The Monday Edition 6.24.02

Happy Monday! I’m Flea and many of you may remember me from the weekends (during the winter) when I made available for your perusal The Monday Edition, Saturday Evening Post and of course, everyone’s favorite recap of a recap show, EXCESS! In essence, I single-handedly carried this site on my back during the transitional period after Hyatte died, up until the acquisition (merger, whatever) of the Smarks. Well, Eric S. helped, but other than that

Anyway, the original plan was for me to have fun in the Florida sun this summer without having to commit my weekends writing about wrestling. Which was cool, BOSS and Hashish understood and Hyatte was returning anyway, so life was good for all parties involved. Except for me. About six weeks ago I broke my foot f*cking off by the pool and have not had the chance to enjoy either the fun or the sun. Not that it’s an issue at the moment because on the first OFFICIAL day of summer (Friday 6.21) it started raining cats and dogs and hasn’t quit since. Sunshine State, my ass.

At any rate, I offered to do a Monday News column again, but only on the Mondays when Hyatte is preoccupied with his Mop-Up PPV report. Speaking of Hyatte, if you are new to my columns and are expecting your Monday News report to be a SHITLOAD of LAUGHS, fuggettaboutit. Anyone who has read me knows that I ain’t funny and never claimed to be. I leave all that high concept humor stuff to the professionals. And Grut. So no, I am not Hyatte but there is a 99.9% chance that Hyatte is Flea. By the way, whatever happened to that burn out Art Martinez?

With all that out of the way, welcome to The Monday Edition and I hope you enjoy

Come on, let’s go

FIRST OFF

A PPV Weekend means an easy topic for the first story so here we go .King of The Ring!

The Undertaker vs. Triple H for WWE’s Undisputed Title

To everyone’s shock (chagrin) UT retains the title due to a whole lotta shakin goin on. Rock –E showed up, got a stiff boot to the face from UT, clobbered H with a chair, got his ass kicked, laid the Smackdown on UT and then posed by the stage waiting for the inevitable run in from the N.W.O. Well, the run in never happened and therefore UT retained the title. It all makes sense, you just have to put it all in the proper context. The opinions on this match will vary, but let me just say that I thought it was a strong match from two veterans who know their strong points and weak points. Somehow it tuned into the Rock-E show but I’m sure that will be explained in the upcoming weeks, should the Rock choose to stay around. I vote yes, by the way. The one thing I enjoyed most about his match was Paul E. on commentary. Yes, yes he put Brock over ad nauseum, but in 15 minutes he managed to do something the Fed ain’t been able to so in ages – make the World Championship seem worthwhile. Good for him and great match considering the low expectations that was given to both competitors.

Hulk Hogan vs. Kurt Angle

For all you people that badmouth Hogan, you can at least admit that he is “doing the right thing” as some folks say he should be doing. What is that? Putting the young talent over. Yeah, I don’t get it either, but that’s one of them time honored traditions or something

By the way if anyone ever tells you something is wrong because of an “unwritten rule”, please tell said person to go f*ck themselves. Just a little Flea advice for you

Angle, of course is an uber talent and looked like a million dollars. Hogan has never been known for his in ring saavy but kept up quite nicely with Angle, at least looking better than he has on TV lately. Angle wins the match with an Anglelock, after a valiant struggle by the Hulkster. Another match I enjoyed, if only to see Angle in action and the final leg of the Hulkster farewell tour.

Ric Flair vs. Eddie Guerrero

It’s tough to place expectations for a match like this, when Eddie has to drop down two notches and Flair has to bring his “A-plus game” to live up to people’s expectations. Personally, I love Flair and thinks he still has his moments. Eddie, on the other hand, been my number 2 favorite for a long, long time, especially when he is a dick. My favorite part of the match was Eddie’s pre match promo, talking Spanglesh just being a heelish asshole, something the Fed is sorely lacking. The match was okay, I thought but nothing to write home about. More Flair BLOOD might have changed my mind, but it looks as though both men have other fish to fry, given Benoit’s presence and the Bubba Ray Dudley run in.

