Are you old enough to remember the Swedish Bikini Team from the early ’90s? They were a group of blondes in bikinis who would show up with cold cans of Old Milwaukee beer for thirsty men. The hard truth was the five original members were American and not Swedes. They also wore blonde wigs to look alike. This was almost as big of a shock as discovering Spuds MacKenzie was a female dog. Why did they do it? There was a power to advertising Swedish women in the 20th Century since they were imagined as blonde goddess from a country that wasn’t repressed when it came to the pleasures of lovemaking. A film with the title Swedish Boarding School Girls sets lofty expectations. Can it graduate with honors?
The boarding school has all the girls living in the same large bedroom. Marie-France (Diane Kelly) is the lone French member of the students and the first one awake. She thinks her classmates are used to sleeping late because the sun doesn’t stay up that long in Sweden. She also gives us reasons why her classmates don’t sleep in school regulation pajamas. We get a rundown of the six girls. Two stand out. Greta (Henry & June‘s Brigitte Lahaie) seems to be the most mature of them. Kerstin (Oasis of the Zombies‘ France Lomay) is mechanically inclined. She’s often in a workshop modifying the bicycle seats for the climax of the film. In order to keep track of the girls, they have their name on their school uniform t-shirts. Although they are always up for stripping down so you might confuse the youthful blondes. There are scenes in a classroom with the girls being taught by the headmistress. This educational content establishes the boarding school could be accredited. Most of the learning takes place in extracurricular settings. Two girls experiment with ether when they knock out a Peeping Tom in the woods. Later the girls do naked exercises in a field with their buff male P.E. instructor. It’s how the Greeks worked out for the Olympics. Two of the girls explore each other in nature while a hunter watches from his elevated shooting stand in a tree. We even get a slow-motion scene of the classmates playing leapfrog only wearing only their track shoes. At some points the boarding school does remember a brothel. There’s not much of a plot to the movie which is a really good thing. Who wants to focus on a narrative? This is about the joys of being at a boarding school. Things do seem aimed at a school talent show that turns into a series of stripper routines.
While Swedish Boarding School Girls is unrated, the action is what you would have seen on Cinemax After Dark. This is an educational institution for exceptional and uninhibited the students. Unlike most boarding school movies, none of the students are the prude that has to be transformed and released in the big finale. Even the French girl and the headmistress get caught up in the excitement generated by her classmates early on. This perfect viewing if you’re having a Saucy Seventies party.
Not to be the bearer of bad news, but it appears the none of the six actresses are really Swedish. Brigitte Lahaie and France Lomay are definitely French. Lahaie is best known for her work in Jean Rollin’s Fascination that was shot around the same time as this film. You can figure out which cast members aren’t natural blondes in several of the scenes. In a sense, The Swedish Boarding School Girls were the original Swedish Bikini Team except without the swimwear or beer. Writer-Director Erwin C. Dietrich (producer of Killer Condom) was Swiss and not a native of Stockholm. And yet, the film feels Swedish enough to be seen on an HDTV in the middle of an Ikea showroom. Swedish Boarding School Girls is packed with honor students.
The Video is 1.85:1 anamorphic. The 1080p image lets us fully appreciate the lack of a dress code at this boarding school. The Audio is Dolby Digital 2.0 and 5.1 mix in English. The dub is sounds fine for that Cinemax After Dark feel. The movie isn’t subtitled.
Original Trailer (1:06) introduces us to “six Swedish sex bombs ready to explode.” This is an underwear optional education program.
Full Moon Features present Swedish Boarding School Girls. Directed by Michael Thomas (Erwin C. Dietrich). Screenplay by Michael Thomas (Erwin C. Dietrich). Starring Brigitte Lahaie, Lynn Monteil, France Lomay, Danielle Troger, Kathleen Kane, Elsa Maroussia, Eric Falk & Anne Libert. Running Time: 91 minutes. Rating: Not Rated. Release Date: August 13, 2024.
