InsidePulse’s WWE Byte This Report: 12.15.04

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Generic theme #1225 brings us to… Byte This! Marc doesn’t even pretend that Josh Matthews is showing up tonight, which is such a huge bummer. Today’s show is great, we’ve got the new Women’s Champion, one half of the Raw Tag-Team Champions, and the former Raw Heavyweight Champion. Marc is blathering about being 93rd in the Fantasy Game, so I’m gonna eat some food until he’s done talking. Okay, I’m back. EC’dub DVD is still numero uno, the Game’s workout book is doing well (although Brian Alverez’s Death of WCW is actually selling better on Amazon), and you can win some free stuff if you buy HHH’s book from the WWE website. Marc reminds us that New Year’s Revolution is being main-evented by an Elimination Chamber match, he goes over some Raw tidbits, and he briefly mentions that you can see that Dan Puder is the Tough Enough champ if you look at the website. Break time!

Tough Enough promo for Smackdown, even though we were just told we can find out the winner early.

Raw Recap Show promo, where they make Shelton Benjamin’s comments in his promotional video look like one of this year’s shocking moments.

New Year’s Revolution promo.

Marc gives out the phone number and we’ve got Droz. They talk about the fantasy game for a bit, then Marc brings up JBL’s win at Armageddon. Droz puts Bradshaw over as the new Honky Tonk Man (although he doesn’t actually use Honky’s name) and they both agree that he’ll be champ for a long time. And I thought the 2002-2003 Triple H reign was annoying! Cena talk is brief, but the Dixie Dogfight comes up and they both agree that Miz is lucky to have made it through the match and Dan Puder deserved to win. Marc was shocked (his words) by the announcement of the Elimination Chamber by Bischoff. Personally, I think it was a typically disappointing bait-and-switch considering the buildup for a new champ throughout Raw, but I’m a bitter net guy so what the f*ck do I know? Droz hypes up the Chamber as they show footage of Eric Bischoff announcing the match, so Marc brings up Batista. They agree that Batista is the bomb and H better watch his back. Marc brings up the Kane wall-of-fire that Snitsky ran into, but when Droz tries to elaborate Marc cuts him off and says they don’t have enough time. They breeze through Bradshaw’s title victory again before dropping Droz until 2005! Yeah! I get two weeks off! I hope Widro pays me for this vacation. Marc promises Lita when we come back, so if we factor in Byte This’s f*ck-up potential then we can expect Regal.

Lita/Trish footage. What a swank lil’ match that turned out to be. I love you Trish.

Lita’s really on the phone when we get back. She gets goosebumps when she sees the footage we just watched. Marc thinks that no one ever doubted her, and Lita agrees that she has come so close to winning before that she was bound to get it. She even remembers the history of the title while she’s been back from her injury, which is pretty impressive considering how unimportant they make it look most of the time. They talk about the suicide dive and Lita admits that she took a stupid chance. She didn’t do any serious damage, but she thinks that doing a maneuver like that on the short side (i.e. not the announcer side) of the ring is stupid. Lita thinks that her rivalry with Trish is so special because they’ve put so much time in with the fans. Snitsky talk forces Lita to go into character, so Lita pretends that Kane sent her a message… FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!… so she had to give it to Gene on Raw. Marc asks about their relationship, and Lita admits they rarely see each other and she basically tries to not make him mad. You call that a marriage? Get a divorce lawyer, Lita. She reminds us that the last time a chick match was the main event was when Lita won the Women’s Title from Stephanie, and the Rock was the referee. Wow, that was a long time ago. Lita wants a cage match, or a ladder match with Trish in the near future. Apparently Lita is selling her wedding dress on the WWE’s website. Doesn’t marriage mean anything anymore? Bush thinks that gay unions would destroy the sanctity of marriage, but he should be paying more attention to wrestle-weddings. Triple H drugged his bride and faked the vows! Macho Man and Elizabeth were attacked by the Undertaker and Jake “the Snake”! Billy and Chuck were… well, Billy and Chuck! Dawn Marie killed Torrie Wilson’s dad on their honeymoon! Anywho… Lita is looking forward to the holidays and Marc is glad he picked her for the fantasy game. Didn’t he say that he didn’t pick her last week? Ah damn, I’ve actually been paying attention to his fantasy blather. She’s gotta go so we’ll back right back.

