The Monday Edition 2.18.02

Happy Monday!! Live from Key West, it’s me, Flea. I normally write this portion LAST and I’m pretty much in “stick- me-with-a-fork-I’m done” land. But forget about that because all your Monday goodies are right below so let’s have some fun In A Gadda Da Vida, baby don’t you know that I love you?

Come on, let’s go

FIRST OFF

The main part of this Valentine Weekend Massacre was my planning ahead and being damn f*cking sure that the “all-inclusive” “included” PPV access. Just my luck it was In Demand as opposed to Direct TV. At the time I booked it, there wern’t no WWF on Direct TV. Whatever and then some. I was going to have our “houseboy” (the dude that cooks, cleans and makes our drinks) “Warren” do this PPV report but he‘s ashamed to “come out” and admit he’s a wrestling fan, much less admit it on the best f*cking independent wrestling site on the web (Hi BOSS!). By the way, “Warren” is a flaming queer so you think he would not have those kinds of hang up’s but that’s his problem, not mine. All I know is that I spent the final evening of my V-Day with my bestest woman, a fag that knows how to make braciole and a stiff (har) drink and WRESTLING!! You tell me my life ain’t good? I ain’t listening unless you are my accountant. By the way, “Warren” loves the Rock, so those of you that are marks for Rock -E can hook up with “Warren” via ryderfakin@aol.com

With that said let’s get rolling. And did I tell you “Warren” can roll a joint with one hand? And cook? And looks damn good in a speedo? To bad Desi is here or well never even mind. After 4 years of service I think I might need to trade in for a new queen J just kidding, YOU FREAK. You too Desi – ~~

As I said, we gots a PPV to get all over. And for all of you that wish the Fed would book more for the Internet’s taste, go f*ck yourself. This is why that shit should NOT HAPPEN! The show starts off with an N.W.O run-in and they get all “smart” with their comments, including Razor’s comments on having “a beer with all of us”. Like we don’t know he’s a drunk. Look for a mid week special report on his problems as well as all the medical advice you can handle on said subject. I just can’t wait until next weekend for it, less someone else steal my stuff .

Real quick all three of the guys look good. And congrats for JR biting his tongue when Hogan threw off his bandana.

If you are new to The Monday Edition, here is how the PPV news recaps work. My thoughts from the Saturday Evening Post (the shit in italics) are first and then you get what actually happened. Feel free to scroll

Stone Cold vs. Some Other Guy – WWF Title match

I will go out on a limb and vote this Match of the Year right now. Wait, no what the hell, yes I will. Austin will show Guy how a PPV main event match is supposed to go and as long as Other Guy doesn’t step on his dick this match is gonna rule. If you don’t know by now, I am a huge Austin mark, not just because of the catchphrases, attitude, blah blah, blah, but because no one in the business is better. NO ONE! Not promo wise and for damn sure not performance wise when it comes down to a main event match. I have been very impressed with Guy’s in ring work lately as it appears he has decide to go the Flair route – less is more. He’s toned down all the flip flop bullshit and thrown some semi-stiff offense out there. Good for him. I read an interview Guy the other day for ESPN radio where he was relatively “out of character”. Guy was asked if he would be nervous going into the PPV and here’s his response:

“I am a little, because Steve gets really fired up at PPVs. But I think it will be one hell of a match”.

Wait a sec .can a Match of the Year have a screwjob ending? We are about to find out – N.W.O and spray paint are in Austin’s future and that’s how Guy is gonna win this thing. Nothing like a good old fashioned beat down and unlike WCW you’ll get to see some BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD.

Well, ain’t Flea smart! Well, sort of. There wasn’t no BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD, but there was plenty of intensity. It was NOT the Match of the Year on account of the fact that Some Other Guy sucks and proved it. Okay – Austin is ¾ of the way across the ring and you still go for the Lionsault? Folks, I’m not getting all “smart” on you, but this proves my point: the boy ain’t ready for prime time. That’s not the reason I call him “Some Other Guy” but it’s part of the whole picture. Austin came with his A-Game but it was not enough. And if ANYONE bitches about the spots being called on camera, well, they should have turned their tv’s volume down. Price you pay for being “in the know”. Anyway, this was a very good match that ended up just the way I called it – N.W.O / spray paint and a beat down. WMX8 is calling Guy, hopefully Flair gives him a f*cking jap-smack for being a dumbass in the main event.

HHH vs. Angle – H’s WMX8 title shot on the line. And oh yeah, Steph’s the Ref.

