TNA Impact Wrestling 8/4/16 Recap (Storm vs. Drake, EC3 vs. Bennett)

Matt vs. EC3 recap starts the show off. Drew is interviewed after last week’s show and his back is all screwy with welts. Drew is angry at EC3 and says he can’t say what he’d to do him because it would be used as evidence. This logically leads to Josh being enthused about starting the show off and then we go to JB with EC3 and Bennett mid-ring out of nowhere being interviewed. They banter back and forth for a bit recapping the rivalry. Bennett compares this never-ending feud to God vs. the Devil. Bennett and his bad haircut and shiny gold jobber jacket brag about beating EC3 and EC3 buries his voice and face. Moose comes down to his theme, no reaction, and no real character. As Moose slowly walks down ringside, Bennett jumps EC3 and Moose joins in with his blue shorts and pink and white shoes. Everything about him in TNA just doesn’t click. Sky High takes EC3 out to weaken him for the main event.


Eli says everyone else talks too much and the only man who should talk is the KOTM Champion, who faces Storm tonight. Recap of the Rosemary vignettes makes them even more confusing. Great. Tonight, we get a ghost helping her tell the story. James Storm comes out to win a title…Jesus is there a tonal disconnect on this show. Ad break. Storm and Eli brawl on the ramp while Josh talks about the stakes here – title vs. beer and Boozer Cruiser.


Eli hits a back elbow, stun gun, and a neckbreaker that gets 2. Eli stomps away in the corner while Josh and Pope ramble on about how Eli loves water, views it as the essence of life and ponder if he’s allowed to keep his big water jug with him on planes. Eli hits an elbow and some punches while Pope talks about going to Wal-Mart and seeing Pope with the water jug around his shoulder. Instead of skits with Rosemary talking about her dead cat, we need skits of Eli taking his water jug from place to place. Storm goes for the whirly bird, but eats a punch instead before landing a spinebuster for 2.


Pope puts over Storm beating an Olympic gold medalist for his World Title and now facing Eli Drake for the KOTM Title. That’s a bit like hyping up someone having a Grammy before and they’re a second-string act at a county fair. Eli goes to grab the belt, does so and brings it in for no good reason since he’s already doing well. He gets kicked and hit with the whirly bird for 2. Eli spits beer in the ref’s face and Storm cradles him, but the ref is blinded. Eli hits Storm with the belt and gets 2. A couple of fans were shocked by that, this is good – something is at least getting a reaction here. Eli goes for a springboard move for the first time ever in TNA and eats a superkick to lose the title – they did at least go to the great Shelton-HBK camera angle for the end of it. Lashley comes out for an ad break to continue his quest for gold.


Lashley says he’s not here to fight him yet – he just wants to congratulate him champion to champion, because they each have titles because they beat people. Lashley says people try to send sports leagues their titles, but he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want an NBA title handed to him – he wants to win it. Storm says he wants the TNA World Title once again and talks about winning it five years ago and beating Kurt in under a minute. Since Lashley was just an NCAA Champion, he can beat him in 30 seconds. Storm says after they meet, Lashley will have sore hands from punching his head, while his feet will be sore from kicking his teeth down his throat. Lashley gives Storm a chance to get the World Title – but he has to put the KOTM Title up for grabs in a match, or he can just give Lashley the title and he’ll get Storm a $500 replica like all the other sports leagues and save him an ass-whooping. Lashley buried replica belts marvelously – he must be a Belt Marks member, and Storm accepts the challenge.


Allie talks to Gail about how many knockouts she has to face. Really? The division is like five people now. Allie screeches a bunch and annoys Maria, so Maria makes Gail vs. Allie.  Bram and Rosemary are in the barn while she talks to voices her in her head and he tells her he’d rather be watching football and drinking beer. She begs him to stay and he does, and they just transition to in-ring action again with Gail vs. Allie. Gail gets her full intro, while Allie gets a theme and is all sheepish.


This would work if it was before her first match, but she’s done matches in TNA – so it’s a bit weird. Maria gets on a very echoey mic and says that Gail has two opponents – Allie and Sienna. Josh tries putting over Sienna with “Amanda Nunes wouldn’t want to step inside a ring with Sienna!” Allie screeches and Sienna jumps Gail. Sienna stomps her, demands that Allie do it, but she sucks, so Sienna tells her to do it like she does. Allie hits a running kick and then tags out. Sienna hits a fallaway slam and now Allie wants in. Allie runs in, rakes the back, shoves her face down and tags out. Okay, that was genuinely hilarious. Wheelbarrow suplex by Sienna. Allie goes for a slam, but can’t lift her and Gail plays the 500 pound heel for once. Sienna tags her and Allie goes “ow”. Sienna hits a corner Vader charge and bows. Allie goes for it, but fails and then Josh plugs Big Brother After Dark. Gail takes Sienna off the apron and runs wild with forearms on Allie. Sienna prevents Eat Defeat and hits the AK 47, but Allie only gets 2. Sienna goes for the Pounce, but hits Allie and Gail dropkicks Sienna out to pin Allie.


