The SmarK Rant for WWE Summerslam 2013<\/p>\n
My first Summerslam rant in a lot of years.\u00a0 It’s historic!<\/p>\n
So adventures in cutting the cable, week two.\u00a0 Hulu Plus is AWESOME, well worth all the headache of routing through a VPN and faking US addresses and such to access in Canada.\u00a0 I’ve got the PS3 set up for Canadian streaming on Netflix so I can get UFC and Spongebob, and the Xbox for US streaming with Hulu and Netflix US, so that pretty much covers everything but CBS shows.\u00a0 However, that’s what antennas are for, even though here in Saskatoon we literally only get two channels over the air, here in 2013.\u00a0 So far so good otherwise.<\/p>\n
Live from Los Angeles, CA<\/p>\n
Your hosts are Michael Cole, JBL and Jerry Lawler<\/p>\n
Ring Of Fire Match:\u00a0 Kane v. Bray Wyatt<\/b><\/p>\n
So unlike an Inferno match, the ring of fire in the title is only there to keep the Wyatt Family away from the ring, which pretty much guarantees that it won’t.\u00a0 Kane pounds on him to start, but Wyatt gets a cheapshot to take over, before Kane suplexes him to cause a flare-up.\u00a0 That’s quite the suplex. \u00a0Kane misses a charge and Wyatt puts him down with a bodyblock, which earns him a flare as well.\u00a0 At least the fire isn’t partisan.\u00a0 Nothing worse than a supernatural force that plays favorites.\u00a0\u00a0 Kane boots him down and follows with a corner clothesline and the chokeslam.\u00a0 The family tries to extinguish the flames and help, but apparently they’re not familiar with how a gas-based flame works.\u00a0 Kane chokeslams Wyatt a few times, but this time a blanket gets tossed on the fire to smother it, allowing the inevitable run-in and beatdown.\u00a0 The crowd is pretty sure Undertaker is gonna make the save, but no one does, and Wyatt finishes with the downward spiral at 7:48.\u00a0 I really hate stipulation matches where the finish is based on someone defeating the entire purpose of the stipulation.\u00a0 In fact, I’m currently writing a top 10 list of Finishes That Make Me Want To Punch Vince Russo In The Face.\u00a0 This sort of thing will definitely be on there.\u00a0 *1\/2<\/p>\n
Damien Sandow v. Cody Rhodes<\/b><\/p>\n
Cody slugs away and gets a backdrop out of the corner, and a front suplex for two.\u00a0 Tellingly, the crowd seems to be more on Sandow’s side here, probably because Cody has been booked like such a dick since his \u201cface turn”.\u00a0 Sandow takes over with a suplex for two and counters out of Crossroads, which sets up the ELBOW OF DISDAIN.\u00a0 By the way, Google Translate says that should be \u201ccubito fastidio”, so I hope someone got fired over THAT blunder.\u00a0 Sandow goes up and Cody brings him down with a slam for two.\u00a0 Cody makes the comeback with a springboard dropkick, but the disaster kick misses and Sandow hits a neckbreaker for two.\u00a0 Sandow with a sunset flip that Cody blocks for two, and the disaster kick gets two.\u00a0 Blind charge misses and Sandow gets a rollup for two.\u00a0 Cody finishes with the Crossroads at 6:40.\u00a0 Felt like it would have been better suited to a TV match, but it was fun and fast-paced.\u00a0\u00a0 ***<\/p>\n
World title:\u00a0 Alberto Del Rio v. Christian<\/b><\/p>\n
Christian dumps him and we get the chase, but Christian gets the advantage off that before going up and taking an enzuigiri.\u00a0 Del Rio goes to work on the arm, but misses the charge and hits the floor.\u00a0 Back in, Christian comes back with a missile dropkick for two and a high cross for two, but the arm is still injured.\u00a0 Del Rio tries a suplex, blocked by Christian, but a backstabber gets two.\u00a0 He goes for the armbar, but Christian cradles for two.\u00a0 Del Rio hits him with an enzuigiri for two, but misses a senton and Christian gets a flying elbow.\u00a0 They fight to the top and Del Rio blocks a sunset flip, but Christian keeps coming with a rana for two.\u00a0 Del Rio blocks the spear with a dropkick for two.\u00a0 Great timing there.\u00a0 Del Rio goes for the armbar again, but Christian reverses out, and Del Rio superkicks him for two.\u00a0 Another try is reversed by Christian for two, and he follows with a spear out of nowhere.\u00a0 The arm is injured, though, and Del Rio gets the armbar.\u00a0\u00a0 Christian fights like crazy, but taps at 12:29.\u00a0 They had a hell of a match on Smackdown two weeks ago and this was another great one, albeit a bit more abbreviated, but much faster paced.\u00a0 ***1\/2<\/p>\n
Natalya v. Brie Bella<\/b><\/p>\n
Welcome to your weekly commercial for Total Divas.\u00a0 But I guess it’s working, so what do I know?\u00a0\u00a0 They exchange slaps and Brie bails to the floor, allowing Nattie to get suckered out there for a cheapshot from Nikki and the other chick.\u00a0 Brie takes over while the crowd ignores the match and chants whatever dumb stuff comes to mind.\u00a0 Natalya gets the Sharpshooter, but Brie escapes for some reason and it’s the Battle of the E! Network Stars on the floor.\u00a0 Brie with a sunset flip for two and a knee on the ropes as this is way, way, way too long.\u00a0 Nattie mercifully finishes with the Sharpshooter at 5:18.\u00a0 \u00bd*<\/p>\n
