The SmarK Rant for World Championship Wrestling – 11.08.86
IT’S BACK! My favorite weekly show ever to review has returned, in WWE Network form, to solve my dilemma about what to review next. The answer is this show, now and forever.
Last week, we learned about Magnum TA’s career-ending car accident, and Dusty Rhodes got his arm broken by the Four Horsemen, and the Road Warriors challenged the Midnight Express to a scaffold match and dropped a pumpkin from a rooftop to punctuate it, AND Nikita Koloff turned babyface and joined with Dusty Rhodes! There’s a doin’s transpirin’, boy! LET’S GET TO IT!
Taped from Techwood Studios in Atlanta
Your hosts are Tony & David.
Jim Cornette and the Midnight Express are out immediately and Cornette is running his mouth about the Road Warriors even faster than usual because it’s a short episode. Cornette feels like he doesn’t need Bubba at the scaffold match, but he’ll bring him just in case. Also, if Paul Ellering should happen to climb up there and be hanging for life, they’ll push him off and kill him. Just in case it comes up.
The Midnight Express & Big Bubba Rogers v. Vern Deaton, Brodie Chase and some other jobber
Yes! We start with a Midnight Express squash! Cornette is on commentary as usual and going a mile a minute. The Express wastes little time beating on the poor jobbers and launch BUBBA off the top rope with a rocket launcher onto Deaton to finish at 2:00. That’s just unfair.
Ric Flair joins us next as the breakneck pace continues, and he’d rather not have any female conversation while he’s trying to talk. He feels like Nikita is unready to be World champion and probably doesn’t have the confidence to carry the money and women that he, Ric Flair, has.
Starrcade ’86 Control Center! We get another classic bit as the Horsemen attack the Rock N Roll Express in the dressing room and Flair rubs Morton’s face on the concrete, and then later at a house show they team up and break Morton’s nose for good measure. So it’s the Express v. the Andersons in a cage match for the tag titles. The electric personality of Jim Crockett Jr. joins us to personally sign an INDIAN STRAP MATCH between Rick Rude and Wahoo McDaniel. Wahoo joins us in the studio and points out that although he’s won a record 300 strap matches in a row, anyone can lose over time. Just ask Ronda Rousey.
Ivan Koloff & Krusher Kruschev v. Mike Simiani & John Savage
I actually forgot Darsow was still around and they were actually US tag champs at this point! They quickly squash Simiani with a backdrop suplex / flying elbow combo at 0:30.
The Superpowers are here to defend the honor of Magnum TA, and Nikita is pretty sure that Ric Flair was full of shit all the times that he said nice things about him. Because he was SCARED. Meanwhile, Ivan yells at him from the ring until Dusty goes out there to take care of business, and the Russian beatdown commences. Nikita cements his babyface turn by making the save and kicking his uncle Ivan’s ass. Just in case there was any further confusion.
The Rock N Roll Express are out to lay down the challenge to the Andersons and let the world know what a bunch of a cowards they really are.
Arn Anderson v. Eddie Roberts
Arn quickly destroys this poor geek with a spinebuster and gourdbuster at 0:25.
Wahoo McDaniel gets more promo time about Rick Rude. Strapping shall happen and Rude will not enjoy it.
Tully Blanchard joins us and JJ points out that the people wanted to see Dusty Rhodes face Tully in a First Blood match, so Jim Crockett signed the match. I don’t recall wanting to see that particular match, actually. Tully cuts a crazed promo about it and we continue moving fast.
Jimmy Garvin v. Pablo Crenshaw
No “Sharp Dressed Man” here, obviously. And Garvin is also working by the minute, as he finishes with the brainbuster at 0:30 while Bill Dundee rants on commentary and then immediately gets cut off and shuffled away.
Paul Jones is out with Rude & Fernandez to bitch about getting a strap match with Wahoo and make jokes about Indians.
Jimmy Garvin is very excited about Starrcade, even though his opponent is Brad Armstrong.
Brad Armstrong v. The Grim Reaper
Well that’s a bit on the nose, isn’t it? Brad puts him down with a kneelift for two and goes behind with the russian legsweep to finish at 0:34. That’s a marathon compared to the other matches this week.
Ivan Koloff wraps it up and they show the Nikita attack from earlier again as we sign off for football or whatever was taking their time that night.
RAW is three hours long and they can barely hype a match for next week. This was THIRTY MINUTES and they ran down the entire Starrcade card, got you excited to see it, and advanced angles in the process. Thank god for World Championship Wrestling.
Tags: Dusty Rhodes, Nikita Koloff, Ric Flair, SmarK Rants, SmarK WWE Network Rant, The Midnight Express, The Road Warriors, World Championship Wrestling, WWE Network