Pulse Chat WWE Fastlane 2016 – Mystery Wrestling PPV Theatre $9.99

Features

Welcome Pulse readers, to another PPV skewering like Metalhead and I did for Summerslam last year. This time we’re joined at various points by Widdy, CB and that other two letter guy that isn’t BD.

——————————

PRE-Show

patmetalhead [7:02 PM]
Show of shows? where? when??? Seems Renee also has that hyperbole thing down to a T…

widro [7:12 PM]
this is the biggest night in wrestling history!!

patmetalhead [7:13 PM]
…. OK, once again… Are you drunk??? :wink:

pennykins [7:19 PM]
​*smacks Widro on principle*​ NO ENCOURAGING VINCE’S DELUSIONS!!!

[7:19]
Also; Hi guys.

widro [7:19 PM]
hello! this night changes history!!!

patmetalhead [7:20 PM]
hello! And Widro… STOP DRINKING!

pennykins [7:20 PM]
Technically me coughing changes history, since historically I wasn’t coughing yesterday.

patmetalhead [7:21 PM]
…. Ok, this is too philosophical for me now I’M gonna start drinking…

pennykins [7:23 PM]
You mean you weren’t already?

patmetalhead [7:24 PM]
No. But maybe there was something strange in my coffee today, since I find myself watching the Fastlane Kick-off show…

[7:26]
Also, AJ Styles in the social lounge. If memory serves, the last two who where in there were Tyler Breeze (who’s going nowhere fast) and the social Outcasts (who never went anywhere anyway).

[7:26]
In short, AJ, you sure that’s a good idea?

widro [7:26 PM]
that is worrisome

patmetalhead [7:27 PM]
indeed

widro [7:29 PM]
i cant drink tonight i am driving home :disappointed:

patmetalhead [7:29 PM]
ah yes, drinking or driving, one has to chose!

[7:29]
That’s why I always refused to get a driving license…

Kallisto VS ADR; US Title, Best of 3 Falls

[7:32]
Kalisto vs ADR now, a 2 out of three falls match on the pre-show. That means that they’re going to cram three falls in what, ten minutes?

[7:32]
Can it get any more pointless?

[7:33]
Mauro Ranallo is commenting? Finally some good news!

widro [7:34 PM]
only this pre show match :disappointed:

[7:34]
then back to cole for the rest

patmetalhead [7:35 PM]
… Should have known, was too good to be true. :disappointed:

pennykins [7:40 PM]
You ought to know by now we’re going to get Micheal Cole and bloody well like it.

patmetalhead [7:40 PM]
It’s now that I hear him talk alongside ranallo that I realize how bad Byron is…

pennykins [7:40 PM]
Byron is still better than Maggle.

patmetalhead [7:40 PM]
Maggle?

widro [7:41 PM]
the craziest thing now is that byron is on BOTH shows

pennykins [7:41 PM]
Old IP joke. Phonetically spelling out how JBL pronounces Cole’s name.

patmetalhead [7:41 PM]
Oh sorry…

pennykins [7:42 PM]
Can’t remember who first coined it. Either Scott or Blair.

patmetalhead [7:43 PM]
Well when Byron is with Maggle, he seems OK… It’s when he’s sitting besides a REAL commentator that you realize just how much he sucks…

[7:43]
Even JBL seems energized by Ranallo…

pennykins [7:45 PM]
STILL better than Maggle

[7:45]
Of course if they’d just listen to the bloody audience and replace Cole with Renee…

patmetalhead [7:46 PM]
Renee and Ranallo? yeah that could be interesting

pennykins [7:46 PM]
I like Ranello calling it a Frankensteiner instead of a ‘rana. Shows he’s a fan.

patmetalhead [7:48 PM]
It’s so strange to hear a WWE commentator actually talk about the match in progress…

widro [7:48 PM]
this match has been surprisingly good

patmetalhead [7:49 PM]
yeah, gotta give it to them, their previous matches were awkward at times, but here they seem to be on point.

pennykins [7:51 PM]
And much longer than we expected it to go.

patmetalhead [7:51 PM]
yeah and kalisto retains…

[7:51]
Ok, sometimes ‘m wrong lol

pennykins [7:51 PM]
BRB, downloading the slack app so I don’t have to keep switching tabs and missing action.

