Impact Wrestling 3-16-17 – LAX Returns & Alberto El Patron Faces EC3

We see the finish of Alberto vs. Lashley before “last week after Impact” has Josh talk about how Lashley didn’t use the belt and he isn’t playing a heel commentator from 1987. Alberto comes backstage and Bruce Prichard tell him to not take the win that way. Alberto argues with Bruce and says he’s the pride of Mexico. So I guess he’s a delusional heel now…after one show. We see Alberto meet with the executive board and vacate the title. Alberto wants a rematch, but Dutch says it won’t be mandatory. We get a recap of the “Make Impact Great” stuff.

Alberto has been added to the Impact intro, along with more shots of the owl. Alberto comes down and rants about office people taking the title away from him. but he’s not a talker – he’s a badass and a fighter. He wants Lashley, but gets EC3, so they bicker for a bit. Alberto puts his arm around this neck like a jerk and they brawl. So ADR has been here for not even two full shows and he already has two feuds going on. We get a recap of Hardys fighting kangaroos before teleporting and Decay claiming the titles. Dutch and the committee talk about the tag title situation needing further investigation. Pat Kenney runs through things logically – Decay said that Vanguard One landed and they pinned the Hardys. Bruce Prichard says he has a way to handle this. I hope it involves a barb wire Christmas tree.

JB hypes up ECE vs. Alberto on THE HOT NEWS HOTLINE – 1-900-909-9900. THE WCW HOTLINE LIVES! Josh bitches and moans before hyping up a Tyrus and Eli Drake video package. That’ll turn the Titanic around. Loredo Kid and Garza Jr. come out to face them. Yup. Put them in there with Tyrus to really showcase them. JB hypes up Loredo Kid as a 14-year veteran at 30, so Josh, WHO IS OLDER THAN THIS, calls him middle aged. JB hypes up the NOAH and CRASH partnership before Josh talks about how everyone is coming in to take photos with him. Loredo gets a chance to shine against Eli, but that grinds to a halt against Tyrus. Garza gets a schoolboy win and beats Eli. Well, that really didn’t do much for anyone in here.

JB hypes up Moose being in Japan for NOAH. We see Storm, Eddie, and Moose arrive. Storm is just acting like the Cowboy again. Kayci Quinn is mid-ring to face Brandi Rhodes. Cody tells Kayci that hey, they’ve seen you – just stand in the corner. Cody has the GFW NEX-GEN Title again, which hasn’t been explained once again. Cody makes Brandi leave before Rosemary comes down to beat up Kayci. EC3 comes down to pose with a guy in a Bullet Club shirt. Thanks to the building having lighting again and the fans doing the wave with his theme, it makes him come off like a big deal. Josh goes off on Alberto “using the physical championship”. You aren’t in WWE – just say “belt”!

 

Alberto and EC3 engage in perfectly fine, but nothing amazing action. Nice posting of the shoulder to EC3 by Alberto. Josh hypes up the return of Suicide tonight while Pope talks about taking him out years ago. EC3 backdrops him to the floor as Raw…err..Impact rolls on. Back and forth punches on their knees. Alberto waits a thousand years to do the double stomp, so EC3 thankfully pulls him down because he isn’t a moron. TK3 hits, but he can’t follow up. Another TK3 hits, but he goes to grab a chair. Kneeling superkick hits EC3 and Alberto gets the armbar and EC3 taps for the first time ever. Alberto gives him some props and they hug. Okay then.

Reno Scum chats with McKenzie Mitchell and cuts a bad Road Warriors promo. Their names might as well just be Indy Geeks. They say “oy” a lot and sound horrible. EC3 is backstage and kicks a trash can. A fan holds up a Fire Josh Matthews sign. Maybe Josh is just bitter over everyone messing his name up. We see the Suicide Signal and Suicide come back to life. Well, his theme is pretty cool and the costume is good too – so why not bring the gimmick back? Andrew Everett comes out to what sounds like a cheap knock-off of “Vertebreaker”. Braxton comes down with Allie and Lee has Helms. The title is on the line and they bring up how Lee doesn’t even have to be pinned to lose the title. Springboard SSP from Everett. Suicide hits an inverted powerslam/exploder thing. Everett hits a double Pele before we get a tower of doom. LVN comes down in her wedding dress and eating chocolate cake. She grabs Allie and Braxton helps Allie out. Lee knees Braxton and retains. Well, that sure got him over! She waves at folks while an old guy with a ghost white beard and black cape walks behind. TNA needs to hire this guy – as a fan, he stands out more than half the roster. She brings out Sienna to intimidate Allie and then…they just go to a break.

Moose talks about how great Impact is. Bruce comes out and says that titles are won and lost in the ring – and not IN OUTER SPACE OR THE INTERNET. Bruce says that in two weeks, they’ll take the top four tag teams in TNA and crown new champions. Decay, Reno Scum, Garza Jr. and Loredo Kid, before LAX returns. Konnan and Homicide run wild before the two new unnamed members of LAX kick ass. Gringo Killa to Crazzy Steve! Konnan comes out and cuts an intense promo about living and dying in LAX – this wasn’t amazing, but still the best promo on TNA TV in eons.

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