Extreme Retro Review #005: ECW HCTV 4/28/93

EXTREME RETRO REVIEW #5:

Eastern Championship Wrestling

HARDCORE TV 04/28/93

RIP “Wildman” Sal Bellomo (aka Super Destroyer #3)

Hosts: Jay Sulli & Stevie Wonderful

Location: Cabrini Field House

Attendance: 150… Maybe

-Sulli & Stevie plug the matches as “Hot Stuff” Eddie Gilbert does a walk-in. He proclaims himself to be the guest color commentator for tonight. He ran Terry Funk out of ECW and shows footage of the “I Quit” Match from Battle of the Belts (ERR #1) … in January. P.S.A. voiced by ECW President Tod Gordon saying that the nature of the match is too violent for TV, so SportsChannel (the local affiliate) has censored the footage… How? ECW paid for the time-slot. SportsChannel in 1993 is basically public access with a sports predilection. If I had a million dollars and wanted to show dogs fucking, SportsChannel would be renamed “Canine Caligula.” I mean, it’s fake right? I’m just a stickler for logic in my wrasslin’.

-HQR3 and The Super D’s cut a promo on the #1 contenders Tony “The Hitman” Stetson and Larry Winters: “The Goof Troop.” Hunter has an envelope for $500 saying that Stetson can get plastic surgery and Larry Winters can get some McDonald’s. I just *DON’T* want them to use the money to get haircuts, because their mullets are luxurious. HQR3 has a mullet, so that idea is done. All you must do is beats the Super Destroyers.

“The Goof Troop” (Stetson/Winters) vs. The Super D’s (w/ HQR3)

I figured this would be saved for a big show, but here we are. I guess they want some more build by adding the money stipulation for this TV match. In a pre-match spiel, the D’s hit each other with forearms to the chest and then they hug it out. Kay… Criss-Cross spot to begin with. I see they are shooting for the snowflakes… There’s no way Winters should be getting 2 counts; his white boots piss me off. Sulli still has no clue which D is which… It’s been a month goof. One is like a foot taller than the other. Match completely fell apart during Winters’s comeback. There was a LONG heat spot that I passed out during. These matches suck, I hope Funk/Gilbert show up. D’s hit Winters with HQR3’s cane for the DQ. (DUD) Big schmoz at the end. Babyfaces clear the ring after an TV edit.

– “Wildman” Bellomo comes to the ring without the “Grand Lizard” to cheers. I’m guessing off-screen face turn.

“Wildman” Sal Bellomo vs. Glen Osbourne

Ummm… maybe not. Eddie Gilbert walks into the ring to announce something. Osbourne cuts him off. A shoving match ensues as Gilbert calls out Snuka and the debuting Don “The Rock” Muraco. Who’s next? Cowboy Bob? Piper? Adonis (He hadn’t died yet.) Muraco cuts a promo ringside to align himself with “Hot Stuff International.” Snuka then cuts a promo. Gilbert calls out Funk to wrap-up.

 

-HotBody & CHRIS CANDIDO cut a promo where they rechristen themselves “Johnathon” and “Christopher.” This is pre-drug use for chubby Christopher. They call out all the tag teams and say they are throwing their name in… The Suicide Blondes.

“Iron Man” Tommy Cairo & J.T. Smith vs. The Suicide Blondes (Sir Johnathon HotBody & Sir Christopher Candido)

Note: Hotbody has JET-BLACK HAIR. ½ of the Blondes isn’t Blonde. HILARITY! (/shoot) At a combined weight of 600lbs “including their egos.” LOVELY! “From anywhere but Philly!” Tremendous, this is my favorite act. Open cheating from the heels. Pre-SMW Candido is pudgy and terrible, so of course Sulli & Stevie are putting him over. Smith can bump, but a quick comeback gets cut-off. HotBody as a tag is kinda hilarious. Candido bumping is great just because he is great worker. Guess he was using up his lifetime bump-card early. HotBody with a diving elbow to the floor. Candido misses a double stomp from the top. (s/o Finn Balor) Moonsault by Smith but HotBody elbows off the top Candido pins FTW (**) Decent match, HotBody carried it.

-Nonsensical Muraco/Snuka promo: “TCB… Taking care of business…” Moving on.

Hot Stuff International (Don Muraco & Jimmy Snuka) vs. The Hell Riders

Job guys get beat up before the bell in a complete squash. Muraco lifts Snuka for the Splash. It didn’t even pop the crowd. (DUD) I almost passed out again.

-Last Week’s recap of Rebel with Peaches. They show the surfboard spot again… LOL.

ECW Heavyweight Title Match: Mr. Sandman vs. The Rockin’ Rebel (w/ Tigra) (challenger)

Joined in Progress (JIP) Seeing Sandman doing moves like arm-drags and hip-tosses …. Is a wonder. The moves are terrible, but just to see them, wow. Rebel takes over working over the neck in a bit of wrestling psychology. Tigra also helps outside. For 1993 standards, she can get it. I’m sure she ain’t shaving yet. Sandman with a small package for 2. He is still sporting the Harley Quinn bodysuit look ala MVP. Sandman hits a terrible top rope dropkick. 1st CAT FIGHT is between Tigra and Peaches. No Joey makes it lame as the match ends in a DQ, Sandman retains. (DUD) Peaches has no shape whatsoever.

-Commentary recaps the TV Title tournament.

-Sulli with HQR3 plugging the return match between the Stetson/Winters vs. the Super D’s. HQR3 proposes a stipulation of NO MORE TITLE SHOTS for the challengers in a quick rant. Also, next week, an ECW Title match.

Overall: Stories progressed, Matches were meh… Thumbs in the middle.

Here is the audio version of this episode (Spoiler: It’s awful.)

Peace.

 

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