Man, why did they have to go and put her in the match? Go back and read last week’s Monday Edition for all of my Steph opinions. I’m not looking at it from a “backstage political bullshit” point of view cause I think all that’s about 98.5% bullshit anyway, but from a “what the f*ck?” viewpoint. Yes, I do understand we need something screwy to happen here (and what better way to be screwy that a “special guest ref”), but come on. I was really looking forward to H and Angle just having a good solid stiff match as H gets back into ring shape. Surely he’s not that out of whack that they need Steph around to distract us from his shortcomings. Maybe he is, guess we are about to find out. If they hold up to the stipulations here, it makes sense that H will figure out a way to get the victory and keep on keepin on to WM. Angle vs. Other Guy at the big show makes no sense at all. Speaking of making no sense at all – think this match will have an N.W.O run in as well? Why the hell not, they already kinda sorta ruined it ruined it by putting Steph out there. And please no more comments about “Dude, she’s gonna be out there in one of them tight ref shirts and we will get to see her tits.” When she has the vaginal fortitude to do Playboy, then I will care.

Screwy is right! I don’t think we went more than 3 minutes without a ref bump of some sort. In between all the bullshit, these two had a great match. Angle wins after well a whole lotta dumb shit happening. HHH looked good and Angle is the Angle I know and love. Coolest thing I’ve seen in a LONG time in H laughing his ass off after the bump Steph took over the ropes. Now THAT’S entertainment. Other than that, ugh. “Warren” and Desi lamented about H and Angle’s muscularity as I asked where the f*ck my drink and orange sherbet was. Oddly enough, I was comforted this afternoon by this

Oh, heaven. Two hot guys sweating, rolling around, wearing spandex, taking their shirts off and bumping chests. Sounds like a fun way to spend an evening

– 411’s own Shellie Lepere – Rasslin Roundtable, No Way Out

Let me tell you that I fell in love with Ms. Shellie upon reading that. Little did I know she would break my heart only minutes later .

Rock vs. UT – Respect Match

If you guys that hate UT and to a lesser extent Rock (except for you Eric, because you actually have valid reasons) would take your heads out of your asses, you would realize that this is a match that should be excellent. Not super or outstanding but a solid contest that DESERVES to be on a PPV show. UT bashing has been going on since last year as everyone thinks the guy sucks and doesn’t sell. Can you please explain to me again what “selling” is? Is that when Jeff Hardy takes two suicidal bumps of a 20 foot ladder, still manages not to be dead and even climbs a ladder AGAIN, only to be “speared” into crash and burndom? Oh wait. He LIMPED back to the locker room therefore he “sells”. Fuck you. The UT has found a new passion for performing (which would be obvious if you kids would get off the “smark” bandwagon”) and Rock- E always steps it up for the PPV’s. I’m damn sure gonna enjoy this one and if you don’t, well I don’t care.

Not even going to waste my time with convincing you knuckleheads out there about this one. Great match with all those terms that mean stuff – like psychology, transitions,etc oh what the hell. You will still hate the UT and blah blah blah I liked this match and “Warren” went all “OH MOO HOO” over Rock-E, so there. Good enough for me. Rock wins.

RVD vs. Goldust

Not really sure what to think about this one. RVD is Mr. PPV, but he’s gonna have to do some wild shit to top the Austin / Other Guy match or even Rock/UT. Goldust’s PPV performances are as schizophrenic as his character. They are either in the “decent watchable” range or they really, really suck. I think it’s hard to have super shitty match with RVD just because most of the stuff he does is pretty damn cool to watch. Not really sure where they are going with this feud, but a good solid PPV match would definitely be a step in the right direction. Hey! Wouldn’t it be cool if Jerry Lynn came back as a “twisted deviant” that hangs around with Goldust. I mean, he already looks the part, just tweak the attitude a little bit and whammo – ***** PPV matches with RVD!! Look for that angle at a WWF event near you, providing the booking staff has the same supplier of “attitude adjustment” as I do.

Hell of a response for my Jerry thoughts and one hell of a match. Goldust brought his working boots and had some innovative shit happening (hot shot into a surfboard not once, but TWICE!) RVD is insanely over as all those “conspiracy” lame-oes must be wondering “Hey! I thought they were supposed to be drowning out those RVD chants!” Nope. RVD wins it with the *** and * and * FROG SPLASH! I think the crowd in Milwaukee was bragging about their venereal diseases (OUR – V-D). But then again, by saying that it means I’m ripping off Herb Kunze. On the other hand, no one reads Herb anymore anyway. And in my other hand is a Margarita. Next match .