[7:53]
Okay, I’m back

[7:53]
And I’m liking that AJ is giving actual real answers instead of scripted crap.

widro [7:54 PM]
i liked how he came off there

[7:54]
i hope he keeps getting the push

pennykins [7:55 PM]
He seems more comfortable talking than he did in TNA

patmetalhead [7:55 PM]
Mhm, did say the right things about WWE (from Vince’s point of view at least) but that’s to be expected.

pennykins [7:56 PM]
Am I the only one who finds King’s sudden recent switch back to heel commentary annoying as all hell?

patmetalhead [7:56 PM]
Well AJ will never be The Rock or guys like that, but he doesn’t need to be, he’s Phenomenal after all :wink:

[7:57]
King is basically re-mixing all the heel comments he’s made before.

pennykins [7:57 PM]
If AJ ever went full shoot on the Rock? Dwayne would dwown.

widro [7:57 PM]
i wish the king was out

[7:57]
he’s so played out

patmetalhead [7:57 PM]
yep to both of you

pennykins [7:58 PM]
King needs to retire, Maggle needs to stick to backstage work, commentary needs to be Renee, Corey and JBL.

[7:58]
And the new guy.

[8:01]
I am debating ordering a pizza. Which is infinitely more engaging than anything King says.

widro [8:02 PM]
pizza does sound good

pennykins [8:02 PM]
Do you two mind if I post this to IP after the ppv as another Ip MST3K LIKE Pat and I did for Summerslam?

widro [8:02 PM]
no i think its a great idea

pennykins [8:03 PM]
Because I fully expect we’re going to surgically destroy this show.

widro [8:03 PM]
the show is going to be the best in history!!!!!!!

pennykins [8:04 PM]
Did Tripsy break into your house and have a chip installed in your brain?

FASTLANE

Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch VS Team B.A.D.

[8:04]
Sasha curtain jerking. Le Sigh.

widro [8:04 PM]
still two women’s matches with storylines behind them on the same ppv

pennykins [8:05 PM]
Agreed. That much at least is progress.

patmetalhead [8:07 PM]
The two girls would should battle for the title at WM right there

[8:07]
well the two before those two

[8:08]
… Didn’t Jojo “grow” a bit?

widro [8:08 PM]
“our very own” jo jo

pennykins [8:10 PM]
Did Two Strikes seriously make his tiny borderline underage girlfriend get a boob job?

patmetalhead [8:11 PM]
I don’t know… “They” seemed bigger now?

widro [8:11 PM]
who is her boyfriend? ryback?

pennykins [8:11 PM]
Orton.

widro [8:11 PM]
oh wow i thought he was married

pennykins [8:11 PM]
You can shudder involuntarily now.

[8:12]
Divorced a couple years ago.

[8:12]
Tamina “shh we don’t say Snuka anymore” always kills the match pace dead.

patmetalhead [8:13 PM]
Really? How many of WWE’s roster has he been sleeping with over the years?

[8:13]
Not including Triple H?

widro [8:13 PM]
hahaha

patmetalhead [8:13 PM]
:wink:

pennykins [8:13 PM]
Please don’t ask me to research that. It would kill what little lingering traces of a sex drive I have left.

[8:14]
I include Tripsy. How else do you explain Boreton’s repeated pushes?

patmetalhead [8:15 PM]
Complete incompetence?

widro [8:15 PM]
voices in hhh’s head?

pennykins [8:15 PM]
This too is possible.

patmetalhead [8:15 PM]
Those are not voices, that’s Steph… Don’t know which is worse.

[8:16]
Good little match btw, not great but good, thanks to Sasha and becky

pennykins [8:16 PM]
Steph isn’t a voice, she’s a bleating rusted WWII air raid siren no one can turn off.

[8:16]
Well they can only do so much with Tamina.

patmetalhead [8:17 PM]
Indeed

widro [8:17 PM]
i like naomi’s neon shoes

pennykins [8:17 PM]
They hurt my eyes.

katehartford [8:18 PM]
Yeah I like them too, they suit her character. I also like Sasha’s jacket she wore tonight.

pennykins [8:18 PM]
Sasha kills Becky in 5… 4… 3…

widro [8:18 PM]
my network is frozen :disappointed:

[8:18]
ah its back

pennykins [8:18 PM]
Wow they didn’t pull it. I’m shocked by creative’s restraint

(Machine Gunn Kelly is shown in the crowd)

[8:19]
Didn’t Steen murder him last year?

patmetalhead [8:19 PM]
If these two aren’t at WM, WWE creative should just be locked up in a leaking Russian Nuclear sub.

widro [8:20 PM]
i think they will be in a 3way dance vs charlotte

[8:20]
i really hope brie doesnt win the title tonight

pennykins [8:20 PM]
The 5 way WAS a good way to get the IC belt off Ambrose without hurting his momentum.