Clip of RVD/Mysterio vs. Susuki/Dupree from the PPV.

Triple H is on the phone and he’s hilarious from the get-go, calling our host “Floyd” and asking if he works for their company. HHH has to call Blade: Trinity the “number one action movie of the weekend.” Oooh, sucks to bomb, don’t it? Apparently most of the guys did their own stunts, although H apparently did a running powerslam to a stunt guy and f*cked him up pretty bad. He respect everyone who could hang with him on the set. Whoah, bizarre phone f*ck up out of nowhere! I was wondering when that would happen. HHH talks about his book, and how he hopes someone will take it and use it in the gym since not everyone will have someone in their life who can guide them the way HHH had. He thinks that the discipline that bodybuilding gave him would also contribute to his quick recovery from his quad injury. HHH was on Stern this morning, and then tonight he’ll be on John McEnroe and Conan O’Brien. They were giving free McEnroe tickets away on the street when I was in New York in October. HHH enjoys promoting himself a great deal, so he doesn’t mind all the multiple interviews he’s been doing as of late. Marc tells him that everyone respects him because he never turned his back on wrestling in order to try other ventures. What a kiss ass! HHH gives a very carefully worded answer about how he would never do that and he couldn’t turn away just because he wanted to make a movie or write a book. No dissing on Lesnar, however. Emily from Boston calls in and thinks that HHH was amazing in Blade: Trinity. She wants to know if he’ll be in more action films. He wants to, since he thinks that fans who don’t watch wrestling might start because they’ve seen HHH in a film. Marc asks about the Elimination Chamber in January. Triple H says that when he’s in public, he’s a good guy, but when he’s in the Chamber he’s all business. Very typical Game promo follows. Marc brings up that Y2J and him are the only two who have been in the Chamber before. Triple H doesn’t even entertain the Jericho talk and reminds us that he had his throat stomped on in the first match. Marc drops him, but not before one parting shot: “Goodbye Mike!” Love him or hate him, Triple H is one funny guy.

Hey, I know I’m shamelessly plugging by saying this, but check out the Triple H interview on TSN’s webpage (www.tsn.ca) if you want to see the Game get asked some real questions about marrying the boss’s daughter and holding down talent. Very cool stuff.

Footage of Eugene/Regal winning the Tag belts. I hope Marc brings up Eugene’s comments about Regal controlling his money from last week.

Regal is on the line and asks how Marc is. Exact quote: “I’m doing a fantastic!” Marc then asks how it was winning the belts in front of his home crowd. Um, Marc, Regal is British. That means he was born IN ANOTHER FUCKING COUNTRY! What a dumbass. Regal corrects him and they move on to Eugene. Regal would never have become friends with him unless Bischoff had forced them together. He admits that Eugene has made him more tolerant of people with disabilities, but Regal is still a dirty, rotten scoundrel. He thanks Bischoff for making him a sweeter person. Marc asks what makes the two of them work well together. Regal thinks that he’s always been in good tag teams, so maybe it’s the mismatched styles and personalities that people enjoy. Regal makes a good story up about how Eugene is such a good wrestler because he spent his whole life watching it on TV, so their training sessions were easy because Eugene already knew how to do things. They celebrated their tag team victory with a box of Cracker Barrel cheese, some cashews, and some chocolate milk. They even invited Tajiri along with them. Marc brings up Triple H’s book, which leads to a huge ass kissing segment. Regal thinks that he and Triple H would have been the best tag team of all time if they had stayed together in WCW. They apparently had a falling out over Eugene over the summer. Marc calls him Regal and he gets mucho pissed, explaining that in Britain you are only called by your last name is someone is putting you down. Marc sheepishly asks what “William” would be doing if he wasn’t wrestling. Apparently “William” has some very roguish friends back in the UK, so he’d probably be up to no good and wrestling reptiles. They have a strange conversation about Regal breeding a five legged turkey for Thanksgiving for his whole family to enjoy, but then he couldn’t keep up with it. Marc tries to drop him, but Regal reminds him how rude it is to call him Regal before they drop it.

Marc reminds us that we have two weeks off, Smackdown’s going to Iraq, and we’re out. The end of Raw finishes it off.

Nothing special today, but at least they had a lot of guests and kept the fantasy shit to a minimum. I thought the Game was pretty funny, and Regal can give a great kayfabe interview, so altogether I say thumbs up.