The SmarK RAW Rant – December 27 2004

Archive

The SmarK RAW Rant – December 27, 2004

– Live from Biloxi, MS.

– Your hosts are JR & King.

– Uncle Eric is out for the hard sell of New Year’s Revolution right off the bat, announcing the rules of the Elimination Chamber, and noting that the last person released from the cages will have the advantage. So tonight, in an interesting concept, each guy will have a match against an unknown opponent, and whoever wins fastest gets to be let out last. And if anyone loses, they get replaced by the victor. Interesting.

– Opening match: Chris Jericho v. Christian. No Lillian tonight, but lucky us, Christy is guest timekeeper for all the matches, because apparently they can bend over backwards to find every possible way to get these bimbos on screen but can’t find anything for Paul London to do. Jericho gets a rollup for two, and a backslide for two. A timer runs in the bottom of the screen, which allows me to save battery life of my stopwatch, if nothing else. Jericho tries for the Walls, but Christian makes the ropes, so he blocks a sunset flip for two. They reverse and he goes for the Walls again, but Christian counters to a cradle for two. Jericho gets a backdrop out of the corner for two, but Christian snapmares him to take over. Neckbreaker gets two. We hit the chinlock and Christian gets two. Back to the chinlock, and he dumps Jericho, but gets backdropped to the floor in a super sick bump. God, that bump always terrifies me. Jericho follows with a springboard cross-body, and we take a break. Back with Christian in control, but Jericho overpowers him and catches him with the Flashback for two. High cross gets two. Bulldog sets up the Lionsault, but it misses, and Tomko gets a cheapshot that gives Christian two. Jericho dropkicks him off the apron, but walks into the Unprettier, only to reverse it to the Walls for the submission at 10:47. Good TV match, with the added drama from the stips helping a lot. ***

– Meanwhile, Randy Orton gets interviewed by Maria, and she manages to sound unconvincing even as herself. That takes talent.

– Randy Orton v. Maven. Time to beat: 10:47. So now the on-screen clock goes backwards. Maven overpowers him to start, but walks into a dropkick. Orton goes up and Maven slugs him down and to the floor, and then introduces him to the stairs. Back in, Maven gets two, and hammers away on the mat. He does some mocking and then shows Orton up by throwing a better dropkick, for two. Maven’s actually showing some potential as a cocky heel. He goes to the chinlock, which Orton fights out of, but an elbow gets two, and Maven goes back to chinlocking. They brawl outside, and Orton comes back with a Russian legsweep on the floor, and then brings Maven in with a DDT through the ropes. Maven bails to regroup, so Orton baseball slides him into the railing and goes up. High cross is reversed by Maven for two, but even holding the tights doesn’t work. Orton finishes with the JRKO at 6:14, thus setting the new time to beat. Another entertaining match with a clean finish. Must be something in the water tonight. *1/2

– Lita v. Molly Holly. This is non-title. Molly slaps her out of the corner to start and beats her down, then uses the dreaded hair toss. Lita reverses her into the corner and monkey-flips her out, then gives her the melodramatic stomp for two. Some bad punches set up a blind charge that misses, but a DDT finishes Molly at 1:49. We need the title back on Trish. 1/2* Gene Snitsky makes his dramatic appearance and chases her into the crowd and back into a pre-taped segment backstage, as she runs away and hides in the dressing room. Bischoff stops him, however, and books him against Kane at the PPV. Oh come on, why punish the fans? Snitsky hasn’t exactly been DOING anything since Survivor Series, and I suspect he’ll be gone once Kane finishes him off at the PPV.

– Rosey v. Simon Dean. Simon goes for the cheapest of cheap heat by making general fat comments about the crowd, so Rosey attacks him. Simon goes for a sunset flip, but gets sat on. He retreats to the corner and dodges a charge, then goes to work on the leg. Rosey reverses him into the corner and hits him with some clotheslines, then catches him and goes for a pump splash. That misses, so Simon goes for a slam, but Rosey falls back on him. Rosey grabs Simon’s weight belt, allowing Dean to get the cheap rollup pin at 3:02. Simon draws good undercard IRS-type heat where people will boo him as a response to being called fat, but it’s not a character anyone is going to take seriously as a threat, especially when he’s booked that weak. 1/4*

