The format of this website is changing significantly in about a week, when IP V3 starts up. What you will get from me during this NFL season is probably something new every day during the football season.
The format of V3 means I will have to tighten things up a little, and my postings will definitely be a work in progress for a while, but I think we’ll find something that works. Until then, enjoy one of the last of the “old format” columns.
We’ll start, of course, with a preview of the game you’ve been waiting 7 months for. It’s the 4th Annual Thursday Night Season Opener!!
MIAMI DOLPHINS AT PITTSBURGH STEELERS
Welcome to “Final Destination 4: The Ben Roethlisberger Story”. Fate was determined not to let him start the season opener, and while a near fatal motorcycle accident couldn’t stop him, a last minute emergency appendectomy will. Charlie Batch starts in his place, and will provide hours of enjoyment as we marvel for 3 hours at his shocking facial resemblance to the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz.
WHO WILL WIN AND WHY
The Dolphins won their final 6 games last year, the Steelers won their final 8, and half of them were of the postseason variety. Both of these teams have not tasted the nauseous ball aching of defeat in quite some time. The Steelers, however, are playing their backup quarterback, while the Dolphins are rolling out their shiny, new, Daunte Culpepper. That being the case, signs seem to point to the Dolphins winning this game.
However, I’m going with the Steelers. Pittsburgh’s going to run, run, and run some more, and the Dolphins are going to have a hard time stopping them. Miami’s defense is small and quick, perfect for shutting down finesse teams that rely on speed. The Steelers don’t rely on speed, they rely on blowing you off the line of scrimmage until you have to bring help up, then they attack you downfield. Charlie doesn’t have the deep ball ability that Roethlisberger has, but the running game will still be there.
It will be interesting to see what kind of team the Dolphins want to be offensively now that Culpepper is at QB. In my mind, they’ll be a lot like the Steelers, pound the running game then strike deep. The problem is, you can’t pound the running game against the Steelers, that’s what makes them so difficult to beat. If they can’t get Ronnie Brown going, then Culpepper’s going to have to start chucking it, and that’s when mistakes start getting made. The Steelers win an ugly game by a field goal.
STEELERS 20, DOLPHINS 17
NFL PRESEASON WEEK 3+4
As promised, here’s the AFC portion of my wrapup of the final 2 weeks of the exhibition season. The format of this website is changing significantly in about a week, when IP V3 starts up. I’m taking a wait and see attitude to how it will affect my work. What you will get is probably something new every day during the football season from me. What you won’t get is the level of detail you might have come to expect. It’ll definitely be a work in progress for a while, but I think we’ll find something that works. Until then, enjoy one of the last of the “old format” columns.
AFC EAST
NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS (2-2)
PEARL OF WISDOM
The Patriots have a badly edited Kung Fu movie going on at the wide receiver position. I think it’s safe to say Deion Branch will never, ever, wear a Patriots uniform again. He’ll likely sit out the season, and the team traded for Raiders WR Doug Gabriel to start opposite Reche Caldwell. Tom Brady better be speed dialing BALCO if he wants to succeed with this group.
WON V. WASHINGTON 41-0 (HALFTIME 20-0)
I’m not a big proponent of the Patriots this year, but you can’t argue with the way they played in this tune-up. They beat the Redskins so bad that it caused their entire organization and fanbase to go into panic button mode 3 weeks into the preseason. Ben Watson is going to get a huge fantasy football salary. The TE caught 8 passes for 97 yards and a TD.
LOST AT NY GIANTS 23-31 (HALFTIME- 10-10)
Belichick had Troy Brown playing quarterback for a series and you expect me to analyze this game? Uhhh no. WR Bam Childress earned a place on the practice squad with 116 receiving yards.
MIAMI DOLPHINS (2-2)
PEARL OF WISDOM
The Dolphins signed former Browns RB Lee Suggs to back up Ronnie Brown. Suggs rushed for 744 yards with Cleveland in 04, but last year had only 8 carries in an injury plagued season.
LOST AT CAROLINA 10-19 (HALFTIME 3-13)
Daunte Culpepper returned to the place where his knee was shredded last year, and gently caressed the cheek of the man who injured him, Chris Gamble. Then they made out with each other. Then Culpepper completed 14 of 19 for 130 yards. Chris Chambers had a big game, with 7 catches for 67 yards and a TD, but Ronnie Brown struggled to 21 yards on 13 carries.
