Good evening. Welcome to the debut episode of Time Travel Wrestling on the Fantasy Book. Our guest commentators are all experts of time travel in their own right – Doctor Who, Marty McFly, Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan. Today we have a special event for you – a July 1 extravaganza! Yes, wrestling today will be champions as of July 1, every ten years back. We are going to start things off with the WWE Intercontinental title.
The following match will be a fatal-4-way match. The first competitor to gain a pinfall or submission will be our winner. Already in the ring, the current Intercontinental champion – The Miz! His opponents, also in the ring, from July 1, 2006, Johnny Nitro and from 1996, Ahmed Johnson! The final competitor, from 1986, being led to the ring by his manager Elizabeth, Randy “Macho Man” Savage!
From the opening bell, Miz jumps Ahmed Johnson to try to counter his strength. Johnny Nitro ties up with Savage, until Savage rakes the eyes and goes to town on Nitro. Johnson clotheslines Miz outside the ring and his momentum takes him over the ropes as well. With the referee’s back turned, Johnny Nitro nails Randy Savage with a low blow. Nitro then heads to the top rope to attempt Starship Pain and end this early! Miss Elizabeth hops on the ring apron to distract Nitro, but Maryse pulls her from the apron to the outside. Nitro leaps from the top, but Savage rolls out of the way in time!
Meanwhile, outside the ring, The Miz slides out of a powerslam attempt and hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Ahmed Johnson on the floor. The Miz then staggers to get to his feet and is surprised by a double axe handle from the Macho Man coming off the top rope to the floor! The crowd is going nuts for this fast-paced action and a Macho Man chant starts up.
Maryse and Elizabeth are pulling at each other’s hair outside the ring when Melina comes over, spins Maryse around, and hits her with a stiff slap. Elizabeth also hits Maryse with a slap. Maryse bails, and Elizabeth and Melina just stare at one another.
Savage rolls back into the ring to break the count and then slides back out. He clears the Spanish announce table and drags Johnson up on it. He yells out “Remember Memphis!” and hits a piledriver on Johnson THROUGH the announce table! A “Holy Shit” chant starts up from the faithful in the crowd. The Miz starts to comb through the wreckage of the table when he is hit by Johnny Nitro flipping over the top rope. The referee is now outside the ring as it is chaos out here! With the referee distracted, Savage grabs the ring bell and nails Nitro right in the throat with it, screaming about how Nitro is no where close to Steamboat and even he couldn’t take it.
As Nitro is gasping for air, Savage rolls him back in the ring. He climbs in and hits a high knee drop. Nitro tries to fight back, but after a couple punches and a body slam, Savage climbs to the top rope again. This time, he hits his flying elbow off the top rope and the referee counts to three. The crowd loves it and Elizabeth slides into the ring to congratulate her man.
Marty McFly: Wow. That was a lot of fun! Next time I’ll bring Doc Brown back to see this match.
Doctor Who: The Miz reminds me of a Dalek, so I am glad he didn’t win.
Bill and Ted: Party on, Macho Man!
The second match today is a triple threat match featuring the Women’s Champions. The current champion is Charlotte and she will be challenged by the champion from July 1, 1006, Mickie James. As the title was vacant on July 1, 1996, we will skip to the third competitor. The third woman competing will be the champion from July 1, 1986, July 1, 1976, and July 1, 1966 – The Fabulous Moolah!
The crowd is against Charlotte as she displays her heel dismissiveness of her challengers. Mickie James gets a nice pop and comes out singing her own theme song. She and Charlotte have a face off while Moolah makes her way to the ring. Moolah just face-palms both Charlotte and James and then backs away. The bell rings and James immediately goes after Charlotte. Moolah laughs, plays to the crowd a bit, and sits in the corner to watch the other two fight.
The match is pretty good with Moolah’s involvement being breaking up pin attempts, smiling, and backing up to her corner seat. After about fifteen minutes, Charlotte gets control and locks the Figure 8 on Mickie James. Moolah immediately leaps up, hits a big splash on James and then walks over and kicks Charlotte right in the face. Moolah poses to the crowd and Charlotte tries to roll her up. But Moolah reverses it and pulls Charlotte’s tights to pick up the three count. The crowd gives the victorious Moolah a standing ovation as Charlotte and Mickie James both pout on the outside.
