Forever Heel: Rumors. Hardy’s, GFW, Blue Pants, CM Punk PLUS Top 5 All Time Lying Heels

Columns, Top Story

I love writing on here. Writing about wrestling is one of the many therapeutic activities I employ. Well that and making up lies about what goes on the Dark Web. I’ve never been there, but it doesn’t stop me from lying about it. Actually the Dark Web does have footage of a Kurgan Vs Vic Grimes match. Only a truly deprived mind would look at such filth. Remember guys, don’t look for wrestlers on the Dark Web. Just lie like I do.

If people ask me about what happened to Brian Lee, rather than go on the computer and look, I say, “uh he’s a sport’s attorney.”, and I’m done.

Anyway, I have idea if you guys liked my XPW article because, I haven’t seen any comments. Anyway I should have made it a two-parter or something, it seemed rushed to me. I want to expand on it sometime later. I’d also like to talk about their East Coast invasion, around 2002.

So I thought I’d write about the rumors I’ve heard and why I think they’re not as clear as we think.

“Jeff Hardy is coming to WWE, and said he wants to finish his career in the WWE.”

This rumor is used for every TNA wrestler. Angle, Bully Ray, MVP, and even AJ Styles has supposedly wanted to finish their career in WWE. I’m going to blame the dirt sheets for this quote.

This quote fits the narrative that WWE is a perfect wrestling utopia. Fans like the idea of WWE being a fairytale theatre. They never think that Jeff Hardy might not want to go to WWE. Hardy already has millions, gets to dress up like King Diamond, and can usually pick his spot in TNA. Also TNA doesn’t make you work 6 days a week. I think both Hardys are going to do some serious thinking before leaving.

True TNA is a mess, and I’ve heard Matt gave up the belt because he wasn’t in the pre-taped Impact footage. I have no idea, but I doubt the Hardys need to jump ship because of money, and low attendance?

“Blue Pants has serious heat backstage for saying she’s more over than most Divas, and being drunk in front of WWE execs.”

I had no idea who the hell Blue Pants was until last week. She seems solid in the ring. I think she was a fresh face brought in as a jobber. She’s paid per appearance and that allows her to work for other feds. This isn’t anything new really. WWE has paid people per appearance before. Those they hire are usually just there as a cheap way to freshen up a title defense, etc.

I don’t believe WWE cares if Blue Pants thinks she’s more “over” than every other Diva.

I won’t believe that WWE has execs. Twenty years ago WWE was basically run by a naked Pat Patterson. I can’t see Vince McMahon caring, or hiring guys that would care.

“GFW is global, Chris. It’s bigger than TNA.”

This is an old rumor that I said was just bullshit made up by Jeff Jarrett, and I’m right.

GFW has no one that draws money on their roster. They have no agreements with Mexico or Japan, and there’s no wrestling boom. Without TNA, GFW would never even have been on Tv. There is no going back to the territory days, and Jarrett has proven to be worse at running a fed than Dixie Carter. That’s pretty bad because the TNA brain trust has been actively pissing away opportunity since 2004. Jarrett was even a part of that.

“Seth is going to break CM Punk’s title record.”

I doubt it. CM Punk’s reign is like the fifth longest, and Seth has a long way to go still. I’m really hoping not because I don’t want Seth defending the belt against Big Show, then Orton, then a triple threat match between Seth, Orton, and Big Show. I’m a big Rollins fan, but since I know the belt isn’t a real thing, I don’t mind him losing it. It’s not like he won’t stay in the upper-midcard.

Also if you hate Punk so much that you want Seth to break Punk’s reign, then you’re an adult baby and should go to bed. Punk was my favorite too, but he left a longtime ago. Also it’s not like it was a surprise that he’s an asshole. Ever since I’ve heard of him, he’s been known as an asshole. Now go watch some cartoons.

“Alberto del Rio is coming back to WWE.”

Yes of course he is. I’ve talked to him and he tells me, “Chris, all I want to have one final WWE title run, and end my career at Wrestlemania 35, in Mexico City.”

That is all true. I would never lie to my readers.

Top Lying Heels

5) Hollywood Hogan

4) Owen Hart

3) Triple H

2) Bobby Heenan

1) Paul Heyman

CH Punk comes from Beverly Hills, California; but considers himself a citizen of the World. Punk also turned heel at age 5, after receiving a LJN Iron Sheik figure for Christmas. On that day he vowed he would stuff his Sheik figure up Hulk Hogan's nose, to ruin Hulkamania. By 1995 Hogan had already ruined it without CH's help.