Regal vs. Edge – IC Title “Brass Knucks on a Pole” match

The less said about this the better. The only way (and I have made this point before) Regal is any fun to watch is when he stiffs the shit out of people. The only two people that let him hit them that hard are Finley and Benoit. Neither of them are in this match, if you didn’t notice. I’m a big fan of Edge, but after 3 PPV’s I hope they just end this feud. Give Edge the belt and let him move along to someone like Storm or maybe even Mr. Perfect. Don’t get me wrong about Regal either. I think the dude is entertaining as hell, but when he has to pull his punches and forearms, he looks like shit. Anyway, let’s get this one over with and move onto bigger and better things.

Goddamn. Let me repeat that. Goddamn. This match ended up great with Regal getting the win after using the little known tactic in a gimmick match – “a second set of the object in question”. In this case, brass knucks. Loved this match as Edge DID decide to take some stiff shots, including a powerbomb on the floor. Cool spot where Regal tried another powerbomb, this time from the apron, but Edge reversed into a toss onto said floor. They played up the whole “internal bleeding” thing, which comes from being punched in the STOMACH, giving me my taste of BLOOD for the night. Looks like they are going to extend this one another month for a big blow-off in front of the Canadian crowd, letting Edge win the belt in front of his hometown Canucks. Fine by me I just wish all their matches could be like this one.

Tazz / Spike vs. Booker T and Test – Tag Team Titles

Hopefully the tag title match gets more than five minutes this time. I like the chemistry between Booker and Tazz and I think that would make a hell of a singles feud somewhere down the line. Test still seems to be the golden boy of the booking committee, which is fine by me. He’ll be a star once he gets a few more years under his belt. And Spike? Well he’s Spike and I have always got a perverse thrill out of watching the kid take a beating. Should be a fun match if they give it some time to develop and they just might as well let Book and Test run around with the tag belts for a while.

Well they got some time and made the best of it. Didn’t see as much of Tazz vs. Book as I would like, but Test looked good and Spike was in his full out “rag doll” mode. Tazz and Spike retain for now, but I don’t see them holding the belts up to WMX8.

Hardy Boyz vs. Dudley Boyz vs. Christian & Lance Storm vs. Scotty & Albert vs. Billy & Chuck vs. APA – TAG TEAM TURMOIL!!!!!!

Right on! I love these matches. And nobody books a better “bunch of shit happening all at once, doesn’t matter if it’s all that good because it’s NON STOP ACTION!!!!” better than Paul E. I’m sure he’s behind this, don’t you think? And it’s the return of the Hardyz, which is good on account of I have missed Jeff Hardy’z suicidal behavior on my wrestling programs. Hey Jeff! Get the ladder! D-Von! Get the table! Jeff + ladder + table = Flea laughing his ass off. Welcome home Jeffy boy, we’ve missed you.

Not bad and surprised me with the APA winning the whole she-bang. Jeff took a 3-D on the floor, which only qualifies him for “hey dude, that homo is nuts”, unlike his normal suicidal behavior. Lita looks a little chunky, which is the only comment you will hear from me again regarding her. Go back and read something I wrote couple weeks ago. I had a reason why she is useless but I can’t think of it at the- wait .it’s because she has a “lip tattoo”. To hell with that skank. Anyway, the best team out there performance wise was Billy and Chuck, just because JR and King have more fodder for one-liners. Good opener and the APA should probably end up facing Book and Test at WMX8 once them two beat Tazz and Spike on free TV.

And there’s your No Way Out PPV. Match-wise it looks to be stronger than ajax, I think. Of course the big news is the pending arrival of the N.W.O as we start booking our way to the big show in March. Glad to see those guys coming into the program as we is about to get a good ol fashioned shaking up around these parts. The only thing I’m still wondering about is will they let the crowd start throwing garbage again, ala WCW. That’s a major no-no at WWF events but was an integral part of the N.W.O gimmick. Means people are really hatin the shit, which is always good if you are a heel. Guess we’re going to find out soon enough.

For bonus points, I will give mad props to the reader that can tell me who invented (or claimed to) the whole trash throwing thing. And I want specific details. If you know what I’m talking about then you will probably have the answer. You know the email address. AOILM is Ryder Fakin. Yes siree.

TONS of response on this one. See PAGE SIX – but read the rest of the report first – for the results. BIG TIME error on my part was telling you guys and gals to respond via AOLIM. I’m on my laptop this weekend and evidently do NOT have access to AOLIM from AOL Anywhere. If I do, someone tell me how, because I don’t know. So if you IM’d me over the past couple of days and I didn’t respond, it’s my fault.

I know what you are saying – “Hey Flea? Why didn’t you have one of them fancy auto sigs telling us you ain’t there”

AOL 5.0 does not have that option to the best of my knowledge. And I refuse to upgrade, just cause 5.0 ain’t broke. Sorry.

