Good day, everyone. I was working on a grand introductory column, but this isn’t it. Perhaps it will come at another time, but I’ve been hit by the flu and most of it was written in a fever-addled state. Once I recover and make it a bit more coherent, I will try to put it together for you.
But for now, I will do a short bit of Fantasy Booking of the WWE title coming off the Royal Rumble. Who knows what will drip out of my brain as it melts under this miserable delirium…
So Triple H won the Royal Rumble and is the new WWE champion. Hopefully Lemmy appreciates this inside the pearly gates. Not a particularly creative choice to win the rumble, but I guess it makes sense storyline wise. Although I was close on the Dean Ambrose prediction I pulled out of my rear-end last week. And then on Raw last night, the main event for Fastlane was announced as Roman Reigns vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Brock Lesnar. As we all think Lesnar and Bray Wyatt are being penciled in for Wrestlemania, I assume that storyline will continue causing the Fastlane main event to wind up being Reigns vs. Ambrose. And one of them will turn on the other and align themselves with the Authority because the WWE writing room is stuck in a giant vat of molasses and cannot move their fingers to change a storyline which grew old years ago.
So what would be more interesting? To me, at least? Let’s go with this –
Seth Rollins returns during the opening promo of next week’s Raw. He rants about how he is ticked off that Triple H stole “his” move, the Pedigree. He is also angry that the Authority didn’t send flowers to him when he was recovering from his injury. Oh, but it’s a swerve! Rollins and the Authority hug and Seth congratulates Triple H for beating 29 other competitors for the title. After several minutes of brown-nosing, Seth volunteers to referee the main event at Fastlane to make sure everything goes in a way that is best for business. Stephanie makes Rollins the new Director of Operations to show gratitude for his loyalty.
The weeks leading up to the pay-per-view have Rollins interacting mostly with Ambrose, Reigns, and Lesnar. There will be a few throw away gags in there where Kane tries to give Rollins advice on how to be a better Director of Operations. And the Authority will be around, doing nothing but backing up Rollins, showing support as Triple H nods approvingly in the background.
Rollins will use his new Director of Operations role to schedule the Fastlane main event participants in various handicap matches, tag team matches, gauntlet matches, ladder matches, water bottle on a pole matches, whatever he can think up. There will be teases of Lesnar trying to get his hands on Rollins which he never had a chance to do, but he will be cut off by the Wyatt family each time.
A week before the Fastlane pay-per-view, the Wyatt family kidnaps Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. No one can find the Wyatts or Lesnar and it is assumed that Lesnar will be out of the main event. In a bold cross-promotion, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully come in to assist in the search for Brock Lesnar. This goes nowhere however, as Mulder loses focus and instead tries to solve one of his long cold X-Files, the mysterious case of The Undertaker and his powers over lightning.
So with the bait and switch out of the way (Lesnar being kidnapped and probably murdered by the Wyatt family), the main event of Fastlane becomes Seth Rollins versus Roman Reigns and Seth Rollins as the guest referee. Triple H and the rest of the Authority are unsurprisingly okay with this development and we head to the pay-per-view.
At Fastlane, Reigns and Ambrose fight in a close contest as the Authority sits ringside. Both men tease a turn to join the McMahons, but neither do. Towards the end of the match, Rollins gets involved and Reigns and Ambrose have had enough. Rollins backs up, warning both of them that hitting him would result in a disqualification and the other person winning. So Reigns and Ambrose both wind up and punch Rollins at the same time to the crowd’s delight.
Rollins gets up and calls for the bell while the Authority goes ballistic outside the ring. Rollins gets a microphone and climbs back into the ring. He announces a double disqualification which makes Triple H smile. Then, Rollins says that he is sorry, but as Director of Operations (which includes an iron-clad guarantee of employment in this role thanks to the advice of Kane) he has to make a decision about who will go on to challenge for the world title at Wrestlemania.
Rollins takes a breath and then explains that when he was out of action, he had a lot of time to himself. So he started reading a good book – The Rules of the World Title by President Jack Tunney. He states that since there was no “winner” in this match to set up the challenger for Wrestlemania, the rules allow the Director of Operations to declare both competitors move on to challenge for the belt. As the crowd sort of cheers, Triple H looks like he is about to blow a gasket.
But Rollins pauses, and says that is exactly what he is going to do. As Director of Operations, he is going to have Reigns and Ambrose contend for the title. Reigns is all smiles while Ambrose looks suspicious and Stephanie hurls insults at Rollins. But wait, there’s more!
Rollins continues to talk about Jack Tunney’s book and says how very interesting it was. In fact, there is a clause in there which demands the world title be defended every 30 days. If the belt is not defended in that timeframe, the champion is to be stripped of the title and the Director of Operations shall determine the means to crown the new champion. Triple H starts destroying things outside the ring, Stephanie loses her ever-loving mind, and Vince faints from this development.
Rollins announces that Triple H is no longer the WWE champion. And at Wrestlemania, there will be a 3 man tournament to choose a new champion. The first match will be Reigns vs. Ambrose again. The winner of that match will then have to wrestle one more competitor and the winner will be crowned champion. The third competitor will be Seth Rollins! And as Reigns and Ambrose looks on, Rollins states that the Authority is finished and no matter which of the three of them walk out with the title, the championship and the future of the WWE will be in the hands of the Shield!
And the crowd goes wild. Fade to black. WWE logo. The End.
It won’t happen that way, but that is the fantasy part of things, right? Sounds more interesting to me at least.
Until next time…
Tags: dean ambrose, Roman Reigns, seth rollins, Triple H