The Fantasy Book on the New Pure Canadian Wrestling World (Kevin Owens, Chris Jericho, Edge, Christian)

Columns, Top Story

Good evening. It has been quite a week here in the United States. We had an election. According to our electoral process, we have apparently elected a sexist, racist, xenophobic, narcissistic, homophobic, climate change-denier, hate-mongering, abusive piece of shit. Now, with that out of the way, let’s consider something nicer.

I wouldn’t be alone in thinking about moving to Canada. So, for today’s Fantasy Book, let’s start a new federation. Let’s start the PCWW, the Pure Canadian Wrestling World! The Maple Leaf could be part of the logo, and even printed on the ring itself. The company could tour as well. Canada is huge!

Let’s start with who would own this company. Being a Canadian wrestling company, we may as well start with the first family of Canadian wrestling, the Harts. Bret Hart is the most well-known of the family, he had lots of success elsewhere, and would be a good start for this company. So Bret Hart will be the owner/president of the PCWW, holding down the Vince McMahon role. Who would help him run the show though?

Well, Pat Patterson and the Rougeaus (Jacques and Raymond) could work as the agents for the company. All have been around for a while and have respect in the wrestling world. Some of the other Harts could work as referees or in other capacities. Ron Garvin could be the head referee or director of referees. Lance Storm, Jim Neidhart, and Sarah Stock (Sarita) would be great choices as trainers/coaches.

I foresee two three person announce teams. The first would be Don Callis and Vampiro with Steve Corino. The second would be Trish Status and Rick Martel with Tyson Kidd. Lanny Paffo could have a Piper’s Pit type show. Nick and Kelly Kiniski could host a pre-show/wrap-up show type which is popular these days. Rosa Mendes would be a perfect backstage interviewer. You know who else is Canadian? Santino Marella. Wouldn’t he be a great ring announcer?

The post of head booker could be filled by Scott D’Amore, with Robert (R.D.) Evans as one of his writers. And finally, since General Managers/Commissioners are all the rage these days, I think it would be perfect to have a dual General Manager. That post could be shared by Edge and Christian.

What about the wrestlers themselves? Well, we would start with the newly minted PCCW Heavyweight Championship. Who better to hold this inaugural title, than the current WWE Universal Champion, Kevin Owens? His first big feud and challenge for the belt could be against Michael Elgin. I think Elgin could get over as a big, strong favorite and have some nice, hard hitting battles with Owens. Future battles for this belt would include Chris Jericho, Kenny Omega, Kyle O’Reilly, Bobby Roode, Sami Zayn, and more.

A secondary belt could be created. Let’s call it the PCCW Provinces Championship. It could feature an image of the legendary Terrible Ted on it. As a secondary belt, I think a good person to hold this belt at first would be Tyler Breeze. You’d get a number of good matches out of it and he could help build new stars. His first feud could be a barn-burner against Teddy Hart. Future battles for this belt could include Eric Young, Jinder Mahal, J.D. Maverick, Tiger Jeet Singh, Jr., Tyson Dux, Tye Dillinger, David Hart Smith, and Crazzy Steve, and more.

The PCCW Woman’s Champion could start with a big-time match to determine the first champion. The competitors would be Gail Kim versus Natalya Neidhart. Tracy Brooks could act as the main woman’s referee. Wrestlers such as Allie, Madison, Rosemary, Angelina Love, Vanessa Kraven, Melissa Coates, Laurel Van Ness, Jennifer Blake, Candice LeRae, Catherine Power, Leah Vaughan, and Taylor Wilde would all be competing in the division. It wouldn’t be the best woman’s division ever, but it wouldn’t be too bad. We could also have a Woman’s Commissioner in Maryse.

A PCCW tag team division could be a bit difficult, as there are not a ton of great Canadian tag teams currently. I would have to go with the Super Smash Bros., Player Uno and Player Dos (Stupified). They could probably have a pretty good feud with the Bollywood Boyz, La Resistance (Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier) and 3.0 (Shane Matthews and Scott Parker). Other teams would have to be developed, obviously.

How about this for a premiere card:

Pre-Show Match 1: The Bollywood Boyz defeating 3.0 and Joe E. Legend and Petey Williams to be the Number One Contender for the tag team titles.

Pre-Show Match 2: Madison defeating Rosemary and Angelina Love to be the Number One Contender for the Woman’s title.

Show Opening with the co-General Managers, Edge and Christian. They would be interrupted by Kevin Owens and Chris Jericho. After several minutes of banter, the show would begin.

Match 1: Tyler Breeze defeating Teddy Hart to win the PCCW Provinces Title.

Match 2: Kyle O’Reilly defeating Chris Jericho and Sami Zayn to determine the Number One Contender for the PCCW Heavyweight Title.

Match 3: Natalya Neidhart defeating Gail Kim to become the first PCCW Woman’s Champion.

Lanny Paffo interview segment, called The Poet’s Leap. His guest will be Sinn Bodhi who will bring Crazzy Steve, El Phantasmo, and Rosemary out with him. Bodhi introduces the group as the SideShow, and vows to wreck havoc on the PCCW.

Match 4: Tyson Dux defeating Eric Young and David Hart Smith to determine the Number One Contender for the PCCW Provinces Title.

Match 5: Super Smash Bros. defeating La Resistance to become the PCCW Tag Team Champions.

Match 6: Jinder Mahal will defeat J.D. Maverick, Tiger Jeet Singh Jr, Brad Martin, Franky the Mobster, Cody Deaner, A-1, and Johnny Devine wrestle in a match called an Eight-is-Enough match. It is a no-disqualification match where the winner is the last wrestler in the ring. It is not necessarily a battle royal, as you can re-enter the ring. The winner has to be the only wrestler in the ring for three seconds. The match is designed to showcase the rest of the roster.

Match 7 (Main Event): Kevin Owens defeating Michael Elgin to become the inaugural PCCW Heavyweight Champion. After the match, Bobby Roode would come out from the backstage area and just stare down into the ring. He wouldn’t say anything, and the announce team would wonder if he was there to go after the title or to go after Elgin.

The show would end on that note, but after the screen goes black, after a couple seconds, a promo for Kenny Omega would pop up with him simply saying, “I’m on my way,” and then laughing.


So what do you think? Do you think we can gather all these Canadians, head up to their home country, and live in peace? Let me know if this is a wrestling promotion you would enjoy watching? And what could we do with it going forward?

One final note, RIP Leonard Cohen. Great voice, great artist, and great poet.

Until next week…


Human. I think.