Dawson so much he needs to go to his partner for advice.
Lockup and Dawson grabs a headlock, forcing Enzo down to the mat before he fights his way out. Irish whip and Dawson takes Enzo down with a shoulderblock, but runs into a drop toehold and more dancing from Amore. Dawson misses a couple of punches but pushed Enzo into the corner and makes the tag to Wilder, but before they can hit a double team move Cass gets into the ring and cuts them off, while Enzo pulls faces from behind him like an annoying little brother.
One of the commentators compares Amore to Scrappy Doo, which is an apt comparison in my mind. Enzo and Wilder run the ropes before Amore hits a low crossbody into a one count, then a headlock and tag to Big Cass. Cass picks up Enzo and bodyslams him onto Wilder, then pins him for a two count. Dash hits a couple of punches to the gut but Cass forces him back into the corner and hits an elbow and some strikes before tagging Enzo back in.
Weird double team move in the corner allows Enzo to head to the top rope and hit a high crossbody for a pin and a two count. Back on his feet Enzo takes out Dawson, but gets thrown into the ring post by Wilder. Tag back to Dawson who hits some stomps to Enzo’s arm, then a quick tag back to Wilder who hits a second rope knee to the same arm. Pin from Dash gets two.
Tag back to Dawson who keeps working the arm, and we’re just killing time until Enzo gets the hot tag and Cass cleans house. Nice hammerlock bridge suplex from Dawson gets two, then an armbar. Enzo plays the face in peril for a couple more minutes, before Wilder misses a charge in the corner and Enzo makes the tag.
As expected Cass takes out both Dash and Dawson like the jobbers they are, knocking Wilder off the apron with a big boot and hitting a black hole slam on Dawson. Carmella slaps some sense back into Enzo and they hit the go for the assisted splash, but Wilder pulls Cass down into the ring steps. Enzo makes the mistake of chasing Wilder around the outside, then gets hit with a clothesline by Dawson.
Dawson rolls Enzo back into the ring and they hit the flapjack/codebreaker combo (apparently called the Shatter Machine) for the pin and the three count. I’m not sure if this means they’re pushing Dash & Dawson or getting bored with Enzo and Cass, but to be honest I don’t care either way.
Interview with Jason Jordan and The Chad, and they get the job done. Still don’t care.
Match 2: Baron Corbin vs Jesse Sorensen
Goddamn it, who did I piss off to deserve a Corbin match two weeks in a row? For those unaware, Jesse Sorensen is the wrestler who got his neck broken by Zema Ion in TNA, was promised a job for life and fired a few months later. Keep it classy, Dixie.
Lockup, knee to the gut from Corbin, followed by the end of days for the win.
Fuck. This. Shit.
Next up we’re in Regal’s office with Prince Pretty, who needs an opponent. Regal tells him to be careful what he wishes for.
Match 3: Jason Jordan & Chad Gable vs Elias Sampson and Levis Valensuela
Man, this episode is hard to get through. So much crap for a show that was awesome only a few weeks ago.
Jordan starts out against Levis, looking for the takedown. Front slam from Jordan, and Levis tags out to Sampson. Elias says that he wants Gable, which is more than can be said for most of the viewing audience.
Lockup and Gable does his amateur wrestling thing as the crowd inexplicably chants his name. Sampson manages to reverse and gets the tag to Levis, who looks familiar but has possibly the worst ring name since Michael MacGillicutty. Powerslam from Levis gets a two count on Gable, then a tag back to Sampson.
Some more stuff happens, but I’m losing the will to live, so let’s just say Jordan and Gable hit the Grand Amplitude for the pin and the three count.
Match 4: Dana Brooke vs Charlotte
Dana is accompanied by Emma, while Charlotte stands alone. The nature girl runs the ropes and whoos to start, and Dana talks some trash in response. Charlotte shoves Dana into the ropes and hits a big boot, then a couple of nasty knee drops to Dana’s face.
Emma gets up on the ring apron for the distraction, allowing Dana to hit Charlotte from behind. Clubbing blows from Dana, but Charlotte forces her back into the corner and hits some shoulderblocks. As she goes for the third Dana dodges out of the way, hit some strikes to the back and covers for a one count.
Dana locks in the leg vice, but Charlotte manages to turn around and slams Dana repeatedly into the mat. Charlotte lifts Dana up and looks to hit a fallaway slam, but instead falls over giving Dana a two count. Dana complains to the ref that it should have been three, then picks up Charlotte and chokes her over the middle rope.
