FATAL FOUR WAY
WWE CHAMPION JBL, EDDIE GUERRERO, BOOKER T and Undertaker
Widro: Eddie pins Booker T for the title
Prediction – Guerrero
Eric Szulczewski: There’s going to be some shenanigans going on here despite Long’s prohibition of Jordan, the Bashams, and Weber from ringside. There’s going to be a title change soon, but it’s going to be at Royal Rumble to set up a WM match between High-Quality Speaker Boy and whoever the winner will be.
Winner – High-Quality Speaker Boy
Grutman: JBL pins Booker T to retain because Booker T must be pinned in every title match ever.
Prediction – JBL
Chris Pankonin: They’ve really pushed the whole JBL’s back is against the wall scenario for the past few weeks, and with The Cabinet banned, it could get interesting. Still, I’m not convinced they’re going to take the belt off him yet. I cheer for Booker T, but I doubt it’ll happen.
Winner – JBL
Matthew Michael: JBL retains, keeping the belt until Mania.
Prediction – Bradshaw
Jennette: Faces take each other out with finishing moves and JBL gets a sneak pin.
Prediction – JBL.
Dan Hevia: My mom always told me if you don’t have something good to say, say it about JBL. Well, while being somewhat entertaining with his new character, can Vince actually see JBL holding the WWE Title at Wrestlemania? I think not. Eddie regains his title by pinning JBL.
Winner: Eddie Guerrero
Kurtis Osterlund- I really don’t know who’s going to win this one. I think that everyone has a shot, but I’m going to go out on a limb and say JBL continues his run as WWE Champion.
Winner- JBL
Gordi “This may be Guerrero’s Worst Match Of The Year” Whitelaw: This match is going to suck.
Prediction – JBL retains due to outside interference, ending the PPV on a down note.
Raven West: Just a match made so the ppv would have a main event. I say JBL holds on it until WM, when Cena takes it away.
Prediction – JBL
Jed Shaffer: Part of me really wants to believe they’re gonna surprise us, and get the belt to someone of value so they can put over Cena at WM21 (like, Taker). But they’re not that smart, and ‘Taker’s not that giving.
Winner – JR Spewing
Andy Campbell: This, to me, is a tough one to call, as I could see it going all four ways. I want it to go to Booker T, but my gut says that the champ will retain.
Winner – JBL
Brad: JBL retains the belt after Eddie almost wins.
Prediction: Heidenreich will take out ‘Taker, Booker… well, is Booker, and Eddie will look like a million bucks BUT Bradshaw’s gonna do it in the end. I don’t have to like it, but it’ll happen.
Mike Lawrence: I will go with Booker T, because hope is sometimes the only thing you have in this damn world. Would be a real shame if an evil rich Texan went to Iraq as champion. It’s bad enough having one go over there as president.
Winner – Booker T
Kevin G. Bufton: I don’t see Eddie or ‘Taker walking out with the strap, so that leaves JBL or Booker T (Flips a coin). JBL to retain.
Prediction: John “Bradshaw” Layfield
WWE Tag TEAM cHAMPIONS RVD & Rey mysterio vs. Rene dupree & Kenzo suzuKI
Widro – I like where they are going with Rey and RVD as a team.
Prediction: RVD and Rey
Eric Szulczewski: The job has to be returned. I just wish that Hiroko wasn’t getting more of a push than Dupree and Suzuki.
Winners and New Champions: Nouvelle Sushi
Grutman – I dunno. RVD turns heel on Rey for some retarded reason they explain next week.
Prediction: Japech
Chris Pankonin: RVD & Rey keep team Fifi chasing, its not like any of these guys have anything to move on to right now.
Winner – RVD & Rey Mysterio
Matthew Michael: Rey and RVD are 10x more fun to watch as a team than their singles roles prior to teaming up. Perhaps we’re about to see Kenzo vs. Rene in a mini-feud? Kenzo’s so goofy, perhaps too goofy to be a heel.
Prediction – RVD and Rey Mysterio
Jennette – It wouldn’t make sense for the belts to be taken off RVD and Rey already.
Prediction: RVD and Rey.
Dan Hevia: Like they’ll actually take the belts off RVD and Rey after they won them last Tuesday/Thursday! HA! They’d never be that silly! NEVER!
