Yup, new column art. Dig it. I’m writing this while watching Raw so I’ll just chime in with thoughts as the night goes on. It’ll be in italics unless noted.
Somewhat refreshing to see the opening package for Raw not include Triple H. But I do miss him. His slow motion packages are always the best.
Raw Last Week
– Shawn Michaels is one of the funniest human beings in the world.
– All of you who criticize when special refs don’t do a damn thing and then shit on what Jericho did should just shut up. That is EXACTLY what a ref that is biased should do instead of a dumb fast count at the end,
Yea, Hogan is your friend Eugene. So why didn’t you pose with him at Wrestlemania? I hope Angle kills him
– Matt Hardy killed his own angle with his marble mouthed interview.
– At least Tatanka didn’t rape Hemme.
– What S&M club did Conway pop out of? Christ!
– Shelton Benjamin wakes up every morning wishing he were white at this point.
Pittsburgh rages against the retard. Now that, that’s cool.
– Raw was damn short last week. Just very fast paced with all the talk. Fell asleep with Hardy though. Is the angle still cool? Yes. Do I give two shits now that they let Hardy kill Kane’s character and it’s contributions over the last year? No I don’t.
Ok, listen. I’m not watching Smackdown. I read reviews and the show sounds like it sucks.
GREAT way to have Eugene keep the medals. That was good booking. See, these Hollywood writers are good! I’m being honest too.
– If Batista were still on Raw, he might be a force, but he is dying slowly.
Screw Hogan! Shawn Michaels is the face in this program. Old bastard. He does draw though.
– Let me say this: JBL sucks. Batista has the same limited move set as Cena but half the character. At this point, I’m Dominick’s father. It seems as though the good Hollywood types have gone to Raw, while the crappy ones go to Smackdown. Whatever, I have neither the time nor the drive to watch Smackdown currently.
Shelton Benjamin vs. Chris Masters. Way to keep a brotha down.
– I’m sick. Sick and the only prescription is not more cowbell, but rather getting people to shut up. See, I report news for this site because Matt Michael is busy sometimes and jerking it other times. II have to report news from Apter, Scherer, Meltzer, Johnson and all those people. I don’t have “Elite” memberships. I don’t get the dirt sheets. Want to know why? Because it’s all relative. All of you can get that news here in some form or another. Keith, Hyatte, Eric, Flea and others will fill you in. But you have become sheep to these people with their “Elite” crap and you pad their wallets like you pad WWE’s for shows with no substance. The people in the crowd who don’t read all the shit on the internet, they ENJOY their time at the shows. Because they haven’t been trained like rabid dogs to look for workrate over and over again. They enjoy EVERYTHING. But us, NO…NEVER. We must have workrate! Please. Everyone sits and sings Court Bauer’s praises because he booked ONE good Velocity match!? I CAN BOOK A GOOD VELOCITY MATCH. I’ll say “Hey Eddie, Benoit, call it in the ring.” and PRESTO! But people go onto our forums and other forums and moan about Hollywood taking over wrestling. Get this folks: Wrestling has always been Hollywood. There are STORYLINES. Plots.
That dumb Maria chick is getting way too hot for me. I’d rock that chick. Might have to swap Victoria out for her. I mean, where the f*ck has Victoria been anyway?
Like I was…
Visagra! I love the new writers!
Like I was saying. Everyone raves about how great Court Bauer is, but it doesn’t matter. Most of these people that are writing from Hollywood give us something new. Fuck, Barry Bloom or whatever is a huge wrestling fan and wrote The Nutty Professor. This stuff should be fun with all the new people.
Edge asked for Matt back? Cool reasoning. I like how he shits on Hardy’s promo like a net writer. Great promo from Edge. Would be better if Lita gave him a blow job during it.
Back to me. STOP IT. Stop being sheep. Stop f*cking catering to all these places that take your money for “Insider News”. If it’s big enough, it will get out. All the other shit is trivial. By the way, do you know of anyone from the “Elite” places that works for WWE or is in their locker room? Didn’t think so. I could make up twice the amount of shit they post as news. Fucking sheep.
Speaking of sheep, I honestly don’t know how long I can go on without a word from Victoria.
How in the world could Conway’s music get any more gay? This rivals “Ass Man”, so Pk must be in love with Conway.
Yeah, Victoria is missing in action. She doesn’t update her site, jobs to Hemme at house shows. She’ll probably get fired soon. Whatever, she has shown no love for the HevDawg, so I refuse to sympathize. If she wants to make amends, she can email me. If any of you know how to contact her. If Hyatte’s Trish reads me and has an in. If the real Stratus actually reads Keith and happens along my column, same thing holds true. But Victoria has 90 days to get back to me, or we’re through.
Will everyone that is saying “Bret is coming back! Bret should face Angle first!” please shut the f*ck up? The guy had a STROKE. The guy couldn’t wrestle BEFORE the stroke because he caught the flying Star of David boot to the head. He’s not coming back to wrestle. He is making money off a DVD. He isn’t going to be GM of Smackdown, so shut up with that too you racist jizz moppers. He’s going into the Hall of Fame and then the “Legends” thing. Please, do yourself a favor and shut up.
