Thought Zero – It’s Ring of Honor time! Let’s spend an hour together, shall we?
1) The main event tonight will be the Young Bucks versus The Addiction for the ROH Tag Team titles. And Matt Taven is at the commentary desk. But first, Shane Taylor and Keith Lee are going up against War Machine. Get pumped! Also, Matt Taven has some sort of big ass walking stick with him for some reason. And I mean one of those huge walking sticks they sell at LL Bean and you bring with you on your quest to Mordor. Why he has it though, I do not know.
2) We learn that Shane Taylor trained under Ray Rowe and Taylor claims Rowe forgot about him when he went to Ring of Honor. So they are adding a personal element to this feud now. I understand why they are doing it, but I am not sure it needed it. Two big and tough teams trying to beat the hell out of each other was good enough for me.
3) Hanson diving to the outside is just scary. That is one big dude. What am I talking about? All four of these dudes are big. And aside from maybe Taylor (who has harnessed the power of the Ding Dong, Ding Dong, man. Ding Dong, yo) (Bonus points for anyone who can place that reference), all these guys are athletic as hell. War Machine busts out a new “finisher” in quotes because the pin was broken up. But it was still cool. Rowe picked up Lee for a German suplex and Hanson springboarded off the middle rope and hit a sick clothesline as Rowe completed the suplex. It definitely was cool and they should keep using it. Later, Keith Lee hit a Death Valley Driver into a Jackhammer.
4) Both teams just beat the hell out of each other until an assisted powerbomb on Hanson picked up the win for Lee and Taylor. There has to be more matches between these two down the road, on PPVs, etc. This type of human collision is just too much fun.
5) We’re back and good Lord, it’s Cheeseburger. Apparently it is a four corner survival match between Cheeseburger, Tim Hughes, David Starr, and Joey “Diesel” Daddiago. I want to just skip all this, but now BJ Whitmer comes out to the announce desk with a big X on his forehead and some pretty bad eyeliner. Yeah, I still don’t care. David Starr gets a bunch of moves, Hughes gets some comedy work, and then the lights go out. When they come back on, Punisher Martinez is in the ring and he just annihilates all the wrestlers in the ring. While I am all for Punisher Martinez getting a chance to shine, teaming him up with Whitmer is just death.
6) And they continue to delay the main event with a six man match between The Cabinet and Dalton Castle with the Boys. As good as Castle is in his role and as a wrestler, and as good as the All Night Express can be, and as competent as Caprice Coleman can be, and as humorous and interesting as the Boys can be, I still hope this is the one and only match between them. Personally, I think Dalton Castle could have a nice little program with Adam Cole if booked properly.
7) Castle and Coleman have an amusing peacock pose off which the crowd rewards with a “YAY/BOO” cheer. The cheer continues through an amusing headlock battle bewteen the two men as well. The crowd is having a great time and just loves Castle and the Boys. A little later on, Matt Taven calls out the Boys doing a little “twin magic,” so take that, Total Bellas. The Cabinet wins with a painful looking superplex by Coleman followed by a duel top rope legdrop and top rope splash by ANX on one of the Boys. Ouch.
8) Main event time yet? Nope. First we have to hear from Adam Cole with the ROH title. Hey, I was able to type that without throwing up in my mouth a little. I must be getting a little better with it then. Oh, yeah, Cole just talked about Kyle O’Reilly again. Nothing little promo.
9) The Addiction come to the ring first and let me give you an example of how awesome Christopher Daniels is. On the way down the aisle, he grabs a sign out of the hands of someone in the audience. He doesn’t stop or tear it up or anything. He just keeps walking, in stride, and tosses the sign behind him. The sign, which is a regular poster sized sign, goes over Daniels’ head, over Kazarian’s head, and the dude in the crowd, the one who Daniels grabbed the sign from in the first place, catches it. The Addiction should retain their titles for that alone!
9) A) Hey, Veda Scott is out at the announce table. Yay. You’ve been missed now that Cedric Alexander has moved onto the Cruiserweight Classic and making a huge splash in the WWE.
9) B) Taven starts talking about the coming of his new Kingdom, and clains they will be the ones who take out the Bullet Club. But Taven has been talking about about his new Kingdom for so long now, he is starting to sound like a crazy mass murderer who claims he is part of a bigger movement to terrorize people more. Which wouldn’t be a bad little character if he wasn’t hurt and unable to, you know, do anything.
9) C) There are tables and ladders all over the place and yet somehow this match hasn’t been thrown out yet.
9) D) Nick Jackson went through a table from the top rope a few minutes ago. It took him a while to get back into the ring, but once he was back, he continued to be his crazy self flying around. Come on, dude, you can sell a bit better than that.
9) E) Both Veda Scott and Matt Taven are making great points about how the Young Bucks are not making legal tags before hitting double team moves or come into the ring. I think it was Veda who said he hasn’t seen either Jackson hold the tag rope all match. VERY good point, Ms. Scott.
10) The match ends with a lot of shenanigans unfortunately. Kamaitachi comes out to distract the Young Bucks. He is followed by the Motor City Machineguns. Chris Sabin and Christopher Daniels actually get into some fisticuffs outside the ring and the referee STILL won’t end the match. The ref finally gets distracted by a Nick Jackson dive to the outside and The Addiction bring a chair into the ring. But wait, Chris Sabin comes into the ring and grabs the chair. And he swings. And he accidentally hits Matt Jackson with it. And Kazarian gets the pin. Follow all that? No? Well, that is exactly what was wrong with the end of this match. Just too much. But The Addiction keeping the belts is the right move for right now. There was no need for the Young Bucks to have them at the moment.
And we’re out. Not a horrible week of ROH, but I have a feeling my blood pressure will go back up next week when they talk more about Death Before Dishonor. Until then…
Tags: Adam Cole, All Night Express, b.j. whitmer, Caprice Coleman, Cheeseburger, Christopher Daniels, Dalton Castle, Frankie Kazarian, hanson, Kamaitachi, Keith Lee, matt taven, Motor City Machineguns, Punisher Martinez, Ray Rowe, Shawn Taylor, The Addiction, The Boys, The Cabinet, Veda Scott, War Machine, Young Bucks