On this week’s episode of Desperate Housewives, I sense a good old-fashioned misunderstanding in the making. Last week, Lynette became convinced that real estate cougar Anne Shilling (guest star Gail O’Grady) was offering a full range of services to her husband, Tom. Meanwhile, Tom discovered that young Porter Scavo was using his dad’s rehearsal space to have sex with his new girlfriend. Little did either of them know that it’s Porter who’s all up in Anne’s listings. Something tells me this week is going to be about misunderstandings. Oops, no: Desire is an emotion that leads us astray, says Mary Alice. Let’s see how our Wisteria Lane friends have strayed:
LYNETTE
“You’re having sex with your best friend’s mother?” Lynette asks, with the correct degree of outrage for a show that often glosses over the morally bankrupt choices that are made on this show. Porter says he’ll break it off, but doesn’t want her to know that his parents know, because apparently Mr. Shilling is violent or something. Lynette and Tom agree to his demands initially, but then when Lynette sees Anne at the PTA meeting expounding on protecting the children and all, she confronts Anne, and tells her that she knows everything. When Anne says that she loves Porter, Lynette slaps her and says, “So do I, and if you ever lay a hand on him again, you’re going to find out just how much.” Slapfight! Ruh-roh! The plot thickens: Anne is pregnant, and Porter is planning to run away with her. Juicy!
BREE
Bree and Orson confront Charlie, an employee who stole $200 from the petty-cash fund. He asks that they not tell his parents since he used to money to buy pot, and they agree, as long as he pays them back. Bree gets a great review for her cookbook from a Christian publication, and to celebrate, she and Orson do it on the counter, with an oven mitt as a pillow. Unfortunately, Charlie the Pothead steals the surveillance tape, and is now blackmailing them for $2,000. Bree charges her evil spawn, Andrew, with using whatever means necessary to get that tape back, which he does. “It’s amazing what a bunch of bikers will do for a case of beer,” he cheerfully reports. But! Instead of Bree and Orson on the tape, it’s Katherine and Mike, which would be more surprising if we hadn’t had the lemonade scene last week. When Bree confronts Katherine about dating her best friend’s ex-husband, Katherine is unconcerned. “I’ve been alone for five years, and now I’m having the time of my life,” she asserts. I have to say: I tend to agree, but can’t these people date anyone who lives on other streets?
KAREN and ROBERTA
The hilarious Karen and Roberta McCluskey discover that Dave is exchanging phone calls with a Dr. Heller in Boston who is an expert in treating the criminal insane. When they try to contact him, they bungle their cover, but they pique the doctor’s interest enough that he immediately books a flight to Fairview.
DAVE
Dave continues his obsessive plans for Wisteria in Chains, which now includes a gig at the Battle of the Bands at something called the White Horse. They only have a week to get the band in shape, and they have to write an original song. All this information appears to be a plot seed that will send up next week’s big set piece: a nightclub fire.
SUSAN
Susan and Jackson are starting over, without sex until at least their fourth date, Susan says. To which Jackson says: Wait, what? Susan finds out that Jackson is actually a painter painter, like of art, which is what I originally thought when we saw him in last season’s finale. He went to art school in Paris, but he’s been blocked for two years. So they start having sexless dates, and — what do you know? — Jackson gets his painting mojo back. He paints a portrait of Susan, with “that beautiful, haunted look” on her face. It was a very particular look, right? This makes Susan realize that Jackson does actually know her, so she poses nude for him so he can paint her hands (?) accurately.
GABY
“Lap of luxury, how I’ve missed sitting in you,” says Gaby. At first, she is entirely comfortable taking advantage of Mrs. Hildebrand’s largesse. Virginia has some issues with boundaries, though, barging in on family movie night by getting into bed with Gaby and Carlos. There’s another mention of an estranged family member, and it’s starting to become clear why all these people have hit the bricks. She asks Celia and Juanita to call her “Grandma.” Gaby is on to her creepy routine, and lets her know in no uncertain terms that she is not welcome around the Solis household anymore. When we last see Virginia she’s calling the country-club manager to get Carlos fired. Uh-oh!
NEXT WEEK!
There are, like, 100 guest stars next week! The Solises are the sole heirs to Virginia Hildebrand’s fortune. Lynette asks if Anne is really pregnant, and her husband overhears. Guest star Peter Onorati! Susan doesn’t want her daughter to be someone’s fourth wife. Guest star Steven Weber! A reporter thinks that Bree is a total sham, and wants to expose her. Guest star Rachel Harris! There’s a fire at the nightclub!
Scott Chapman is a Media Studies student from the UK with an unnatural obsession with Desperate Housewives!
