We open with Raw sirens and an ICOPRO banner at the Manhattan Center! At Barclays, Steph and Shane are mid-ring to his theme and she barks out that it’s the 25th anniversary of Raw. Shane thanks the roster for competing on Raw and the folks behind the scenes and of course, the fans. A greatest moments package includes a ton of McMahons. Edge and Daniel Bryan’s retirements are also shown with Ric Flair’s and Warrior’s final speech. Steph praises her family and puts her dad over – because the McMahons really are too modest.
The crowd singing Vince’s theme is incredible. Steph gives Vince a plaque that she and Shane had funded via GoFundMe…sure. Vince says the plaque feels cheap and that’s because it must be from Brooklyn. Vince cutting a promo on hot dogs is almost as good as Flair cutting a promo on ham on that wife swapping reality show. Stone Cold comes down to a gigantic ovation. Vince tells Austin that he’s arthritis now and he even lives in a retirement community. Vince tells Austin to stun Shane and he does. The crowd chants “one more time” and Vince tells them that Shane can’t take another one! They share a beer and tease the stunner before Vince eats hopefully his last stunner. Shane grabs a beer and eats another stunner to spit the beer out.
A Hardees 8-woman tag is up next with Nia, Absolution and Foxy facing Bayley, Mickie, Sasha, and Asuka. Of course Nia’s match is sponsored by fast food. Nia and the heels get a jobber intro while the babyfaces all get Cole reading WWE Facts about them. Sonya gets sent packing to the floor for an ad break. Nia destroys Sasha by bowling her over. Booker is mocked for not lasting long in either the 2002 or 2006 Rumbles. Foxy mocks Asuka for another break. Bank Statement ends it. Asuka tosses out her partners in a “preview of the Rumble” so she’s not winning. Raw talks to some random referee about preventing chaos and he can’t have Brock, Braun, and Kane causing any….so then why would he as GM make them do the segment?
Kurt meets with Coachman who brings Harvey and the Brooklyn Brawler in to dance with Teddy. Brother Love is here to meet with Brother Angle and Brother Long. The Boogeyman comes in and gives his worms to Coachman. Taker returns next. Well that’s quite the odd segment to segment storytelling. WWE is tonally deaf. We go to the Manhattan Center and King wants puppies. A Taker highlight video on Raw airs. Taker walks down to a “holy shit” chant that USA tries to mute. Taker cuts a promo on all that he has beaten that they can now rest in peace. Miz vs. Roman is up next!? They have like nothing else announced match-wise!
Heath and Rhyno play cards with the APA. Heath’s pair of 3s lose to a full house. THEN TED DIBIASE COMES IN TO PLAY! We get a salute to Raw GMs with Big Johnny, Regal, AND ERIC BISCHOFF! Also, Daniel Bryan is out too despite not being a GM of Raw. Miz is out to stare down Bryan. Roman comes down to boos. Miz eats a beating and the goons prevent a driveby. Miz shoves him around thanks to a distraction, but Roman regains control and hits a driveby. Miz avoids the Finale and hits the Superman punch for 2. Miz hits the corner lariat thanks to the goons and they get kicked out. After dominating most of the match, Cole talks about how now Roman has a chance to win and Roman eats the Finale for a crazy-hot 2.9 count. Roman misses a shot into the buckle, which is exposed and Miz wins with the Finale!
Jeff Hardy, MVP, and the Usos join the APA. Christian hosts the Peep Show. LOL at the Manhattan Center folks not even getting Jason Jordan. Seth tries to act hip before Jordan gets booed out of the building with everything he says. Fittingly, Jordan is the best insincere babyface since Kurt Angle. The Bar leads a You Suck chant on Jordan and he goes after them. Seth dives on the heels before he bumps into Jordan. Robo Charly chats with Alexa about the Rumble. Alexa’s a goddess and all before Charlotte comes in and looks 20 feet taller than her.