[8:21]
She won’t. She wants to leave soon to procreate

patmetalhead [8:21 PM]
Could happen, Bryan sympathy thing and all. As for the 3way dance yes, but that aslo means Ric Flair will be at WM :disappointed:

pennykins [8:22 PM]
Ric is late to the scheduled Table for 3 with Roddy and Dusty.

widro [8:22 PM]
whats wrong with having ric at mania, i think thats a positive

patmetalhead [8:22 PM]
In what way? What has he brought Charlotte so far?

pennykins [8:22 PM]
Side note;CF0$ doesn’t score often, but I do so love Owens’ theme

patmetalhead [8:23 PM]
Too similar to Ambrose’s and others in my opinion. Too generic.

pennykins [8:24 PM]
All Flair’s presence has done for Charlotte is give Becky Lynch sexual trauma, make Charlotte look weak and like she only has the spot she has out of nepotism.

patmetalhead [8:24 PM]
Yeah, that about sums it up.

cbpulse [8:25 PM]
THIS MATCH IS FOR THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIAAAAAAA as Lillian would say

[8:25]
I’m tweeting via pulsewrestling tonight FYI

pennykins [8:25 PM]
Seriously, they could get away with ignoring how rapey it is to kiss an non-consenting woman in the last century but no one lets that shit slide now.

[8:26]
Hey CB, welcome to Mystery Wrestling PPV Theatre $9.99!

[8:26]
Pull up a chair!

patmetalhead [8:26 PM]
hi CB

cbpulse [8:27 PM]
what’s up pat

[8:27]
and penny and widro

Dolph Ziggler VS Kevin Owens; IC Title

pennykins [8:27 PM]
Zigglypuff’s tights look like he was halfway through putting on a Harley Quinn cosplay before Owens explained Rule 63 to him.

patmetalhead [8:28 PM]
I swear, if I had to make a heel top 10 for the last months, Owens would be Top 2 even with the defective booking.

cbpulse [8:28 PM]
if Owens wins, I block Michael Cole on Twitter

patmetalhead [8:28 PM]
Probably would put Naito on 1 though

[8:28]
yes I know, this is WWE, so shut up about NJPW Pat…

cbpulse [8:28 PM]
did you watch the big show podcast with Austin? show said he would categorize their booking of him as horrible

patmetalhead [8:29 PM]
Really???

[8:29]
wow

cbpulse [8:29 PM]
and that he wished he spoke up more but he’s a team player and not a visionary

patmetalhead [8:29 PM]
I’m flabbergasted. Well it WAS horrible, but not in the way Show meant…

cbpulse [8:29 PM]
re: the 30+ heel/face turns

[8:30]
he was very honest it was a great interview

pennykins [8:30 PM]
Quick poll; do we actually care about Zigglypuff anymore?

patmetalhead [8:30 PM]
Yes but that has nothing to do with him being booked badly, that has everything to do with him refusing to retire …

cbpulse [8:30 PM]
Dolph doesn’t even care about Dolph anymore

[8:30]
he’s talking about over the past 17 years

[8:31]
he also said he’s retiring in 2 years

pennykins [8:31 PM]
Well he clearly doesn’t care about his appearance.

patmetalhead [8:31 PM]
Yes, I know, and he does have a point, but… come on, he should be nowhere near a ring in 2016

pennykins [8:31 PM]
He’s a utility player now.

widro [8:31 PM]
im officially over dolph

cbpulse [8:31 PM]
it was a career retrospective not about right now

widro [8:31 PM]
its been too long hes a jobber now

pennykins [8:32 PM]
Show’s only purpose now is as enhancement talent to teach noobs on the job.

patmetalhead [8:32 PM]
Everybody is over Dolph, and who’s fault is that?

cbpulse [8:32 PM]
Ziggler wants to do comedy shows

patmetalhead [8:32 PM]
All together now…

[8:32]
3

[8:32]
2

[8:32]
1

pennykins [8:32 PM]
VINCE

cbpulse [8:32 PM]
say what you want about Miz, he’s become more valuable than most of the roster

patmetalhead [8:32 PM]
Ok, i was gonna say WWE Creative but I guess Vince works to.

pennykins [8:33 PM]
Vince still has final say

[8:33]
Someone needs to stage a hostile internal takeover and oust him.

cbpulse [8:33 PM]
at least people inherently hate Miz and he’s great at playing the mid card prick

pennykins [8:34 PM]
Even then Miz is so wasted.

patmetalhead [8:34 PM]
I don’t know anymore about Miz, I honestly have no clue if he’s actually somewhat talented or just does stuff that gets boo-ed…

pennykins [8:35 PM]
I am genuinely surprised how much Steen offense Owens is allowed to do in WWE.

patmetalhead [8:35 PM]
Yeah, good match btw.

cbpulse [8:35 PM]
I love Miz, he’s my favorite thing on the show half the time … damn pat you are so cynical! lol

patmetalhead [8:36 PM]
too bad such matches don’t get more support from creative… (edited)

[8:36]
and yes, CB, I know… :wink:

cbpulse [8:36 PM]
you know roman reigns is winning tonight right? then it will be mania sign pointing time!!!!