The Hurricane vs. Jamie Noble for WWE’s Cruiserweight Title

Another good match, featuring the Nidia in full trailer park trash mode. Both men have super cool mid card characters happening and hopefully this is not the last we see of this. Nidia is by far the most talented of the Tough Enough cast, although some folks are obviously not going to pick up on the subtle nuances of said Trailer Park Trash characterization. Believe me, she has it. All Jamie Knoble needs to do is protest a supposed 3 count as follows

Well, gawd damn ref, that wuz one .two .uh gawd damn I had that sumbitch beat!

I liked the match, Knble wins the belt.

Trish Stratus vs. Molly for WWE’s Women’s Title

HA!HA!HA! .after all the mud, Jello, gravy and pudding wrestling, after old ladies going through tables, after endless bra and panties and various forms of undress matches, after dog barking and begging segments and long after supposed harassment in the form of “shit in the gym bag” the Fed has finally gone over the line by calling Molly a “fat ass”. Well I’ll be damned. I think it’s only because people feel sorry for the girl that is actually “gettable” as opposed to the supermodel that will always say no and look at you like you have three eyes. Got news for ya .the fat asses will turn you down just as easy and you will feel ten times worse after the fact for being nice in the first place. So if you are gonna hate women, be a man about it and hate all them bitches instead of the ones that go out of their way to appeal to the basic carnal instincts of mankind. Molly wins the belt.

Brock Lesnar vs. RVD – King of the Ring Finals

One of these men fought an intense, stiff battle to claw their way to the finals. On the other hand, RVD beat Some Other Guy to get here. I’ll explain below. RVD looked a ton better here, having someone who ain’t afraid to get punched and kicked probably helped. Brock did double duty tonight and looked damn good doing it. He is the next big thing and will go on to fight whoever is champeen by the time SummerSlam rolls around. And it’s oh so cool to chant Goldberg. The Fed needs that asshole like they need a eh choose your own analogy. The only reason I want Goldberg around it for Bret Hart to some back and beat his skull in legit for being a f*ck. Good luck to Lesnar in his quest for gold and if you don’t know, Lesnar can pull a SHHOTING STAR PRESS out of his ass if need be. I’m sure some of you know that and if you didn’t, just wait.

Test vs. Brock Lensnar – King of the Ring Semi-Finals

Solid match from both men. Ten times better than the preceding semi final match. Power match, but both guys move quick enough for it not to become a snoozefest. You either liked this one or hated it I guess and if you hated this one you most likely LOVED the other semi final

Rob Van Dam vs. Some Other Guy – King of the Ring Semi-Finals

I know without even looking that this one will get accolades in spades. Bullshit. Half the f*cking punches and kicks didn’t even connect. Loose as a goose on juice as ole granpappy use to say. This could be the “framed picture” of why I do not like Some Other Guy. His punches miss by six inches and every time RVD came up with something clever – UP WITH THE HANDS! I can’t be the only one that notices this. For those of you new to my columns, I am a HUGE Some Other Guy fan’s mic and promo work, but despise his in ring work. And this match was the perfect example of the reason. RVD wins, but oddly enough, Guy’s subsequent run in after words led to STIFF FUCKING KICKS and a class A – beatdown. I was just wondering where that was 20 minutes before. Oy vey.

I would be remiss not to mention the Rock / Booker / Goldust segment. Nice to see the Rock back and Booker is obviously to the point where he can hold his own. I still can’t believe Terri fell for that stupid hick Dustin, but I like the goofy Goldust character. Fortunately, I can laugh now, because that breathing thing he does used to creep me out. Sucka.

All in all, there wasn’t a bad match on the card, in my opinion. Even the RVD/Guy match was a strong opener, even though it was not my cup of tea. I think many people “in the know” realized this may be one of those “placeholder” shows, as all holy hell seems to be breaking loose within the writing staff. Solid matches, good storytelling and hopefully much of what happened tonight will not be forgotten about by mid – July.