Winners: Rene Dupree and Kenzo Suzuki
Kurtis Osterlund- I’m still scratching my head as to why they did this on TV just a few days before the event. See what happens when you get rid of your head writer? I’m not wild about the foreigners quite honestly and RVD and Rey seem to work pretty well as a team.
Winners- Flying High
Gordi “Not Ordering This Show” Whitelaw – This match shouldn’t suck, but I doubt it will rule.
Prediction: RVD and Rey, due to Hiroko’s botched interference.
Raven West: They made the mistake of putting the tag titles on RVD and Rey before the ppv, so now even less people will buy this thing. I don’t see RVD and Rey only holding the titles for 3 days.
Prediction – The HIGH flyers
Jed Shaffer: Battle of the ad hoc teams! Can’t they just kill these belts? Really, they serve no purpose anymore.
Winner: Escargot & Sushi
Andy Campbell: Well, RVD & Mysterio just won the belts, so I think it’s safe to say they’ll retain.
Winner – RVD & Rey Mysterio
Brad: All I know is Suzuki doesn’t know a single grappling move. He’s the punchiest/kickiest guy in town.
Prediction: RVD and Mysterio, because RVD’s got a DVD coming out and no one cares anyway.
Mike Lawrence: What exactly is Suzuki’s gimmick outside of being Japanese? The only thing more dumb than having the faces go ove and win the titles the show before the pay-per-view would be to take it away from them.
Winner- Those two guys that are together cause they jump around a lot.
Kevin G. Bufton: RVD and Rey Rey have only just won the belts, plus RVD has a new DVD out soon, and needs to be kept as high profile as his pot-smoking will allow.
Prediction: Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio
U.S. CHAMPION JOHN CENA VS. JESUS IN A STREETFIGHT
Widro: Seems like an easy one
Prediction – Cena retains
Eric Szulczewski: Cena will get his back, but the feud will continue, as there are no real challengers in the wings (unless they bring in Heidenreich to f*ck things up).
Winner – John Cena
Grutman – This should be the match of the night! Well, not so much the match of the night as the match of the DECADE! Cena wins when Carlito recieves 30 pieces of silver and betrays Jesus.
Prediction – Cena
Chris Pankonin: Isn’t that movie about done shooting yet? I am interested to see how Jesus performs in the ring… Ok, me typing that still seems weird, yeah yeah I know, Hey-zus, but still.
Winner – John Cena
Matthew Michael: With Jesus injured I don’t see what they could possibly do here, but it should be interesting to see how Aguilera looks in the ring.
Prediction – Cena
Jennette: Cena is just jogging in place for now.
Prediction – Cena.
Dan Hevia: The big question: How much reshooting and post-production does Dr. Thuganomics have to do on “The Marine”? My sources say a ton. I don’t have sources but I have Hey-Zeus in my fantasy league.
Winner: Hey-Zeus
Kurtis Osterlund- I see nothing good coming out of this one. Nothing. Jesus sucks all kinds of ass and I don’t like his buddy with the fro either. Foregone conclusion to me.
Winner- SD’s movie star to be
Gordi “I Can’t Believe They Are Charging For This Crap” Whitelaw: Eff You! Eff You! Eff You!
Prediction – Cena.
Raven West: Don’t know why Jesus would get it.
Prediction – White Chocolate
Jed Shaffer: Remember that telegraph joke I used a while back? Insert here.
Winner: Vanilla Ice
Andy Campbell: Oh come on…does anyone actual think Jesus is going to win?
Winner – John Cena
Brad: Who can really beat Jesus? I mean, he is our Lord and savior!
Prediction: Cena, with a lot of help from the Romans.
Mike Lawrence: No fair, you guys have already taken most of the good Jesus jokes!! Umm, let’s see….he pulls out a sneak win with a crucifix pin? Yeah, that works. And it prolongs the feud. By the way, am I the only one who thinks this feud is cursed? Look at what’s happened to all the participants since it started. That’s the wrath of God for you. But he loves you.
Winner – Jesus Superstar.
Kevin G. Bufton: Come on…does anyone REALLY think that Jesus has a chance of walking off with the gold? Well, actually, yeah – I do. Thanks, of course, to some interference from Carlito Caribbean Cool.