Catapult into the bottom rope gets two for Dana, then back into the cover twice more, because that always works. Modified bow and arrow from Dana, but Charlotte eventually rolls her over and covers for a two count. Flair chops from Charlotte, followed by a twisting neckbreaker, then a big spear on Dana. Emma gets back up on the apron but Charlotte takes her out, then hits the natural selection for the pin and the three count.
Probably the best match of the night so far, but that’s not really saying much. Charlotte is head and shoulders (literally and figuratively) above both Dana and Emma.
Interview with Samoa Joe. He’s here for the NXT championship, and Rhino is in his way.
Match 5: Kevin Owens vs Martin Stone
Stone is already in the ring, which never bodes well. Stone looks a bit like Doc Gallows, which must make the guy in the Bullet Club shirt happy. Recap of the contract signing shenanigans from last week, which was pretty much the same as every contract signing ever. Why do wrestling writers think that people are interested in contract signings?
Brawling to start, and Owens takes out Stone with a short arm clothesline. Boots from Owens and a whip into the corner, but Stone dodges the charge and hits a nice high kick to the head. As he tries to build momentum Owens takes him out with a back elbow, then hits the running senton. Straight punch to the face from Owens, then he picks up Stone by his ear, proving what a great dick Owens plays.
Owens misses another short arm clothesline and the two trade rear waistlocks, before Stone tries for a clothesline but gets hit with a German suplex. Cannonball in the corner from Owens, followed by a top rope swanton bomb. Owens points to the camera, calls out Finn Balor and hits the pop up powerbomb for the pin and the three count.
Basically a squash match, made entertaining only by KO’s dickish heel antics. As Stone is being helped from the ring Owens hits a powerbomb on the apron. Heh.
Match 6: Dubstep Cowboys vs the Vaudvillains
This match is for the NXT tag team championship, which Blake and Murphy have held for a fair while. Gotch starts out against Blake, with a lockup into a headlock from Gotch. Blake reverses and grabs a headlock of his own, then whips Gotch into the ropes but gets taken down with a modified monkey flip. Gotch transitions into an armbar and then into a rollup, which is literally the best wrestling move I’ve seen all night.
Blake kicks out at two but gets knocked down with a big dropkick from Gotch, who then makes the tag to English for the double team old-timey punches. Wristlock from English, but Blake grabs the hair and reverses into a wristlock of his own. Just as English is using the power of calisthenics to fight his way out, Blake makes the tag to Murphy, but English reverses the double team move and hits an overhead armdrag on both cowboys, followed by another.
Dropkick to Blake sends him all the way out of the ring, dropkick to Murphy gets a two count, and English is on fire! Blake and Murphy cower in the corner as we go to the ad break, which is always a good look for the tag champs.
Back from the break and Murhpy is in control of English, taking him down with a headlock and making the tag to Blake. Once again English dodges the double team move, flipping Murphy over the top rope and sending Blake into the ringpost. Murphy gets the blind tag but English manages to make his way to the corner and tags in Gotch, who takes out Murphy with a series of running forearms in the corner.
Headbutt to the gut from Gotch, followed by a jumping double knee, which somehow doesn’t break Murphy’s nose. Could Simon Gotch be a better wrestler that the WWE champ? Spinning kick to the gut takes Murphy down, giving Gotch a chance to flex for the crowd.
Blake tries for the distraction from the apron, but Gotch is apparently smarter than 90% of the wrestlers in WWE, because he avoids the sneak attack and rolls up Murphy for a two count, then takes out Blake with a running elbow. High back body drop to Murphy, and English is begging for the tag.
English gets the tag and the Vaudvillains go for the whirling dervish, but Alexa Bliss grabs Aiden’s foot, allowing Murhpy to roll him up from behind for the pin and the three count.
Decent if somewhat odd match, with the champs booked to look super-weak. If this doesn’t set up a championship run for the Vaudvillains there is something very wrong with NXT. After the match English and Gotch take out the champs and hit the whirling dervish on Blake. Bliss is left alone in the ring with them, but being gentlemen they just hold open the ropes so she can leave, which I have to admit was amusing. Bliss slaps both of them in return, making her look like a massive bitch, which I suppose is the point.
I don’t know if I’m just burnt out on WWE, but this episode really sucked for me. If anyone has a different opinion, I’d love to hear it in the comments.
Tags: charlotte, JT on NXT, Kevin Owens, NXT