HAVE YOU HEARD?

Unless you have had your head buried in the sand, of course you have heard – the scourge of the Internet Wrestling Arm-Chair booking committee, Vince Russo, has made his triumphant return to grace at the behest of Vince McMahon himself, making Russo once again the head writer in charge, cleverly crafting story lines and angles in an attempt to return the Fed to it’s glory years of the late 90’s .

Ooops didn’t happen that way, did it? And as far as what the common sources of rumor mongering are saying, Russo has been demoted all the way to “consultant”, which I can tell you from experience all that means it you sit back, give some ideas and advice that everyone ignores, but then one person will TWIST just a few of YOUR details and then claim credit for the idea as their own. But Hey! If you don’t have a huge ego it’s the perfect gig. And the pay is about 5 times the amount as working a 9-5. So the gist of what I have read is that Russo will submit ideas and the “creative” team will decide whether or not to use them. Sounds a little fishy but stranger things have happened.

Just a quick aside on Vince Russo – I am not that big a fan of his, just because I like the in-ring product more than sketch to sketch to sketch. My favorite time period was late 99 until May/June 2k1 (around the time HHH blew out his leg), which was after Russo left. However Russo’s imprint was felt as the characters he pushed and wrote some of his best material for (Austin, Cactus, H) were hitting their strides performance wise and as the product shifted towards an “in ring” style with the angles on slow burn instead of high heat.

Russo jumped to WCW in the fall off 1999 for reasons I can fully understand. He wanted credit for being the “genius” behind the surge in popularity for professional wrestling but more importantly, I think he wanted a contract which provided security for himself and his family and basically the love of daddy McMahon, to whom he gave his heart and soul, only to be left out in the cold.

At this point, allow me to let someone who was close with both men and just about as close to the situation as you can be, elaborate

(FLEA note: for everyone’s sake, I ain’t using italics)

“The departure of Russo would be a tremendous loss, but Russo felt his leaving was necessary. Not only because he felt overworked and underappreciated in World Wrestling Federation, but because he felt he could cement his reputation by pulling WCW out of the ratings gutter.

Sadly for Russo, the only reputation he ended up cementing was Vince McMahon’s The Whole company pulled together

Russo, on the other hand, never seemed to get off the ground. He was not prepared for the backstabbing atmosphere backstage at WCW, or for the system of contacts and politics that were designed not for success but for maintaining status quo You can tell the guy’s job wasn’t going well by the number of times Vince McMahon was asked, “Is Russo still secretly on our payroll?”

– Mick Foley, Have a Nice Day, pgs. 237-238.

How about them apples? Do you think nah that never could have happened.

So the common line of thought now is that Vince McMahon is so f*cking desperate that he is grasping at any straw he can to try to save his company. Get that 5.5 rating NOW before the whole ship sinks! Um, HELLO, this is now 2002, not 1997 and the WWE is very solvent and diversified money wise and the chance of the company going bankrupt is about as likely to happen as Jesse Ventura being elected president. As in, you can never say never, but c’mon. Besides, Vince could close down shop tomorrow and still make EIGHT FIGURES just on the videotape (DVD) library of WWF / WCW and quite possibly, before it’s all said and done, ECW. Vinnie Mac ain’t going nowhere, especially when real sports like Hockey and Baseball draw lower ratings than his “wrasslin” show.