Brock Lesnar v. CM Punk<\/b><\/p>\n
Slugfest to start and Brock overpowers him, as we FINALLY get someone doing the David v. Goliath story against Brock.\u00a0 Brock throws him around the ring like a child and chokes away in the corner, but Punk throws knees and puts him on the floor.\u00a0 He follows with a suicide dive, but Brock just runs into him.\u00a0 Punk runs him into the post and follows with a double axehandle to the floor, and a clothesline off the announce table.\u00a0 Sadly, he decides to go after Heyman, and Brock clobbers him from behind and then biels him into the table.\u00a0 Now this is how you use Lesnar!\u00a0 They should pay Jeff Hardy a million dollars so Brock can throw him around the arena like a ragdoll and toss him off a stage or something.\u00a0 Brock with an overhead suplex on the floor, but Punk is still fighting in the ring.\u00a0 Brock casually swats him down again and goes to the bearhug, but Punk elbows out of it before running into a knee.\u00a0 Back to the bearhug and some QUALITY trash talk from Brock (\u201cYou’re my punk bitch now!”) , but Punk fights back with kicks again and goes up, only to get caught in a fallaway slam.\u00a0 Brock is more amused than troubled by this momentary setback.\u00a0 Backbreaker into a powerslam gets two.\u00a0 Back to the bearhug, but Punk bites the ear to escape and puts him down with a knee.\u00a0 The running knee hits twice, but a third one is caught, so Punk hits the high kick instead.\u00a0 Macho Elbow gets two.\u00a0 GTS is easily countered by Brock, so Punk hits him with ANOTHER high kick.\u00a0 GTS is caught in a kimura and the crowd is freaking the fuck out, rightly so.\u00a0 So Punk turns it into an armbar, and then a triangle choke, and then Brock just powerbombs the shit out of him.\u00a0 Punk won’t let go, however, and Brock threatens to tap, but then MANS UP and tries another powerbomb.\u00a0 So Punk keeps beating on him with elbows, and Brock takes them all and powerbombs him anyway, because FUCK YOU CM PUNK, YOU WILL BE POWERBOMBED.\u00a0 Brock Lesnar is a real man.\u00a0 Brock with rolling vertical suplexes just to spit on Eddie Guerrero’s grave, because FUCK YOU EDDIE GUERRERO, TOO.\u00a0 How can you not love this guy?\u00a0 Brock stops to grab a chair, but Punk keeps coming with a dive\u2026that hits the chair.\u00a0 Oops.\u00a0 Punk, however, also mans up and fights through it, using the chair to beat on Brock because he’s good and pissed off.\u00a0 Back in the ring, Brock gets the chair, but Punk hits him in the nuts and insults his manhood as well.\u00a0 Punk to the top with the chair, and he drops a flying chair elbow for two.\u00a0 Subtly out the window, Punk just starts hitting him with the chair and hoping for the best, but Heyman taunts him into getting distracted again.\u00a0 Punk holds onto Heyman’s tie to block the F5, and hits the GTS for two, with Heyman making the save.\u00a0\u00a0 Punk goes after Heyman one last time, and runs into the F5, but he counters THAT into a DDT for two!\u00a0 Anaconda Vice looks to finish, but Punk gets distracted by Heyman again, finally getting his punch to the face\u2026and Brock just WAFFLES him with the chair.\u00a0 And now there’s no more comebacks, as Brock just ends him with the chair and finishes with the F5 on the chair at 25:14.\u00a0 This was everything I love about professional wrestling in one match, lacking only a gory bladejob by Punk.\u00a0 This is the match that they should have brought Brock back into the promotion with.\u00a0 *****\u00a0 And now Brock can disappear until he returns at the Rumble to win the WWE title, I’d bet.\u00a0 CM Punk looks like the biggest babyface who ever babyfaced coming out of this. \u00a0Note to HHH:\u00a0 This is how you book someone against Lesnar.<\/p>\n
Big E Langston & AJ Lee v. Dolph Ziggler & Kaitlyn<\/b><\/p>\n
This would be the very definition of a PPV death slot.\u00a0 In fact I’m shocked they didn’t stick that shitty Divas match here instead.\u00a0 Big E pounds on Dolph with an abdominal stretch, but it’s over to the ladies.\u00a0 Kaitlyn with a backbreaker, but AJ spinkicks her for two.\u00a0 Question:\u00a0 What was the point of Stephanie’s verbal abuse of these two that week?\u00a0 It never led to anything and was never mentioned again.\u00a0\u00a0 AJ with a back elbow for two and a sleeper, apropos for this match.\u00a0 Back to Dolph and Langston, as Dolph drops the elbows, but E gets a knee to the back for two.\u00a0 Kaitlyn and AJ brawl on the floor and Big E lays out Dolph for two.\u00a0 Zig Zag finishes at 6:37.\u00a0 First PPV win for Dolph in a LONG time.\u00a0 Match was pretty boring.\u00a0 **<\/p>\n
