The Fantasy Book on The Dead Man (Part 1 of 2) (Undertaker, Roman Reigns, John Cena)

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Good day, good grief, and good gravy. Welcome to another week of The Fantasy Book. The past few weeks have been taken up with the saga of the inaugural McMahon Games. I know, I know, and I’m sorry, but all good things must end. So as we try to recover from that inebriation of fantasy, let’s touch on a popular rumor these days.

I’ve heard it said that the Undertaker is not really retired. That he may come back for another match. I’m cool with that, as long as he is physically capable. I don’t want the man to hurt himself seriously just to come back and entertain us. At the same time, I hate that his final WrestleMania matches were, in order: Loss to Brock Lesnar, Victory over Bray Wyatt, Victory over Shane McMahon, Loss to Roman Reigns. That makes him 2-2 in his last four WrestleMania matches, and only one victory over a full time wrestler (Wyatt).

Add to that record the fact that I found the Shane McMahon match to be an utter disaster and disgrace, that is not how I want to remember the Undertaker. But we can fix it. And the seeds have already been sown, whether they were meant to be or not.

We need a few assumptions before we continue though. First, let’s assume the Undertaker is fully healthy and in good shape. That is simply a necessity. Second, let’s assume the WWE landscape is exactly as it is now. That means Raw is preparing for the No Mercy PPV and Smackdown is preparing for the Hell in a Cell PPV. And here we go…

Reigns and Cena continue their slightly uncomfortable promo work, with Cena teasing just enough real life tidbits to make smarks happy. In fact, on a side note, is it possible that Cena’s arrogance and playing with shoot promos against the most disliked guy in the company might actually make him more likeable to some? It would be interesting if this is what turns Reigns full heel and returns Cena to a well-liked face. It may work out that way, but not in this fantasy booking.

Cena and Reigns will go face to face on the next Raw to talk. The crowd will continue with dueling “You suck” chants and outright “boos” through both wrestlers’ promos, letting out the occasional “ooo” when something cuts pretty sharp. Both competitors will get overly angry and start shoving, but Kurt Angle has security there to separate the two men. Neither one really goes after the other one though, allowing security to keep them apart. The crowd boos, but both men cut individual promos later in the evening about how it is obvious the other wants no part of them.

We get to No Mercy and everyone has an idea that Cena will be off making movies again soon, so the odds-on favorite is Roman Reigns to win and take over Cena’s mantle. Unfortunately, the WWE universe does not shit all over this match like they did for Goldberg/Lesnar a few years back. Instead, they get invested in the big bombs both men through at each other. Even though they are hated, no one can deny that Cena and Reigns both work their asses off to have exciting matches.

After a long back and forth match, Reigns will kick out of an AA, shocking Cena. Cena will then turn right into a spear. But Cena will kick out, shocking Reigns. After another ten minutes more, Reigns and Cena would collide in an awkward spot outside the ring. Both men would be down and the referee would count both men out. A double countout as the finish? The crowd would rightfully be pissed and Reigns and Cena would crawl back into the ring, laying there looking at each other. Both men would then get up and jaw with each other a bit. They would tease a handshake, then argue, then tease a handshake, then argue and bump chests, and then the lights would go out.

You would hear one giant gong and then the lights would come back on and Undertaker would be standing there next to Cena and Reigns. Reigns and Cena would turn and look at Taker, then each other, then Taker again. Taker would grab both men by the throats and hit a huge double chokeslam to the absolute insanity of the crowd. He would then walk out calmly.

Cena would disappear for a bit after this for his movie filming. Reigns would still be around though and he would start calling out Undertaker. After a few weeks, Taker would come out and cut a promo on Reigns. He would say that how dare Reigns brag about retiring him. He was fine with his time being up, but he will not let the disrespect shown by Reigns be unanswered. Reigns would come out to confront Taker and Taker would simply say that he said what he had to say, the lights would go out, and he’d be gone when they came back up, leaving Reigns alone and confused in the ring.

Reigns would have some match at the TLC PPV that would not be of much importance. Maybe he could reteam with the Shield for a one-night only reunion against Finn Balor, Karl Anderson, and Luke Gallows in a one-night only reunion of the Bullet Club. Reigns would look preoccupied for most of the match, constantly looking over his shoulder at the ramp. We’d figure out what was going on later as Undertaker would stagger out onto the ramp, looking like he was beaten up pretty bad.

Reigns would leave the ring and charge up the ramp to attack Taker. He would beat on Taker to the backstage area. This would cause Rollins and Ambrose to lose the match and create more tension down the line. The camera would cut to backstage after the match and we would see Reigns continue the beating on Taker in a vicious fashion. The announcers would speculate that Reigns had attacked Taker before the match and was watching in case Taker came out after him.

Reigns would confirm this in an interview the next night on Raw, saying that if the Undertaker wasn’t going to retire on his own, he would retire him. He warned Taker not to come around his yard any more or suffer another beating. The crowd did not like that one bit.

The next week, Undertaker would cut a promo from a cemetery, challenging Reigns to a match at Survivor Series. Later, Reigns would say he has already defeated him in a match, so there is nothing to prove. Reigns would say that if he did it, there would be no question about the end result this time. Reigns would only take the match if Taker agreed to put his career on the line.

The next week, Taker would agree to retire if he lost, but only if Reigns can prove himself and beat him in Hell in a Cell. At that point, Reigns would jump Taker from behind in the ring, powerbomb him twice, him with a chair a bunch of times, and then powerbomb him a third time onto the chair. Reigns would then grab the microphone and accept the match, telling Undertaker that he is not going to rest in peace, but rest in hell.


to be continued…


Join me next week as we see how the Fantasy Book would handle this match and much more. Until then…




Human. I think.