Welcome to the Heel Report, a weekly breakdown of the best heels in professional wrestling right now. Each week the heels will be ranked out of ten and then those numbers will go on to form the rolling chart that continues each week. This is a place to evaluate and praise the ‘baddies’ of wrestling in their efforts to make us boo them mercilessly so let’s show them some love and get on with the report!
Weekly Top Ten:
10: Mariposa
Gained possession of one of the Aztec Medallions with the help of Sexy Star, her series-long rival, and will now be able to compete for the Gift of the Gods title.
9: Austin Aries
Started off by dancing with No Way Jose and then ended up destroying him at ringside. In some ways you might say that the newcomer is beneath Aries, but then again it would be nice to see him pick up a few victories considering he is the greatest man who ever lived.
8: Rockstar Spud
Talk about a sore loser, after getting beaten by baldy-mc-blanderson he delivered a rock hard shot to his spuds and then spat on him, I think the general message was that he didn’t like him. I like Rockstar Spud reverting back to his initial gimmick because you can see just how much he has matured as a performer and his exaggerated ego holds more weight at this point, which makes him even more annoying.
7: Charlotte & Dana Brooke
Poor Becky Lynch man, she just can’t catch a break, losing to Dana Brooke once again on Smackdown. Lynch has been passed over for Charlotte and Sasha Banks since the days of NXT and while all three women have great talent it is a shame that Lynch isn’t in a better position right now on the roster. Dana Brooke on the other hand is doing great playing second fiddle to Charlotte and quite frankly I’m not sure she should rise beyond this point, although she gives good heel muscle.
6: Famous B
Another nice little heel turn this week came from the guy that just wants to make you famous…no, it’s not Biker Undertaker back from the dead, it’s Famous B! His snapping at the continued lack of success of his client was great and his call of “Get my Shoe!” was both hilarious and chilling at the same time. Beating a little person with a shoe is never acceptable, no matter how famous you are.
5: The Miz & Maryse
The IT couple of the WWE made their triumphant return to Raw and the Miz found himself in a predicament straight away where he was forced to defend his IC title against a mystery opponent.
That opponent would turn out to be the Demon Kane and it took some fake injury shenanigans by Maryse to get the Miz out of the match and potentially losing his title. I’ll be honest with you this is not a feud I would care about seeing continue and quite honestly while I love Maryse and the Miz himself has done some good work in the past, I legitimately didn’t miss the pair while they were gone and so they are going to have to do some serious heeling before they are truly on my fandom radar once again.
4: Marty the Moth
Just like his sister, the Moth was able to secure himself one of the ancient medallions by working with one of his most hated enemies in a tag match this week on Lucha Underground.
What put Marty above Mariposa, apart from his general all-around creepiness, is that he used more of his insane heel genius to do it. First of all he offered Killshot his dog tags back so that they could work together without incident, emphasising the importance of the match and the win. And then when they had successfully secured the medallions, he sneakily took the dog tags back, making sure that their feud would carry on. Finally he displayed these dog tags to Killshot, mocking him even in their victory, and then proceeded to scamper off like the demented pervert he is, all in all a pretty good performance from the man-moth.
3: Mike Bennett & Maria
Me and the X Division title are developing a bad relationship as the heels that win it seem to have little reason to hold it and so I am constantly tempted to shit all over it. Mike Bennett’s winning of the title this week is no exception, and while the win itself gets the couple a high place on the chart, I hate just how sudden it all was. It was just so…so, so…so TNA.
I get that Destination X is coming up and all that, but the event is so pointless at this point, what with there being like three X Division competitors active in TNA, you might as well just scrap the whole thing. Instead they set up this contrived means of having someone who you actually wouldn’t mind challenging for the main title holding the belt, taking it off the newly crowned champion Eddie Edwards in the process. Honestly nothing in the X Division has seemed to matter for a long time, since before Tigre Uno won the belt. Why have TNA given up on the division that used to set them apart from their competition?
