*Preface*
I went to a small, Catholic high school with a student population which barely pushed 700. Over the course of two years, the class below me (of about 100 students) lost FOUR girls to random, tragic events. Two of the girls were pretty, popular girls, and the other two were outcasts who were picked on and verbally berated by the entire school. When one of the “outcasts” dropped dead of a heart attack (at age 16), she suddenly had HUNDREDS of “best friends” who were in tears of mourning over her loss. This was one of the most revolting things I have ever seen. It was like an epidemic of prissy girls trying to garner sympathy for THEMSELVES because of their “loss.” The same holds true for Owen Hart. It PISSED me off to read countless columns on the internet about Owen, all of which started with the writer claiming, ‘This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.” That’s BULLSHIT. If writing a column about the death of Owen Hart is the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do, then I truly do feel sorry for you. You don’t know what it’s like to lose your husband, your father, or your son. If you do know what it feels like to lose someone close to you, then Owen’s death is obviously not the “most difficult thing you’ve ever had to face.” I don’t feel sorry for the pain that you went through writing your little column that had ZERO relevance to ANYTHING relating to the REAL world. Owen’s wife and children were the victims of May 15, 1999, not YOU. They lost their husband and father. So go cry yourself to sleep, but I have sympathy for the real victims. With that two plus years of pent up frustration out of the way…
-Hey there everyone !!! Thanks for coming back to my neck of the woods. I hope all of you guys had a f*cking AWESOME Thanksgiving. What’s that you’re saying ?? Speak up a little…. AHHH, You want to know how mine was ?? Well, since you asked, my Thanksgiving was GREAT. I got to see my twin brother, who I haven’t seen in a few months, and got to spend a lot of time with my family and some old friends. To cap it all off, I went to Disney World yesterday on my way back up to school (FSU) with a girl who I think just might be a keeper. On a side note, I’d like to give a massive shout-out to Josh Grut for his advice on this situation which just so happened to win her over. You are the man JG. Anyway, as long as I don’t find out anything completely off the wall about her (or unless she has the nerve to put on even ONE ounce of weight), I think I might actually like this one enough to make her my “girlfriend.” Those of you who know me well (which roughly equates to none of you) know that this isn’t something that happens often. I’ve got a bad habit of finding flaw in EVERY girl, so we’ll see what happens. Maybe she’ll wear a pair of stupid socks one day and I’ll have to give her the boot. Funny side story (as if ANY of you actually care)… Me, my twin brother Jay, and my cousin Jessie have been basically inseperable since the day that we all popped out of our respective wombs. We have a holiday tradition (the three of us) of finding some way to secretly get hammered every Thanksgiving so that our dear, sweet grandmother doesn’t have a coronary by finding out. Anyway, Jessie, being the absolute sweetheart that she is, brought a handle of Cuervo with her to the holiday feast. One by one we would take turns ducking into the bathroom like a bunch of middle-school rejects to take a few shots. About half an hour later we were all sufficiently buzzed, but looking to continue the fun. We were all jackassing around in my Grandma’s kitchen and found a box of Count Chockula cereal. For those of you square enough to not know what the stuff is, it’s basically deep-fried chocolate-corn clusters and low-grade “marshmallows” all carved into supposedly spooky shapes. How this constitutes “part of your healthy breakfast” is beyond me, but that’s beside the point. Anyway, on front of the box of cereal was a “Count Chockula’s Spooky Sounds of Halloween” CD which they were kind enough to throw in for “free” along with the $6 box of breakfast fun. My Mom was sweet enough to inform us that we were being too obvious with the drinking this year, so she suggested we move to plan B. Jessie grabbed the tequila and me and Jay headed to the car with the chocolaty cereal in tow. Me, Jessie, and Jay shut the doors, rolled up the windows, turned on the free cd, and continued the tradition for at least one more year. It’s fun to act like you’re sixteen again every once in a while. So anyway, early Friday morning I drop my car off at my local Pontiac dealer to get some stuff taken care of that was luckily still under warranty. I picked my car up early yesterday morning and headed a few exits up to pick up my friend Alexis. We get along really well, but we do have our occasional squabble. I was twenty minutes late picking her up because of the *cough cough* heavy traffic (with heavy traffic rougly equaling me oversleeping.) She told me that “Ken, for a 24 year old graduate student, you can be pretty immature sometimes.” I disagreed, saying that “For a 20 year old sophomore, you can be pretty immature sometimes.” She got offended, turned on the stereo, and cranked it up so she wouldn’t have to listen to my banter. Anyway, as soon as she hit the power bottom, the entire car resonated with “AH! AH! AH! I am Count Chockula, and I love Breakfast cereal. AH! AH! AH!” I guess it really went to prove her Ken Anderson immaturity theory, but we both got a good laugh out of it and didn’t fight for the rest of the day. In fact, we jammed out to the CD all the way to Disney World. “But Ken, we would care less about this stupid shit, we want to read about WRESTLING!” Fine then assholes, have your way…
-A hearty thank you to all of the 411 readers for making my video review of the Madison Square Garden Incident the most successful piece I’ve done so far here at the 411. It’s been said countless times already, but you guys rock the party. Before I forget, I got alot of people asking if there were any more pictures of the actual Clique group hug floating around. After extensive searching, I have managed to find what is probably the best photographic evidence of the “Incident” that is out there. It appears as if the camera man was actually inside of the cage for this shot.
