TNA Impact Wrestling 7-28-16 Recap (EC3 vs. Matt Hardy)

Impact starts with a recap of the BFG Playoffs. Matt Hardy comes down and talks about the people he cares about – Rebecca, Maxel, and Senor Benjamin. He summons Brother Nero, who comes down to a new Brother Nero graphic and an ObsoleteMule hashtag. Matt tells Jeff his only job tonight is to make sure that he wins, and Jeff tells him to use Senor Benjamin or Vanguard 1 to win instead of him. Matt commands his servitude while EC3 comes down and Matt makes crazy faces and weird noises. EC3 tells him that nothing is going to stop him from kicking Matt back to the Hardy house of whores. Matt interrupts before EC3 tells him his promo isn’t OVAH. Matt tells him that he will beat EC3 and then eat his cats, before EC3 says you just don’t talk about Skunk and Clover. This led to a wrestling match for a possible World title shot on PPV. Wrestling in 2016 is weird.

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EC3 chops away in the corner, but Matt bites his finger. EC3 lands a jumping elbow for 2. EC3 hits a missile dropkick, but holds his ankle. Matt lands a series of headbutts. Matt gets 2 off a belly to belly. Matt works on the leg a bit, but gets chucked over the top. Matt lands a draping DDT for 2. Matt bits his face and goes for a Twist, but EC3 tosses him off, hits a lariat and a jawbreaker. Matt bites EC3’s hand and lands a Side Effect for 2. EC3 hits a sloppy STO and goes for the TKO, but Matt avoids it and chopblocks the knee. Matt takes off EC3’s boot and attacks the injured ankle. Reby slides the hammer to Jeff, but he won’t use it. Jeff tosses the hammer mid-ring and Matt grabs it, but the ref sees it, grabs it and EC3 beats Matt after hitting him with his boot.  


Allie tells Madison that Maria will see her now, and then Maria comes up from behind her and says she doesn’t need to keep doing that. Madison tells her that she didn’t do what she did to help Maria – she did it to show she’s still the queen bee of the knockouts. She dares call Allie a chipnunk and wants Maria to give her something if she beats Gail.  Maria left and Allie just stood starstruck before finally following her like a lapdog – she is PERFECT in this role. 


Matt yells at Jeff, and Jeff tells him to punish him and asks what is worse than deletion. Matt tells him he will reach his breaking point. Josh plugs the TNA Wrestling store on ProWrestlingTees and neither Gail nor Madison get an entrance. Madison dominates and gets 2 off a kick. Gail eats a pop-up enzuiguri for 2. Madison lands some knees to the face and hits a sliding clothesline to the floor. Josh reminds us that Gail has to beat the entire division to get a shot at Sienna, which I completely forgot about – so good on him for that. Gail goes for a flying nothing and eats a boot and a brain check for 2. Eat Defeat hits and gets the win. Josh talks about “the prestigious TNA Hall of Fame” over and over.


Mike Bennett hypes up Moose a bit. Well, his new Moose Crossing shirt sure hurts this whole star presentation. Moose says he’ll beat everyone in his path and does the “Moose, Moose, Moose” bit. In ROH, he came off as a star bigger than the company. In TNA, he comes off as just a guy on a roster that doesn’t shine at all.



Bram meets with Rosemary in “the place of secrets”. She tells Bram about going up on a farm and running down her backstory and having a cat that was sick. Rosemary playing both Mom and Rosemary in this is weird. Rosemary talks about going in a tree and crying and then falling out of a tree. So I think Rosemary’s mom killed the cat or something. The tree starts talking to Rosemary and tells her that she has a brother named Montgomery. Bram is absolutely gobsmacked all this and says she’s rambling about brothers that don’t exist, dead cats, and talking to trees. Rosemary shows off a barn, which looks identical to the one James Storm used for his Revolution faction.

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Moose comes down in a new compression shirt and gets no reaction. Moose bullies David Star into the corner with shoulder charges. Three people do the “Moose” bit alongside him. Moose sits him up top and hits the dropkick while Josh talks about that being a GIF that will live on forever. Star goes for a suicide dive, but Moose catches him and powerbombs him on the apron. The discus Rainmaker is now called the Game Breaker, and still looks ridiculous. Lashley walks down and Josh talks about how this is the battle we’ve all been waiting for, but it’s time for a break.


They staredown and Bennett tells everyone to breathe. Bennett hypes this up like it’s Hogan vs. Warrior in 1990, and says that Bennett has to play for the BFG Playoff, so this can’t happen now. Now dare Bennett prevent us from seeing the match they’ve hyped up for one whole week now. Lashley calls Moose a bitch and that’s almost too much for him. Lashley says he wants to take all the singles titles, and if anyone wants to stop him, they can try it. DJZ wants an X Title shot and he wants it now. We get clips of him winning Ultimate X and earning a shot. DJZ wants a match and Lashley says sure – and he can even pick the stipulation. DJZ wants a ladder match and Lashley accepts. How is Lashley really a heel here? He gets an impromptu challenge for a title and accepts it instantly.