[8:37]
WrestleMania :star2:

[8:37]
no more numbers!

patmetalhead [8:37 PM]
Luckily, the fact I’m living in Europe and it’s already approaching 3 am here will allow me to miss the mania sign pointing thing

[8:37]
Nobad dreams for me

widro [8:38 PM]
the big dog has done it!!! hes headed to dallas!!

patmetalhead [8:38 PM]
only NJPW dreams hehe

cbpulse [8:38 PM]
by the way I watch tna this week, and I actually liked some of it – the monsters ball match between decay and the wolves was good

patmetalhead [8:39 PM]
Yeah I hear they’re not doing that badly. I cn actually believe Impact is somewhat better tha RAW nowadays…

[8:39]
Not that that’s a big achievement…

[8:39]
But anyway…

cbpulse [8:39 PM]
NXT and SmackDown are better than Raw …. Mauro is amazing

pennykins [8:39 PM]
The Wolves need to be in NXT

patmetalhead [8:40 PM]
Well that was a good match!

widro [8:40 PM]
clean finish to boot

patmetalhead [8:40 PM]
Now, please WWE, put Owens in a REAL feud towards WM

[8:40]
You know, one that matters.

cbpulse [8:40 PM]
hometown loss like always

patmetalhead [8:41 PM]
Well to be fair, ziggler is basically a jobber now, so logical result.

[8:41]
Owens needed to go over here, so well done

widro [8:42 PM]
booooo

pennykins [8:42 PM]
I actually want to watch that.

cbpulse [8:42 PM]
I would have Ambrose win, Reigns turn heel, do Ambrose-HHH and Reigns-Cena

patmetalhead [8:43 PM]
Haha, Big Show saying “survival of the fittest” hahaha

pennykins [8:43 PM]
Okay seriously do they have a guy on crew whose sole job it is to follow Glenn around with a red light?

patmetalhead [8:43 PM]
He hasn’t been fit since they invented McDonalds hahaha

cbpulse [8:43 PM]
I would also do Ryback vs. Goldberg

pennykins [8:43 PM]
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

[8:44]
AJ’s last TNA theme!

[8:44]
​*falls on floor laughing*​

Ryback, Big Show & Kane VS The Wyatts

cbpulse [8:44 PM]
TEDDY LONG MATCH ALERT

pennykins [8:45 PM]
Seriously they sprung for the rights to the song and DIDN’T let AJ keep it?

patmetalhead [8:45 PM]
ITS A TAG MATCH PLAYAH

cbpulse [8:46 PM]
SIX MAN TAG PLAYA

patmetalhead [8:46 PM]
Wouldn’t have been logical Penny, They’ve been downplaying the fact AJ was in TNA for all they were worth…

cbpulse [8:46 PM]
how about longnecksssss and redneckkssssss

patmetalhead [8:47 PM]
They should have let AJ keep is NJPW theme… Those USA network bigwits would have had an heart attack haha

pennykins [8:47 PM]
Lol

spacelli [8:48 PM]
Hey team. Divas match opens and Wyatt’s match is the toilet break. What. Is. Happening.

widro [8:48 PM]
up is down, left is right

cbpulse [8:48 PM]
I’m going to spend this match catching fliessssssssss

patmetalhead [8:48 PM]
Simple, Big Show is in there, they KNOW people are gonna get sick…

[8:49]
Serious question…

pennykins [8:49 PM]
Well they are a source of protein.

patmetalhead [8:49 PM]
Is PLAYA spelled PLAYA or PLAYAH?

cbpulse [8:50 PM]
PLAYA

[8:50]
HOLLA HOLLA HOLLA

patmetalhead [8:50 PM]
But didn’t Teddy Long “H” it?

spacelli [8:50 PM]
Playa is spelled PLLAAAAAAAYYYAAAAAA

patmetalhead [8:50 PM]
ah yes, Sam might be correct here…

cbpulse [8:50 PM]
Ryback’s belt looks like it’s from American Eagle outlet

patmetalhead [8:51 PM]
lol

cbpulse [8:51 PM]
World’s Greatest Director of Operations

pennykins [8:51 PM]
This is the obligatory “we had fuck all else for these guys to do but we still needed at least one of them on PPV before Mania” match.

patmetalhead [8:52 PM]
Funny, if you asked me to name three guys I DON’T wanna see in a ring right now, guess who I would name? Thanks for that WWE…

widro [8:52 PM]
you are too hard on erick rowan

[8:52]
hahahaha

cbpulse [8:53 PM]
#FreeTitus

pennykins [8:53 PM]
Ah yes, Black Bautista.

patmetalhead [8:54 PM]
Yeah poor Erick, was already in trouble and now he’s in the shadow of… Strowman??? Life is unfair.

