The Nameless Retro Rant for King of the Ring 98
– Live from Pittsburgh, PA
– Your hosts are Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler.
– Opening match: Kaientai v. TAKA Michinoku & The Headbangers.
Thrasher and Men’s Teoih start, and man is Teoih short. More beats from
the Bangers on Kaientai. Taka gets the first highspot with his plancha
on Funaki. JR actually mentions the UWA middleweight title, oddly
enough. Taka misses another highspot and wipes out on the floor,
allowing KDX to take over. Kind of a schmozz breaks out and the Bangers
double-team Funaki, and Taka hits the Michinoku Driver for the pin.
Spotty but served it’s purpose. **3/4
– Some chick…Rena something…comes out to introduce Mr. McMahon.
Vince runs down the crowd and warns them to prepare for Austin losing
the title tonight. Dull time-filler.
– King of the Ring Semi-Final #1: Jeff Jarrett v. Ken Shamrock. JJ was
in Gimmick Number Three at this point: Another attempt at the “Ain’t I
Great” thing, complete with Tennessee Lee. Shammy tosses JJ around like
a ragdoll and tries to kill him. He puts his head down and gets
neckbreakered…broken…whatever. They fight outside the ring and
Shamrock beats the crap out of Jarrett. Lee’s interference allows JJ to
go to work on the ankle. Shamrock basically decides to stop selling at
some arbitrary point and makes the comeback with a vicious rana and
anklelock for the tap-out. This was there. **1/4
– Semi-Final #2: The Rock v. Dan Severn. For those who keep track of
these things, Rock is using the version of his music from WWF The Music
3. Severn tries some amateur wrestling stuff, which the crowd could
care less about. Rock is over huge as a heel, and the crowd wakes up.
Rocky gets his offense in, Severn makes the comeback, and the Nation
distracts the referee long enough for D-Lo Brown to debut his chest
protector with a frog splash on Severn for the Rocky win. This was
there. *1/2
– Too Much v. Al Snow & Head. See, if Too Much wins, then Al Snow has
to leave. Right. Dumb match, as Snow gets double-teamed (with Jerry
Lawler doing reffing duties) for a few minutes, before Snow makes the
tag to Head. Snow Plow to Scott Taylor, but Lawler gives Brian
Christopher a bottle of Head & Shoulders, which Brian attaches to Head
so he can pin it. As fun to watch as it sounds. 1/2* JR made the
comment later in the show that the match set the business back 20 years,
and it’s hard to argue. Amazingly, Too Much not only survived this match, but are currently YOUR tag team champs. Huh.
– X-Pac v. Owen Hart. This was the final step down in the D-X feud for
Owen — from Shawn to HHH to X-Pac. This was basically X-Pac’s comeback
match after head injury #92984. They trade leg lariats after some
initial feeling out, and it picks up a bit when they make it outside and
X-Pac goes crashing into the timekeeper. Owen suplexes him onto the
Spanish announce table for good measure. Back in the ring and X-Pac
escapes a sleeper and hits the X-Factor, which was not yet established
as a finisher. The Broncobuster is almost blocked by Owen, but X-Pac
decides to ignore that and Owen is a good sport and sells it. Ending
breaks down as Owen gets the Sharpshooter on X-Pac while Vader and Mark
Henry fight outside the ring, allowing Chyna to DDT Owen for the X-Pac
pin. I could have done without the massively overbooked ending, but it
was a nice introduction to the “new” Sean Waltman after years of
luchadorial conquests. ***
– WWF World tag team title: The New Age Outlaws v. The New Midnight
Express. This is the only meeting on PPV between WWF and NWA World tag
team champs. Road Dog is still working the kinks out of the
catchphrase. Oddly, three of the four guys here would become legitimate singles
contenders in the WWF later, and the fourth (Bart Gunn) would be had he
not gotten knocked on his ass at WM15. The Smokin Gunns face off and do
a nice little sequence, then Road Dog ends up playing Ricky Morton.
Really good double-team stuff from the NME, but the crowd is not into
this. But then the match was added at the last minute so there’s no
angle here, which is a shame because it’s a fine match. Billy Gunn gets
the hot tag and goes for the piledriver on Holly, but Cornette nails him
with an NWA belt for a two count. Gunn comes back with a two of his
own, and Cornette gets involved again, only to get nailed by Chyna.
Took too long. The Outlaws go 2-on-1 on Holly and hit a double-team
stungun for the pin to retain the titles. I liked this match even more
this time around than I did the first time, oddly enough. ***1/4 It
was also the last good match the Outlaws had before descending into
catchphrase hell as Road Dog woke up one morning and realized that they
didn’t need to wrestle anymore.
– King of the Ring: Ken Shamrock v. The Rock. HHH is doing color at
ringside. They do a meaningless series of counters that ends with a
Shamrock kick that sends Rocky running for the hills. Looked good,
didn’t accomplish anything. We learn Chyna has joined the Spanish
commentary team and in fact speaks Spanish. Back in the ring, and Rocky
ends up going out of the ring again. he gets into a shoving match with
HHH as he passes by, and Shamrock ambushes Rock from behind to trigger a
brawl. HHH goes back to the commentary table and gets off his classic
“testes…testes…1…2…3??” line. Back outside the ring again for
more brawling. The Foley series taught Rock how to make that into an
art form. Back in the ring and Rocky pulls out the neckbreaker and DDT
for a two-count. Crowd starts with the “Rocky Sucks” stuff. People’s
Elbow (not yet named) gets two, and only half the normal reaction…but
the reaction was building at that point. Mundo resto from Rock. Layin’
The Smack Down DDT gets two, and Shamrock makes a brief comeback, and we
do a double KO. Shamrock up and he snaps, dropkick, powerslam for two.