Prediction: Jesus
DAWN MARIE vs. MISS JACKIE
charlie haas as special guest referee
Widro: whatever
Prediction – Dawn Marie
Eric Szulczewski: I’d be excited if this was ECW, but not in this case. Apathy reigns supreme.
Winner – The fourteen-year-olds of all ages in the audience
Grutman – OH MY GOD TWO GIRLS FIGHTING I BET ALL 3 OF THEM START MAKING OUT AWE-SOME KEWL STUFF I BET CHARLIE IS THE HAPPIEST GUYH IN THE DLOCKERROOM RIGHT NOW =P
Prediction – Roof collapses, all die.
Chris Pankonin: I might be in the minority, but I’m really glad to see all those RAW Diva Search winners in the mix, simply because I’m really sick of all this Torrie/Dawn Marie/Jackie stuff that has oversaturated SD for a year. Don’t get me wrong, I like ’em and everything, but they need some new people to mix it up with. Oh, the match? Umm, Charlie will screw something up and tease the Jackie breakup.
Winner – Dawn Marie
Matthew Michael: Would they have Charlie turn on Jackie even if they’re really engaged? Adding Charlie and Dawn Marie to Team Angle would be pretty sweet though.
Prediction – Dawn Marie
Jennette: “I’ll take em both!”
Prediction – Charlie Haas.
Dan Hevia: “Tough Enough” vs. “Hardcore”, “WWE Trainee” vs. “Former ECW Slut”, ” Rico’s former ho” vs. “Al Wilson’s Widow”, “I don’t care” vs. “I don’t care”
Winner: The mutants over at table 9
Kurtis Osterlund- I have a feeling this is going to go the same way as the infamous ECW lesbian angle. Just replace Tommy Dreamer with Charlie Haas and Beulah & Kimmona with two slightly less attractive women.
Winner- Charlie Haas
Gordi “This PPV Will Be Featured On Wrestlecrap Dot Com In A Couple Of Years” Whitelaw: Who gives a crap?
Prediction – Seriously, who gives a crap?
Raven West: Poor Haas, so much talent, but yet he’s stuck refering this match. Who cares.
Prediction – Dawn Marie
Jed Shaffer: Zzzzzzzzzzz.
Winner: Generic brunette tramp #69,049
Andy Campbell: Well, I can see this going one of two ways: 1) the obvious “swerve” that sees Haas leaving with Dawn Marie, or 2) Haas pimps out and leaves with them both. I’ll flip a coin and say…
Winner – Dawn Marie, after Charlie swerves us all!
Brad: Match of the night!
Prediction: *****!
Mike Lawrence: Mathematically speaking, this show has a price tag of seven matches for thirty-five dollars. That’s about five bucks a match. Just think for a second: THIS MATCH IS COSTING YOU FIVE HUNDRED PENNIES!! Scary thought huh? Screw this match.
Winner: The one with the fake breasts.
Kevin G. Bufton: Not that I really care, you understand, but I see Dawn Marie winning, due to the current reminiscing on all things ECW.
Prediction: Dawn Marie
3-ON-1 HANDICAP MATCH BIG show vs. Kurt Angle, Luther Reigns & Mark jindrak
Widro: This feud is boring me to tears, and reigns and jindrack are not over.
Prediction – Show
Eric Szulczewski: The only thing that could save this disaster would be a Joy Giammati turn. Reigns could use her desperately.
Winner – Team Angle, because I can always hope for that turn
Grutman – You gotta love Angle’s steadfast desire to make the Big Show into a star again. Way to go Angle.
Prediction – Angle and co.
Chris Pankonin: I really like face Big Show, but at the expense of three guys that really need a win at this point? Hopefully this leads to SOMETHING interesting.
Winner – Team Angle
Matthew Michael: Nothing can get accomplished here unless the heels win. Looks like they’re going for Angle vs. Show, if not at the Rumble, then at No Way Out. Why not? Unless they’re giving Show a push vs. Bradshaw…
Prediction – Big Show
Jennette: They can’t put Show over all three guys could they?