[8:54]
Titus for TNA champ!

pennykins [8:55 PM]
Of all the 7 men out there, only two are actually worth watching, they’re both on the same team, and one of them is sitting on his acrofatic ass.

cbpulse [8:55 PM]
Harper and Bray

pennykins [8:56 PM]
Ayup

patmetalhead [8:56 PM]
Rowan isn’t actually that bad, just got no chance.

cbpulse [8:56 PM]
Harper is the best big man worker to come along in years

widro [8:56 PM]
harper is great

pennykins [8:56 PM]
He’s improving.

patmetalhead [8:56 PM]
Yeah, I often have the Bruiser brody feel with Harper

[8:57]
it’s in the eyes I think

cbpulse [8:57 PM]
the good news is he will be there for 20 years like Kane … I think he will be there a long time

[8:57]
Strowman, well, yeah, he’s Eva Marie bad

pennykins [8:57 PM]
Strowman was better off as the Roman Centurian Bouncer Rosebud on NXT

widro [8:57 PM]
was he the bunny!?

pennykins [8:58 PM]
Eva Marie is actually better than Strawman. THAT’S how bad he is.

cbpulse [8:58 PM]
Justin Gabriel was for awhile

pennykins [8:58 PM]
No Widdy, he was exactly what I said, the Roman Centurian bouncer

cbpulse [8:59 PM]
so who is Taker’s opponent gonna be if it’s a non roster member including not an NXT person?

patmetalhead [8:59 PM]
I heard they had Eva Marie dominate Auska for some minutes at a live show last week

[8:59]
crowd HATED it

[8:59]
To no-one’s surprise.

[9:00]
Can I go for no-one as Taker’s opponent?

cbpulse [9:00 PM]
No

widro [9:00 PM]
kurt angle?

[9:00]
hbk?

patmetalhead [9:00 PM]
lol

cbpulse [9:00 PM]
Sting?

[9:00]
Goldberg?

patmetalhead [9:01 PM]
Austin?

[9:01]
The Rock?

cbpulse [9:01 PM]
I heard punk rumors and I laughed

patmetalhead [9:01 PM]
Hulk Hogan???

widro [9:01 PM]
i cant imagine punk

cbpulse [9:01 PM]
the guys suing them

[9:01]
and he’s injured

[9:01]
and in UFC

pennykins [9:02 PM]
This match was way better than it has any right being

patmetalhead [9:02 PM]
yes but there will alwys be CM Punk rumors… gets the wrestling sites some clicks…

[9:02]
Wait… Did the Wyatts lose? What’s the point of that???

widro [9:02 PM]
very weird that the wyatts lost

[9:03]
how does this push them for a major mania match

[9:03]
that is a horrible finish

patmetalhead [9:03 PM]
agreed

pennykins [9:03 PM]
The Wyatts losing on a PPV? The hell you say?

cbpulse [9:03 PM]
Ryback-Goldberg confirmed ;)

spacelli [9:04 PM]
Well that was utter garbage.

patmetalhead [9:04 PM]
to CB, for taker, i can see the go with sting, for the “special attraction” feel.

[9:04]
But I must say, NOT a match i wanna see in 2016

widro [9:04 PM]
nice boos for the big dog

pennykins [9:04 PM]
Especially since the streak is done

patmetalhead [9:04 PM]
sorry sting and taker fans out there…

pennykins [9:05 PM]
No streak, no elephant in the room for Sting/Taker

patmetalhead [9:05 PM]
OK, need everyone to answer something…

[9:05]
Are Jojo’s boobs bigger or not???

pennykins [9:06 PM]
Ambrose NEEDS to go over tonight for the crowd to not riot.

[9:06]
They are most definitely up a cup.

widro [9:06 PM]
could be creative boob positioning

patmetalhead [9:06 PM]
hahaha

[9:07]
Well, once again, they made sure NOBODY is looking at Reigns lol

cbpulse [9:07 PM]
they need to do hogan vs. new jack at mania

pennykins [9:07 PM]
No I’m not crying YOU’RE crying!

patmetalhead [9:07 PM]
hahaha

cbpulse [9:07 PM]
new jack would kill him

[9:07]
like literally

patmetalhead [9:08 PM]
what is New Jack up to nowadays?

cbpulse [9:08 PM]
probably tweeting

pennykins [9:08 PM]
About 11.5

[9:08]
Well over the legal limit.

cbpulse [9:08 PM]
this actually makes me root for Brie

patmetalhead [9:09 PM]
haha Penny.

pennykins [9:09 PM]
Well Danielson taught his wife everything he knows she she’ll cripple herself soon enough.

Brie Bella VS Charlotte (With Ric Flair); Divas Title

cbpulse [9:10 PM]
Ric Flair needs to just not be on HD

pennykins [9:10 PM]
Ric Flair is VD, not HD.

cbpulse [9:10 PM]
lol

patmetalhead [9:10 PM]
It’s not fair to Brie (or Charlotte), but I’m gonna watch that matchthinking about how awesome Asuka vs Bayley is gonna be.

cbpulse [9:11 PM]
I’ll take you to Space Mountain and give you ZIKA

pennykins [9:11 PM]
Seriously, how are there still women out there who think that blobby stretch of dead horse leather on a skeleton is still fuckable?