Doctor Who: I’m sorry, I can’t seem to find my screwdriver. Has anyone seen it?
Ted: That Moolah is pretty awesome, and Charlotte is hotter than your mom, Bill.
Bill: Shut up, Ted!
Marty McFly: This might be weird to say, but I think my mom could beat all of these women.
The United States champions are next up. However, before the match, Vince McMahon announces that due to the United States championship being vacant on July 1, 1986, the champions both before and after that date will be added to the match. Also, the match will be held inside the Elimination Chamber! The contestants in this bout will be Rusev (July 1, 2016 champion), Bobby Lashley (July 1, 2006 champion), Konnan (July 1, 1996 champion), Blackjack Mulligan (July 1, 1976 champion), and Magnum T.A. and Nikita Koloff (the champions on either side of July 1, 1986).
The two wrestlers beginning the match are Rusev and Blackjack Mulligan. The two big men power each other around the ring and Rusev gets worked over against the cage, causing our first blood sighting of the night. Outside the chamber, Lana screams for Rusev to crush everyone. Mulligan scares Lana by grabbing the cage with his clawhold and laughs. As he turns his attention back to Rusev, Konnan’s chamber door opens and he lunges at Mulligan. Konnan and Rusev double team Mulligan over the next few minutes. Then Rusev turns on Konnan and Mulligan falls into the empty chamber. Next out is Bobby Lashley, and he spears Konnan immediately. He covers and Konnan is eliminated. As the referee ushers Konnan out of the ring, Magnum T.A. and Nikita Koloff are just yelling at each other from their pods, dying to attack.
Rusev then jumps Lashley from behind and starts beating him down. Mulligan staggers out of the open chamber and rejoins the fight. A cute sequence breaks out as Mulligan punches Rusev who turns and punches Lashley who turns and punches Mulligan and around and around and around again. The next pod opens and Magnum T.A. is a house afire! T.A. sends Lashley into the cage and follows up with a dropkick to the back of his head. Mulligan kicks Rusev in the gut, runs and bounces off the cage and then hits Rusev with a big lariat. Magnum T.A. goes over and picks up Rusev, hits a belly-to-belly and eliminates the big brute.
Mulligan and Magnum walk over to Lashley, but Lashley hits them both with clotheslines. He sets up to spear Magnum, but at the last second Magnum moves out of the way and Lashley crashes into one of the pods. The next second, the last pod opens and Nikita Koloff comes out and goes straight after Magnum. Those two battle as Mulligan and Lashley struggle to get back to their feet. Koloff charges at T.A., who ducks and Koloff hits Lashley with a sickle. Mulligan grabs Koloff and slams him into the cage while T.A. covers Lashley for the pin.
The last three in the ring are Mulligan, Koloff, and Magnum T.A. Mulligan puts the clawhold on Koloff, who is bleeding from the cage, and Koloff starts to fade. Magnum T.A. comes up from behind and clobbers Mulligan. Mulligan lets go of the clawhold and Magnum hits him with a German suplex. Mulligan crawls over to one of the pods and Magnum goes after the beaten down Koloff. After getting the best of Nikita for several minutes, Koloff crotches T.A. on the top rope, goes outside the ring and sees Blackjack using the edge of the pod to pull himself up. Koloff charges Mulligan and kicks his head right into the pod door. He then picks him up, drags him into the ring and pins him, leaving only Koloff and Magnum T.A.
After disposing of Mulligan, Koloff goes back after Magnum T.A. Magnum surprises him with right hands however. The two wrestlers back into the ropes and Magnum tries to Irish Whip Koloff across the ring. Koloff reverses and tries a running sickle as Magnum bounds off the ropes. Magnum ducks under the clothesline, dead stops, turns, and catches a rebounding Koloff with the belly-to-belly suplex. Magnum covers and Koloff kicks out at 2.999. The crowd is losing their minds over that near fall. Magnum is beside himself and after yelling at the referee, goes over to pick up Koloff. Nikita hits Magnum with a right hand and then lunges at him with a sickle. That only gets a two count. Koloff then gets to his feet, screams at the top of his lungs, and goes outside to the cage structure. He uses his strength to rip away a portion of the chain which makes up the cage. He wraps his right arms with the chain, climbs back into the ring, and hits Magnum T.A. with the chain-assisted sickle. As there are no disqualifications in an Elimination Chamber match, Koloff is able to cover, get the three count, and pick up the win.