WON V. ST. LOUIS 29-9 (HALFTIME 9-6)
Cleo “CALL ME NOW” Lemon was 21 of 28 for 271 yards and a TD for the Dolphins. Marcus Vick caught 3 passes for 41 yards and a touchdown, but it wasn’t enough to earn him a spot on the roster, he was released on Saturday.
BUFFALO BILLS (1-3)
PEARL OF WISDOM
The Indianapolis Star reported this week that the Colts have interest in Bills QB Kelly Holcomb as a backup to Peyton Manning. Manning’s current caddy, Jim Sorgi, is nursing a shoulder injury.
LOST V. CLEVELAND 17-20 (HALFTIME 10-7)
LB Takeo Spikes made his return to the field after missing virtually all of last season with an injury. Beleaguered QB JP Losman actually played OK. He was 15 of 22 for 184 yards, 1 TD and 1 INT, and he hooked up with the undead Peerless Price for a 54 yard TD. Lee Evans had 5 catches for 70 yards. RB Willis McGahee struggled though, managing only 29 yards on 11 carries.
WON AT DETROIT 20-13 (HALFTIME 10-7)
Could it be that JP Losman isn’t as bad as we all think he is? After a strong showing against the Browns, he was good again this week, completing all 5 of his pass attempts for an average of 10 yards per attempt.
NY JETS (2-2)
PEARL OF WISDOM
The Jets did a lot of wheeling and dealing around cutdown day. The most prominent name to leave is QB Brooks Bollinger, who was sent to Minnesota. The biggest acquisition was former Raider DE Bobby Hamilton.
LOST V. NY GIANTS 7-13 (HALFTIME 0-7)
Kevan Barlow got his first look in a Jets uniform, and lost a fumble. He’ll fit right in. The defense did play pretty well though, frustrating Eli Manning into a bad performance. Dewayne Robertson continues to be a force at defensive tackle, with 4 tackles and a sack.
WON V. PHILADELPHIA 20-17 (HALFTIME 0-17)
2nd year back Cedric Houston could very well find himself in the feature back role at some point this season. He wore out the Eagles B team with 108 yards on 25 carries.
AFC NORTH
PITTSBURGH STEELERS (0-4)
PEARL OF WISDOM
Unless you’ve been taking ketamine every day for the last week, you know that Ben Roethlisberger had an emergency appendectomy and won’t play in the Thursday season opener v. Miami. Hines Ward, however, will play despite a sore hamstring, which is the cool injury to have this preseason.
LOST AT PHILADELPHIA 7-16 (HALFTIME 7-9)
The Steelers turned the ball over 4 times in this game, and that’s very un-Steeler like, although 2 of those came on fumbles by since-released QBs Omar Jacobs and Shane Boyd. What’s more worrisome is that the Steelers did not run the ball effectively. Willie Parker, Verron Haynes, and Duce Staley combined for 49 yards on 19 carries.
LOST V. CAROLINA 13-15 (HALFTIME 6-3)
If you find yourself playing a lot in the final preseason game, that’s not really a good thing. Rookie QB Omar Jacobs did, and completed 13 of 19 for 179 yards. That didn’t stop him from being cut later in the week though. Veteran RB Duce Staley saw a lot of dreaded playing time too. He had only 46 yards on 19 carries, but he still has a job as of this writing.
CINCINNATI BENGALS (4-0)
PEARL OF WISDOM
Isn’t it great when your team peaks in August? I now crown the Bengals Preseason Champions, and as such are the proud recipients of a gold plated jockstrap.
WON V. GREEN BAY 48-17 (HALFTIME 34-7)
Carson Palmer returns before a national audience and is sublime. The Bengals first team builds an astronomical lead in the first half. Rose petals are raining down from the stands.
AT INDIANAPOLIS 20-3 (HALFTIME 14-0)
RB Quincy Wilson made the squad with a 19 carry for 128 yards and a TD performance. He’ll be one of Rudi Johnson’s backups now that Chris Perry has been placed on the PUP list.
BALTIMORE RAVENS (2-2)
PEARL OF WISDOM
WR Derrick Mason has been used sparingly after suffering a concussion, but he has proclaimed himself healthy and ready to go for the opener against Tampa.
