10 Worst Finishers In WWE
Finishing manoeuvres are an integral part of sports entertainment. They bring us moments of climax, they signal that things are about to wrap up, and with well established moves, drama and entertainment can be wrung out of them with reversals, kick outs and even bigger versions of the moves themselves. We get excited to see certain finishers, but there are some that baffle, some that confuse, some that don’t even look painful, and one in particular that I refuse to accept. Suspension of disbelief is an important element of being a wrestling fan, but there are some moves that test belief beyond breaking point. Here, I examine the finishers that baffle, confuse and defy the slim, slim logic that holds modern wrestling together.
Figure 8 Leg Lock – Charlotte
The Figure 4 Leg Lock is a vintage manoeuvre, made famous by Charlotte’s stylin’ and profilin’ old man. The twisted mesh of legs make it look painful, and it has a plethora of additional bonuses. The applier and the victim can look directly into each other’s eyes; one writhing in agony as the other laughs maniacally. To add more pressure, the aggressor can lay down further, but risks pinning himself. It’s also relatively simple to reverse, the maths of which I still don’t understand but have come to blindly accept, an idiom of wrestling as a whole. With the added bridge, Charlotte’s Figure 8 removes everything that is great about it’s predecessor. Granted, it looks pretty cool, but it makes no sense. It looks way more painful for Charlotte, the bridging providing more pressure to her own mangled legs. The victim now just lies on her back with her legs in the air. It seems pretty comfortable – the sort of position you might sit in if you want to relieve the pressure after a particularly hefty meal, or when a guy tries to mimic his partner at an antenatal class.
Beauty Shot – Tyler Breeze
This is a Spinning Heel Kick. That’s it. There’s no theatrics. No additional pomp or ceremony. Breeze executes it with the mastery of a guillotine handler during the French Revolution, but a finisher, it is not. If Prince Pretty’s gimmick was built around him being a striker, then the Beauty Shot could possibly forgo inclusion on this list. As it stands, there are far more impactful moves in Breeze’s arsenal. Sadly, it doesn’t look like we’ll be seeing him even use a finisher in the near future, as this talented worker has been entirely lost in the shuffle on the main roster. An appearance, let alone the successful application of a finisher, would be more than welcome.
World’s Strongest Slam – Mark Henry
You know when you’re having a bit of rough and tumble with your girlfriend, you’re laughing and joking around and you pick her up over your shoulder? You threaten to throw her on to the bed or sofa, but end up placing her down so as not to actually hurt her? That’s what this is.
Superkick – 75% of the Roster
Way too many people use the Superkick. It’s been devalued to the point of meaninglessness and is routinely kicked out of, making it redundant as a finisher. In times gone by, when Shawn Michaels tuned up some Sweet Chin Music, we knew there’d be a 3 count on the way. These days, people pretty much kick out before the 2. It’s gone the way of the DDT; a devastating move from yesteryear that is now casually used in sections of a match other than the finish.
Big Ending – Big E
Big E is a monster. He has the physique of an epic fantasy warrior, combined with mesmeric physicality and hips that certainly do not lie. The New Day member could likely perform any powerhouse move ever invented, and more besides, yet he plumps for an over the shoulder Cutter that gently drops his opponent onto his own, vast body. As Chris Jericho put so eloquently, it’s like landing on a pillow. That’s not the sort of impact one wants to achieve when attempting to end a match.
Bayley To Belly – Bayley
Pun of the century it may be, but that doesn’t justify it’s use as a devastating finisher. Bayley has a surfeit of moves at her disposal, most of which deliver far greater force than a plain old Belly to Belly. Hell, hitting the ropes looks more painful. She has Exploders, Frankensteiners, Facebusters and her new Guillotine Choke, yet we’re made to believe that an opponent can last through all of these. The Bayley To Belly however, is an instant match ender. Sure WWE, sure.
Fastball – No Way Jose
A brand new addition to the roster, No Way Jose, although I’m pained to admit it, is as entertaining as it’s possible to be. New Day have filled the quota of comedy with aplomb in the last year, but there’s still room for someone like the charismatic Dominican to fill the void left by outgoing giggle merchant, Santino Marella. What NWJ lacks though, is a finisher. Only a month ago, Big Show’s KO Punch would’ve sat in this spot, because A) it’s just a punch and B) it’s closed fist which is apparently against the rules of professional wrestling. Go figure. With Show, he’s a 7 foot man mountain with nigh on 500 pounds of weight behind his punch. What does Jose have behind his? Some merengue.
Rear View – Naomi
The Rear View; where a well proportioned black woman knocks you out with her ass. I mean, come on. This sounds more like the set up for a cheap porn movie than a talented athlete’s finishing manoeuvre. I could let this go, to a degree, when Naomi was a Funkadactyl because it at least fit the gimmick, but as a legit heel it needs to go. The Rear View could sit well as a signature move – even Asuka does something similar – but as one of the most underrated performers on the roster, both male or female, giving Naomi a genuinely powerful finisher would go a long way in helping to establish her character.
Zig Zag – Dolph Ziggler
What is this? Seriously. That’s a genuine question. Dolph Ziggler launches himself into the air with trademark gusto, and slightly drags down his opponent onto his back. The speed and momentum that Ziggler generates means that he takes way worse of a hit, which is ridiculous.
Double Diving Foot Stomp – Alberto Del Rio
I couldn’t hate this move more if I tried. The idea of a double stomp is sound. It’s simple and brutally effective. See Finn Balor. However, the fact that Del Rio’s opponent must be stuck in the Tree of Woe and HOLD THEMSELVES UP OF THEIR OWN ACCORD is just too much to take. If they let go of the ropes, in other words, DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, then it’s impossible for Del Rio to make contact. This is professional wrestling – sense and logic often fly out the window and I’m fine with that, but this, I cannot abide. It should be renamed The Suspension of Disbelief.