-A few cheap plugs to get out of the way… I got an email recently from a fella named Matt regarding the Madison Square Garden Incident review. Matt questioned why I failed to include a good picture of Oz. Matt, you’re right, I should have included a good picture of Oz. So without further ado, Oz. The fun doesn’t stop there though with Matt, Matt also gave me the link to a tribute site he set up. This isn’t just your average fan tribute site though, this is a WARLORD tribute site. If you share the heterosexual love of the muscle-bound freak that Matt does, give it a look, you might just enjoy your stay. Read the email section if you’re bored. A Warlord fan actually beat cancer by gaining inspiration from the Warlord’s matches. While the Warlord site is all in good fun, this next site is not… Over on the other side of the world, there is a country called England. The English are a lot like us Americans, with a few notable exceptions. One of these exceptions is an undaunting love of Michael Cole. Yes, Michael Cole. On the other side of the pond, those kind hearted blokes have been kind enough to set up an entire Michael Cole fan site, complete with dashing Flash animations, multimedia, and downloads. Frightened yet ? You’ll be even more terrified to hear that my description is only the tip of the iceberg. Check out the site for the full extent of the horror… If you’ve got any unique links that you think the 411 readers might find interesting or funny, let me know and I’ll try to include most of them in subsequent reviews. A quick thank you to Eddie S. also for hooking me up with a copy of the Wrestlecrap CD. If my first daughter wasn’t already promised to Ben Morse, she’d be all yours bud…
-Last but not least, my real-life twin brother Jay has been making some noise himself as well lately in the online wrestling world. Check him out at The Smarks, PWTBS, and ProWrestlingColumns. READ him, I promise you that you will not be disappointed. If you are disappointed, then I had my fingers crossed behind my back anyway, SUCKER. Look for a possible blowout year-end column between the two of us that will be simulcast on the Smarks and 411wrestling if the pieces fall into place correctly.
-First and foremost, it wasn’t an easy decision to review this tape, but I feel as if it was a good decision. To those of you who may find it disrespectful or offensive that I am covering this tape, feel free to click “Back” on your browser and peruse some of the other quality content here on the 411. I completely respect anyone’s decision not to revisit this tragic night, but this show was too important in the grand scheme of things to shove it under the carpet like others have done. Again, completely understandable why people would chose not to review this tape, but I don’t feel as if I’m doing anything morally reprehensible by taking an honest, sensitive look at Over the Edge ’99 and the events surrounding its aftermath. This will be a departure for me as far as my style goes, as the ridiculously bad (and often times infantile) humor will be kept to a minimum and the star ratings will be non-existent. The match reports might not be as detailed as usual, simply because a D-Lo Brown headlock on X-Pac is not what the focus of this review was intended to be on. In fact, it would be a stretch to even call this a review, as it is more a look back at the night that should have changed wrestling, but instead had little to no impact on anything wrestling-related in the end.
-As always, this review is made possible by Jason at Wrestling Supercards and Tournaments, sexually charged lesbians, and readers like yourselves. Today’s review is brought to you by the letter ” D .”
