Once more Idol will hype up the concept of the Final 12, but only the Top 10 kids get to go on tour. Two of the kids celebrating tonight are still doomed to spend the summer hanging out next to the 7-Eleven reminding their friends that there was conspiracy to silence their talent. How they could have made it if they’d only laughed at Ellen’s banana jokes. At least after tonight we’ll be free of 4 more of the weakest voices yet.
The show opens with a montage of the week’s highlights. Ellen says, “This is your night to shine.” These 16 aren’t reliable dazzlers. They reveal the 12 barstools. Ryan promises us a surprise or two. So that means two or three kids are getting a slashing they deserved.
We’re going to get a duet from Matt Giraud and Scott MacIntyre. Talk about amazing booking skills. They flash a picture of Randy’s head stuck on the bikini boy’s body. Why must we suffer with our eyes and ears?
The group auto-tune pre-recorded song and dance is Michael Bouble’s “Haven’t Met You Yet.” This musical moment is more clean cut with less energy than Up With People. People move around crime scenes with more passion. This is like a bubble gum moment that would be featured on a Hanna-Barbera cartoon.
The breaking news is the next night is going to feature the Rolling Stones songbook. Please let someone choose “Stupid Girl.”
Ryan has Didi Benami come down to the stage. Will she be sent to the 12 bar chairs of the future? Yes. Although it has leaked out that Didi is friends with one of Kara’s songwriting buddies. Is she a plant? She’s planted until next week. Siobhan Magnus is next. She feels comfortable on the stage. Ellen agrees and wants her to keep doing what she’s doing. The callers want that too. She’s in the 12 stool club. Paige Miles and Katelyn Epperly are brought down together. This is a battle between mediocre and a woman who pleaded for Michael Jackson funeral fans. Simon thought Paige had the most potential. Paige has made it into the Top 12. Katelyn is cut. Jacko is the winner. Katelyn is forced to drudge through “I Feel the Earth Move.” Didi claps like she’s in physical therapy to overcome the onset of Zombie-itis. Katelyn’s farewell song doesn’t make us miss her more. She’s tearful. Should have cried more last night.
Now it’s time to sort through 4 guys. Ryan has Tim Urban, Casey Jones, Todrick Hall and Lee Dewyze come onto the stage and lines them up. He has to remind us that Casey stripped for Kara. Casey heads to a stool. Tim Urban is also sent to the stools. The last minute callback is now part of the Top 12. Lee and Todrick are shoulder to shoulder. Has Todrick’s munchkin scandal worked against him? Yes. Todrick is gone. Lee Dewyze is through. Did Todrick have less callers or became too messy for Simon Fuller to handle? He sounds better tonight doing Queen’s “Somebody to Love.” He sounds like he should have been eliminated in the Top 4.
Matt Giraud and Scott MacIntyre duet on Billy Joel’s “Tell Her About It.” This only serves to remind us what a better job they did in picking last year’s contestants. Although they’re not exactly superstars. This seems to be a tour destined for a dueling piano bar near you. Scott’s got a new album and a website. Matt had a #1 on the iTunes Jazz Chart.
Time for another girl or guy to have their heart broken and dream destroyed. Crystal Bowersox gets up from the row. Without much surprise, she’s through to the stools. Michael Lynche is next. Is there really that much tension? They do remind us that Kara was brought to tears. He’s sent to the stools. Lacey Brown stands up. Does she know who she wants to be as an artist? She just wants to be herself. That’s not an answer, but it doesn’t matter. She’s part of the 12. Aaron Kelly gets brought down and directed to the stools. Two stools empty and four people left. Alex Lambert and Andrew Garcia are brought down. These were my two least favorite from last night. Both deserve to get cut. Andrew Garcia gets the stool. Alex Lambert gets more time with his mullet. Alex is pissed that he couldn’t show America what he could do. They keep flashing crying shots of Siobhan. Were they an item? Let the tongues wage about the mullet and the glass blower. That could be series on Spike. Alex is more raspy as he gets through “Trouble” one last time.
All that is left is Lilly Scott and Katie Stevens. Is this the big surprise we’ve been promised? This would be a major upset if Katie isn’t set packing. She was lifeless while butchering Kelly Clarkson. Kara is confused why this is the face off. Ryan takes his time with the words. Katie gets the final seat. Are you kidding? Ryan asks Lilly Scott what went wrong? How the hell should she know? It’s not like Ryan gives the actual numbers at the end of the show. Lacey, Paige and Didi have no business on the stools. The good thought is Lilly Scott might be the kind of performer that can get a following outside the show. The bad thought is she has to wait a year for her management contract with the show to end (if they don’t renew it) so she doesn’t have to put money in Simon Fuller’s pocket.
The four people eliminated are Lily Scott, Todrick Hall, Alex Lambert and Katelyn Epperly. Crystal Bowersox looks shellshocked on the stage. She knows the people calling aren’t rooting for talent. It doesn’t matter how good you are. You just have to cry after the judges speak. This is the worst Top 12 ever. Comeback Taylor Hicks! All is forgiven!