So the winner will be based on email response only. Again, all apologies. But “Warren” has offered to “suck your wiener ” AND “cook you breakfast” if you are so inclined.

One more thing

Carlos, watch a PPV with me, bring your waffle iron and a pound of bacon.

– Once again, 411’s own Shellie Lepere – Rasslin Roundtable, No Way Out

The sound you hear right now is my heart breaking. Not only does Ms. Shellie like gentlemen of the Mexican persuasion (which is fine) but she likes CARLOS. Shellie, sweet girl. Don’t you know about him? Carlos no es macho, Carlos es muy muy muy muy MARICON. And he recaps HEAT for Godsakes. Not to mention he presides over the MESSAGE BOARD! Sure he’ll bring the waffle iron now, but be on the look out for you purse being stolen. Not cause he’s Mexican, but because Carlos es muy MARI-F’N-CON. He’ll steal you unmentionables. ARRIBA~!

HAVE YOU HEARD?

Only thing else I have today is news that Da Meltz is about to re-launch his popular radio show “Wrestling Observer LIVE”. From what I have read, it ain’t gonna be Internet accessible but on a regular radio frequency. Wonder why Netcop has been so miserable, even more so than usual? He ain’t had his fix of Da Meltz in many moons. Don’t take that as a knock; I’m sure Scott will tell you the same damn thing.

ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP

RAW is in Chi-town this week as the N.W.O will make their presence known no doubt. Rumor has it if there ain’t a huge bump in ratings then the WWF is a failure. Hmmmm .the folks that are saying that have 12 million pop ups and actually CHARGE people to come to their site. On the other hand, the Fed’s website is still free. Yep, they are going broke. One of them anyway. And in my other hand is no longer a Margarita, but a hand rolled joint. I’m secure enough not to ask where the hand that rolled said joint has been. “Warren” please spend the money you are making off of us on that hideous f*cking hairstyle. (and yes, you should have done some commentary on the PPV :-)

Smackdown is somewhere else in Ill – e – noise. You guys really should have comped Eric S. to one of these shows. For shame.

THE LINKS ARE ON ME

Rasslin Roundtable is where is find out what the know it alls at at 411 think. Go read and please forgive my darling Shellie for her Maricon Misgivings.

Brower is less than enthused with Jakked, but he still whips out his teaser and slaps it in your face. As “Warren” would say “If you’re gonna use it, please abuse it.” Desi, I love you but f*ck Valentine’s Day

Carlos has Heat. I think he’s been plugged enough.

The Mark Up is..ummm UP go see what’s .UP!

Speaking of up BOSS’S REAL TIME PPV COVERAGE is available. Go give BOSS some luv!

Hey Big Mike! Yes YOU! You are welcome. If you don’t get hooked up let me know. I’ll go and have some hillbilly romance with my buddy ..

And as always, please check out EXCESS. It will be up by Monday night, providing Grut wants to play. I will go out on another limb and say it WILL be the best f*cking EXCESS I have ever done. Sorry for the delay, but I ain’t home.

And later this week (like Tuesday or something) will be a look at Scott Hall’s troubles and the prescribed solution, Flea style.

PAGE SIX

Ok. I posed this question yesterday in the Saturday Evening Post –

For bonus points, I will give mad props to the reader that can tell me who invented (or claimed to) the whole trash throwing thing. And I want specific details. If you know what I’m talking about then you will probably have the answer. You know the email address. AOILM is Ryder Fakin. Yes siree.

And the winners are –

You know what? Only one person can win. And here were the answers I was looking for

Who wrote it

Where he wrote it

The event where it happened

And how he called himself out on it / who called him out on it

The answers are

Who – yes, he is dead and yes it is / was Hyatte

Where – back in the days / daze of Scoops

Event – Bash at the Beach 96 / Hogan’s turn to the N.W.O

How he blah blah blah – follow-up was the girlfriend just stopping short of accusing him of claiming to invent the question mark.

And our winner is .

.

..

corey_gaudette@hotmail.com !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Who answered all of the above questions FIRST by email! .all other responses came in later and / or by AOLIM (my fault yes, but too bad) were therefore not the winner.

And this is what the “winner” said

Of course, he wrote the entire thing himself, which makes it that much more

confusing. What the f*ck? Still, it was a pretty entertaining read, if only for the car wreck on the side of the highway mentality of it.

Memories. Them things are all alone in the moonlight, yo

The prize will be announced in next weeks Monday Edition.

As for now, enjoy your week and try not to get fired and / or thrown out of school and / or thrown out of the Unemployment Line

Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.