Hello again. I’m Flea and this is The Monday Edition. Hopefully you all have done your true American duty and watched Game Seven of the World Series. As of this writing the game is not over, so good luck to both teams and rah rah rah to all you fans of the same teams.
Just please remember, as you cheer for your favorite teams (this includes all sports) do NOT refer to the team’s actions as “weâ€Â. Example: “WE almost had the Yankees beat if WE had not put in the Korean dude.†YOU are not on the f*cking team and never will be. It’s okay to say “THEYâ€Â, so please do. What?
For the readers who are not American (and from the late Hyatte’s email logs there are a TON of you), hopefully you get the World Series broadcast to your respective countries. The “WE†thing applies to you as well. Thankya verymuch.
Come on, let’s go
FIRST OFF
WWF REBELLION
Another PPV is in the books and this one was exclusive to Da Brits. Here are the results:
Edge vs. Christian – If you think you know who won, you may be right!
Scotty 2 Hotty vs. The Hurricane – In a battle of goofy gimmicks, the W.O.R.M proved mightier than whatever Hurricane does.
Big Show vs DDP – I like you, you like me, the choke slam ends this 1,2, three.
Dudleys vs. APA vs. Hardys – The team with a black guy and white guy who are not a former WCW Champion or stock market guru took the victory.
William Regal vs. Tajiri – This ain’t Japan. Homeboy wins.
Chris Jericho vs. Kurt Angle – Seeing as one of these competitors has a main event match to defend his title on Monday and a phantom title change CANNOT take place on a live PPV, this should be obvious.
Lita and Torrie Wilson vs. Mighty Molly and Stacy Keibler – In the fiefdom known as WWF Land, natural beauty will always do the J.O.B. on P.P.V. to silicone.
Austin vs. Rock – What? I SAID I have a main event match on RAW, why in the blue hell would I be booked to win the WWF Championship? Oh.
And dat is dat. Video release for us no account Americans will be forthcoming. Cherrios!
HAVE YOU HEARD?
All sorts of hub-bub was made this week when the WWF filled with the Securities and Exchange Commission to issue a ton of stock on the New York Stock Exchange. Especially critical were several Wall Street analysts who think the WWF stock is a total dog. The most interesting tid-bit of the filing papers was the disclosure of WWF officials that without the guidance of Vince McMahon, the WWF ain’t worth a shit. If he retires, gets crippled or croaks, they are, basically f*cked. If I were a member of the fed, a member of the immediate family or a stockholder I would have to say “whatupwitdatâ€Â?. This document was, without a shadow of a doubt, done with the blessing of Vince and it is distressing that there is no successor that Vince feels worthy of his throne, which is a definite no-no in the world of corporate America. It’s no wonder Wall Street laid the smack down, so to speak; they are basically saying to Vince that if he wants to be “the Whole Fucking Show†he better learn how to play the game. To be the man, you gotta beat the man. He thinks he may be the best there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be, but Eh- Eh! The bottom line is Vince should know about the three I’s and neevverr eeeevvveerr do something like this AGAAAIN! WHOOOO!!!!!!!
There was no real point to the above story except to see if I could be like the hip and cool “real journalists†in the paper and use wrestling catchphrases to write a story. Let’s move on .
There’s an expectation that the show will be bad, and fans are pre-conditioning themselves to not like what they are about to see. I saw the same thing happening in WCW the last year or so of it’s existence. The consensus in the 1Wrestling.com chatroom last night was that the show was awful. I have no way of proving it…but I’d be willing to bet that if you took last night’s program and showed it to the same group of fans a year ago, they’d have liked it. I don’t know how the WWF can do it, but they’ve got to change the expectations of these fans.
– BOB, last week
He is right on target. This time last year the WWF could not do much wrong in the eyes of most of the Internet Wrestling Community, because we had the WCW to kick around. So the mystery has finally been solved: the WWF story lines are just fine, we as fans just do not have anything else to relate the product to and then therefore will be a bunch of critical pricks. What we need is another promotion out there to pick on. Let me be the first to nominate the XWF, Hogan’s new dilly. Let’s BURY this motherf*cker before it gets off the ground. We already hate Hogan, you KNOW that old fart Piper will be there, not to mention Buff, Konann and all those other dickweeds. Bury them so that we can go back to burying the WWF. Critical hatred can only be applied to one fed at a time, ya know?
