Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc. 1.02.02

Bono was right: all is quiet on New Years’ Day.

Believe me, these last two weeks haven’t been pleasant for me either, trying to come up with stuff to put in here. No taped Smackdowns (although tomorrow’s live Smackdown should give a good indicator of where they’re going to go on Monday with Trip coming back, with Nash possibly going to be there, and with the split still possible as well), no house shows (except for the ones the indies ran over the weekend, which have been already covered to death), the only action happening in Japan. It’s rough, even for someone like me who’s used to putting non-wrestling material into columns.

As I’m writing this (11PM CDT Tuesday), my net connection’s down and will be so for at least another hour, so I can’t even scan for stuff to put in here at this time. I thus have to resort to padding until such time as I can find material to put in, including e-mail (I was out most of the day visiting friends…yes, I have friends…so all your mail to me is still stuck in limbo). So let me try…

THE MIGHTY DUCKS, AMONG OTHERS

Oregon beat the crap out of Colorado. Colorado beat the crap out of Nebraska. Nebraska is playing tomorrow night for the national championship. The only way I can cope with this is to revert back to my experience using imaginary numbers. And exactly what was Illinois’ excuse? 33 days off, for one thing. That and the fact that the Big Ten reeks in bowls this year. Thank God my alma mater got out of that sad excuse of a conference in 1938. And no Big Ten team reeked better than Ohio State did. Screwing up a magnificent comeback in the way they did takes a special kind of Ed Wood-style artistry.

THE PIMP SECTION

After reading yesterday’s column, I decided that threatening you to Buy The T-Shirt probably won’t work. So I think I’ll change tactics. I’m going to use bribery instead. If five hundred of you Buy The T-Shirt, I’ll go for three months only talking about wrestling in my columns and eliminate all the extraneous stuff that people seem to enjoy. If a thousand of you Buy The T-Shirt, I’ll say good things about the WWF for three months and be a cheerleader instead of a critic. If two thousand of you Buy The T-Shirt, I will refer to Duane Johnson’s character by the name everyone else uses for six months instead of waiting until he turns heel. That should give you some incentive to Buy The T-Shirt. I’ll need to be kept informed on the numbers, guys.

I’m serious. I’m willing to make all those sacrifices for the benefit of 411. Besides, if enough people Buy The T-Shirt, maybe we can start getting paid.

A QUESTION ANSWERED

Yesterday, I wondered who the Cabbage Patch Kid was on the Greek 10-cent piece. Barry Petchesky was able to answer that for me: As for the dude on the Greek 10-center, he’s Rigas Velestinlis, a Greek National who attempted to revolt against the Turks. He was betrayed and killed before he even got to Greece. That’s who he is – the question should be, why is he being honored by being placed on the currency? You can ask the same thing about Alexander Hamilton on the US$10. But at least Hamilton doesn’t look like a plush toy. BFM also provided a nice little link to the descriptions of the coins and their meaning: http://www.24carat.co.uk/2002eurosets2euro.html.

AN ACTUAL ITEM OF WRESTLING NEWS…

Superstar Billy Graham, according to the Observer, is making a surprising recovery from some burst blood vessels near his ‘roid-ravaged liver. Internal bleeding necessitated a number of transfusions to save both his limbs and his life. He’s currently in the ICU of the Mayo Clinic branch in Phoenix awaiting a liver transplant. The message for today is: fill out an organ donor card, people. Even if your life isn’t saved, someone else’s may be. I’m signed up; you should be too.

And, surprise, another one courtesy of 1wrestling explaining the whole Hardys/Lita suspension thing. Apparently Jeff’s suffering from a mammoth case of burnout, which has resulted in various forms of apathy toward being on time and appearing at shows. This led to Jeff and Matt changing the entire style of their match at Vengeance. Management wanted your typical Hardys spot-rest-spot match, but the two decided to turn it into a ground-based match without consulting anyone backstage. Thus, Vince decided to punish them.

Since there’s nothing else, I’ll vacate the place for Grut. He’ll have more on Smackdown and anything else that touches his fancy. I’ll see you next Tuesday, circumstances notwithstanding.