Forever Heel: The Rise of Smark Marks, and New Kayfabe Brock, New Day, Tyler Breeze

Columns, Top Story

I’m noticing that even though fans know pro-wrestling is a work, some fans are buying WWE’s new form of kayfabe. If WWE can keep up with angry IWC fans, and appeal to casual fans, they could showcase a unique product for the present day.

I’m hoping WWE is doing this on purpose, and that I’m not just over analyzing heel reactions. Smark Marks are a new kind of fan, and have a lot to do with early IWC writers like Scott Kieth, etc. Keith and early IWC guys were actual Smarks. They knew how the whole business worked, and how crappy it can be. They also favored workers over superstars, and that idea has influenced today’s young fans.

The Smark Marks know just enough about pro-wrestling to believe it’s a respected institution. No, I’m not kidding, they believe fans should respect “The Business” and talent as athletes, not superstars. They’re respecting the same business that allowed guys like JBL, Dick Slater, and the Steiners to terrorize locker rooms across America. This is the same business that had champs hold up matches until they got paid extra. It’s a business where a promoter would send out  wrestler A to cripple wrestler B because wrestler B is leaving for the big leagues in the morning.

Smark Marks still believe pro-wrestling must be respected and is a serious business. They take it personally when a heel embarrasses a face because in their mind, the heel shouldn’t do what the booker said, he should still have a fair match because wrestlers are honorable athletes. The brotherhood of wrestlers outweighs kayfabe.

So when a genius like Xavier Woods wants to make a faction of three black men that love unicorns and dancing like dorks, Smark Marks shit themselves. How dare New Day, they’re tag champs and they’re not even taking it seriously. WWE can’t have champions that mess around and cheat during matches, they’re hurting the company they represent. See, WWE has reeled them in? This hybrid broney heel shit is gold too.

I’m noticing a wonderful hatred of Tyler Breeze all of a sudden. Smark Marks already hate his entrance because he’s taking his time to get to the ring, and selfies don’t belong in wrestling. If I was WWE I’d let it leak that Breeze is demanding more time to take selfies. I’d also let it leak that Adam Rose always thought his Leo Kruger gimmick was too badass for him, and he wanted a gimmick where he could have a guy in a bunny suit. Okay I’m done playing fantasy booker.

We saw the fans turn into experts on what a champ should be when Brock was champ. A lot of “insiders” bought that shit, and you could see their hate in their writing. People actually thought Brock might not be at WrestleMania if Vince didn’t give him more money. Brock’s supposed to defend the belt every 30 days because the non-existent WWE Rulebook said so. Brock’s going to take the belt to Diana White and drop it in the trash, guys. If Brock and White did do this, WWE would’ve destroyed the UFC with lawsuits. There’s no way Brock would’ve left with the belt without a huge lawsuit either. This isn’t the 70’s for God sake.

Even today, I see these top ten lists that are made by people who are so Smark Markish, they might as well be glowing. These idiots think that booking a heel champ as “weak” tarnishes the belt. They even feel Kurt Angle’s legacy is lost because of WWE booked him as a goof. They claim things like comedy wrestling is the “kiss of death”, and that you shouldn’t be a wrestler if you have no desire to one day be WWE champ. This shit is gold to me. Seriously guys? I’m not respecting a business that has been using talent as trained circus animals since 1880. I respect certain guys, and their opinions, but come on. This is the same business where employees pay their dues by not getting paid at all, and have to rely on money from poorly made t-shirts and other crap. Seriously, I make more money selling wrestling action figures than most of the WWE roster. The wrestling business, as a whole, doesn’t deserve my respect. It’s like asking me to respect a pimp or porn director. Atleast those guys pay travel expenses.

Top Heels to Respect

5) Buff Bagwell

4) Virgil

3) Bruce Hart

2) Chyna

1) The Gangstas (The ECW version that would get winded from hitting people with crap)

CH Punk comes from Beverly Hills, California; but considers himself a citizen of the World. Punk also turned heel at age 5, after receiving a LJN Iron Sheik figure for Christmas. On that day he vowed he would stuff his Sheik figure up Hulk Hogan's nose, to ruin Hulkamania. By 1995 Hogan had already ruined it without CH's help.