Clashy Ring Attire – 40 Thoughts on Summerslam 2015

Strap yourselves in tightly, the hosts of both Classy and Trashy Ring Attires have combined their evil powers to give you 40 thoughts (10 each) to chronicle the 4 hour Summerslam from last night. Agree with what we say? Comment below! Think we’re all full of crap and believe we just a group of disagreeable idiots? Comment below!

The Honorable Mr. Kue
1. Only three out of ten matches on this card (Orton/Sheamus, Ziggs/Rusev, and the IC Triple Threat) were bathroom break matches. Certainly not bad at all, except the quesadillas I had earlier might have called for a couple more.

2. The New Day promo was straight fire! I’m glad they won the belts. The crowd reaction is obviously dictating a face turn. I just hope that doesn’t change their gimmick. Their obnoxiousness is what’s getting them over big time.

3. Kudos to Amell for playing his part well and even surprising folks with what he did. Though, this match did solidify for me that Neville is going to be a perpetual midcarder.

4. Although the match was a good one, nothing really stood out from the Wyatts/Shield encounter. Well, except for the “Roman’s sleeping” chant.

5. Cena/Rollins was match of the night by far. Not only did it stress once again that Rollins is one of, if not the, best in ring performed in WWE, it also did wonders to highlight his ability to work around Cena’s botches (STOP ATTEMPTING TO DO THE SPRINGBOARD STUNNER YOU UNCOORDINATED JORTS SPORTER).

6. Yeah, yeah, a lot of people have issues with Stewart getting involved in the title match. But judging from the crowd, not of those people were in Brooklyn.

7. I was a bit disappointed with Cesaro/Owens. Don’t get me wrong, it was certainly a good match. But knowing the potential of these two, it definitely could have been better. This bring about the problem with having someone work back to back PPVs in two days. Having a less than stellar ladder match the night before was not worth Owens not physically able to push this match to the limit.

8. Speaking of which, the 9 women triple threat was also rather lackluster. Why the hell were Tamina and the Bellas given so much time? Charlotte and Sasha were barely in by comparison (although, after the MOTY put on with Bayley the night prior, I can understand Sasha’s lack of participation). And Becky basically took a beating the entirety of the time she was in the ring. I don’t understand the point of calling this a revolution if the ones sparking it are being held down in match quality by the untalented status quo such as the Bellas and Tamina. On a brighter note, glad Becky got the pin.

9. Taker/Lesnar II was a hell of a lot better than their ‘Mania encounter. The ending was too convoluted, unfortunately. They could have avoided the ridiculous referee/timekeeper debacle and just stuck with a cheap low blow win for Taker. That would have avoided this much fan backlash towards the booking.

10. All in all, a solid PPV. The real winners are the meme makers who are bound to go nuts with the Brock/Taker laughing gifs.

The Elusive Joel Leonard
1. The four hour run time what a bit much but it didn’t drag nearly as badly as I was worried it would. Maybe with Raw being three hours a week now, I’ve grown numb to the feeling of wrestling events taking forever.

2. At this rate New Day will be faces by the end of the year. While I admit we can’t fight the approval that the gimmick has been getting please don’t change this character when the eventual face turn comes. It’s perfect and remember what happened when crazy heel truth turned face and then everything went wrong.

3. I gotta say, a double count out is the perfect way to make both sides look weak in a feud. Was it only last Survivor Series that Ziggler was putting on the performance of his life trying to save Team Cena? Not only has WWE done a great job of getting him back to the midcard where they feel like he belongs, they’ve also done a great job of wearing me down to the point that I don’t even bother saying they should push Ziggler any more. A success for them. A failure for the rest of us.

4. You know, I don’t really need celebrities who make an appearance on Raw to be good in the ring or anything, I just want them to act like they’re excited to be there and not contractually fulfilling some cross promotional idea. Both Amell and Stewart did that at SummerSlam, and for that I am thankful.

