The SmarK RAW Supershow Rant – 09.19.11
– Live from Cleveland, OH.
– Your hosts are Michael Cole, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.
CM Punk joins us to start, still quite popular with the fanbase despite the loss to COOHHH. He’s here to humble himself and admit that there is indeed a conspiracy, but COOHHH interrupts before he can finish his thought. Both guys sell how beat up they are, and HHH makes the main event for Hell In A Cell: A triple threat match in the Cell for the title, Punk v. Cena v. Del Rio. But he’ll still be happy to kick Punk’s ass for fun. Punk once again brings up the conspiracy, and Executive Vice President of Flagbearing Johnny Ace rushes out to shut him up. Punk finally accuses Ace of being the guy behind everything, but Johnny denies everything and fires Punk. HHH puts the kibosh on that one and promises to investigate and fire someone himself by the end of the night. Nice to see some storyline advancement, finally.
Evan Bourne, Kofi Kingston, Sheamus & Justin Gabriel v. Wade Barrett, Christian, David Otunga & Michael McGillicutty.
Kofi slingshots in with a sunset flip on McGillicutty for two, and Bourne comes in for a headscissors that gets reversed into a sideslam. Otunga comes in with a clothesline and Barrett adds a backbreaker for two. Christian chokes him out on the ropes, but Bourne fires back with a high knee before Otunga cuts off the tag. Sheamus gets the hot tag anyway and runs wild on the heels, with a backbreaker  for two on Otunga. Conan Kick and Celtic Cross squash Otunga dead at 4:34. Pretty basic stuff. *1/2
Meanwhile, COOHHH listens to the concerns of a referee and then the concerns of Alberto Del Rio.
Alberto Del Rio v. John Morrison
ADR stomps JoMo down, but takes a high kick. He comes right back and goes after the arm, and finishes the squash at 0:47 with the armbar. Not a great month to be John Morrison. DUD
Hugh Jackman is here to plug his robot fighting movie, but Vickie Guerrero and Dolph Ziggler interrupt. This has trainwreck written all over it. Vickie puts the moves on him and introduces Dolph, and he has some choice words for Hugh. And Cleveland. So in keeping with the underdog theme of his upcoming crappy movie, Jackman promises to find the biggest underdog in the locker room and coach him to victory over Ziggler tonight. Apparently that underdog will be Zack Ryder. Jackman at least seemed to be having fun here.
Meanwhile, Miz and Truth show up and apologize to Johnny Ace for screwing up plans at the PPV.
Sin Cara v. Cody Rhodes
This would be non-title, I guess, and a second Sin Cara joins us before we can start. So one attacks the other and they do a quick exhibition and the crowd has no idea what to do with this. Uh, no match, I guess.
Meanwhile, Miz and Truth continue apologizing, this time to COOHHH, for beating up refs and interfering in his match. HHH accepts their apology, but books them against Punk and Cena TONIGHT. Who cares about refs? They don’t have names and get knocked out from incidental contact, so they barely even count as people in the first place. It’s probably just a misdemeanor to shoot one in real life.
Mark Henry joins us for an interview with Jim Ross, and it’s Orton v. Henry at Hell in a Cell, in the cell. Good god, they’re gonna change the title back already. Mark is tired of the haters, and tired of Jim Ross hating on him and wanting to fire him years back. He chokes JR down until Lawler calls him off, and that earns the King a beating. And he gets no comeback, as Henry puts him through the announce table in exchange for defending Ross.  This was some good, old school heel heat the likes of which we haven’t seen in years. However, the rematch in two weeks kind of kills the natural progression of the story, because you really need at least a few weeks of Orton questioning himself and wondering if he can beat the monster. And then Cowboy Bob would show up to rally him, and Henry would beat him half to death, and THEN Orton would get fired up and win the title back. That being said, I really like that they’re doing a strong monster heel instead of the same endless chickenshit heels we’ve seen for years now. Because this is now a heel where the fans are going to say “I want to see that guy get his ass kickedâ€. That draws money. But why stick this in the middle of the show and not close with it?
Kelly Kelly & Eve Torres v. THE DIVAS OF DOOM
Man, after that awesome angle, we go to this crap. Beth stomps Kelly down to start, but gets caught in the corner and kicked around by Eve. Beth boots her down and the heels double-team her for two, but Even gets the fluke rollup on Nattie for the pin at 1:52. ½* Is this going ANYWHERE?
Dolph Ziggler v. Zack Ryder
Ryder gets a quick rollup for two and slugs away in the corner, and gets a running boot in the corner for two. Ziggler gets a cheapshot and stomps him down again, but Ryder gets another rollup for two. Ziggler hits something for two while the camera is on Jackman at ringside, and he pounds on Ryder in the corner before missing a blind charge. Vickie slaps Ryder and gets ejected, so Jackman slugs Ziggler and the Rough Rider finishes at 3:03.  ** Fun stuff.
Meanwhile, we get a Jack Swagger video package, which segues to Swagger officially joining the Guerrero Family, much to Dolph’s dismay. Is anyone really dying to see this feud?
Meanwhile, Cena and Punk discuss their upcoming tag match.
The Miz & R-Truth v. John Cena & CM Punk
Cena quickly bulldogs Miz for two and Punk adds a legdrop for two. Truth comes in and gets hit with a northern lights suplex for two. Back to the babyface corner, where Cena splits the legs and gets two. Back to Miz, who escapes the FU and hits the short DDT for two. And we take a break. Back with Cena taking a beating, and Miz gets the backbreaker/neckbreaker for two. Truth drops an elbow for two and goes to the chinlock, but Miz comes in and showboats too much, allowing Cena to fight him off. Truth cuts off the tag and nearly gets into another altercation with the ref, but then thinks better of it and behaves. He slugs Cena down for two, but SuperCena comes back until Miz puts him down with a clothesline. Miz misses a blind charge and Cena makes the hot tag to Punk. It’s high knee and bulldog for Miz, but Miz elbows out of the GTS. The heels collide and attempt #2 hits for the pin at 11:41. Pretty boring match, actually. **1/2 COOHHH comes out and fires Miz and Truth afterwards. Well that seems like a conspiracy to me. Although given that we just saw Kevin Nash get “fired†and then immediately return, they’re kind of crying wolf with that particular storyline twist.
The Pulse
Mark Henry was awesome, Hugh Jackman was pretty good, the rest I could take or leave this week.