Going back to Russo’s “demotion”, it appears that HHH and Stephanie were behind it all, either convincing Vince personally that Russo isn’t what the doctor ordered and/or getting enough people on their side to convince Vince that Russo sucks. Either way, it looks as if a power play has taken place and the first round goes to the Helmsley / McMahon faction/regime/alliance. Curious to see how Vinnie Mac takes this, seeing as Russo/McMahon are like the Beatles compared to Stephanie’s Dave Clark Five or, in more modern musical terms, are like Elvis compared to whatever shit is on the radio now. So at this point, Stephanie is still in charge, Gerwitz (who?) is writing RAW and Paul E. does Smackdown. I think all they really need to do is just stick to one thing for more than one or two shows. Currently, in my opinion, the most clever and interesting segments have been the interaction betwix Booker T and Goldust and Booker T’s subsequent face turn / push to the top of the card. Why is this entertaining? Because these two have a well defined (within reason) history over the last two months, so when Goldust spouts off some goofy bullshit to Book, and Book responds with some goofy bullshit of his own, it MAKES FUCKING SENSE because it’s a story line that has been allowed to mature. Kinda like the direction they are going with Benoit / Eddie and Flair. Absolutely NOTHING like whatever the f*ck is going on with Hogan / HHH / Angle and whoever. As many of you know, I’m about as positive as you can get in regards to this stuff and I am bored and confused as hell trying to watch Smackdown. One notable exception is Kurt Angle, who is successfully accomplishing his goal of becoming the best in the business – a slot that was left wide open after the departure of Austin, but don’t get me started on that.

I guess my point is that whichever direction the Fed decides to go, I’ll accept and find at least a few things to keep my interest peaked and to generally be entertained. It would just be nice if they could pick a direction and stick to it because it is getting really really really depressing to have a sub standard product to go along with all the negativity that permeates the Internet Wrestling Community. It sorta kinda proves all the naysayers right and it’s discouraging when that happens.

But don’t be surprised to find out that it is all an angle. The wrestling thing too

ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP

RAW is WAR will air LIVE on Monday from Cleveland, OH, the town that Bret Hart said is where you could shove the enema tube and give America a much-needed “cleansing”. Oh sorry, that was Pittsburgh. Anyway, someone said that about Cleveland. Look for either a continuation of current story lines or a complete overhaul and “new beginning”. FLEA = prognosticator.

Tuesday’s Smackdown taping is in Chicago and GODDAMMMIT! Eric S! Hey YOU! I specifically asked you to REMIND ME when the shows were coming to your area so that I could hook you up with tickets. You still have a day, so hopefully you are reading this. Of course if you don’t want to go, I understand, as the product is pretty lousy at this point. Heh, pretty lousy. Sorry, that’s about a negative as I can get. But trust me, six more weeks in this cast and no beach I will start saying stuff really ROTTEN! I’m Hardcore! I’M HARCORE!

Look for either a continuation of current story lines or a complete overhaul and “new beginning” on Smackdown, as well.

THE LINKS ARE ON ME (Oh, don’t I wish I was clever)

E.C. is still hanging in there pumping out a Byte This Report as well as a Mind Squeezins. E.C. obviously does not stand for E. ven though Flea no longer writes shit, I will still C. ommunicate with him, but that’s okay. We all know it stands for E. ventually I will C. ontrol all !!! so my feelings ain’t hurt.

Rivett has a Take for youse

Nason has Fight Club

PK is doing Confidential and also promotes the Rasslin Roundtable, to which is was not even INVITED, but once again, I understand. Go check out a retrospective look at what was suppose to happen but may or may not have and who TRIUMPHED! in predicting the course of a ship lost at sea. ARRRGH MATEYS~! Hoist that mizenmast and go go GO!!!

Brower continues to pull weekend duty, moving from JAKKED to VELOCITY. And since Flea left, he seems perfectly content to keep his teaser in his pants.

Mop Up. You know who writes em, and most likely you are reading this because of that instead of the other way around. But if you can’t figure it out go read the Mop Up. Although the name of the column might change if the history of false occupation information holds true to the realm of recent changes. I just looooove being vague! Hell, I just re-read that sentence and even I don’t even know what it means. Maybe I’ll ask myself later.

Be on the lookout for Eric S. as well as GRUT for YOUR news enjoyment. Then everything returns to normal, I guess.

PAGE SIX

I would like to thank everyone for joining me and I will see you in July the Monday after Steve Austin’s triumphant return at the Vengeance PPV. I’ll get back to him in a second.