5. Roman’s Sleeping was the chant of the night, but I think Roman popping up a few seconds later looking like he was caught in the act was really the cherry on the top of that chant.

6. Even as a admitted Cena defender, I have to say that Seth was really the one carrying that match last night. Of course that’s what happens when you have to make a miracle recovery after a nasty broken nose and then don’t wear any kind of face guard for an injury that I’m sure is still in the process of healing.

7. I’m torn between wanting an an official explanation on Raw of what Jon Stewart’s motivations were for what he did at the end of the match and knowing that whatever WWE makes him say will probably be dumb and just let there be no real reason and only fan speculation.

8. It was four hours and you couldn’t find time for more than one Diva’s match? What’s more that one diva’s match that featured very little of the Divas Revolution ie the ones that we would really like to see? I think if we could just edit the NXT women’s championship match for rewatching it on the network, that would make for a better card overall (Even better, NXT woman’s match instead of Sheamus/Orton, so that match never exists and we get two women’s matches like we should have in the first place.

9. If I could get a .gif of Undertaker laughing at Brock Lesnar, I would enjoy that so much. Those of you who can make such things, get on that post haste please.

10. As we head into what I’m assuming is quite possibly the last phase of Undertaker’s career we see him losing the streak, disappearing for a year, no showing an entire feud save for the actual match, then tapping out to Lesner’s submission only to have to use dirty tactics to win in the midsts of confusion. I understand the idea of going out on a loss, but this seems a bit much. Can the Undertaker win one more really good feud before he retires?

The Despicable BD (aka the reason companies have an HR department)
So with 4 guys doing 10 Thoughts on the same show, I imagine I will just echo many of the thoughts they’ve already put out except maybe for Chris and Joel being way too nice in saying Shaemus, Cena or Cody have “improved” or something. Kue’s thoughts will probably mirror most of mine. So I’m going to go ahead and just have some fun with this after a single thought about the show in general.

1. A lot of times when WWE puts effort in, it has the opposite effect, but tonight’s show was quite good. WWE has a very hard time pulling out their best unless competition forces them to, and let’s face it, there is no competition on the landscape and they still managed to do it.

2. In preparation for his main-event run, WWE have ceased calling Shaemus “The Great White” and have begun to refer to him by his new tagline “The Airtime Rapist”.

3. Seth Rollins will probably be my choice for wrestler of the year, but that outfit can’t be comfortable to wrestle in. It’s like a leather-based form of abuse.

4. I can criticize Cody Rhodes all I want, but he’s laughing all the way to the bank. (From the money he’s made off the job his family got him, not from any money he’s actually drawn.)

5. The most interesting part of the IC Title Match was how WWE has evolved the participants’ characters over the past couple years. Ryback is “product of consensual incest that we roided up and market to rubes who can’t remember as far back as 2012”, Big Show is “I’m having popcorn for dinner, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me, except maybe sitting me down and explaining proper nutrition”, and The Miz is “for the amount of money we’ve paid him, we could have put this relentless virgin through medical school, employed him as a trainer, and at least then he’d have a skill we could exploit”.

6. After a string of failed gimmicks, creative has Wade Barrett’s next one all figured out: TNA World Heavyweight Champion.

7. Kevin Owens is another one of my favorites, but WWE is either making him lose weight, or the Spanx v-neck they gave him is under a ton of pressure.

8. The Tag Team Title match featured some great teams, as well as El Matadores and Prime Time Players. Given their various gimmicks, I bet those teams could save a lot of money on tissues by crying directly into the toilet.

9. John Cena being booked in main event matches in 2015 is a great way to let everyone know that he’s got a weird little dick that’s all knob and no shaft.

10. I can’t believe how much better this was than the WM match. I’m in Camp Lesnar and have been since he returned, and it was surprising that the story was enough to get me into the match considering how bad their WM30 match was. So imagine my surprise when the story AND match turned out to be good. Pissed at the ending, but in the way I’m supposed to be pissed at the ending, which almost never happens, which means they did their job. Lesnar for Lord And Master Of The Universe. Kneel Before Brock. It will eliminate the need for a violent bloodbath. That is all.

