Cena comes out and man is it weird to see him on a nostalgia show. Cole says he’s the greatest of all time and Cena says that all it took for him to be liked was to be on a reunion show. The Usos come out for a battle rap. He declines, so they say he ran to the movies before he knocks them for getting arrest and Jey gives a shoutout to the county he was arrested in. They bring out Rikishi and Cena marks out before Rikishi demands a dance off. The Revival? VINTAGE CENA BEATING THE TAG CHAMPS!?
Or not – D-Von’s out and he’ll be with the Revival as they face the Usos. Booker’s out to do commentary and spew nonsense – and he’s never out of nonsense. “No one wants to be around Bubba!” Okay, that’s the best thing Booker has ever said on commentary that didn’t involve Nattie getting IBS from the Anvil. Dawson flipping back over Jey to tag Dash in was great. Dawson saves Dash from a spin kick and an uppercut gets 2. Superkick and a double dive end it and the Usos beat the champs. Tonight’s card is run down and Alicia asks Kaitlyn and Dana about what kind of giant hat she should wear. Torrie and Santino show up before Drew stands out and laments the state of the legends.
R-Truth’s defenses at Comic Con are recapped. Rene Michelle cuts a promo on Truth for runing Drake’s life. Drake schoolboys him and takes the title. Godfather talks about the Ho Train while having the crowd say it and then they bury Charly for probably not knowing who Godfather was. Drew’s out to go 50/50 with Cedric Alexander. Boy is this far less exciting than him being booked to go on a tear before a massive main event push. Drew jumps him, but eats the post. An inverted Alabama Slam onto the apron is called sadistic. A Ricochet hype video airs.
Maverick goes to leave, but his bag is full of worms. He falls and then gets pinned by Pat Patterson. Christian gets an intro for commentary and then Lilian comes out to introduce the Raiders who get a wacky inset promo with the other finishing the other’s sentences. Rowe gets 2 slamming Hanson onto Ryder. Hanson hits a suicide dive and the Experience ends it. Backstage, Maria has trouble seeing Eve, who is right in front of her before Maria tells Mike that she’ll get stretchmarks if Mike doesn’t give her lotion and she’s the breadwinner and not him. Eric tells Mike to go to SmackDown and Ron Simmons says Damn with Jimmy Hart’s megaphone.
Dangerous, nasty, AND menacing Samoa Joe walks backtage. The Club is now The OC – The Original Club or The Only Club (that matters) and they’ll take out Seth tonight. Gerald pins Patterson off-screen to win the title before Kelly Kelly schoolgirls Brisco to win it. Joe cuts a promo and buries the goofy longest-episodic crap and the idea of nostalgia. Joe buries the show so far and he’s not wrong. Roman comes out after Joe brings up the Usos. Roman poses as Cole calls him THE INSPIRATIONAL ROMAN REIGNS and he gets mild applause.
Joe and Roman walk and brawl for a while. Joe wants a fight – but won’t do it here for these fans. Roman calls him a coward and Joe accepts. They start off with a slugfest before Roman avoids an elbow suicida and lands a drive by. Joe gets the choke, but Roman escapes and spears him. As Roman celebrates, we get a wall of word vomit about tonight’s events. Nohting has time to breathe. As Roman celebrates, we get all of that garbage and then Miz comes out with Cole reading a press release about “WWE’s The Miz!”.
Miz recaps Seth’s title loss and Seth is an annoying asshat. Heyman talks about stealing Brock’s title at WM 31 and then Seth says it’s time to burn it down. Backstage, Charly exposits about the Universal Title scene and then Sami buries the show and the legends. He says that this is like watching the Attitude era through the Face app and Rey says that the legends paved the way. Yes, Kelly Kelly blazed a trail that will never be matched. Kurt talks about settling it in the ring like they did back in the day when he was Raw GM a whole year ago.
Backstage, Candice beats beats Kelly and then Madua taps her with an RNC. She says she won’t be 24 Champion long to continue her legacy of not being able to cut a promo to save her life. Sami and Rey try to save Raw with chinlocks, and fail. Sami bails and RVD comes down with Sarge, Hurricane, Angle, Thanks to the old guy distraction, Rey gets a rana, 619, and five star frog splash to win. But he can’t really celebrate it with the non-stop talking over it about tonight’s events.
Ric Flair is shown backstage in a giant limo pre-gigged. Dawkins talks about getting high with RVD and then partying with Flair before the Boogeyman freaks everyone out. Madusa comes out to throw the 24/7 title in the trash. BUT FIRST, The Million Dollar Man comes out to buy his way to another title. Seth vs. AJ is hyped up as a Burger King match. King comes out to announce AJ vs. Seth. DX comes out to counteract The OC. Seth hits a blockbuster and a kneeling superkick before the OC gets involved for DQ. The OC calls for a too sweet, but DX crotch chops them and the OC bumps for DX as HBK shuffles around.
The New Age Outlaws tron hits and the Road Dogg and X-Pac, so not the Outlaws and The Outsiders are out. Now they’re bestowing Seth with the ability to BEGIN the crowd in a suck it chant. Wow what a true honor! WHAT A MOMENT according to Cole. That segment did a fantastic job of getting everyone involved less over. The NWO, Bullet Club, and Shield played second-fiddle to THE ALMIGHTY DX. And Hunter is still objectively the best option for WWE’s future!
Ted goes into a limo and Drake pins him before the 24/7 geeks chase him. Mick cuts a promo and then Drake runs down before Bray takes him out with a mandible claw. Becky comes down before Nattie tells Becky to tell things to her face. Nattie talks about her past with Becky in Japan before having “very similar journeys in WWE”. Becky says that this red belt is the scalp of the Baddest Woman on the Planet and Nattie defends her friend. Nattie complains about the womens evolution being built off of her back and she’ll take the title, man!
Drake runs to his wife, but gets schoolboyed by Truth and cradled. Truth leaves in the car with Rene, leaving Drake with Carmella. Braun comes out to kill a geek. Randy Rowe bumps like a champ for him and loses. Randy Rowe should’ve earned himself a cool million dollar per year deal with those bumps. Kofi’s title win is recapped in a Corona-sponsored video.
Flair and the legends come out to pay tribute to him. Hogan comes down and Mark Henry looks away. Cole yammers on about Raw being on for a long time before calling it an American tradition and Austin comes down. Austin is easily the best-looking legend act on the show – still looks great. Steve talks about how everyone on the stage has either pissed or crapped themsleves, or nearly done it for the love of the business. Steve says that they’re all family as are the fans. He talks about doing a podcast with Hogan, eating and drinking with Flair, and running into Ron Simmons at the hotel. He wants to drink one more time with the roster. Cole talks about being proud to be a part of the genre known as sports-entertainment. Steve talks about Brisco letting him get away with things in South Africa that might’ve been a bit illegal and then he gets counted down and just stops before a quick toast. The hard 11 PM rule REALLY couldn’t have been broken here?
Tags: Raw, raw reunion