[9:12]
I tested positive for the clap after just looking at Flair.

patmetalhead [9:12 PM]
Hey, have Ric’s boobs grown too?

cbpulse [9:13 PM]
no that’s just Charlotte

[9:13]
;)

patmetalhead [9:13 PM]
Oh… OK then…

pennykins [9:13 PM]
Don’t ask self-answering questions.

patmetalhead [9:13 PM]
haha

widro [9:13 PM]
but how do you REALLY feel

pennykins [9:14 PM]
If you had told me five years ago that a Bella would become the Rule 63 Danielson, I’d have smacked you and told you to stop blaspheming.

[9:15]
But damn if she isn’t doing good.

widro [9:15 PM]
shes not as bad as she used to be

pennykins [9:16 PM]
She’s LEAGUES better.

cbpulse [9:16 PM]
I’ll take her for a couple more months until she retires .

pennykins [9:16 PM]
If she rope dives I’m ded.

patmetalhead [9:17 PM]
Yes, but it’s always the same problem isn’t it? By DIVA’s standards, she isn’t bad… Compare her to Bayley, Asuka, Becky, Sasha or Charlotte and who do you wanna see go against each-other?

cbpulse [9:18 PM]
FYI the longest tenured Diva is Alicia Fox

pennykins [9:18 PM]
Sasha/Asuka please

patmetalhead [9:18 PM]
Is she? wow… I thiought it was the Bella’s at this point.

cbpulse [9:18 PM]
Alicia was first

pennykins [9:18 PM]
The Bella Twins left for a couple of years

cbpulse [9:18 PM]
and Bellas left for a little while

patmetalhead [9:19 PM]
Ah yes, now that you mention it…

pennykins [9:19 PM]
Does anybody want to lay odds on Snoop Dogg performing at WrestleMania?

cbpulse [9:19 PM]
Alicia was Edge and Vickie’s wedding makeup artist

patmetalhead [9:20 PM]
Come on girls, so sloppy…

pennykins [9:20 PM]
I’m sorry, but it seriously looks like Ric Flair is humping the ring apron

patmetalhead [9:20 PM]
Aaaaaaaaaah yes, that’s true, the big panties thing….

widro [9:20 PM]
edge cheated on vickie with alicia

pennykins [9:21 PM]
Oh dear god I think I just saw Ric Flair’s o face

[9:22]
Oh by the way, do we dare hope that congats refined and comes to NXT now that she’s left TNA?

widro [9:22 PM]
ahhhh glad i missed that

pennykins [9:23 PM]
Ok male or female, that drop kick was textbook

cbpulse [9:23 PM]
Kong you mean

patmetalhead [9:24 PM]
Well, why not?

pennykins [9:25 PM]
Yes I meant Kong

[9:25]
The Google Voice thing doesn’t seem to like some of these wrestling names

widro [9:25 PM]
im so relieved charlotte won

pennykins [9:26 PM]
I knew he wasn’t going to win but I’m glad they at least gave her a feel good inspiring match

patmetalhead [9:26 PM]
Yeah… but strange finish no?

pennykins [9:26 PM]
She damn it stupid Google Voice

patmetalhead [9:27 PM]
Oh her leg gave out… OK Then

cbpulse [9:27 PM]
now let’s get to Charlotte – Sasha – Becky

patmetalhead [9:28 PM]
I perhaps would have been able to follow that a little better if she had actually sold that before the thing happened.

pennykins [9:28 PM]
I am still bothered by the fact that they focused on Romans confused face rather than AJ’s entrance

cbpulse [9:29 PM]
Byron is so white

patmetalhead [9:29 PM]
lol

Chris Jericho VS AJ Styles III

widro [9:29 PM]
im so ready for this match

cbpulse [9:29 PM]
I LOVE Styles new theme

widro [9:29 PM]
i think styles wins then jericho snaps hardcore

cbpulse [9:29 PM]
they don’t want none

pennykins [9:31 PM]
Well we all know Chris prefers to work as a heel

[9:33]
A heel promo, A line flub, and a Wolverine reference. Yep its Jericho alright

widro [9:33 PM]
modern jericho is one my least faves

[9:33]
he seems so unself aware

pennykins [9:34 PM]
Question; since it’s well past the year 2000 what is his countdown counting down to now, his arteries hardening?

patmetalhead [9:34 PM]
Well will watch the rest tomorrow, time for me to join the cats who are all already sleeping on my bed…

[9:34]
Have fun everybody!

widro [9:35 PM]
im impressed you stayed up this long

[9:35]
goodnight!