-Over the Edge ’99 gets under way with a downright creepy montage, featuring clips of the Undertaker sitting on his flaming throne interspersed with clips of the Austin crucifixion angle. This Undertaker voice-over leads us into the show…
“Everything man has determined to destroy can be found within his own heart. Tonight the reckoning is upon us, Tonight darkness will seize the land, Destroy all you hold dear and make play-things of your heroes. Steve Austin, behold my awesome powers, I come to you tonight, Laden with sin, SEETHING with evil. Tonight I will strip you of that which you hold dear, and then I will devour your soul. For I am the Reaper of Men, the Chaser of Souls, I am the Weaver of Nightmares, the HEART OF DARKNESS. I am now, and forever will be, the Purity of Evil, an all encompassing darkness from which there is No Mercy, No Hope, NO ESCAPE.”
-And we are LIVE ON TAPE from the Kemper Arena in historic Kansas City!!!
-Quick Stats:
Date: May 23rd, 1999
Venue: Kemper Arena, Kansas City, Missouri
Attendance: 16,472 (sellout)
Gate: $453,893
PPV Rating: 1.1
-The pyros hit, fireworks explode, and Jim Ross welcomes us by ominously saying, “The Kemper Arena in Kansas City is sold out tonight, and we are ready to step OVER THE EDGE!” Ross, along with Jerry “The King” Lawler, will be holding our hands through this evening’s broadcast. They quickly discuss the main event before we head the ring for our opening match…
-WWF Tag Team Championship Match:
X-Pac and Kane (c) vs. D-Lo Brown and Mark Henry
X-Pac gets a HUGE pop for his entrance, as this was during a time when he was actually cool by association. Ross plays up the heart of X-Pac, noting all of the obstacles that he has had to overcome to get where he is today (size, injuries, etc….) Kane gets a pretty good pop too. The two give each other the “we’re friends, but we don’t need to hug each other or slap hands to project our friendship” look. D-Lo does the wobbly head thing as the crowd chants “D-LO SUCKS!” Unfortunately, D-Lo is not wearing the catcher’s vest at this point. Jim Ross informs us that “These four young dogs are ready to HUNT.” We do some crazy armdrags and arm wringers and armbars and what-not to start the match, with X-Pac using the referee for leverage in order to backflip out of a particularly nasty D-Lo arm-wringer. JR mentions the fact that X-Pac’s feet are “well educated.” I hear they finished fourth in their class, got a full ride at Duke, and were fluent in several foreign tongues. D-Lo hits some hard right hands to X-Pac and follows with a bodyslam, but X-Pac fights back and regains the advantage. D-Lo is set up for the Bronco Buster, but manages to move at the absolute last second. X-Pac is resourceful though, blocking the impact by landing feet first on the bottom rope. What a clever snap he is. D-Lo tags in Mark Henry, who is wearing “club clothes” tonight. The world’s strongest man is wearing a tight black shirt, stylin’ black slacks, and freshly polished loafers. I half-heartedly expect Ja Rule or Nelly to start blasting over the loud speakers and a big dance party reminiscent of MTV’s “The Grind” to break out, but alas, no luck. X-Pac figures Kane would probably be a better match for Mark Henry, so he tags the Big Red Machine in. The crowd goes bananas for the robot from hell, as he kicks and punches and kicks and punches and punches and punches and kicks and kicks the big Olympian. Henry is introduced to Mr. Uckle, whom you might know by his first name, Turnb. Kane goes to whip Henry into the corner, but Henry reverses and launches Kane into the very turnbuckle he was just introduced too. HOW IRONIC. Kane comes ricocheting out of the corner, and Henry hoists him up for a PRESS SLAM. That is f*cking IMPRESSIVE. Kane sure as hell didn’t come through hell, fire, and brimstone to sell the impressive move though, as he immediately gets up and is all like “ARGHHHHHHHH.” Henry tries to clothesline Kane, but Kane resourcefully ducks the big man’s arm and connects with a VERY nice standing dropkick. Kane comes off the ropes and hits the big leg drop, Brother. Henry immediately runs to the corner, tags D-Lo on the back and exits the ring as quickly as humanly possibly. D-Lo is NOT happy about having to get in the ring with the evil burn victim, but eventually does so under much duress. In a hilarious little exchange, D-Lo runs up to Kane and hits him with everything he’s got three times. Kane doesn’t even budge. D-Lo is all like “Ohhh DAMN!!!!” and starts whining. Katie unloads on D-Lo with a bevy of right hands and sufficiently grounds him with a big boot. X-Pac is tagged in and immediately connects