Just as I say f*ck Victoria…
Sorry Eric, but have fallen for Stacy as well. Something about the legs…
End of Bret Hart rant: There is a better chance of Bret falling from the rafters than there is of him wrestling. BAAAA SHEEP.
God Victoria looks so good…mmmm…Stacy ass is nice too. She still has to contact me or else.
People are UP IN ARMS over WWE banning the 450 and Shooting Star.
Fozzy RULES
Everyone is proclaiming that the cruisers could be dead due to the ban of these moves. DEAD! This division is dead anyway…
Is Chad Patton Heber’s replacement?
Please, all of you who complain that Undertaker and Kane can still use the Tombstone while Precious Paul London can’t do his patented flippy floppy need to stop and think for one second. 20 years from now, when you ask a fan who didn’t read the “Elites” who Undertaker and Kane were, they’ll be able to tell you. When you ask them who Paul London was they’ll say one of two things: 1) Who? 2) Didn’t he break his neck or something?
Cena blows a flying shoulder block and he’s still over. Why? Character. Batista blows with JBL and he’s down a peg. Why? No character.
Fact of the matter is this: All wrestling moves can hurt people. Did Master’s f*ck up the Polish Hammer? Yes, but it IS the POLISH Hammer. He is 10 times less likely to kill someone by f*cking up that move, which would require him to first break the guys nose and then hit the hammer to drive it into his brain, then London is likely to f*ck up an SSP and drive his knee through someone’s brain. BBAAAAAAAA SHEEP, stop crying.
All those who “reported” a possible top rope ban deserve to be shot as well. Those who believed it should be shot and drowned. WWE won’t ban the top rope because it makes no sense. Piss off with the “they never make sense” argument. If that’s what you think, then stop watching. But you can’t, because you are SHEEP.
Guess what all you Albany folks, CARD IS SUBJECT TO CHANGE. HA!
Handicap match? Sure! Do we have an IC Title match for SummerSlam?
Did they just try to finish up the Diva Search early? Next week? It seems rushed. Good, they cut Orlando Jordan’s girlfriend. Look at her friggin’ hair! NASTY.
That phone number, in case you missed it, is 1-516-644-9878. I will get a hold of this girl, even if she loses.
Lance Storm talks shit about steroids, just in time to get some hits for his website with the Raffy/MLB controversy. It’s the same stuff we’ve all heard, but from Storm’s mouth. Some people just can’t stay away.
Is Hardy going to take out everyone ever involved with Lita?
She’s got my vote just for the balls to do that.
Warrior responds to DVD rumors and I still can’t understand what he says. I think he’ll wind up blowing up an abortion clinic.
Did Edge pop Hardy’s eye? Looked a little swollen. Good Edge, now go get laid.
Regarding Brock Lesnar’s contract shit:
“As an attorney I can tell you that this is a work. There is/was a lawsuit pending between the WWE and Lesnar. As was properly pointed out on yesterday’s hotline, the lawyers involved would have NEVER allowed either side to publicly comment on negotiations between the parties during litigation. This is clearly a work.”
Good thing that this attorney is fantasy litigating while rapists walk free. Seriously folks, don’t you ever write to me saying you are an attorney. I’m a volunteer firefighter and EMT. I work on computers for a living and I’m going to be a cop sometime soon.
I dig the Edge/Hardy thing in the locker room.
None of the jobs I hold or plan to hold would stop me from writing on the net because my work won’t come home. This is an attorney, who should be looking for every way to put bad people in jail. Unless he’s a defense attorney, in which case he should be in jail himself. But regardless, if you’re an attorney, judge, mayor, senator, congressman, governor or president, don’t ever f*cking write to me.
Cena’s video is like bootleg Summertime from Will Smith. The song does grow on you with the video though. Lots of boos from the crowd though.
Hey, Ashley’s phone isn’t Ashley’s phone. Whore has a boyfriend, name is Austin. It’s his phone. Mailbox is full, you hear his dumbass. “The mailbox belonging to: “Austin” is not available right now.” What a dumbass. She’ll lose votes now. Mine included.
Dusty Rhodes in WWE. “I gott it babay! One pay per view, if you weeeeeeeeeelll, we have every single match be a Diggity Dog Kennel From Hell match. It’ll sell like hotcakes babay, hotcakes!
On the plus side, Goldust, who I’ve always found entertaining, should come back if Dusty gets the book.
Hogan-Angle next week? Nice.
Wal-Mart is going to sell TNA DVDs! This is a HUGE step for the company. The very moment that TNA and it’s fans think Wal-Mart is a big step is the moment you know this company will tank. SHEEP.
I’m rooting for Michaels in this, but the mention of Bret Hart has me thinking we’ll see The Hitman next week in Montreal, which would be fantastic. Overall though, Shawn Michaels, regardless of a patented Hogan “beatdown”, is dominating this angle and doing a very good job of it.
Since I’m all done, I’ll leave you with something to beat off too, since Hemme’s naked pictures were so loved on the forums.
See you Thur…next Monday.