Helen Hart has died. Expect a tribute on RAW tomorrow night. Maybe not. I will miss Lawler giving the Hart family a hard time:
“That Stu and Helen Hart are useless. How many children do they have? 20-30?
“I think it’s 12 Kingâ€Â
“How many lived?â€Â
ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP
RAW will be in Long Island, New York. As hyped the big match will be Rock vs. Jericho for the WCW Title. Should be a dandy.
Smackdown will be in East Rutherford, NJ. In case you can’t wait until Thusday, spoliers will be available.
THE LINKS ARE ON ME
Pat Brower continues to amaze us all with the size of his teaser. He also has a fetish for primates. Huh? Find out here
E.C. has YOUR Byte This report, right here.
Brian Cole’s up again with some International News if you click here
Read my EXCESS report. Thank You.
Heat and RAW will be up manana. Until then deme mas cerveza, por favor.
Eric and Josh, the gigs all yours until next weekend. I got MY check from Widro, did you?
PAGE SIX
As mentioned yesterday, the message boards get a week off because of all the ignorant reaction to the DVD 500. The DEAN did a masterful job of responding to everyone who thinks the list sucks and I refuse to glorify anyone who thinks Mr. Oh-La-La should be higher than #500. In its place, as promised, is something else from the goodies left behind when the Glorydog keeled over
Back by popular demand .
The star of stage, screen and formerly kayfabe
You may know him as Wayne
Others recently know him better as the “ingrate who is burning whatever bridges he had leftâ€Â
He’s cool
He’s cocky
He’s bad .
Ladies and Gentleman, by request ..
TAKE US HOME, HONKY!
You know the place
Hulk Hogan confirmed what I have known for a few months now. He is involved in the Greg Valentine, Nasty Boy Knobbs promotion along with Jimmy Hart, Kevin Sullivan, and Nasty Boy Saggs. Hogan says he is the majority owner, but he is not. He is a 10 percent owner.
He said there are many big names joining the crew, all of which I have knocked and bashed to no end, so don’t look for HTM to be part of this. In fact, I spoke with my old partner, Valentine, last week and he told me a bare faced lie about “not signing” anyone yet. I was just on the phone with someone who had the contract in front of them. Knobbs is in charge of contracts, so maybe Greg didn’t know what his brother in law was doing at the time.
Piper, Hall, Bret Hart, Virgil, Lawler(of course since Jimmy Hart is involved), Harris Twins, Henning, Penzer(stooge), and all the unemployed talent in the Tampa area will be signed on. Rumors are a buy out of Goldberg’s contract. Sounds like my “Ass Whipping List.” They are signing guys to 45 day deals so Vince can’t take the talent away before they tape the shows. These shows are planned to be shown overseas on the Home Shopping type network.
Try putting together a tour with these guys. Holy hell, pass the crack pipe to me please, it’s my turn. Honky we are the millionaires’ club, we don’t do crack, we got the real deal. She don’t lie she don’t lie, cocaine.
Locker room talk: I want to be champion, no I want First Class and Marriotts. I want to be on the Lear Jet with Hulk to ass kiss. I want my wife on TV. I want naked girls with puppies. I’m Kevin Sullivan, I”m the smallest guy here and I want to kill off all the young guys, by God I’m going over. Hey me and Saggs are the tag champs, says Knobbs. Greg you can be the Intercontinental champ, we know you out drew HTM when you bored the crowd to death with that lame ass figure four leg lock. I want, I want, I want to bankrupt another promotion!!!
My take on it: They have found another mark with money. It is going nowhere, too many egos, the same guys that killed WCW. Nobody watched them then, nobody will watch them now. Dead Ass Promotion. Oh and one other thing, just to show they are still infatuated with Vince, they named the damn thing XWF. Vince tried, as the NFL did with him, to stop the name, but he lost in NY court.
Where do you think this “Old Timers, Hips replaced, lazy ass, no bump taking, not hungry for the business anymore group” is going?
Bye bye..
Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.