LOST AT MINNESOTA 7-30 (HALFTIME 0-10)
The Ravens celebrated me picking them to win the AFC North on IPSR by getting drilled by the Vikings in Tune-Up Week. Jamal Lewis didn’t play and Mike Anderson had 11 yards on 7 carries. Steve McNair’s only TD pass was to Minnesota CB Fred Smoot. Thattaway Ravens, get it all out of your system before the season starts. Make me look good, baby.
WON AT WASHINGTON 17-10 (HALFTIME 14-0)
McNair threw his first TD pass in a Ravens uniform, a 15 yard pass to Mark Clayton. Still no running game though. Mike Anderson, 9 carries, 26 yards. Jamal Lewis did not play.
CLEVELAND BROWNS
WON AT BUFFALO 20-17 (HALFTIME 7-10)
I guess when your quarterback completes 12 of 16 passes but for only 76 yards you could say you’re running some kind of “West Coast Offense”. Still, the conservative passing game worked well for Charlie Frye. He also had a 5 yard TD pass to TE Steve Heiden. Willie McGinest made his Browns debut.
AFC SOUTH
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (1-3)
PEARL OF WISDOM
K Adam Vinatieiri has an injury to his non-kicking foot, but he will be kicking for the Colts in the season opener on Sunday.
WON AT NEW ORLEANS 27-14 (HALFTIME 17-0)
Peyton Manning was PEYTON MANNING in his Louisiana homecoming, throwing for 121 yards and a TD to Reggie Wayne. The Joseph Addai/Dominic Rhodes 2 headed suckmonster combined for 33 yards on 16 carries. I did play the Colts on Madden 07 the other night though, Addai ran really well there. So he’s got that going for him.
LOST V. CINCINNATI 3-20 (HALFTIME 0-14)
Yeah like the Colts were going to do anything to indicate anything in a preseason game against a team they could very possibly meet in the playoffs.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (3-1)
PEARL OF WISDOM
Byron Leftwich was sacked 7 times on 43 passing plays this preseason. That either means his offensive line is weak, his receivers aren’t getting open, or both.
WON V. TAMPA BAY 29-18 (HALFTIME 0-11)
The Jags won this game, but in the preseason it’s what the scoreboard says at halftime that really matters, and in this game the scoreboard said they were losing big at the half. What also matters is that you don’t get people hurt, and the Jags lost two key players in this game. MLB Mike Peterson may miss the Jags’ opener, and FB/running back Greg Jones is gone for the season.
WON AT ATLANTA 20-17 (HALFTIME 10-7)
After losing 2 starters the week before, Jack Del Rio decided he didn’t want to continue this grotesque preseason charade and sat all of his starters. Maurice Jones-Drew had a 39 yard run. With Greg Jones hurt, and Fred Taylor sure to get hurt at some point, keep an eye on this rookie from UCLA.
TENNESSEE TITANS (1-3)
PEARL OF WISDOM
Jeff Fisher is keeping his choice as starting QB for the opener against the Jets under wraps, possibly until game time. It could be the recently signed Kerry Collins, Billy Volek, or rookie Vince Young. I’m going to go ahead and guess that Collins starts, with a little bit of Vince sprinkled in here and there.
LOST V. ATLANTA 6-20 (HALFTIME 6-17)
The Titans gave up 153 rushing yards in the first half and were pretty much booed out of the building by their home fans. Awesome.
WON AT GREEN BAY 35-21 (HALFTIME 7-14)
Vince Young saw lots of playing time in this game, and went 8 of 17 for 80 yards and a TD. The newly signed Kerry Collins also got plenty of reps and was 7 of 13 for 96 yards.
Billy Volek tried desperately to hold on to his starting job, finding Brandon Jones for a 54 yard TD, as if to say “Look at me, I’m still good. Choose me. Love me.”
HOUSTON TEXANS (3-1)
Despite winning more games this August than they did during the entire 2005 season, the main thing that happened in the Texans’ preseason was very bad. What do you expect, it’s the Texans? They lost RB Domanick Davis for the season, and that decision to pass on Reggie Bush looks more and more unconscionable every day. Rookie Wali Lundy enters the season as the starter, but the Texans acquired Ron Dayne and der dee dur dee dur. This is what happens when you outsmart yourself.