cbpulse [9:35 PM]
night

[9:35]
Jericho is purposely out of touch I think

[9:36]
I think it’s a slow play to a character change

pennykins [9:36 PM]
Good night Pat

[9:38]
Do you guys know these two actually already knew each other from doing DDP yoga together? They’ve never wrestled each other but they were already friends from page’s class

cbpulse [9:39 PM]
they were cool with each other on jericho’s podcast right after the rumble too

pennykins [9:40 PM]
Would any of you be surprised if Jericho asked for the chance to be Styles’s first major opponent?

cbpulse [9:40 PM]
Styles said Vince wants his character to be a pitbull that earns everything … and Jericho last week on commentary called him a pitbull

pennykins [9:41 PM]
Yeah that sounds about right.

[9:42]
I try not to sound ageist, but it really does freak me out how Jericho’s pectorals are now at the bottom of his rib cage

cbpulse [9:42 PM]
lol

widro [9:43 PM]
his whole torso is so oddly shaped

pennykins [9:43 PM]
As with Kevin Owens, I am genuinely surprised how much of his pre-WWE offense Styles is being allowed to use.

[9:44]
Some people just… really don’t age well

cbpulse [9:45 PM]
wwe shop is selling styles gloves

[9:46]
remember when the lion sault was an actual finisher?

widro [9:46 PM]
he never really got pins with it

[9:46]
maybe as a cruiserweight

cbpulse [9:46 PM]
in wcw cruiserweight I meant

pennykins [9:47 PM]
No I think even in the WCW Cruiserweight division, Jericho never actually got a pin with the lion salt

[9:47]
Lionsault

widro [9:47 PM]
yikes

[9:47]
someone almost died there

pennykins [9:47 PM]
Google Voice will necessitate SOOOO much editing.

[9:48]
My rheumatoid arthritis makes typing on the touch screen of my phone hard in large doses so I’m using google voice as much as I can

widro [9:49 PM]
so like voice to text?

[9:49]
in that case its actually pretty accurate

pennykins [9:49 PM]
Holy shit did Michael Cole just actually acknowledge the difference between a walls and a lion tamer?

[9:50]
Yeah voice to text. Google Voice tries it’s best to type down what I say so that I don’t have to type it. It doesn’t catch every word though so sometimes I still have to do a manual edit.

cbpulse [9:50 PM]
this match is great

pennykins [9:50 PM]
Easily the best of the night so far

widro [9:51 PM]
wow kicked out of the first styles clash in wwe

pennykins [9:51 PM]
Not the first. Styles beat Curtis axel with it on Main Event

widro [9:51 PM]
oh ok

[9:51]
still though

pennykins [9:52 PM]
The clip is on youtube if you want to go find it

[9:52]
The right guy definitely went over here tonight

[9:53]
So do we get the predictable Jericho heel turn or does he actually show sportsmanship and surprise us?

widro [9:53 PM]
huh i thought heel turn for sure

[9:54]
awesome match! i wonder if they will do another at mania

pennykins [9:54 PM]
Wow they actually are capable of surprising us from time to time

widro [9:54 PM]
maybe 30 min iron man

pennykins [9:55 PM]
No, as awesome and epic is this match was I want him taking somebody new at Mania

[9:55]
Preferably Kevin Owens if I had my druthers

widro [9:56 PM]
that would be great too

Edge & Christian Host the Cutting Edge Peep Show, with Guests, The New Day

pennykins [9:57 PM]
Okay so, does somebody want to explain to me why we’re getting a talk show segment on a fucking pay per view?

cbpulse [9:57 PM]
yeah I think Styles vs. Owens or they all end up in that IC title ladder match if they do it

pennykins [9:57 PM]
I mean besides the obvious Free Press for the debut of their show tonight

cbpulse [9:57 PM]
because that

[9:57]
plus I have a feeling Enzo and Cass are debuting

widro [9:57 PM]
i hope it sets up something for mania

[9:58]
i think heel dudleys could come down here too

pennykins [9:58 PM]
Why did Tony Chimel just sound like he had just hit puberty just now?

cbpulse [9:59 PM]
because he always announced edge like that

widro [9:59 PM]
he hit the soooooooperstar

pennykins [9:59 PM]
It hurts my ears like a dog whistle

[9:59]
Is he kidding? Lance Storm is probably laughing his ass off!