The Comically Mischievous Chris Sanders
1. The only good thing I can say about the Orton/Sheamus match was that it was opening the show so we could get all the meaningless garbage out of the way. Sheamus has been a guy WWE has seemed unsure of what they want to do with for a while now but still feels the need to put him on all their shows. And then there’s Orton who has seen and done just about everything and has also struggled to find something compelling while still ends up on every card. What does WWE do with guys they like that aren’t doing anything inparticular? Slap them together, of course. WWE seems so okay with letting some wrestlers just miss certain shows because they don’t have anything, just once I’d like to see WWE do that with Orton and/or Sheamus.

2.There were a few great spots in the tag team championship match but honestly, the only thing worth discussing is how incredible New Day is. It’s like what 3MB would’ve been if all three members had talent/personality and not just one or the other.

3. Ziggler is the returning face that had the crowd on his side, that means he probably should’ve won in his first match after returning, right? Typically WWE would agree with you except they remembered it was Dolph Ziggler and figured they should do what they always do with Ziggler and that’s mug and murder Ziggler’s momentum in a dark alley somewhere.

4. Amell didn’t completely steal the show with his wrestling prowess but it was clear that he really wanted to do well, that he had trained in preparation and was fulfilling a dream of his. All those put together make up a resume for a believable inductee in the celebrity wing of the Hall of Fame. Well done. He’s already surpassed Drew Carey by a mile.

5. I’m truly hoping the Reigns/Wyatt feud is over because I’m so tired of watching that one clip from Money in the Bank. But props to the fans for the “Roman’s sleeping” chant.

6. Rollins was incredible (as you would expect). Cena did a great job of showing up and screwing up too badly (with the exception of the springboard stunner that needs to die and swift and immediate death). I would gladly take a 6 month run of Jon Stewart in a GM role, it’s not like he’s got anything else going on right now.

7. I guess the IC triple threat match happened. We really missed out for not having this match a month earlier, am I right?

8. I’m disappointed in Cesaro not getting the win against Owens. It would been great for Cesaro and, if Owens would’ve sold going through hell the night before, Owens would’ve looked great still because he would’ve still tried his best to win. However, it was a good match for both guys and Cesaro didn’t look terrible for losing and I understand the need for Owens to get a win under his belt. Now it’s time for the true test and that’s what will WWE do with both guys from here? Maybe continue the feud for another month, Rollins is going to need a strong face to go up against once he’s done with Cena’s rematch and it would be a good spot for Cesaro, just saying.

9.The Divas match was a positive step because normally, matches that involve this many Divas somehow tend to end quicker than singles matches. However, the 9-Diva elimination tag match got a pretty decent amount of time and had some good spots. It came nowhere close to the Sasha Banks/Bailey match the night before but then again, it’s gonna be difficult for any Divas match to do that. Like I said, positive step for the division. Now, they just need to have championship matches and get the belt off Nikki. Also, change the belt design to something that doesn’t look like it can be bought at Claire’s for $20.

10. I’m okay with the shenanigans at the end of Taker/Lesnar because how else are you gonna have anyone beat Brock right now? Also, WWE has already set a precedent about refs using instant replay (on a monitor that suspiciously looked like the one that exploded in Dean Ambrose’s face) when something like this goes down. Of course, nobody wants to see a main event end due to a decision from instant replay so this is one of those scenarios where you simply have to let the shenanigans play out. Obviously the next and hopefully final match between the two (because it was happen, I assure you) will be much more definitive.

As per Joel’s request: The gif to end all gifs.

For our full post-Summerslam reactions, check back here on Inside Pulse later in the week for the Classy Ring Attire and Trashy Ring Attire Podcasts. You can also follow both on twitter @CRAttire and @TRAttire.

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