Joey Styles is coming from the ECW Arena in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. He welcomes out Ron Simmons, who is in a sour mood. The feeling is reciprocated by the ECW fans. Simmons is upset that Styles did not call him a former world champion and All-American. He vows to beat down anyone who gets in his way.
Ron Simmons (0-1) beats Hack Myers (0-1) after a Seminole Slam at 2:53:
Simmons heel turn, or attitude adjustment, is telegraphed by his decision to wear black tights. Simmons works over Myers for most of the bout, with Myers getting in a few token shots so the crowd can chant “Shah!” Running the ropes one too many times causes Myers to get planted with a spinebuster – called the Seminole Slam by Styles – and he keeps his 1995 job streak going.
After the match, Simmons renews his pledge to beat up anyone who gets in his way. He issues an open challenge to anyone in the locker room, eventually settling on 911. 911 answers the call with Paul E. Dangerously. Simmons attacks him when he gets on the apron and plants the big man with a Seminole Slam but when he picks 911 up, 911 catches him with a chokeslam. Dangerously decks the referee so 911 can do another chokeslam, appeasing the crowd who spent the previous match showering Simmons with “You still suck!” chants.
Styles says that ECW will have back-to-back shows on April 8 and 15. April 8 will see Axl Rotten and Ian Rotten face off in a hair versus hair match. Also, ECW Champion Shane Douglas faces the Sandman and the main event is the ECW tag team titles being defended in a three-way dance between Dean Malenko & Chris Benoit, the Public Enemy, and Sabu & Taz. April 15’s card, Hostile City Showdown ’95, will headline with Cactus Jack against Terry Funk.
Funk laughs his way through a promo where he vows to kill Jack on April 15 even if it gets him the electric chair. Funk talks himself into castrating, torturing, killing, and then dragging Jack’s body with his Chevy through the streets of Philadelphia. Funk gets serious in indicting Jack’s abilities as a professional wrestler.
Jack does a rebuttal promo, calling Funk a charlatan. He breaks kayfabe by saying his real name is Mick Foley and has never been to New Mexico, where Cactus Jack claims to originate. Jack attacks Funk’s movie career by saying he jobbed to Patrick Swayze and promises to burn Funk at Hostile City Showdown.
A “Extreme Encyclopedia” segment defines 2 Cold Scorpio as “an aerial criminal whole high-flying actions break the laws of gravity and human comprehension.” Dean Malenko is defined as “A second generation master in the art of shooting, the ultimate form of hold-counterhold wrestling. Has mastered HOLDing of belts, as in both the TV Title and the Tag Team Title.”
Television Championship Match: 2 Cold Scorpio (2-1) beats Dean Malenko (w/Jason) (Champion) after reversing an O’Connor roll and holding the tights at 13:53:
Malenko beat Scorpio for the title the previous November but since he has been busy in tag team matches with Benoit this is the first time he is defending the title of television in 1995. The way that ECW has framed it, Scorpio earned this match by beating Hector Guerrero at Return of the Funker. Styles reveals that Scorpio has an injured ankle, creating a disappointing match where Scorpio spends a long time working a chinlock and he crawls around in between spots where Malenko works the ankle. Malenko thinks of getting a chair involved, desperately needed to keep the crowd from going to sleep, but that gets kicked aside. The referee gets bumped when Scorpio dives off the top and Malenko goes to put Scorpio in the Texas Cloverleaf, but Taz interferes with a suplex and Samoan Drop. Styles tries to sell the Taz-Malenko confrontation as a big deal, but fans are apathetic. And what makes this an even bigger mess is Taz’s interference only leads to a near-fall. Malenko then tries an O’Connor roll but Scorpio reverses and holds the tights to regain the belt. Maybe the worst Malenko match you will ever see, and this makes two disappointing outings for Scorpio dating back to Return of the Funker. Rating: ½*
After the match, Malenko is angry at Jason but does not beat him up.
The Public Enemy are back in the hood wearing wigs and dresses, saying that is the only way they can get into WCW. Johnny Grunge goes “Woo” when asked and they use balloons and popcorn to make fun of the Nasty Boys-Harlem Heat match at Uncensored. They eventually tire of this, shedding the dresses to say that ECW is where they belong, and they will win back their titles in the three-way dance.
Tune in next week to see who will face 2 Cold Scorpio for his newly won television title!
The Last Word: Getting the television title off Dean Malenko was a good call so that belt can get some traction again while Malenko works through the three-way dance. However, the match to switch the belt was horrible. Why have Taz interfere and attack the champion and then the champion loses but not as a direct result of the interference? The poor headline match weighs down the show but the Terry Funk/Cactus Jack promos were great and the opener made fans want to see another faceoff between Ron Simmons and 911.
Backstage News*: There are whispers that Sabu may miss the Three Way Dance card for ECW on April 8 due to a conflict where he is booked for a Heisei Ishingun show.
*Backstage news is courtesy of Dave Meltzer’s Wrestling Observer for April 10.
Up Next: ECW Hardcore TV for March 28!
Tags: 2 Cold Scorpio, 9/11, Cactus Jack, dean malenko, ECW Hardcore TV 1995, Hack Myers, Jason, Paul E. Dangerously, Ron Simmons, Sabu, Taz, terry funk, the Public Enemy