with a spinning heel kick. The crowd noise is barely audible, but JR SCREECHES, “OOOOOOOOH YES!!!! That is one of the most SCINTILLATING moves in the game today!!!” Mark Henry sneaks in and hits X-Pac from behind, giving the edge back to the head-wobbling Catcher. D-Lo plays to the crowd, alluding to the fact that he is easily in control of X-Pac. The crowd is all like “No you’re not!” and D-Lo is all like “CURVE BALL, THROW A CURVE BALL.” Henry is tagged in and hits a legdrop of his own on X-Pac. Jim Ross mentions that Henry is “showing great elevation for a 400 pound man.” The King points out that Henry is also “Showing his underwear a bit as well with that move.” Ross stutters for a few seconds before saying, “Wellll……………. That doesn’t interest me.” D-Lo tags back in and hits the running powerbomb on X-Pac for a two-count. D-Lo goes to outside as if he was going for the frogsplash, but quickly springboards from the apron onto the middle rope, where he jumps straight up (facing away from the ring), turns in mid-air, does a flip, and lands in a legdrop position. I’m sure some of the dweebs out there know the specific Japanese name for this move (“But Ken, its called the Blue Thunder Togo Flaming Dragon Plunge”), but for arguments sake, we’ll call it the Rock Bottom. Anyway, X-Pac rolls out of the way of the Rock Bottom and tags Kane in. D-Lo also makes his corner and tags an agitated Mark Henry in. Kane grabs Henry and hits a picture-perfect tilt-a-whirl slam on him. Henry rolls to the outside, where X-Pac comes barreling over the top rope with a tope con something or another, but is caught by Henry to hammer home the fact that Henry is STRONG. GRRRR. Back in the ring, Kane is going to work on D-Lo brown, connecting with a really nice inverted suplex. Kane does the “I’m gonna cut this throat” motion, signaling for some type of move I’m sure, but Henry makes his way back in and clubs Kane from behind. D-Lo quickly covers Kane for the pin attempt, but Kane does the old “wait till the two-count and then throw your opponent (with his help) high into the air as if to say ‘I’m too FRESH to be pinned, sucka.'” D-Lo, Henry, and X-Pac end up fighting near the ramp on the outside, when suddenly Kane ascends to the top turnbuckle and comes SOARING off the buckle and into the crowd. This move was just incredible to watch. All four men are floored by the move. Kane tosses Henry back into the ring and comes soaring off the top rope again with a flying clothesline. This garners a two-count, thanks to the interference of D-Lo brown. X-Pac isn’t happy with the interference, so he goes ahead and does the whole Bronco Buster thing to D-Lo. The crowd explodes at the thought of one man rubbing his scrotum all over the mouth of another man. Something or another happens to Kane, but we don’t see it. Kane sits up, Taker style, and delivers a huge chokeslam to Mark Henry. He covers Henry for three and we’ve got a couple of winners on our hands here kids. Henry and D-Lo leave dejectedly, as X-Pac tries somewhat unsuccessfully to start a “Kane” chant. The little guy is just jumping all over the place all like “KANE! KANE! KANE! KANE!” and the crowd is all like “Uhhh…………… KA-Kane……” In their defense, “Kane” is a tough word to chant. In a rare instance, Jason over at Wrestling Supercards and Tournaments didn’t have match times for this event, so we are just gonna make up match times and pretend like they are accurate to the second….. (53:23).
-We go to the backstage area, where Michael Cole is standing by with his little microphone. Cole looks a lot different than he does now. He’s not kicking the frosted hair, and he looks to be noticeably pudgier than he is nowadays. I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and give him a skin fold test. Whatever the the hell that means, we’ll just ignore it, backspace isn’t a necessity. Anyway, Cole mentions the fact that Vince McMahon is questionable for his role tonight in the main event due to the attack on Heat which was orchestrated by his son Shane. Shane is the heel here tonight, and Vince is in the babyface phase of his face/heel/face/heel/face/heel/face/heel/face/heel role. Never fear to those of you who enjoy seeing Vince as a babyface and are saddened by his current day quasi-heel role, I’m sure we can all count on him ruining the main event of Wrestlemania yet again this year with a MONUMENTAL face turn. I’m waiting with baited breath… The deal here is that Vince and Shane are both referees in the World Title match tonight between the Undertaker and Stone Cold Steve Austin. Vince is pulling for Austin and Shane is pulling for the Taker. THE DRAMA!