[10:00]
Big E always sounds like he’s crying when he does that

[10:01]
If they keep up with the hooting I’m going to ask them how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie roll

widro [10:01 PM]
did they bring chimmel just for that one match?

cbpulse [10:01 PM]
I think chimmel is always there

pennykins [10:01 PM]
Probably

widro [10:01 PM]
lilian has been doing the rest

[10:01]
hahah

cbpulse [10:01 PM]
he’s part of regular crew

[10:02]
and chimmel does house shows still

pennykins [10:03 PM]
That is a mental picture I so did not need

widro [10:05 PM]
does this have a point?

pennykins [10:05 PM]
I had no idea I missed Edge and Christian this much

widro [10:06 PM]
booooooooo

pennykins [10:06 PM]
Its edge and Cristian being funny with the new day does it really need to have a point?

widro [10:06 PM]
booooooooooooo

pennykins [10:06 PM]
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand

[10:06]
All entertainment potential just nosedived

widro [10:06 PM]
new day vs league at mania is a huuuuge boo

pennykins [10:07 PM]
Even Barrett had to laugh at that

[10:10]
OMFG edge throwing money at Biggie’s ass and I just can’t

cbpulse [10:12 PM]
League of Nations buzzkill

[10:12]
does that mean new day is turning face since dudleyz turned heel?

pennykins [10:12 PM]
You do know these guys are actually a perfect example of how stupid the WWE is about getting people over? They’re getting themselves over. On their own without any help from creative

widro [10:12 PM]
i dont know? that segment seemed so pointless

pennykins [10:14 PM]
Who are you kidding CB, new day has been face for months

widro [10:14 PM]
lot of raw level segments on this ppv

Unannounced match; R-Truth VS Social Outcast #3

cbpulse [10:14 PM]
Goldust is gonna save truthy baby

widro [10:15 PM]
we should do a twitter poll for who is more over as a face, r truth or the big dog

pk [10:15 PM]
you mean, Main Event level?

widro [10:17 PM]
i cant believe were watching this whole ppv to see the big dog win at the end again

pennykins [10:17 PM]
A wild PK appears! PK uses “Accurate Statement”! It’s super effective!

[10:18]
So we’re all agreed it’s probably Triple H right?

[10:19]
Tripsy is getting the award

widro [10:19 PM]
hhh or vince seem so obvious though

pk [10:19 PM]
or Vince himself

widro [10:19 PM]
maybe bret

pk [10:20 PM]
maybe trying to milk more from DB

Main Event; Dean Ambrose VS Roman Reigns VS Brock Lesnar

pennykins [10:20 PM]
Ok Widro that’s it you’ve had enough

[10:20]
Put the alcohol down

[10:21]
That’s a possibility too

cbpulse [10:21 PM]
ok night everyone

widro [10:21 PM]
great to have you today!

pennykins [10:22 PM]
Night CB

[10:22]
I am debating whether or not my ability to outlast you all on these pay per view sessions means I’m tougher than you all are or just really really crazy

widro [10:22 PM]
i think the latter

pennykins [10:23 PM]
Tis possible

[10:24]
It could also be proof of a masochistic streak

[10:25]
But then watching WWE is cheaper than hiring a dominatrix to whip me

[10:25]
I hate Google Voice so much

widro [10:25 PM]
they are ruining your jokes!

pennykins [10:27 PM]
Well depending on who you ask my jokes are easy to ruin anyway

[10:28]
I don’t know what just happened but my feed is skipping like a silent movie now

widro [10:32 PM]
my feed has been a jittery mess

pennykins [10:34 PM]
I am legit trying to not fall asleep right now

[10:34]
Seriously how can a match that has both Ambrose and Lesnar in it be this boring?

widro [10:35 PM]
i agree

[10:35]
plus the last half hour of the ppv before this was such a downer

pennykins [10:35 PM]
They’re putting me to sleep

widro [10:35 PM]
do the wyatts still interfere even after jobbing before

pennykins [10:37 PM]
Thanks to Ambrose at least it’s picking up now finally

widro [10:41 PM]
i like the strategy of beating down brock and burying him

pennykins [10:41 PM]
LOL

[10:43]
Holy shit indeed.

[10:43]
Still one table left.

widro [10:45 PM]
wow that was the finish

[10:45]
no wyatts

[10:45]
man what is the card for mania

pennykins [10:45 PM]
​*sighs*​ As sadly predicted.

pk [10:45 PM]
what a weak ending

pennykins [10:46 PM]
Still 15 minutes left.

pk [10:46 PM]
Im guessing Brock v Dean now at WM?

widro [10:46 PM]
i guess they are doing dean vs lesnar

[10:46]
yeah

[10:46]
the big dog soaks in the boos

pennykins [10:47 PM]
Oi

[10:48]
I’m going to bed, I’ll post tomorrow

[10:48]
Later Widroshins.

widro [10:49 PM]
thanks for hangingout with me the whole show!

Penny is a now divorced intersexed disabled lesbian in BC Canada. She's been watching wrestling and reading comics since she was a kid, and knows her stuff. She lives with her pets and passes her free time writing, drawing, doing paid photoshop work (including logos done for Pulse's Own Mike Gojira), and is a part-time Queer model.