-Well, here goes nothing.
-Okay, we’re going to give this NXT thingamawhooser another shot. I just couldn’t deal with the announcers burying the product and the girls, as they were trying to do what was asked of them with what little preparation they received, even if what was asked of them was ludicrous or insulting. I’m glad that some of you enjoyed it for the train wreck-like nature of the whole thing, but I have slightly higher hopes for this season because, hey, new wrestlers! Let’s see if any of them are any good! At all!
-Alas, no wife tonight, as she went to bed around 9:30. Marriage is EXTREME.
-We’re wild and young again, so that’s something. No Michael Cole tonight, with an announcing team of Josh Matthews and Todd Grisham, which suits me just fine, as I actually like Matthews, and Grisham works well with someone else who more or less plays it straight.
-I miss the first six minutes, as I try to pause the live feed, and it turns out that if I pause it, it doesn’t start up from where we left off, but just jumps right to where it would be had I never stopped. Great. Thus, if you don’t get the analysis you expected from my previous reports, it’s because I can’t pause the damn thing, and am just writing as fast as I bloody can.
-That being said, Brodus Clay, Ted Dibiase’s rookie, is hideous. Tough as nails, likely, but not a pretty man.
-We start with little 30-second interviews from all of the rookies, who’ve been introduced, and are standing inthe ring with their pros. R-Truth’s rookie Johnny Curtis has a weird sense of humor, amd makes shout outs to WWE Universe and his 4th grade gym teacher. Brodus Clay is coming in with lemon juice and razor blades. His words, not mine. If you don’t like him, there are two things you can do about it: nothing, and like it. That’s a pretty good catchphrase, actually. Byron Saxton is up next, and his pro The Masterpiece is SO PUMPED for him. He better be able to wrestle, or the audience isn’t going to care about him, as they’re just going to see him as an announcer. Jacob Novak, with pro Dolph Ziggler, is going to own the entire board, making a Monopoly reference. He looks like he should be Dibiase’s rookie, with his little preppy ponytail and white jacket, but he and Ziggler really do look a lot alike. Derek Bateman, Daniel Bryan’s rookie, goes for the cheap pop by mentioning that he’s from Ohio, which just so happens to be the state that they’re in now. Conor O’Brian says that he’s always been made fun of because he looks like a rat. Holy crap, he does! But he points out that rats are survivors, and that’s not too bad, taking ownership of the mockery and whatnot.
-Albertio Del Rio, O’Brian’s pro, isn’t happy, asking him to do it again. Are we REALLY going to invoke Vickie Guerrero on our first night back to relative sanity? Daniel Bryan tells O’Brian that he did just fine, and that Del Rio’s just sour because he doesn’t have a title belt like SOME people in the ring right now. Del Rio, naturally, is displeased, and the main event is established: Del Rio and O’Brian vs. Bryan and Bateman.
Rookie Video Package: Byron Saxton
-Well, I’ll give him a few things: he’s got some solid charisma, and he was, apparently, totally ripped under that suit he wore in ECW. They show a bit of footage from him as a kid, wrestling pillows in his basement. Great stuff. He also spent several years as an anchor, sports commentator, and a weatherman. Huh. Again, I hope the guy can wrestle, as if he can, he might be something special.
COMMERCIALS
Match One: Johnny Curtis vs. Jacob Novak
-The match, by and large, is nothing special. No spot is terribly blown (other than sloppy attempts at backslides and a weak big boot by Novak), but nothing really stands out. Notice the repeated use of the word “nothing?” Yeah. Curtis finishes with a top rope leg drop, and this was a wrestling match.
Winner: Johnny Curtis
Rookie Video Package: Brodus Clay
-He had a tough time growing up in Pasadena, CA, going through a number of foster homes with his brother. He was a bodyguard for Snoop Dogg, and the dude is, indeed, scary looking, and the biggest guy in the competition. In one of the FCW clips, you can see him suplexing Consequences Creed, or whatever his name is now. Well, he seems to be able to talk, so he’s already a few steps ahead of a bunch of the guys from Season One and Two.