WWE title:\u00a0 John Cena v. Daniel Bryan<\/b><\/p>\n
They trade wristlocks to start and Bryan takes him down by the bad arm, so they do a test of strength and Cena decides to disprove the crowd’s claims about his lack of wrestling ability.\u00a0 Bryan wins that battle with a monkey flip and goes for the arm, so Cena bails to regroup.\u00a0 Back in, they work off a headlock and Bryan gets a backslide for two.\u00a0 Bryan takes him down and into the surfboard, but Cena powers out and shoulderblocks him off the apron and into the table.\u00a0 Nice bit of subtle heel business there.\u00a0 They fight on the floor, and Cena suplexes him off the stairs.\u00a0 Crowd:\u00a0 \u201cYou still suck”.\u00a0 Ouch.\u00a0 Back in, that gets two.\u00a0 Cena slugs away and whips him into the corner, then follows with a sitout powerbomb for two.\u00a0 Bryan slugs back and throws kicks in the corner, but Cena catches him with a knee, so Bryan gets a clothesline and fires away with the kicks.\u00a0 Cena comes back with the FIVE MOVES OF DOOM and the crowd explodes with hatred, but Bryan kicks him in the face on the five-knuckle shuffle.\u00a0 Another try hits, but Bryan escapes the FU and goes up with the missile dropkick for two.\u00a0 Cena is still down, so Bryan starts kicking the hell out of the bad arm and then applies an STF to hopefully teach him how to do it.\u00a0 Cena powers out, so Bryan suplexes him for two.\u00a0 German suplex gets two.\u00a0 Yes-Lock follows, and Cena powers out of that as well, so Bryan hooks him in a guillotine next.\u00a0 Cena powers out of that as well, as that seems to be the story of the match, with Cena using what limited skillset he possesses to fight off Bryan.\u00a0 Cena with an FU out of nowhere for two, and he goes up, but Bryan keeps coming with strikes and a superplex.\u00a0 Bryan stays on top and follows with the flying headbutt, which gets two.\u00a0 Cena bails again, but this time draws him in for a forearm to block a dive.\u00a0 Back in, Cena with the flying legdrop for two.\u00a0 To the top, but Bryan fights him off with elbows and tries a rana, countered by Cena into the STF.\u00a0 Again, Cena goes to sheer brute force to counter Bryan.\u00a0 That’s a solid storyline.\u00a0 Bryan rolls out, so Cena turns it into a rear naked choke, and Bryan turns that into the Yes-Lock.\u00a0 Cena makes the ropes, so Bryan starts throwing dropkicks in the corner, before running into a massive lariat.\u00a0 JBL is all about that one, of course.\u00a0 They slug it out to build to the epic finale, and both guys are out.\u00a0 The slug it out again and Bryan goes nuts on him, but Cena catches him for the FU, which Bryan turns into a DDT.\u00a0 To the top, but Cena catches him with another FU, which Bryan reverses into the SMALL PACKAGE OF DEATH for two.\u00a0 Bryan kicks him down again and finishes with a shining wizard to win the WWE title at 26:52.\u00a0 Finish was a bit out of nowhere (the small package really should have ended it, but I think they messed it up a bit and called an audible) but this was tremendous, high-level stuff that saw Bryan go over John Cena clean as a sheet to get made as a tippy top guy forever.\u00a0 I didn’t have the same emotional connection that I did to Brock-Punk, however, so I gotta go a bit lower.\u00a0 ****3\/4\u00a0 But then in the midst of Bryan’s long-earned celebration, Randy Orton comes out to cash in\u2026and special referee HHH (who had figured so little into the match that I didn’t even need to mention him before now) turns on Bryan with a Pedigree.\u00a0 Orton pins Bryan to rip the hearts out of everyone and win his millionth title.\u00a0 Told you so. \u00a0Here’s the thing though, guys:\u00a0 The title isn’t the title, John Cena is the title.\u00a0 Bryan remains a star, Orton gets his heel turn, revenge can be had later on.<\/p>\n
The Pulse<\/b><\/p>\n
Best Summerslam ever?\u00a0 All evidence points to \u201cYES!”<\/p>\n
Thumbs way up.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The SmarK Rant for WWE Summerslam 2013 My first Summerslam rant in a lot of years.\u00a0 It’s historic! So adventures in cutting the cable, week two.\u00a0 Hulu Plus is AWESOME, well worth all the headache of routing through a VPN and faking US addresses and such to access in Canada.\u00a0 I’ve got the PS3 set … Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":36,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","filesize_raw":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[100138,2082,7767,23],"tags":[109908,108322,113407,109864,109795,108327,109871,109314,110692,109841,100019],"zone":[121870],"series":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/insidepulse.com\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/insidepulse.com\/feed\/podcast\/inside-pulse","embedCode":"The SmarK Rant for WWE Summerslam 2013<\/a><\/blockquote>