Prediction – Team Angle 2.0
Dan Hevia: Pretty safe to say that Angles Team has the advantage here. But Show is a former WORLD CHAMPION, BY GAWD! AND A HOSS! HOSS I SAY! Ending sees Big Show swallow Mark Jindrak whole.
Winner: Big Show
Kurtis Osterlund- Is Angle really this bad off? I think Angle’s going to take a powder in this one and leave his giant monkey man and Lex Luger wannabe to the grizzly that is Show.
Winner- Big Show
Gordi “Not Even Kurt Angle Can Save This One” Whitelaw: I like how they are using Big Show these days, I believe that Reigns might be good in a couple of years, and I am a huge Angle mark, but I honestly have no desire to see this match. Really. I’m not just being negative. I like Pro Wrestling. I went out of my way to watch the Survivor Series at a friend’s house. I ordered Taboo Tuesday, and I liked it. I ordered Victory Road. I don’t know if I’d watch Armageddon if they were giving it away for free.
Prediction – This might be the Match of The Night at one and three quarter stars.
Raven West: Kurt’s team will finally go over, as the only reason this feud has dragged on is because Kurt needs something to do until Wrestlemania.
Prediction – Net’s Hero and the other two guys
Jed Shaffer: This is designed to get Show over so he can be a credible challenger to JBL. Angle’s participation is kept to a minimum, Show squashes the two greenhorns.
Winner: It is indeed a big, bad show tonight, dawg.
Andy Campbell: Again, I see this as going one of two ways: 1) the obvious “Big Show overcomes all odds to win,” or 2) someone ELSE interferes on Angle’s team’s behalf, costing Show the match.
Winner – Big Show
Brad: Angle used to be my favorite. Now he hangs out with jobbers and challenges indie guys to fake shoot fights. Sigh.
Prediction: Do you think the Big Slow’s gonna job to frickin’ Luther Reigns?
Mike Lawrence: I can’t see this feud going on longer than it already has. A terrible, terrible way to try to put anyone over, since this damaged Jindrak and Reins further.
Winner – Big Show
Kevin G. Bufton: Wrestling logic dictates that he who is at a disadvantage in a handicap match should win especially if that person is A) 7 foot tall; B) a babyface and C) engaged in a 3-on-1 match, as opposed to a 2-on-1.
Prediction: The Big Show
daniel puder vs. mike mizanin
tough enough Dixie dog fight
Widro: puder seems to be the favorite
Prediction – puder
Eric Szulczewski: I’ve ignore Tough Enough so far. Just because they’re down to the last two doesn’t mean I have to change this policy.
Winner and Winner of Tough Enough: Daniel Puder, because Vince wants to get something back at UFC
Grutman – Bleh. The Miz is gonna get killed, but probably win the contract.
Prediction – Puder.
Chris Pankonin: I like The Miz, but he’s been getting his ass kicked in everything, don’t really see a boxing match change anything. Miz has the charisma, but they can probably do more with Puder in the long run. They’ll probably both end up with contracts.
Winner – Daniel Puder
Matthew Michael: Hmm… the shootfighter or the Real World alum?
Prediction – Puder
Jennette: The Miz’s best bet would just be to run.
Prediction – Puder.
Dan Hevia: “This is the story…of 2 strangers…put in a boxing match…watch what happens when Puder stops being polite…and murders Mike Mizanin legally. Real World WWE.” I know I know…Real World WWE was Tough Enough! It correlates bitches! Sunday Sunday Sunday! Legalized murder!
Winner: Puder, as he turns “The Miz” into jello
Kurtis Osterlund- I heard they changed the rules on this so Miz wouldn’t get totally slaughtered. Even still, the PPV name is going to be appropriate for him.
Winner- Puder
Gordi “Enough Of This Crap Already” Whitelaw: I’d consider paying to see Puder fight “Rampage” Jackson.
Prediction – This will be brutal, in the bad sense of the word. It will make Bart Gunn vs. Butterbean look like Vanderlei Silva vs Yuki Kondo
Raven West: So is the person who wins this the winner of TE? If it’s done by votes, than it’s gonna look really stupid if Mike wins after he gets his ass handed to him.
