Blu-ray Review: Zombie Christ (The Director’s Cut)

Blu-ray Reviews, Reviews, Top Story

There has to be at least one plucky Sunday school student who raised their hand and questioned if Jesus wasn’t really turned into a zombie when he rose on the third day. The Sunday school teacher’s jaw dropped and rambled on a panicked explanation before the answer wrapped up with “We need to talk to your parents.” For that child, Bill Zebub (Boogers of the Antichrist) has created a movie that will equally freak out any Sunday school teacher. Zombie Christ is not going to end up being shown on your Holy Roller aunt’s favorite religious TV channel. I’m not sure where you’d see Zombie Christ outside of buying the Blu-ray.

A druid leads a ritual with two disrobed dancers in the woods. They are reviving a skeleton that appears to have chocolate covering on the bones. Turns out the bones belong to Jesus and reanimated skeleton wants to get revenge on the female descendants of Mary Magdeline. The skeleton uses its supernatural powers to seduce women in a quest to gain more power on its revenge tour. The only hope for humanity lies in a women named Mary Magdeline (Caitlin Burdi) and a goofy investigator. They find a coin that tells the “true story” of Jesus. The coin was originally inserted in the skull’s mouth to keep Jesus from coming back from the dead. But now it’s been dislodged, a lot of women are screwed. That’s most of the plot.

This is a low budget film that saved cash by not buying wardrobe for the actresses. What wasn’t spent on clothing was used to make the Jesus skeleton look extra creepy as it encounters the female characters. Early on, the skeleton Jesus acts as a proctologist on a female victim. Later, the skeleton gets freaky with a nun. Zebub doesn’t obscure the action. It’s as if Ray Harryhausen wanted to win an AVN for Best Sacrilegious Scene. You’ll be saying, “Zombie Christ!” at this sight.

Writer-Director Bill Zebub delivers a movie that’s bound to please anyone who hated getting dragged to Vacation Bible School because it cut into their Suicide Girls time. If your Holy Roller aunt gives you a gift card for a certain major online shopping site, you might consider getting Zombie Christ. What would be a better thing to announce at Thanksgiving when she asks, “What did you buy with my birthday money?”

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The Video is 1.78:1 anamorphic. The movie was shot on video and uses quite a bit of video effects. Things look descent during the indecent scenes. The Audio is Dolby Digital 2.0 stereo. The levels are perfect for the mostly heavy metal soundtrack. You’ll want to crank it up. There are no subtitles.

Bloops (144:53) is the raw camera footage with plenty of the scenes In case you want to make your own movie, you’ll understand what it takes outside the final cut. You’ll see how they did the skeleton and nun freakiness.

Dances (30:19) has the ladies doing their routines in the woods.

Pics (5:55) is a montage of production photos.

Bill Zebub Productions present Zombie Christ: The Director’s Cut. Directed by Bill Zebub. Screenplay by Bill Zebub. Starring Caitlin Burdi, Jordana Leigh, Jessica Alexandra Green, Taylor Trash, Kathy Rice, Julie Anne Hamolke, Adam Kuligowski, Steve Nebesni, Rob Hauschild and Ruby LaRocca. Running Time: 89 minutes. Rated: Unrated. Release Date: June 11, 2024.

Joe Corey is the writer and director of "Danger! Health Films" currently streaming on Night Flight and Amazon Prime. He's the author of "The Seven Secrets of Great Walmart People Greeters." This is the last how to get a job book you'll ever need. He was Associate Producer of the documentary "Moving Midway." He's worked as local crew on several reality shows including Candid Camera, American's Most Wanted, Extreme Makeover Home Edition and ESPN's Gaters. He's been featured on The Today Show and CBS's 48 Hours. Dom DeLuise once said, "Joe, you look like an axe murderer." He was in charge of research and programming at the Moving Image Archive.