Cheap Heat 1.22.01: Rumble Ramblings

I'm not the recapper for 411, but I just wanted to clock in with some quick thoughts about the Rumble. It's 2:30 am, I'm putting off writing a communications program in C++ (which I already put off four hours for wrestling) and I haven't procrastinated enough.

I just want to say how impressed I was with the Rumble this year. Overall, as an event, it was utterly fantastic. I enjoyed almost every minute of it. The only things I didn't enjoy:

First and Foremost, the Chyna paralyzation angle. I don't like Chyna, she bores me. I don't think she's incredibly talented and I don't think she should be wrestling the guys. In all honesty, I buy Lita more than Chyna. Lita/Malenko was impressive. Chyna just sort of pollutes everything she's involved in. She impressed me in ONE match ever, against Jericho for the IC title. Now, in an effort to make people care about her, they're running this thing with the RTC. Granted, the RTC are heat machines. People boo them because they can't boo the real thing. Think the PTC really cares what anyone thinks about them or what they're doing? Think again. They know what's good for us, we don't. The RTC is frightening in their accuracy.

But, I digress… back to Chyna. I can't stand when federations run angles and want to sell them as real. First of all, we know everything is fake (besides Sid's injury… good god) and JR busting out his "this is serious" voice. Lawler leaves the announce position and drops into his own "this is real" schtick. Especially considering she didn't do anything too serious. I mean, if they came in and spike piledrove her again or, Heaven forbid, Billy Gunn turned on her and gave her a fameasser, THEN sell it as cataclysmic. As it stood, the stretcher job did nothing but waste five or seven minutes better spent on the Dudley vs Edge/Christian. I don't care to see Lawler or JR in their serious mode unless something is for real. My God, is it any wonder people wondered, however idly, that we were being worked when Owen died?

So, we waste some good time on Chyna, and take some time from the Tag Title match. Which was also a good match, but could have stood a bit longer. I like how no one really cares if any actually goes THROUGH a table, so long as Buh Buh calls for the table. I would also like to thank Buh Buh for immediately putting the belt around his neck. Someone in the WWF is looking out for me.

I also see Kurt Angle's title reign lasting, approximately, until the main event of tonight's RAW. Does anyone NOT see how it's going to end? If they're planning on Austin/HHH, which seems more and more likely, then tonight's main event is going to see Austin running interference in HHH's match, having it backfire, and winning HHH the title. Of course, I also assumed the finish of the Angle/HHH match was going to have Austin stunning the both of them and draping HHH's arm over Angle, so it shows you how much I know. As it stood, I really didn't understand putting Angle over HHH the way they did. All it succeeded in doing is making Angle look weaker than he already does. Angle has yet to beat anyone in his title reign. I don't know if it's a solid plan the WWF is laying in place, or the hesitance of the workers to put Angle over. Except for the finish, I thought the title match was solid. Except for Triple H's music. No one who has Motorhead doing their theme deserves any type of championship. How does a man go from the best entrance music in wrestling to the god-awful worst?

I would also like to spend a moment drooling over Benoit and Jericho's work in the ladder match. I didn't see Jericho taking the IC belt, but I can't complain. Both of them worked their Canadian asses off.

The Rumble itself was the most entertaining I've seen in some time. Not entirely predictable and enough shocks thrown in there to make it worth watching. Drew Carey managed to show us, again, that the WWF knows how to handle celebrity guests. People just care to see the celebrity, not the celebrity doing anything important. Also, you should have heard my PPV group ERUPT when the Honky Tonk Man made his appearance. And then a similar-type eruption when the afro emerged. I figured Haku and Phatu, the former tag team and fellow Island Boys, make some reference to their past. I think it would have been very amusing if Haku had pinned Raven for the Hardcore Title during the Rumble. It makes me wonder if Haku is going to be a permanent fixture in the WWF now, simply because I don't see WCW booking him again. But then, I also don't see how they can hold it against him when they don't even respect him enough to give him a contract. The risks you take when you book a champion on a per appearance deal. It also showed me how much more fun an event can be when you cut yourself off from the Internet in the days before it. I had no idea who was going to show up, which made it all that much more exciting when they did.

I'm also completely ECSTATIC the Rock didn't win. Until they do something else with the catchphrase-spewing, announcer-insulting tough guy, I really don't care much for him. The Rock is played out. He doesn't do anything impressive in the ring anymore. Punch, spinebuster, lame-ass elbow (THAT SHOULD NOT EVER BE USED AS A FINISHER!!!!!), float-over DDT, Samoan Drop, and some kicks. I'm so happy he didn't win. The finish I expected after the Big Show (who was also a pleasant surprise) chokeslam was a Rocky stretcher-job which would lead into an "I was never really eliminated" match between he and whoever the winner was. I guess the Samoan Superman couldn't bear to be put down with a seven-foot chokeslam through a table. Either that, or they weren't willing to give us Rock/Austin on a blowoff PayPerView. I just hope they let the main event of Mania be a singles match, and not a three way dance or a fatal four way. How much more interesting would the Rock be as a heel aligned with Rikishi and now, possibly, Haku? Anything beside what he does over and over every week.

Somewhere, I got way the hell off track. But, now that it's 3 am (I must be lonely?) and I have to go to class and ship my girlfriend to Connecticut in the morning. Anyway, the Rumble was great and, if you didn't get it, order the replay. It's definitely worth watching if only for the ladder match. Now starts the countdown to next Sunday, where my Giants will royally whip the skin off of N'Sync. Err… nevermind, that's just kind of a personal wish. Whip the skin off the Ravens. If you don't like it, too damn bad. That's just the way it is. When the Giants make it to the dance, they don't disappoint.

Of course, considering it'll be a 10-6, no offense at all, god-awful bore of a Super Bowl… THEY'RE STILL GOING TO WIN IT. If only as a birthday present to me.

Just bring lots of beer, then you won't care how slow a game it is.