After a 30 second ad, everything is magically all set up for a ladder match. Lashley bullies DJZ and Josh talks about how Lashley doesn’t fit the stereotypical X division athlete. Pope rightfully points out that the division is supposed to have no limits, so that doesn’t really matter.  DJZ hits a flip dive off the announce table for an ad break.


They plug the World Cup 2016 One Night Only show and we come back to see Lashley shoving a ladder on top of DJZ on the floor. DJZ baseball slides a ladder into Lashley. Lashley slams the ladder onto his fingers and Lashley goes up, but DJZ dropkicks him. DJZ dives off the ladder to the floor onto Lashley and thank God Lashley caught him perfectly. Lashley comes in and picks up the ladder with DJZ on it and tosses him onto the rope before hitting a big spinebuster. DJZ responds by kicking him in the balls and DDTs him. This is an excellent David vs. Goliath ladder match – not quite as good as Taker vs. Jeff Hardy, but very good. Lashley presses DJZ up while on the ladder and tosses him down to win. This was fantastic – and well worth going out of your way to see.

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Drew talks to EC3 about beating Matt and they joke about laughing about all this down the line over several beers, and Drew says that as long as the title stands between them, they aren’t friends. EC3 offers to help if he needs it, but Drew says he knows history, and it always backfires – so he declines the offer.

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Back at the farm, Rosemary talks about the tree and about her dreamlover Johnny. He rejected her and put spells on him. She says that Johnny did things she can’t talk about and Bram says that he’s here for her and needs to go to the same spot so the ghosts can help her tell the tale. Eli Drake’s talk show gets a Fiverr graphic now and no intro. Eli says that Lashley is a cross-eyed halfwit and he’s the King of the Mountain Champion. He says that Lashley’s trying to collect titles like this is Pokemon Go – but he isn’t playing games. A brief “Pokemon” chant breaks out, but he shuts it down and says he loves the idea of being X, KOTM, and World Champion at the same time.

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Storm comes down to get a KOTM Title shot and he is in his formal drinking suit. Storm says that Eli is the KOTM World Champion and that whoever holds that is first in like for a World Title shot. He says he’s a man and he brought him yet another beer. Eli says that he only drinks the sweet nectar of life, not “this goofy beer”. Storm tells him to stop pissing away his talent sitting behind a button, but Lashley doesn’t do that. He works his ass off and asks why he has a sleeveless suit on with baby oil – but what he does in his spare time is his business. He wants one more chance at the title, but Eli says you didn’t win and you can take your beer with you. Storm tells him to just keep making mashed potatoes, because his dad will be busy mashing Eli’s mom’s potatoes. Eli offers him a shot if he doesn’t drink beer, drive the boozer cruiser, and says he’s not fond the theme either. He isn’t fond of country because he doesn’t drive a tractor or sleep with his sister, but he is willing to give him a shot. Storm drinks the beers and shakes on the shot. Eli cheapshots him and hits BFT. Tyrus Fixer ad airs.

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 Shera talks with Grado about how the Tribunal has an issue with them. Grado asks for help, but doesn’t have the kind of money needed to get help from Tyrus. Shera says they’ll pay and show the Tribunal that they aren’t a joke. BroMans brawl with Decay backstage in a Monster’s Ball.Well, this sure crept up out of nowhere. After a break, we see Steve just beat up Robbie with a kendo stick. Abyss sets up a barb wire board in the corner and Steve unleashes tacks on the mat – a minute into this unhyped hardcore match. Robbie ducks a double clothesline and then Jessie hits a springboard double clothesline. Chairs and kendo sticks to the back of the heels and Abyss gets dropkicked back-first through the board. BroDown into the tacks, resulting in Robbie being in agony too. Adonis Crab on the tacks leads to them hitting Steve in the face, but Abyss goes for a save. Jessie attacks, but Abyss I think punches him and Jessie does a twirl bump off the top through the table on the floor. Abyss goes for Janice, but Raquel low blows him. Abyss recovers and chokeslams Robbie onto barb wire to win. Well, this was a video game-esque cluster of random things. Bennett vs. Drew is up next.

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Bennett comes down first, followed by Galloway. Moose jumps Drew and powerbombs him on the apron. Pope wonders if Drew will be 100% now. Mike goes for cover after cover, but Drew kicks out. Drew eats a series of boots, but lands an overhead belly to belly. Galloway hits a running forearm in the corner to go up top for the lariat. He eats a thing resembling a cutter for 2. Bennett exposes the beam under the apron and goes to toss Drew into it, but Drew counters and boomerangs him into it. Drew lands a series of great punches and the reverse Alabama slam gets 2. Drew spins him for the Future Shock, but Bennett hits a punch and goes for the Rainmaker punch, but Drew ducks and the ref eats the shot. The Future Shock hits and Moose comes down, but eats a boot. Sky High hits Drew and Bennett gets 2.5. EC3 comes down and Moose spears the steps. EC3 grabs the kendo stick, but Bennett ducks and he hits Drew. Moose hits the Game Breaker on EC3, while the MIP beats Drew. Bennett faces EC3 in the finals next week and the winner faces the World Champion at BFG. Lashley vs. DJZ was excellent, and the main event was okay – but way overbooked and hurt by that.

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