Broken Matt yells about Broken Nero costing him a shot at the Title of the World and how Jeff cost him the TNA Tag Team Titles by getting hurt. Reby tells the barbarians in the crowd to be quiet so that her immortal beloved can come down to the ring. Matt tells Vanguard 1 to bring Brother Nero, and he does while Reby sings the “Obsolete” song. The fans chant “Jeff” and Matt tells them that isn’t his name. He scolds Nero for assisting the third version of Ethan Carter in victory. Matt tells him that he was nothing but a spot monkey – and being above a gorilla is embarrassing. Matt tells Jeff that he cost him a ton of money, so it’s time for him to put that money back in them. Matt says that Nero will win the tag titles by himself. He is also banned from jumping off the top rope and asks Senor Ryder to bring a licensed official and some young prospects.


Pope talks about Jeff being a spot monkey while Jeff’s opponents come down. JT Dunn and Chuck Taylor face him and Matt does commentary, resulting in Josh getting all pissy about being talked over. Jeff pounds away in the corner with punches before doing the pop-up dropkick on Dunn for 2. Chuck Taylor comes in and does the forward-dropping Bret elbow for 2. Matt attacks a “fan” at ringside, who bleeds super-bright red stage blood for some reason. Matt pants and groans for a while with stage blood on his hands. They could’ve at least gotten something beyond dime-storm blood here. Jeff hits two twists on Chuck, but one was just a stunner that sends him into a tag to JT. Dunn escapes a Twist and gets 2 while Matt insults his mule. Jeff hits a head-spiking twist of fate like out of the older video games and goes up top – but Jeff dives over him and then eats a Twist from Matt, who tags himself in and wins. Okay then.

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We get a recap of the Tribunal vs. Shera and Grado feud over the past few months. Coach Snow wears an Olympics jacket to hype them up backstage. The heels are mid-ring and the faces get a full intro. Josh says that Grado spent all his money on Pokeballs in Pokemon Go and he can’t afford the Fixer. Pope buries Dax for taking eight steps to move a foot and then punches Grado down. Josh tells Pope that he’s jealous of Grado – that’s why he doesn’t say his name properly. Josh says that Pope not liking Grado is odd for a big Dusty fan since it’s all about showing that anyone can succeed. Grado hits a crossbody on Snow, which somehow hurts Grado more as Snow gets up and tags in Baraka. Snap suplex gets 2. Al lands a punch in the corner and a big slam before doing some squats. Grado gets a small package, but Shera accidentally distracts the referee.


Snow holds Grado’s leg and he swims for a tag. Snow perhaps should have tried moving backwards a bit, because he gets the tag. Shera lands some scary sloppy slams on everyone. Dusty elbow by Grado to Snow. Stereo forwards slams by the faces to the Tribunal. Snow goes to hit Shera with brass knuckles, but Shera Sky Highs him and wins. This was dreadful. Six people do the Shera Shuffle, and Grado does it far better than everyone else. Rosemary’s conclusion is up next.


Rosemary talks about Johnny and then celebrating their anniversary on Valentine’s day before Johnny groped her and she put a spell on him and crafted a potion to make his blood run black. Bram wants to leave, but she won’t let him. He tells her that everyone has had their hearts broken on Valentine’s day – she needs to get over it. She grabs a machete and Steve chokes him before Abyss comes in and they stuff him into the trunk of a BMW. Okay, I’m not going to lie – I didn’t see that coming. EC3 BFG Playoffs recap leads to EC3 saying that Bennett can bring all the wildlife he wants, he won’t lose. Fixer ad.


Next week’s live show is plugged. Maria hypes up her husband and he comes down. EC3 gets the fans singing his song and the match starts with a tieup. Bennett hits a running boot to EC3, but EC3 lands a jumping lariat. EC3 goes for a running frog splash, but Bennett gets the knees up. Bennett gets a chinlock and hits a flapjack for 2. Bennett locks on an abdominal stretch and uses the ropes, and then uses Maria to help with the move too. The ref kicks Bennett’s hand and we get a sloppy hiptoss out of that and a spinebuster for 2. Double crossbody sends both men down. They trade punches and EC3 hits a lariat and a jawbreaker. A stinger splash misses and Bennett hits two German suplexes, but EC3 avoids the third and hits one of his own. EC3 gets a sunset flip but rolls through into a sitout powerbomb for 2.


EC3 hits a Russian legsweep into the buckle and EC3 goes up top. Bennett meets him and hits a sloppy cutter off the top for 2. Maria tries to give him a kendo stick, but the ref stops her…and lets the stick stay in the ring. Well, he’s an idiot. He ejects her and Mike gets the stick, swings it, but misses and EC3 hits the One Percenter for 2.5. The stick is still in the ring and Moose comes down, but Eddie flip dives to the floor to take him out. Bennett hits the ribs with the stick and hits the MIP for 2.5. Bennett goes for a One Percenter, but gets tossed and EC3 goes for the cobra clutch. Bennett goes for the Bret-Piper pin, but it only gets 2 now and EC3 hits a One Percenter to win the BFG Playoffs and go to the main event of BFG.


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