Titus Worldwide joins the poker game and Dana says that Heath has lost a bunch of money. Bray is gonna be fine guys – he’s added lantern-twirling to his act. Woken Matt comes out to face him in the Manhattan Center – which is probably the best setting for the act. Bray beats Matt with Sister Abigail. The Female Superstars come out with the Bellas as the main stars, Maryse, Kelly Kelly, Lilian Garcia, Jaqcueline, Torrie Wilson, Michelle McCool, Terri, Maria, and Trish join them.
Elias walks backstage and bumps into Chris Jericho in an Alpha Club shirt, who puts him ON THE LIST. And his scarves make the list too. A recap of the Empire State Building being in red for tonight’s show. Elias is out to sing and says that it took them 25 years to find him and the WWE stands for Walk With Elias. Elias sings a song insulting the legends and mocks Rock’s concerts and says he still sucks. Cena comes out to the “JOHN CENA SUCKS” version of his theme dancing to it. Cena says that he’s got balls just like Brooklyn and tells Elias to do something about him. A brawl breaks out and Elias counters an AA with a ball shot before smashing the guitar on him.
Rumble card is recapped. Heath cheats and JBL tells him if he wants a fight, he should go to the ring. Ted wins the poker game. Ted flicking the pancake away was great. Also, New Day was betting pancakes in a poker game. Mark Henry chats with the Godfather and his girl Olivia…HIS WIFE. Titus Worldwide is out to hopefully lose to the Bar finally. Nope, they’ll face Titus Worldwide. So…why does the Bar get the title shot after losing two straight to Titus Worldwide? And if Rhyno and Slater win here, do they suddenly rocket to the top of the tag ranks? Apollo gets over with a huge delayed suplex. A break happens and then a brawl breaks out for a DQ so the Dudleys come out.
It’s pretty cool to see the ROH-contracted Bully Ray here. They deliver a WAZZUP to Slater and get a table. I loved Booker warning D-Von up top because he’s fat now. Heath has to be the safest worker ever – he’s the only person they ever trust with the old guys. Charly chats with AJ, who tells her to leave so he can have MEAN GENE DO HIS INTERVIEW! AJ does a Hogan impression for a bit amd talks about his match with Kami on Sunday. AJ tells Gene he loves him – now that was sweet.
DX is out in the Manhattan Center. HBK runs around and does his winded bit. HHH tells HBK he can’t tell all the old DX stories because they were too lewd. HHH talks about how they ran the show 20 years ago with Rick Rude and Chyna and did what they wanted. HHH puts over Raw for 25 years. HBK pondering either of them alive in 25 years was amusing and sad. The Outlaws come out before itnroducing X-Pac, who gets a giant 1-2-3 chant. Hall comes out and gets immediately cut off by a commercial break.
Hall does one more “hey yo” promo and the Balor Club interrupts. TOO SWEET/WOOP WOO Marty Scurll is getting a chant on Raw before we get a group too sweet and the Revival comes down. Their Monday Night Revival shirt is great. They’re actually going to have a match against the Balor Club of Gallows and Anderson. Magic Killer on Dash ends it. Dawson eats a toothpick, XFactor, shuffle punches, and a fameasser. Dash eats a superkick and pedigree before HHH gives him the okay for the double stomp. LOL @ the camera focusing on HHH pointing at the move and the camera actually missing the move.
Kurt is taking NO CHANCES. He has SEVERAL OLD MEN WITH HIM, so there’s no chance this will go wrong. Also, a roster of jobbers is out. Kurt Angle, the Olympic gold medalist, brought Harvey Wippleman out for security. Sad to see the Usos in there with this parade of old men and jobbers. Braun and Kane are separated by a wall of people. Heyman hypes up the Rumble match as if it was a UFC show and says Brock is the most important person in the history of Raw. Brock hits a big lariat to Braun on the floor and F5s Kane! Brock is sent ass over teakettle by Braun and is powerslammed through the announce table by Braun, which breaks a bit late.