-Kevin Kelly is in the back with Bob Holly, who is moments away from his historic match with Al Snow. Holly gives a borderline ridiculous interview about his imaginary childhood friend, which goes a little something like this….
“Kevin, when I was a chiiiiiiiild, I had an imaginary friend ,and his name was ‘Little Joe’. We did EVERYTHING together. We were playing in the living room one day, and a lamp got broke. I told my father, “Little Joe broke that lamp.” He didn’t buy it for ONE second, so I was the one who got punished. I was the one who got DISCIPLINED… Al Snow, tonight I’m going to take an implement of destruction and peel your head WIDE OPEN.” Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… Yeah.
WWF Hardcore Title Match:
Al Snow (c) vs. Hardcore Holly
The riveting, Hollywood-like story behind this match goes a little something like this… Al Snow had a stuffed deer head that he talked to or something, not sure what the details were. Holly did something bad to the deer head, again, not sure what. Now they are FIGHTING. Snow makes his way out to the ring, as Ross notes the fact that “Snow is goofier than a pet coon.” The two immediately beginning fighting in a very HARDCORE manner. Punches and kicks are exchanged, as are a few elbows. Snow backdrops Holly and clotheslines him over the top rope. The fight continues on the outside, with Al Snow whipping Hardcore Holly into the steel steps. Al Snow reaches under the ring and finds a HARDCORE cookie sheet with Bob Holly’s name written all over it. Holly objects though, stealing the deadly baking tool and plastering Snow over the head with it about a dozen times (possibly a bakers dozen, you’ll have to count for yourself). Holly rolls to the outside and retrieves the HARDCORE fire extinguisher. Holly tries to spray Snow with it, but forgets to pull the clip out. Snow knows how to use a fire extinguisher, so is kind enough to take it out of Hardcore Holly’s hands. Holly is sprayed right in the face with the extinguisher, to which Ross replies, “That can’t be healthy.” In case you were wondering, YES, this is the exact same hardcore match that the WWF has been using for close to three years now. Holly retreats to the outside to wipe off the white foam, but is followed by Snow. They do the old “put our arms around each other and walk up 130 flights of stairs” thing. The hardcore warriors make their way to the lobby, where they fight with such treacherous objects as funnel cakes, M&M’s, and Diet Coke. Holly rams Snow headfirst into the popcorn stand, HEAVILY pissing off the man who runs it. The guy is SCREAMING at Holly, but Holly pays him little attention. Lawler wonders, “Now who’s gonna pay for that popcorn?” Ross reassures him, telling him to “Stop whining, it’s not like it’s coming out of YOUR check.” Holly begins grabbing wrapped hotdogs and throwing them at the head of Al Snow. If there’s one thing that we can all agree on, it’s the fact that hotdogs are HARDCORE. More food is thrown, including some soda (Lawler: “I think that was caffeine free”) and some more funnel cakes (Ross: “Oh no! Not the deadly funnel cakes.”) Both men decide that snack time is over and go ahead and take the afternoon stroll back down the 130 flights of stairs. Lawler makes a joke about the deer head of Al Snow, to which Ross replies, “Real funny King. You probably laughed when Bambi got killed.” Lawler fires back with “What the hell are you talking about JR, Bambi didn’t even die.” Ross had no answer. Snow and Holly fight down on the floor amongst the crowd. A clueless cotton candy vendor walks by, just trying to earn enough money to feed his family and/or drug problems. Snow yanks at the vendor’s Cotton Candy rack, but the vendor REFUSES to give it to Snow. Snow continues to play tug-of-war with the vendor until he finally just gives up and shoves the poor guy to the ground and steals his rack of treats. Holly is blasted with the Cotton Candy. Snow throws Holly over the guardrail and back to ringside as we see the poor vendor in the background trying to salvage what is left of his inventory. Snow jumps up on the guardrail and drops a leg to the neck of Holly. Back in the ring, Holly is kicked squarely between the legs by Snow. Snow thinks over the hardcore checklist in his mind and comes to the startling realization that a few items have not been checked off yet. With this in mind, Snow rolls to the outside and gathers up the obligatory steel chair and table and throws them in the ring. Upon returning to the ring, Snow is greeted with a Holly dropkick. Holly