Prediction – Mr. UFC
Jed Shaffer: A UFC guy vs. a Real World guy? Hmm, I don’t know, the power of the confessional is awfully strong…
Winner: Ken Shamrock, Take 2
Andy Campbell: Puder’s going to own him. Unless they turn this into an angle, where Kurt Angle takes revenge on Puder.
Winner – Daniel Puder
Brad: As a huge MMA fan, I’ve dug Puder since I heard he trained with the Shamrocks. As far as I’m concerned, they might finally have a guy who can put over the MMA style in a pro-wrestling context.
Prediction: Puder knocks the Miz’s face clean off.
Mike: In a regular boxing match, I’d say Puder easily. But this is the WWE we’re talking and A. They wouldn’t let Miz go out there to get slaughtered after pushing him so much and B. Just because they say it’s a shoot doesn’t mean it will be. I might be wrong this, but I’m going with a fluke win from Miz. That’s the WWE I know.
Mike: The Mizard of Moz.
Kevin G. Bufton: Call it what you like, I don’t think shoot fights have any place in professional wrestling. That said, I think Puder is going to win thanks to his UFC credentials and the fact that he nearly made Angle tap-out.
Prediction: Puder
CRUISERweight champion spike dudley vs. funaki
Widro: Dudleyz return in some dramatic fashion to help spike win.
Prediction – Spike retains
Grutman – Gotta be Funaki. Gotta be.
Prediction – Funaki.
Chris Pankonin: Let Funaki shock Spike, and then maybe Bubba and D-Von can come out of their caves and, um, I give up, honestly don’t care that much.
Winner – Funaki
Matthew Michael: Did they put the belts on Rey and RVD to set up a feud with the returning Dudley Boyz? Or will Spike’s brothers be pissed he caused their injuries?
Prediction – Funaki wins, then feuds with Akio and/or the returning Ultimo Dragon, who are mad at him for making a joke of his Asian heritage.
Jennette: Spike retains thanks to his totally badass pointy beard.
Prediction – Spike.
Dan Hevia: Combined 220 pounds of pure athleticism! Funaki is on course to become Smackdown. Numbah-One Cluiselweigh!
Winner: Funaki
Kurtis Osterlund- Evil goatee vs Smackdown #1 announcer? I don’t know how much of a classic it will be, but I’m rooting for Funaki. I’m thinking he wins after a little payback to Spike courtesy of his big brothers.
Winner- Funaki
Gordi “I hope I’m Wrong About How Bad This Will Be” Whitelaw: Wait a second. They are CHARGING for this? People are PAYING to see it?
Prediction – Smackahdown! Numbah wan! Transitional Champion!
Eric Szulczewski: Huzzah, a comedy match for the CW strap. The only way this works is if Funaki wins. That would be the capper to a year of complete stupidity when it comes to the CW title. No wonder the X Division’s become so popular.
Winner – Sho Funaki
Raven West: Dudz return. By the way, what happened to Chavo and Kidman?
Prediction – Spike
Jed Shaffer: You gotta be kidding me. London, Kidman, Shannon Moore, Rey, Hurricane (yes, I know he’s on Raw…well, he SHOULD be on SD, competing for this title), Tajiri (see past comment)…and you put FUNAKI in as the challenger? They probably want the title on Kidman so when they blow off the London/Kidman feud once and for all, they can have the title involved, meaning Funaki is YOUR transitional champion.
Winner: Kai En Tai!
Andy Campbell: THE LONG-AWAITED REIGN OF FUNAKI BEGINS HERE!
Winner – Funaki!
Brad: The Dudleys will come back eventually, and they’ll still be wrestling that exact same match.
Prediction: Spike retains; we can only hope that it’s due to the use of flaming tables, thumbtacks, and a garbage can full of kitchen appliances.
Mike Lawrence: Remember that “Go Takashi” song from the end of Revenge of the Nerds”? “Go Funaki”!!! I like Spike and all, but the idea of the worlds best announcer with a belt is too enticing to resist.
Winner – Funaki!
Kevin G. Bufton: Well whaddya know? SmackDown!’s Number One Announcer has a title shot on PPV. Let that sink in for a moment. FUNAKI HAS A TITLE SHOT ON PAR-PER-VIEW…whoo! If he doesn’t win it then there is no God.
Prediction: Funaki