– Edge v. Eugene. Time to beat: 6:14. I don’t foresee too much trouble there. Edge wisely attacks him for two to start. Small package gets two. Backslide gets two. He beats Eugene down and chokes him out on the ropes, but misses a charge and ends up on the floor. He manages to necksnap Eugene for two, however. We hit the chinlock, but Eugene powers out with an electric chair for two. They do a silly criss-cross and Eugene bails to high-five the fans, which uses up a bunch of time, thus frustrating Edge. Eugene forces Edge to chase, and hides under the ring, but gets too cute for his own good and Edge finds him. Back in, he gets two. Eugene comes back and tries Rock Bottom and a stunner, but Edge reverses both and spears him out of the ring”¦and time expires, leaving Orton with the fastest time tonight. So Edge, really pissed now, beats on Eugene outside, but gets flustered and stunnered out of nowhere. Whoops. Eugene crawls over and gets two. Eugene fights back, but misses a high knee to the corner, and Edge goes to work on the leg. He hooks the Edgecutioner, a Sharpshooter-like submission move we haven’t seen from him in a long time, and Eugene taps at 8:49. Another good TV match in a series tonight. **1/2

– Chris Benoit v. Viscera. Time to beat: 6:14. I don’t see the good match streak continuing here. Viscera now has the least scary music possible, some weird techno stuff, which totally goes against his big mean black dude image. Viscera hiptosses him out of the corner to start and clotheslines him to escape a wristlock. He misses an elbowdrop, so Benoit dropkicks him on the mat and pounds him. He walks into an elbow, but fights back with chops. Vis gives him his one move, the leg lariat, and then does his other move, looking at the camera in a mean manner. With the repertoire thus exhausted, he starts laying on Benoit to fill time and tosses him, then sends him into the railing. Back in, Benoit walks into a samoan drop, and then blocks the crossface with a sideslam. Anyone can look scary if they never sell ANYTHING. He gets a corner splash and goes for whatever, but Benoit hits him with a german suplex. Holy crap. Crossface mercifully finishes at 5:43, and Viscera won’t even sell THAT. Crowd was deeply into this, which is kind of scary and I think shows what an effective babyface Benoit has become in that spot. 3/4*

– Stacy comes out to fill time by talking about nothing important, but Muhammad Hassan interrupts and cuts a really dull promo that gets the usual kneejerk “USA” chant from the crowd. Hassan actually makes a good point about how ridiculous it is for people to be calling for restrictions of civil liberties for those who happen to be of Arab descent. Not that polls mean anything, but it’s kind of scary that people would even think that way. Anyway, Hassan gets in Jerry Lawler’s face, because I guess no other babyfaces were available tonight or something, and the segment basically goes nowhere. If he has the goods in the ring, he can overcome the character, but if not, he’ll hopefully die a quick death and go the way of Mordecai.

– Batista v. Rhyno. Time to beat: 5:43. Batista powers Rhyno into the corner to start and shoulderblocks him down, then lays the badmouth on him. Rhyno comes back with a GOAR GOAR GOAR for two, thus riling up the monster. Oh, you don’t wanna do that. Rhyno slugs him down and sets up for another one, but walks into the MAIN EVENT SPINEBUSTER, and the demon bomb looks to finish, but he’s got 3:00 or so left and decides to hit another one. And that’s enough to finish at 3:02. Uh oh, HHH isn’t gonna be happy about that. Which they note. I’m really liking the subtle approach to the Batista turn, as they do everything right that they did wrong with Orton. 1/2*

– And yes, it’s another self-congratulatory video package about the “Christmas in Iraq” show, just minutes after parading out the exploitive Hassan character. Gotta love that hypocrisy.

– Meanwhile, HHH expresses his dissatisfaction to Batista, and Dave is up for a little argument. Flair makes peace, however.

– HHH v. Shelton Benjamin. Saw that one coming. Time to beat is Batista’s 3:02, and that ain’t gonna happen. Everyone is at ringside tonight to cheer Shelton. HHH attacks him and sends him into the steps, and gets two. Spinebuster gets two. Well, he’s no Batista. MAIN EVENT SLEEPER, but Benjamin reverses him into the corner, and HHH tries a Pedgiree, but Benjamin reverses out of it. HHH desperately goes back to the sleeper again and Benjamin is fading, but makes the ropes as time runs out. HHH stops to argue with the ref, and gets hit with a Blinger splash for two. Shelton comes back with a dragon whip kick for two. Backbreaker gets two. Benjamin goes up and misses, but gets the exploder, with the ref distracted. He stops to go after Flair, and it’s KICK WHAM PEDIGREE at 5:44. Good for a 5:00 match, but too rushed. *3/4

– Afterwards, Bischoff announces that Shawn Michaels is the guest referee, thus pissing everyone off.

The Inside Pulse:

A really, really strong show with some actual creative stipulations for once, as the fight for the last man into the cage really added some drama to the proceedings and made it seem like a competition instead of the usual mindless back-and-forth matches with no motivation to them.

Hopefully the strong buildup of the main event will pay off with a better buyrate for this show than their last few offerings, although with Royal Rumble in the same month I wouldn’t bet on it. Still, good effort this week, and I’m actually interested in the PPV now.