sets Snow up for a delayed vertical suplex which he turns into a sit-down slam. Jim Ross notes that Holly likes to call the move the “Hollycaust.” Maybe it’s just me, but I consider that to be rather offensive for obvious reasons. Now I’m not the most PC guy myself sometimes, but it just doesn’t seem right to use the name of something like the holocaust in order to gain heat for your finisher. Oh well, what do I know. Holly covers Snow for the pin attempt. The referee counts one, Snow doesn’t move, two, Snow doesn’t move, and then stops just before three, although Snow still hadn’t moved an inch. A half second later Snow jerked his shoulder up. The whole thing just looked BAD. Even JR has no way to cover for the obvious mishap, so he instead changes the topic of conversation back to the dead deer. Lawler provides another laugh by saying, “When I was a kid it took me three hours to bury my pet cat.” Ross asks, “Why so long?” Lawler, “Damn thing wouldn’t stop moving.” HA. Holly starts screaming at the referee, so Snow sneaks up behind him and connects with the “SnowPlow.” Snow’s finisher only gains a two-count, as the crowd audibly groans. Snow fights his way over to Head with a big smile on his face, eventually trying to hit Holly over the head with it. Holly ducks and DDT’s Snow squarely onto a steel chair. Al Snow gets his shoulder up at the absolute last moment, and this time the crowd REALLY lets out a collective “will this match please end” groan. Holly sets up a table in the middle of the ring as both men fight over who has to go through it. Apparantly Snow won the argument, as Holly allows him to powerbomb him straight through the table. Snow covers Holly for three and this match comes to an end at (91:34). It’s just a shame to see what happened with Al Snow. He really is the Terry Taylor of the late 90’s. Instead of having this man displaying his truly incredible wrestling skills and showcasing his glowing personality, the WWF had him tossing funnel cakes at Bob “Sparkplug” Holly. What a shame…
-Michael Cole is again backstage, this time with Pat Patterson and Jerry Brisco. Brisco confirms the “internet rumor” that an ambulance is on the way to take care of Vince McMahon. As far as Pat Patterson is concerned, Vince’s ankle is broken.
-The moment that changed everything…
-We see a graphic for the next match, an Intercontinental Title match between The Godfather and The Blue Blazer. The Blue Blazer was of course played by Owen Hart. Despite the fact that many people still claim that the Blue Blazer gimmick was a way of punishing Owen Hart for his refusal to participate in angle where he would steal Debra from Jeff Jarrett, Hart was scheduled to leave the Kemper Arena with the WWF Intercontinental Title around his waste on May 23rd, 1999. As we see the teaser graphic telling us of the upcoming match, we suddenly hear the crowd explode. It’s not a “pop” kind of explode though, it’s a panicked type of explosion. We hear screams and chaos as we cut to the Blue Blazer promo montage…
*Dramatic, Heroic Music begins playing as we see clips of the Blue Blazer striking silly poses and performing funny mannerisms*.
“The Blue Blazer is back in the WWF, because the WWF needs the Blue Blazer Back!!!”
We are shown clips of the Blue Blazer ascending from the rafters in the same fashion as he was to do on this evening before things went terribly wrong…
“Why me ? Because the WWF needs a Superhero like the Blue Blazer.”
More clips are shown before the promo is ended with the Blazer saying…
“And one last thing in closing to all my little Blue Blazers, take your vitamins, say your prayers, and drink your MILK!!! WHOO!!”
The First Real Sign that something was NOT right:
JR: “Folks… Let’s take you now…. to an interview conducted tonight between Kevin Kelly and the Blue Blazer……… We’ve got big, big problems out here.”
Kelly: “Well Blue Blazer you’ve got a big match tonight, going after the Intercontinental title tonight when you take on the Godfather..”
Blue Blazer: “Oooh, the Godfather, just saying his name makes my blue blood boil. OHHH! The Godfather, my arch nemesis, he represents everything that’s wrong with the WWF. But fear not, because I, the Blue Blazer, will always triumph over evil doers, and you know why, because I always take my vitamins, say my prayers, and drink my milk, WHOOO!”
Big Trouble in Kansas City:
A very shaken Jim Ross addresses the home television audience as best as humanly possibly, but Ross quite understandably has trouble even stringing together simple sentences at this point.