Bill and Ted: Totally bogus, dude!
Marty McFly: That dude is stronger than Biff! Watch out.
Doctor Who: That was a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey… stuff.
Now we have made our way to the tag team match. This match is a gauntlet match. The first two teams will be current champions as of July 1, 2016, The New Day and the champions from July 1, 1976, The Executioners.
The Executioners are, of course, Killer Kawalski and Big John Studd. Kofi Kingston and Big E are representing New Day in this match. Kawalski and Studd use their size and strength to overpower Kingston, and while Big E puts up more of a challenge, Studd kicks him down and both Executioners lean on him with bearhugs to wear him down. The Executioners try a double team move of some sort on Big E, but have some miscommunication when Xavier Woods creates a distraction with his trombone playing. Big E is able to make the hot tag to Kofi who comes in off the top rope with a missile dropkick and gets the pin.
The next competitors are the July 1, 1996 challengers The Smokin’ Gunns. Before that match starts, the New Day invoke the Freebird rule and Xavier Woods and Kofi Kingston decide to wrestle, giving Big E a chance to rest outside the ring. Billy Gunn holds his own against Kofi Kingston, but Xavier takes over on Bart Gunn after a little while. However, as Xavier charges Bart Gunn in the corner, Billy pulls his partner out of the way and Xavier crashes shoulder first into the ringpost. Bart and Billy work over Xavier’s arm and neck area. The Gunns tag in and out like experts as well as working the double team on Woods. The match’s ending comes when Bart Gunn is tagged in and the Gunns whip Woods into the ropes. However, Kofi blind tagged himself in before that, so Xavier just leaps at Billy Gunn while Kofi hits the surprised Bart with the Trouble in Paradise and the three count.
In the WWE, there were two tag teams who held the titles on July 1, 2006. Due to the brand split, Raw had a champion team and Smackdown had a champion team. On the pre-show of this event, those two teams wrestled to see who would enter this match. Those teams were Paul London and Brian Kendrick versus The Spirit Squad (represented by Dolph Ziggler and Kenny Dykstra). That match was a fast and high flying match with Kendrick picking up the pin with Sliced Bread #2 on Ziggler (because even in Time Travel Wrestling, Ziggler can’t win a match apparently).
So now, the New Day was taking on London and Kendrick. The Freebird rule was instituted again and Big E replaced Xavier Woods, since he was still selling his neck and shoulder being hurt. London and Kendrick actually controlled most of this match by simply being faster than the New Day. Finally, after about five straight minutes of Kofi being picked apart, Big E entered the ring without being tagged, clotheslined London outside the ring and almost into the crowd, and then hit the Big Ending on Kendrick. As the referee corralled Langston back to his corner, Kofi covered the fallen Kendrick and got the win.
The last match in this gauntlet turned out to be New Day versus the July 1, 1986 champions, the British Bulldogs. Kofi and Big E remained the participants for the New Day, which would come back to haunt them. The Bulldogs had control for most of the match, with Davey Boy Smith’s power matching up with Big E’s strength and Dynamite Kid throwing his body into dangerous situations to take out Kofi. Eventually, Davey Boy Smith hit a very weakened Kofi Kingston with a running powerbomb and then Dynamite Kid hit a diving headbutt off the top rope to get the three count.
As the British Bulldogs celebrated in the ring, the Midnight Express with Jim Cornette came out through the crowd and attacked. Cornette grabbed a microphone and railed against this event, pointing out that when the British Bulldogs were tag team champions in the WWF on July 1, 1986, his Midnight Express were the NWA/WCW World Tag Team champions. He yelled they were better than any team out there and complained they were not invited to compete in the gauntet match. The Midnights then hit Dynamite Kid with the Rocket Launcher while Davey Boy Smith was planted with a Flapjack on the floor. The Midnight Express then left to boos and left the Bulldogs laying in pain.
Doctor Who: I wouldn’t trade my Tardis to be in the Midnight Express’ shoes now. The Bulldogs are going to have vengeance on their minds.