COMMERCIALS
-Oh god, more Rookie Challenges. You know the drill. They’re playing Capture the Flag, where they need to run down from the ramp, get a ladder from outside the ring, climb in the ring with it, grab a flag from a hanging harness, then run back up the ramp. Fastest time wins. Johnny Curtis gets 28.6. Conor O’Brian can move, but gets hung up on getting the ladder in the ring, and it costs him a few extra seconds. Still, he beats the time by .4 seconds, posting a time of 28.2. Brodus Clay is next, and I’m thinking no. The guy may have some skills, but quickness “isn’t his forte” as Josh Grisham puts it. He climbs the ladder a little slowly, but the guy is massive, so who can blame him? He crosses with 33.5. Byron Saxton definitely has a cocky heel feeling to him. He takes way, way, WAY too long setting the ladder up, celebrating and taking his sweet time. At this point, he’s not even trying to win, instead just showboating and goofing off. He finally crosses with 56 seconds. Jacob Novak gets some advice from his pro, Dolph Ziggler: “Go really fast.” That’s the commentary they’re paid for, people. Novak breezes through with 26.9, but the “stop button” on their stop watch is sticky, as per usual. Bryan cheers on Derek Bateman (who Grisham says looks like Adam Sandler), and I think he actually won, but the clock didn’t stop until a solid second or two after he crossed. C’est la vie, and Novak wins. Bryan actually talks on this show; it’s weird.
COMMERCIALS
-Raw Recap. Go read the Judicial Review instead, as it’s awesome.
-Ted Dibiase and Maryse are having a little fight about who let who down, but they agree that NXT is an opportunity to get back on track. They talk to Brodus about helping him out, although they differ on how to do it. Brodus, however, has some questions, and he and Teddy walk off to talk about them.
-Then, my feed essentially freezes, so if I missed anything prior to the introductions to the main event, my apologies. Hooray, wwe.com.
COMMERCIALS
Match Two: Daniel Bryan and Derek Bateman vs. Alberto Del Rio and Conor O’Brian
-O’Brian takes control early and stomps Bateman into his corner. Tag to Del Rio, who kicks Bateman around, then attacks Bryan on the apron. Tag back out to O’Brian, who hits a stomp, then a suplex, then tags back out to Del Rio. Man, this has Bryan hot tag all over it, but, thsu far, Bateman is really good at getting beaten up. Oh hey, wait, Bateman comes back with an airplane spin?! Weird. Bryan gets tagged in, and then comes back with an INSANE air plane spin to O’Brian. Geez, he just keeps going and going and going and going, for what may be around 20-30 seconds. Shotgun style dropkick knocks O’Brian out of the ring, and then another one to Del Rio. Bateman tagged in, and he hits a suicide dive to the outside, much like the one Bryan himself uses.
COMMERCIALS
-As we come back, Bryan comes off the top onto O’Brian with an axe handle, and then goes into an arm bar. Hard kicks from Bryan in the corner, and follows up with an Irish whip into the opposite corner, but Del Rio pulls O’Brian out of the way from another Bryan dropkick. Tag to Del Rio, who comes in with a hard running kick to the chest of Bryan. Very nice suplex from Del Rio, followed by a 2-count. O’Brian gives Bryan a snap suplex, and Dolph Ziggler says that the match sucks. Thanks, Zig, but I’m enjoying it. My feed freezes when Bryan is in the corner, but I assume he escapes and makes the hot tag to Bateman, because he’s in when the show comes back. Bateman is in the ring with Del Rio, and Bryan throws himself on top of O’Brian on the outside. Bateman alone in the ring with Del Rio, and we all know where this is going. Bateman misses a cross body off the top, and one cross-arm breaker later, this match is over.
Winners: Conor O’Brian and Alberto Del Rio
-And that’s the show, as the show ends at 10:53. Huh. Well, it’s not like they really have full commercial breaks to fill up the time, so I suppose I can’t really blame them.
Final Thoughts
-It’s early, but no one really blows me away as of yet. Most of the guys aren’t awful on the mic, and Saxton and Clay are actually pretty solid. Wrestling-wise, however, I haven’t seen anything that makes these guys stand out. Sure, they’re nearly all in good shape, and most have a decent look to them, but I’m going to reserve judgment on this batch before I make any predictions.