“Ladies and gentlemen, when you’re doing live television, a lot of, uh, things can happen, and sometimes they are not good. The blue blazer, who we know is Owen Hart, was going to make a very spectacular, super-hero like entrance from the rafters and something went terribly wrong here. Uh, Certainly Owen Hart, the blue blazer, its a very serious situation here at this point in time is being attended to by… the EMT’s. This is NOT part of the entertainment tonight, we are … this is as real as… as real can be here. The EMT’s are … attending to Owen Hart in the ring now and we are … we are again at a little bit of a loss right now, I have been doing this for a lot more years than I would like to admit. And this is… this is one of the most shocking things that I have ever seen …. This is not… this is not your typical wrestling story-line. This is a real situation . Owen Hart was to ascend in a super-hero-like entrance from the ceiling of this arena and something terribly… terribly went wrong. I don’t know if a harness broke or what the malfunction was……. and… We are gonna keep our cameras on this crowd at this point in time, simply because…… We are… we are, ladies and gentlemen, going to move on as best as we can. Coming up in a few moments… trying to get our situation back together…. Coming up in a few moments it will be a very unique matchup… and certainly “All my Children” has nothing on the story of these four individuals who are about to get it on. ”
-We cut to a video package outlining the Val Venus, Debra, Jeff Jarrett, Nicole Bass love triangle… er.. love square that just had the internet buzzing for weeks.
-We cut back to a barely coherent Jim Ross:
“Well Ladies and Gentleman, uh, again, Owen Hart was scheduled to descend from the top, here, of the Kemper Arena… and again….. in a Super Hero like entrance in his Blue Blazer character. Something has gone terribly wrong… with the equipment that lowered Owen Hart down to the ring, and the… the… paramedics are working on Owen Hart. Let me tell you, we are going to have, and we have already had, some entertaining things… This is not part of the show. I don’t know any better way to put it, this is not a wrestling angle… This is real life. Owen Hart, with the equipment malfunctioning, is being attended to right now by a host of EMT’s… We are not… we are not going to put this on television, it is not a sensationalistic attempt, to uh, leave a mark on this event. It was a… again we don’t know exactly what malfunctioned, obviously something in the, in the apparatus we ASSUME, and that’s all we are doing is assuming, that that’s what went wrong… Unless Owen inadvertently released himself before he was near the ring… So again, we will have our mixed tag team matchup, we will have the rest of this broadcast, but the bigger issue now is that a human being, Owen Hart, has been terribly injured here on this live broadcast. So, we will again… there has been so many things that have happened here, but right now there is nothing more important than the health and the welfare of not only a great athlete, but a, a very unique and a good human being who is now being attended to the ring. And again, I can only reiterate the best way that I know how, and if I’m not being as articulate as I would like to be I hope you can understand, that this was not, I repeat, this was not a wrestling angle, this was not a part of the storyline, this was a terribly, terribly tragic situation, and the EMT’s now are giving Owen Hart external heart massage, there are… several, several folks are there to attend to him… Jerry Lawler back joining me here, King I was just reiterating to the fans, this is not part of the show, we are here to entertain and have fun, but this is neither..
(The King sits back down, looking white as a ghost and struggling to even talk)
Lawler: “…….. No…… It doesn’t… It doesn’t … look good …at .. all”
JR: “So again, the… Owen is being attended to, he is now leaving the ring, we are not going to sensationalize this event by taping it or by showing you what’s going on, and Owen Hart getting a tremendous ovation here as he is being carried from the ring, and thank GOD that the EMT’s who are already here tonight are standing by and were here and able to get here so quickly. And folks, again there’s so many things going on, we will keep you updated on the situation, and our mixed tag team match is coming up next, we will tell you that, and Kevin Kelly we do understand is standing by, let’s take you now to Kevin Kelly who I think is with Jeff Jarrett and Debra.”
-The crowd begins loudly chanting Owen’s name as he is carted from the ring, although many in the crowd still appear convinced that this whole thing was nothing more than an elaborate “work.”
-Kevin Kelly is on hand with Jarrett and Debra, and all three look like they are having trouble even standing up. Jeff Jarrett is holding his head in his hands and Debra is in tears. Kelly asks Jarrett about his match tonight, to which Jarrett replies, “Owen Hart, I’m praying for you Buddy.” Debra agrees and begins sobbing. Jarrett mumbles something half-heartedly about the match. Jarrett and Debra tell Owen they love him before making their way out to the ring.