Sloppy perfectplex gets two. Rock catches him with a powerslam of his
own for two. Rock goes for another DDT but Shamrock counters with a
northern lights suplex for two. Short arm clothesline from Rock for
two. Shamrock with his own for two. Shamrock tries a rana but gets
dropped on the top rope for two. Rocky argues with the ref, but that
gives Shamrock time to recover, and when Rocky stands over him and
trash-talks, Shammy rolls up and clamps on the anklelock for the
tap-out. Solid match with a good, CLEAN ending. ***1/4
– Hell in a Cell II: Mankind v. The Undertaker. Mick noted in a later
interview that his biggest mistake was asking Terry Funk for advice
before this match. Funk’s wisdom: “Start on top of the cage”. So they
do so, as Mick goads UT into climbing up the cage. It should be noted
that all the squares of fencing on the top are loose, so it wasn’t just
That One. So UT tosses Mick off the top of the cage onto the Spanish
table, and to be brutally honest, it lacks the same impact as when
you’re bombed and not expecting it. I mean, it was a nice bump and all,
but there wasn’t anything to build up to it. And on second viewing,
Mick guides himself down by holding onto the cage as he falls. I mean,
for full points on the dive, you have to free fall. The judges at the
Olympics wouldn’t allow a dive where the diver grabs the board to guide
himself, would they? Anyway, all jesting aside…Terry Funk comes out
to check on Mick and they stretcher him off, but Mick fights them off
and climbs the cage again to a big pop. Then comes the next Holy Shit
Bump, as UT gives Mick a half-assed chokeslam and Mick takes a bump
sixteen feet through the cage to the mat below. UT goes for the
ropewalk but Foley pushes him off and gives us the famous shot of the
tooth sticking out of his nose as his mouth bleeds. They fight to the
floor and UT rams the stairs into him. UT goes for a tope suicida but
Mick ducks and UT hits the cage…and blades on-camera. D’Oh! Back in
the ring and a Mankind piledriver on a chair gets two. Legdrop on a
chair gets two. Double-arm DDT, and Mick rolls under the ring and
retrieves his bag of thumbtacks. He puts the Mandible Claw on and UT
drops him on the thumbtacks. Chokeslam on the thumbtacks. Tombstone
finishes it. Okay, now for the major criticisms and why this is NOT a
****3/4 MOTYC.
– The actual moves done between the bumps were not well executed. The
chokeslam through the cage was sloppy, with Mick basically falling
backwards. UT did a pretty perfunctory tope, and then made the rookie
mistake of blading in clear view of the camera. That’s just sloppiness.
Go back and watch Badd Blood (which is the next rant scheduled —
patience, friends, patience) and compare with Shawn’s primo bladejob in
mid-air.
– There was only a few actual wrestling moves done — Legdrop, DDT,
Mandible Claw, chokeslam, tombstone. UT-Shawn, the closest WWF match to
compare with, had smaller bumps by Shawn, but more of them and more
intense ones, with better wrestling and better brawling in between them.
– The chokeslam bump was an accident.
– Undertaker was working on a broken ankle and was very limited in his
mobility.
Anyway, history has already judged this match as Match of the Year for
1998, but I thought Austin-Foley from Over the Edge was a better brawl,
and Vince took just as good a bump at St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.
Foley bumping does not a match make, it just makes more money for the
hospitals. My verdict: I’ll be more generous than Herb and go *, but
the “Holy shit” factor from first watching it is totally gone after
numerous replays have killed the uniqueness of the original viewing.
There you have it.
Main Event, First Blood, WWF Title: Steve Austin v. Kane. Since it’s
physically impossible for Austin to make Kane bleed, the result wasn’t
really in doubt, although the internet was in denial about that fact for
the weeks leading up to it. Kane whoops Austin’s ass for a bit, and the
cage mysteriously lowers. Kane whoops Austin’s ass some more, ramming
him into the cage some more. See, now how is less of a good match than
the UT-Foley one? Do the two bumps really add *** or so to it’s value?
Anyway, Kane gets caught in the cage and it mysteriouly starts to rise
again. They brawl to the entranceway. Austin takes his patented “go
for a piledriver but get backdropped” bump. They head back to the ring,
then brawl back outside again. Hebner takes a weak bump on the floor
and Kane tosses Austin back in and hits the flying clothesline. Austin
comes back and stomps him. Man, Hebner must have had another aneurism
out there or something, he’s been out forever. Mankind runs in with a
chair, and the cage lowers again as Mick take a Stuner for the company.
Stunner on Kane. Undertaker gets last run-in honors, swinging at Mick
with a chair but hitting Austin (who also blades on-camera) and the ref
wakes up to see that Kane is the new WWF champion. It should be noted
that Austin found not one, but TWO ways to job the title without
actually, you know, jobbing, in the same year. The other being
Breakdown with the double-chokeslam-double-pin ending. Match was
absolutely nothing. *1/2
The Bottom Line: Wildly divergent opinions on you-know-what aside,
there was some really solid wrestling in the form of Rock-Shamrock and
NAO-NME. Owen-XPac narrowly misses match of the night honors. And
Foley-UT is really worth a look, if only to make your own judgment on
it.
Recommended show.
