Thought Zero – Using some Ring of Honor wrestling to wash the taste of that Patriots Super Bowl victory out of my mouth. I’m not a Falcons fan, and boy did they choke, but I can not stand the Patriots. Anyway, let’s move on to some wrestling.
1) The first match is Punishment Martinez and BJ Whitmer versus War Machine! I feel like I haven’t seen Hansen and Rowe in a while and I am looking forward to seeing them wreck some havoc. I’m still wondering if they will be heading to NXT soon. I would love to see them show the Authors of Pain what a a dominant team is supposed to look like.
2) This is quite the random thought, but Punishment Martinez reminds me a little bit of Roman Reigns, but with a better character. But maybe it was just the springboard Superman Punch. And the fact that he is big, jacked, and has greasy long black hair.
3) Colt Cabana is on color commentary today. If he says anything interesting, I will let you know. Meanwhile, Hansen just spent about 37 minutes going back and forth between corners hitting clotheslines on Whitmer and Martinez in succession. He followed that up with a cool spot where he hung Martinez up on the top rope and then slammed Whitmer’s head into his abdomen multiple times.
4) The fight spilled to the outside and referee Paul Turner counted both teams out. Cheap finish there, but Martinez continues to impress and come across as a monster. Instead of having him do Kevin Sullivan’s bidding, the WWE should sign him and have him be the Undertaker’s protege. You could slowly transition the Taker entrance to him and build a new star to continue on in that darkness vein.
5) Six man tag team titles are on the line with The Kingdom taking on Corey Hollis, Joe A’Gau, and John Skyler, whoever they are. TK O’Ryan almost bites it on the steps on the way to the ring. That would have been quite embarrassing. He tries to play it off, but we saw you, O’Ryan. By the way, Taven et al throwing up the four fingers is sort of strange since there are only three of them in the Kingdom now. I miss Maria Kanellis.
6) These jobbers actually get a a hot tag after this match has already gone on way too long. The ROH is really not big enough to have a six-man title division, I think. And as I type this, Dalton Castle and the Boys come out to challenge the Kingdom. Then, in a funny bit, Matt Taven asks what do the Boys (mini-Melvins) are going to do to them. Castle tells the Boys to show him. So the Boys drop the feathered fans and start pushing Castle back and forth. After three or four pushes, Castle stops them and says that next time they will do that to Taven. I have to admit, I laughed. They teased a match, but Colt Cabana attacked both Boys before they could get in the ring. So I guess we still have the Cabana/Dalton feud continuing?
7) Back from break and we get a weird and cheap-looking Cody Rhodes promo. It sort of looks like they are going for a Godfather (the movie, not the wrestler) theme with him smoking a cigar, but as the camera pans back it shows a bunch of candles on tables and a sheet hanging behind him covering the TV camera lights. Honestly, it looked a little cheesy and amateurish. I doubt that is what they were going for. It ends with the words “Cody is coming” on the screen. But I thought he was already there. Weird to try to introduce someone you made a big deal out of premiering just a few weeks ago. They do throw the Bullet Club connection in there though. I don’t think they had mentioned that on TV yet.
8) Before the Young Bucks and the Tempura Boys go at it, Kevin Kelly tells Colt Cabana to hit the bricks. Kelly says that Cabana crossed a line and he couldn’t be out there as an announcer any more. Cabana calls him a bitch, but gets up and leaves. Wow. How are you going to get Cabana over as a bad guy when he looks scared of your company’s play-by-play announcer?
9) Yes, I know that there are only two thoughts left and there are two matches to go, but I don’t expect to be able to capture much in the way of calling moves as everyone here is going to be moving so fast. The tag team title match wound up being a typical Young Bucks match, but I was surprised that the Tempura Boys got as much offense in as they did. That was nice to see, but I am still sick of seeing the Young Bucks continue to play to the crowd as babyfaces when they are supposed to be heels. Regardless, they won and it is announced that they will face the Hardy Boys at Supercard of Honor. After the match, the Bucks appear to show some respect to the Tempura Boys, but it is just a set-up for Hangman Page to return and clothesline them both. Eh.
10) The main event which will set up the number one contender for the ROH TV championship held by Marty Scurll. It is a six man scramble involving Lio Rush, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, Jay White, Jon Gresham, and Donovan Dijak. If you think I will be able to keep up with the speed in the ring, you have greatly overestimated my typing skills. Scurll cuts a good little promo before the match and comes out to do commentary. I will say it again, The Villain really should be a bigger star if he weren’t short. Let’s get this man onto a medieval rack stat.
10) A) In a weird visual, it appears that the Motor City Machineguns, Lio Rush, Jay White, and Donovan Dijak will all be attending a Stryper concert after the show. All five men are sporting the yellow and black attack in their ring gear. Only Jon Gresham has decided to buck the trend by wearing red.
10) B) Scurll is just cracking me up on commentary. He has opened up his umbrella against Kevin Kelly’s warnings of bad luck. Then, after everyone does their dives to the outside spots, Scurll says bluntly, “All these guys are going to die.” And finally, after every good move, Scurll pipes in with, “I can do that.” Love it.
10) C) The Rebellion came out and took out Shelley, Sabin, White, and Gresham (to help Lio Rush wonders Kevin Kelly) leaving Rush and Dijak alone in the ring. Dijak hits Feast Your Eyes and he is your new #1 contender for the ROH TV title.
10) D) After Dijak celebrates and Scurll reminds him that he is the champ, Kevin Kelly sends us to the backstage area where they have a camera filming War Machine and Whitmer/Martinez still fighting. Wow, sixty minutes of brawling like that… these guys must be almost dead.
And we’re out. Another good and exciting hour of Ring of Honor wrestling made all the better by the inclusion of Marty Scurll, even though he was only on commentary this week. Until next week…
Tags: Alex Shelley, b.j. whitmer, chris sabin, Cody Rhodes, colt cabana, Dalton Castle, Donovan Dijak, Jay White, Jon Gresham, Lio Rush, Marty Scurll, Punishment Martinez, Tempora Boys, The Kingdom, War Machine, Young Bucks