EXTREME RETRO REVIEW #11:
Eastern Championship Wrestling
HARDCORE TV 06/08/93
Hosts: Sulli & Paul E. Dangerously
Location: ECW ARENA… finally
Attendance: 200… Maybe
-Finally, the ECW Arena about 10 shows in. Those Cabrini crowds were the shits, but I appreciate ECW’s humble beginnings. That being said; the ECW Arena in 1993 is a shit-hole.
-Sulli and Paul E. run down the card for tonight show. Tod comes out, holding a crown hyping the chain match between Funk & Gilbert. Whoever wins their match will be crowned “King of Philly.” Paul E. is about to pre-emptively name Gilbert the king, but ROAD WARRIOR HAWK comes out. He cuts the usual wacky Hawk promo.
-Recap of the Funk/Gilbert feud which leads into a wacky Funk promo. Paul E. comes out to face Funk. Paul says he respects Funk and offers him a warm-up match with the Dark Patriot if he isn’t scared. Funk won’t back down and Paul scurries off after accepting.
Handic(R)ap Match: Road Warrior Hawk vs. Samoan Warrior & “Devious” Don E. Allen
They must think Hawk is sticking around long-term, or Hawk must not be making much for this run. The jobbers jump Hawk and on cue, here comes the no-selling of EVERYTHING. Double clothesline to the jobbers. Big boot to Devious. Samoa Joe gets a punch. Powerslam on “Makin’ a difference” Fatu. Hawk goes to the top rope for a flying clothesline. Gorilla press slam throws Devious into Rikishi Squash City, Bitch. (*)
-To the back for another wacky Hawk promo hyping Snuka vs. Hawk for the TV Title next week.
-Gilbert with a $$$ promo NOT from the Double-Cross Ranch. Great promo.
16-Man Battle Royal to crown the Inaugural Pennsylvania State Champion
Tommy Cairo wins. Nothing of note happens, outside of the usual Battle royal stuff. People get thrown out. Final 5: Les Mullets, The Suicide Blondes and Cairo. The tag teams do some stuff while Cairo looks around like goofus. Sell the Battle Royal, idiot. While waiting for his cue, the Blondes have Stetson, Winters does the 92 Rumble finish. He dumps all 3 guys, Stetson looks up to see Winters dump him out the ring. Stetson gets pissed, hits Winters and powders. Stetson also had new tights on in a bit of foreshadowing (FASHION-PLATE!) I just came up with “Les Mullets” and they break up. C’est La vie. Something with Cairo and the Blondes happen and Cairo is down in the ring. Final 2 and they cut to a shot of some geek kids at ringside. Way to put over the new championship belt. Cairo knocks Winters over to become the #1 Nittany Lion. Stetson consoles Winters, then RUNS HIM INTO THE POST to cement the heel turn. I must say, Stetson is growing on me (#Pause) Cairo helps Winters to the back but holds up the title to cement its mid-card status.
-In the back with Stevie Wonderful, who has been demoted to Sean Mooney, interviewing Sandman and some boy names “Peaches.” Sandman with a terrible babyface promo. He brings it to Peaches who does an equally terrible promo. Moving On.
-Sulli with “Wildman” Sal. I don’t know what he said, and I don’t care. Moving On.
ECW Tag Team Title Match: Tommy Cairo & Glen Osbourne vs. The Suicide Blondes (w/HQR3)
Sulli and Paul E. clear up why HQR3 is with the Blondes and is he still with the Super D’s. Osbourne starts with the shine. Double-headbutt on the Blondes. Tag Cairo who belly suplexes both heels. Candido misses a charge. Osbourne with a flying burrito, HQR3 hits Osbourne with the cane right in front of the ref. Molineux stares like a goof. Roll-up. Pin. (DUD) HQR3 makes himself their new manager and formally introduces Chris Michaels as the 3rd Blonde to make it a Freebird trio. He calls the Blondes the greatest tag team ever and the Super D’s come out. #2 grabs the mic and says that they ehld the belts for over 2 years. The fans can attest to that. Now they wan a shot at the belts. HQR3 says he can’t have both of his teams going against each other, so #2 fire Hunter Q. and the Blondes jump the D’s. D’s clear the ring. Face turn for the Super D’s. #2 wants Tod to come out and they demand a title shot. They clear the ring again. Tod accepts the match.
ECW Heavyweight Title Rematch: Mr. Sandman (w/Peaches) vs. “The Magnificent” Don “The Rock” Muraco (w/ Paul E.)
“Hot Stuff” Eddie Gilbert is on color for this match. Joined in progress. Action is hot and heavy. Good solid pace by both guys, despite their respective looks. Rollup for 2 by Muraco. LOOOONG headlock spot with rollup reversal at different intervals. Muraco finally takes control of the match to re-pace it. Choke in the corner with Paul’s help. More neck-work. Comeback of sorts and I’m drifting to sleepy-town (population: 1) Boot and an abdominal stretch on Sandman with Paul’s help. Peaches only helps by getting the ref’s attention. Paul tries a second time and Peaches breaks it up. Sandman reverses the stretch but sees Paul go after Peaches. Clothesline on Muraco and Sandman goes after Paul E. Muraco hits Sandman with the phone and gets counted out. (-100)
-Sulli & Eddie run down next weeks action. Fin
Overall: Thumbs down but seeing Devious was awesome.
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