WWE Raw 4/16/18 Recap – Superstar Shake-up

Kurt comes out to welcome everyone to Raw and the draft. We’re told that the negotiations have been going on all week, and Jinder is out as a Raw member. Cole calls him a huge “Activision!” Jinder says he demanded a limo and was brought to the building in a limo – he deserves the same perks that Brock Lesnar gets. Well, I’m pretty sure neither get drug tested. Kurt gives the goon his e-mail – Kurt.Angle@nofreakingway.com – and he’ll make Jinder prove his worth tonight. Kurt makes him defend the US Title against Jeff Hardy now.

Cole rattles off WWE facts about the US Title and how Jeff hasn’t held it. Jinder sells a baseball slide by moving forward somehow. During the break, Jeff gets posted. Jinder slugs him and they talk about how Jinder has transformed himself over the past year. Jeff hits the Twist and a swanton to win the US Title! Miz TV is hyped up with a new SD superstar. Jinder complains and demands a title shot at Greatest Royal Rumble before No Way Jose’s music interrupts him. Bayley comes out to face Sasha. Bayley messes up a blind crossbody block, so Sasha knees her in the gut. Bayley hits a rana in “THIS PERSONAL MATCH” to send it to a break. Bayley gets a reverse tornado DDT, but then Sasha gets a pop-up meteora. A slapfight breaks out and then Sasha gets the double knees and a Bank statement, but the Riott Squad beats up Sasha.

Rhyno and Heath are mid-ring and ready to face AOP. Cole talks about them dumping Paul Ellering and Corey puts this over as the creation outgrowing the creator, much like Frankenstein. WHY ARE HEATH AND RHYNO GETTING OFFENSE ON AOP!? Rhyno is kinda okay for that because he’s burly and had credibility in another era, but Heath has been a jobber for eight years now. AOP hits a double gutbuster for 2. Razar lariats Rhyno and they hit the Last Chapter to him to end it. Miz TV is next.

Miz brings out the new members of Raw – Sami and Kevin Owens. Cole is pointing out logical flaws in the story. Thanks. They’re fired and they shouldn’t have a job now because they don’t work for the company. Miz says this group is bigger than the NWO. Kurt comes out and says that Sami and KO had a chance to come to Raw last week and lost. KO tells him that plans have changed via e-mail – and Sami has helpfully printed it for him. It’s a shame Sami didn’t use a dot matrix printer for this printout. Steph overruled Kurt and gave them jobs again. Okay, Sami’s little bunny hop was tremendous. Kurt tells Miz that he’s glad KO and Sami got to see him tonight – because Miz is now on SD. Miz says he and his goons will destroy SD, and Kurt tells him that they aren’t going. Kurt makes the heels face Finn, Seth, Lashley, Braun, and a Raw-debuting superstar tonight.

Bray and Matt do a wacky promo backstage. Bray and Matt’s goofball antics are so much better in a single segment instead of several.The Revival get a jobber intro and The Bar does commentary for Revival vs. Bray and Matt now known as the Deleter of Worlds. Corey talks about the Expedition of Gold…for belts that are red and silver? Matt hits a legdrop while Bray hits a senton. Cole buries “the little kid that runs around” and Corey puts over King Maxel. Dawson gets a chinlock to further drag this match into the duldrums. The show grinds to a hald during a chinlock and Coash asks The Bar what The Bar means – so they explain it in depth and he’s still perplexed. A wheelbarrow Twist of Fate ends it – so they’ll face The Bar at the Greatest Royal Rumble. A silly lip syncing video hypes up co-branded PPVs.

The Bar chats about how weird Bray and Matt are, before bumping into Breezango. Fandango says the Fashion Police have been transferred to a new precinct! Ronda tells Kurt that she loved Mania and we get some terrible acting with Kurt. Kurt’s horrendous acting is almost endearing. THIS MAN HAS BEEN PAID TO NOT ONLY BE IN, BUT STAR IN MOVIES. Nattie is coming over to Raw and hugs Ronda. Nia and Alexa are out for commentary. Oh Jesus. Ember comes out to face Mickie James. They do a lot of stuff to no reaction. Ember gets the basement pop-up rana. Mickie takes a great ass-over-teakettle bump for the Eclipse. “Ember Moo for the win!” Poor Cole.

KO and Sami point out how unfair it is that they weren’t given time to prepare for this match. Miz tells the goons to focus on tonight and not worry about tomorrow. “Remember what’s important – THIS IS MY RAW FINALE!” Miz is so great. Rusev gets a hype video for his match with Taker. Dolph comes out. I wouldn’t mind Dolph vs. Jeff Hardy for the US Title…which Dolph threw away because it was beneath him. Maybe he’ll become mid-life crisis “settle for less” Dolph Ziggler. Titus Worldwide comes out. Dolph vs. Titus Worldwide? DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! Dolph tells them to please stop interrupting him. Drew McIntyre returns to join up with Dolph to face Titus Worldwide. This of all things gets a “holy shit” chant. A loud McIntyre chant breaks out. Zig Zag with a claymore takes out Apollo.

Roman, the rebel, is out in his WWE Authentic Gear – which you should definitely buy on WWESHOP.COM. Roman says he’s here and Brock isn’t. Joe says that Roman keeps fighting Brock and keeps getting beaten up every single time. He’s here to bring mercy to Roman and end his suffering. We get an awkwardly-placed video showing Roman eating a ton of beatings from Brock. This did auch an awesome job of making Brock look like a badass. Roman says that just shows what Brock did – but he doesn’t refute it with his own video. He challenges Joe and Joe just leaves before saying he’ll face him on his own time at Backlash.

Mandy is out to face Nattie, and we’re told that “other moves” will be made throughout the day tomorrow via social media. Mandy gets an abdominal stretch and Coach says you could get “Abso” on Raw and “Lusion” on SmackDown. Nattie gets the win with the sharpshooter. Sonya jumps Nattie before Ronda comes down for a save. WOW is this ever a drop for Ronda. Ronda throws some punches and kinda sweet takedowns Sonya. Baron Corbin gets a hype video for his Raw return. Breezango is out to a polite applause.

Cesaro lands a beautiful Very European uppercut before Sheamus clubs away at Breeze. Breeze gets a fluke cradle to win and still no reaction. Elias is backstage and tells “Rachel” he is choosing to not play here becuase he isn’t here to do small towns. He says that a lot has changed since Lashley was last here – he’s now the biggest star in WWE. The heels come out for the main event. Balor is out and Corey says “THE BULLET CLUB IS FOR EVERYONE!” before Coach busts his chops. Lashley is out in trunks looking incredible for his age. Bobby Roode is now on Raw and in a main event for at least one time. This is easily the peak of Roode’s WWE main roster run so far – he’s actually got a main event match… and within a MINUTE they’re talking about how now he can go after the US Title again. Great, more Jinder vs. Roode.

Faces send the heels packing for a break. Miz gets a chinlock. Lashley runs wild and leapfrogs over Sami before landing a lariat and the delayed suplex before he presses Miz outside and sends him onto goons. KO goes after Seth and he and Miz team up on Seth. Roode comes in and takes Axel down with a flying lariat off the top. Miz comes in and his figure four gets countered into a cradle. Braun comes in and runs wild. BRAUN CHARGES INTO THE POST as he’s want to do. Miz hits the corner dropkicks on Braun before eating a bigger dropkick from Braun. Miz’s goons drop down for him wanting a tag. A Braun powerslam ends it.

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