2: The Club
At the beginning of Raw I was legitimately hopeful that the WWE was going to treat Cena and Styles like they have done Zayn and Owens; splitting up their singles matches by involving the pair in other rivalries for a month before going back to their focused feud, but I guess that is out the window now. I don’t know where the WWE are planning to go with Cena vs. Styles from here by I really hope that it is not another case of “okay you got me once, but now watch as I beat you clean twice in a row.”
There is something seriously wrong with the fact that even though now we have Roman Reigns to hate on and Cena hasn’t held the title for ages, that he is still so hated by the crowd. At this point I don’t think it is even contrary thinking, I think it is his smiley front that he has on despite clearly being annoyed by all the boos he receives. Anyway enough about the black hole that is John Cena, in other news AJ Styles and the Club continue to go from strength to strength, beating up, if not outright beating, their opponents in a sort of Shield style three on one mugging…now there is an idea for a match the WWE could have in the next year, the Shield vs. the Club. Considering that they are rushing the Shield triple threat and putting it at Battleground rather than Summerslam, or better yet Wrestlemania, we could hope to see that dream match before Survivor Series.
1: Seth Rollins
Finally Seth Rollins takes his rightful place at the top of the chart, after coming back to lukewarm booking, that somehow also saw him become a two-time world champion, the former champ is finally getting some of his heel mojo back.
This week he managed to beat Sami Zayn on Smackdown, John Cena on Raw and then ended the night by Pedigree-ing Dean Ambrose twice, all with no comeuppance. I’m glad Rollins has been able to pick up where he left off in the main event scene and he is probably the man who benefitted the most from the suspension of Reigns, well maybe Dean Ambrose, but who knows how long the WWE was planning that one.
There were a few great moments this week between Rollins and the champ, the first being when Ambrose came out to taunt Rollins by asking him how he should wear his title belt; this is the type of cheeky and annoying thing that a face champion should be doing as it is kind of heel-ly, but not necessarily enough to make a person unlikable. Then there was Rollins’ commentary for Ambrose’s match where he started actively rooting for the Lunatic Fringe as it would mean he would not have to deal with AJ Styles in his title match at Battleground, which is great for him, but terrible for the fans as that would have been awesome. The Architect may have a long way to go on the Rolling Chart to reach the top, but with performances like this there is a good chance that he could make it and turn it into the Rollins Chart…please forgive me.
Rolling Chart – Week Twenty-Four
1st Place: Kevin Owens (177) (-)
2nd Place: Chris Jericho (106) (-)
3rd Place: Charlotte (90) (-)
4th Place: The Miz & Maryse (73) (-)
5th Place: Maria & Co. (70) (-)
6th Place: Matt Hardy (62) (-)
7th Place: The Club (53) (+1)
8th Place: The New Day (49) (-1)
9th Place: The Wyatt Family (43) (-)
10th Place: The Dudley Boyz (42) (-)
That’s all for this week, I’ve been thinking about the argument many have that the WWE needs another Attitude Era, where risks are taken and the game is changed to save the business and have come to the conclusion that the Reality Era as they call it actually is the new Attitude Era. After all Vince McMahon is taking a chance on talent he never would have considered a few years ago and that is changing the game. The success and sustained pushes of guys like AJ Styles, Sami Sayn and Seth Rollins are a testament to this new attitude, despite the presence of guys like Cena and Reigns. While Vince will always have his favourites I believe that we are closer than ever to a WWE where if you have the talent you really can rise to the top no matter how you look or your size, and that is pretty cool. Before I go, what I think is not cool: WWE skirting around the Roman Reigns being given a title match after coming back from suspension, Jeff and Matt Hardy being allowed to showcase their own brand of utter shit on Impact, and Tye Dillinger’s losing streak gimmick, has that ever worked?
Agree with the rankings? Disagree? Who was your favourite heel of the week? Whatever the case, leave comment down below and come back next week for another dose of heel-ly goodness and for now this is James Wright signing off.