Bill and Ted: Hey, doctor, our phone booth is sorta like your Tardis thingie. That’s pretty awesome!
Marty McFly: Did you see how high Bobby Eaton got on that? I probably could do that, if I had my hoverboard with me.
The last match of the night was originally scheduled to be a five person match, but there was a situation with the July 1, 2006 champion again, due to the brand split. On that day, both Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio were champions. Again, to determine who would compete in the main event, RVD and Mysterio wrestled on the pre-show. However, during that match, Rob Van Dam botched a superplex attempt and both men fell all the way to the floor. Mysterio landed on his head and suffered a concussion while RVD hit the ring steps on the way down and broke three ribs. This unfortunate accident took both men out of the main event.
The main event is now a four-way elimination match. In one corner is the current champion, Dean Ambrose. In the second corner is the champion from July 1, 1996, Shawn Michaels. The July 1, 1986 champion, Hulk Hogan, was third to the ring. And the fourth competitor, representing July 1, 1976 and July 1, 1966, was none other than Bruno Sammartino!
Ambrose attacked Michaels when the bell rang, since Michaels was the smallest wrestler there and while Ambrose is crazy, he isn’t stupid. Michaels and Ambrose fought all around the ring and in the ring, in a pretty solid back-and-forth battle. Meanwhile, Bruno attacked Hogan, using his pent-up anger over Hogan helping to turn the WWF into a sideshow, to keep Hogan off balance. The momentum between these two also kept fluctuating, with Hogan and Sammartino both hitting big bombs on each other. This is the way the majority of the match went, with the two groups of competitors taking turns hitting big moves and keeping the crowd invested.
After 30 minutes, Michaels was able to dodge a flying elbow by Ambrose which gave Sammartino a chance to sneak away from Hogan and jump on Ambrose with a double stomp to his chest. Sammartino then covered Ambrose and the current champ was eliminated. As Sammartino got up, Hogan hit him from behind with a big boot (and resulting in the biggest boos of the night). Hogan then rolled Sammartino over and hit him with three legdrops in a row. He then pinned Bruno very casually and got the pin.
Michaels was recovering during all this and got ready to pounce. Michaels then surprised Hogan with a superkick out of the corner, but Hogan kicked out at 2. Michaels then went to the top rope and dropped a sweet looking elbow on Hogan. That also only got a two count. Michaels attacked again, hitting Hogan with a flurry of punches on the mat. Hogan started to Hulk-up however and the crowd was rabidly booing him. When Hogan finally got to the pointing portion of the Hulk-up, Michaels hit him with another superkick. Hogan staggered back, but didn’t fall. Michaels backed up and hit him with another superkick. Once more, Hogan didn’t fall. A third time Michaels connected with a superkick and Hogan staggered back and went down to one knee. Michaels backed up at this point and started prepping the boot for Sweet Chin Music. Hogan got back to his feet and stepped forward right into the sickest Sweet Chin Music there has ever been. Shawn Michaels covered Hogan and got the three count.
The night ended with Shawn Michaels in the ring, celebrating with a ton of confetti raining down on him. Let’s see what our special guest announcers had to say.
Marty McFly: I think the Flux Capacitor just overloaded! That last Sweet Chin Music looked like it had 1.21 Gigawatts behind it!
Doctor Who: Like all great things, this show was bigger on the inside. I think I may come back again for more matches, but I may look different. I am not sure why Time-Lords are like that, but it happens fairly often to me.
Bill and Ted: This was the greatest wrestling event we have ever seen here outside the Circle K in San Dimas! Until next time, may everyone Be Excellent to Each Other. And… Party On, Dudes!
Tags: Ahmed Johnson, Bill and Ted, Blackjack Mulligan, British Bulldogs, bruno sammartino, charlotte, dean ambrose, Doctor Who, Executioners, Hulk Hogan, Johnny Nitro, Kendrick and London, Konnan, lashley, Magnum TA, Marty McFly, Mickie James, Midnight Express, New Day, Nikita Koloff, Randy Savage, Rey Mysterio, Rob Van Dam, rusev, Shawn Michaels, Smoking Gunns, Spirit Squad, The Fabulous Moolah, The Miz