LOST AT DENVER 14-17 (HALFTIME 3-10)
This game had an incestuous feel to it, as new Texans coach Gary Kubiak is trying to turn the Texans into the Broncos. Lundy ran pretty well, 4.4 yard average on 10 carries. David Carr looked like the same old David Carr, 15 for 22, 128 yards, 0 TD, 1 INT, 64.2 passer rating. Nice.
WON V. TAMPA BAY 16-13 (13-3 HALFTIME)
Antowain Smith had a 46 yard run in this game for the Texans. I did not think that was possible under the laws of physics and thermodynamics that exist on this planet.
AFC WEST
DENVER BRONCOS (3-1)
PEARL OF WISDOM
If you’re a fantasy player, like me, you spend most of the preseason before your draft trying to read the tea leaves to figure out who Mike Shanahan is going to give carries to once the season starts. This year, you won’t know until the game starts on Sunday. Earlier in preseason Shanahan said it would be Mike Bell, now he’s saying he doesn’t know.
WON V. HOUSTON 17-14 (HALFTIME 10-3)
This game didn’t help clarify things at the running back position. Bell Biv Devoe (Tatum Bell and Mike Bell), split carries almost exactly. Tatu m had 10 for 36 yards and a TD. Mike had 9 for 20. Jake Plummer had a pretty crappy game. He completed only 10 of 22 passes.
WON AT ARIZONA 29-23 (HALFTIME 15-20)
And then in this game, Mike had 74 yards on 9 carries, thanks in large part to a 38 yard jaunt. Tatum had 9 for 48 and a TD. Jay Cutler played virtually the whole game, and was impressive, passing for 201 yards and 2 TDs.
SAN DIEGO CHARGERS (2-2)
PEARL OF WISDOM
LB Steve Foley was shot by an off duty officer this week. He’s been arrested 5 times since 1999, 3 involving alcohol. What a miscreant. I’ve only had to go to court twice for incidents involving alcohol, and nobody’s ever shot me. Foley had 4 ½ sacks last year after having a career best 10 in 2004.
WON V. SEATTLE 31-20 (HALFTIME 17-14)
Phillip Rivers lost 3 fumbles in this game. He must be plagued by small hands. Of course, some of that is due to the Chargers suffering injury after injury at the left tackle position. Meanwhile, every time I see Michael Turner play, I think there are about 25 teams he could start for, and be a star. He had 53 yards on 8 carries and 2 TDs. Shawne Merriman had an interception.
LOST AT SAN FRANCISCO 14-23 (HALFTIME 7-17)
Granted it was backup ball, but the Chargers still turned it over 5 times. Job one once the real games start is going to have to be to take better care of the ball.
KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (2-2)
PEARL OF WISDOM
In case you’re keeping track, Priest Holmes is on the PUP list. No play this year. Michael Bennett will back up Larry Johnson.
WON V. ST. LOUIS 16-12 (HALFTIME 16-3)
Well, this was the 3rd preseason game and all, so I guess you can draw SOME parallels to real football, and Larry Johnson looked human against a pretty average defense. He had 37 yards on 9 carries and a TD. Will the loss of Willie Roaf and Tony Richardson mean a less insane year for LJ? Will it?? The Liberian Librarian, Tamba Hali, had a sack and a forced fumble. I have to think of a better nickname for this first round draft choice.
WON V. NEW ORLEANS 10-9 (HALFTIME 3-0)
RB Mackenzi Smith scored the winning TD, then was sent packing days later. Ah, welcome to the final week of the preseason. See ya in Arena Football 2, Big Mac.
OAKLAND RAIDERS (4-1)
PEARL OF WISDOM
If the preseason means anything at all, the Raiders will be an improved team in 2006, because they played very well this August. If the preseason means nothing at all, the Raiders will suck again. Let’s sit back and see how this turns out.
WON V. DETROIT 21-3 (HALFTIME 21-0)
A downright dominating performance by the Raiders? Yes, I meant to put a question mark there. That sentence just didn’t seem right without one. Randy Moss had a pair of TD receptions from Aaron Brooks and finished with 102 yards. The defense forced 3 turnovers.
LOST AT SEATTLE 7-30 (HALFTIME 7-20)
Neither Marques Tuiasosopo or Andrew Walter looked like a capable option at QB in this game. They both got a lot of playing time and were both disastrous.
THAT’S A WRAP
Aaaand I’m spent. Check back Friday or Saturday and I’ll have previews and predictions for Kickoff Week!