I would like to type a little bit about the NWA-TNA PPV and promotion on general. I watched the show Wednesday Night and was impressed. Nothing spectacular, but definitely (and obviously) not the “FLOP” that many folks thought it would be. Jerry Jarrett knows quite a bit about wrestling and also quite a bit about the “demographic” he is (and will be for the most part) catering to. That would be the “Southern” demographic, white trash warts and all. Hey, if you have to market to someone, that ain’t a bad choice. The last time I looked NASCAR outdrew Hockey and for damn sure is more popular than Soccer, at least in the United States, where it matters.

– for all you folks that live outside the United States, are Hockey / Soccer fans and that were about to flame mail me, save it. That wasn’t meant as knock at YOU, your country or your sport, that was just a fact. Jarrett is not marketing to South Korea or England, he is marketing to the United States. And it’s a pisser that I even have to qualify that, but I know how sensitive some people can be.

Anyway, the real REAL Double J knows his stuff and should do just fine. They have a decent talent base to start and from what I saw on the PPV, they have several stars ready to step up and knock one out of the park (or kick a GOOOAAAAL!! don’t want to be to xenophobic) and now is their chance. Shamrock is a credible, bad ass champion, Jeff Jarrett plays a great heel and role players like Scott Hall, Rick Steiner, etc should fit in better with this promotion than they did in the political, fast paced worlds of WWF and WCW. Also be on the lookout for K-Krush, who, if he keeps up the “Bad Ass Nigga” character, will be the biggest heel in the business. All you have to do is cater to your audience and, like it or not, there are many folks in the South that still do not realize that the South lost the war. But they have MONEY TO SPEND, i.e. disposable income that is well suited to Fat Boys BBQ, Busch beer and Wednesday Night Wrasslin, just keep it simple – Good old Boy don’t like the loudmouth black buy and so they is gonna FIGHT! Although I am not surprised that people in Canada and California cannot grasp this concept, it is rather offensive if you stop and think about them there details.

But most people won’t. The demographic that Jerry Jarrett is shooting for is out there ready to be entertained. I think it’s obvious that the WWF(E) was not able to cater to this crowd as their ratings did not double or triple when WCW / ECW went under. As a matter of fact, the WWF(E) is currently the one grasping at straws and hot – shoting (like WCW was in 1998) instead of planning a course and sticking to it (like the WWF did in 1998). Jarrett has a vision and a goal, maybe not to be the “best” or “on top”, but to provide a viable alternative at a time when it is sorely needed.

At stop ragging on Shamrock’s side burns. I find them rather intimidating.

One more thing before I go and that is a hard hitting, in depth look at he Austin situation

Wait a second, I already did that THREE MONTHS AGO! And man did I get flamed!! Funny how things work out.

Below is my commentary from the first time Austin walked out

(FLEA note: again, I’ll spare you the italics)

– And where is he? At home. Hopefully on the phone with Vince talking about how this angle will revitalize a stale product. Because I am hoping it’s an angle. Steve Austin is the best in the business bar none. No one can cut a better promo (especially when he ain’t f*cking around) and NO ONE has better high profile, balls to the wall intense main event matches on the planet. I’m sure some of you will disagree with that (Benoit, Muto, pick your poison) but a fact is a fact. Austin, unfortunately, is a cripple, but no matter who he is working with, you are going to see someone bust their ass and show you somethin somethin every time. Which is why I think it’s a shame if he is really pissed and does decide to leave.

– But if he does? Fuck him and the horse he rode in on. The time has come where wrestlers are expendable and Stone Cold Steve Austin is no different. If he comes back he can feud with anyone on the roster and make it work, that’s a given. But if he does fade off into the sunset? Sure I’ll be bummed but I will get over it. After all, Kurt Angle is the best talent out there and he just needs a few more years of experience before he can do absolutely no wrong. HHH still sorta does it for me, and I figure he will get off his ass sooner rather than later and get back to 2000-2001 form. I think Rico Constantino is going to rule the Earth one of these days but that just may be some sick perversion. The point is Austin is expendable, not only to the Fed but in the eyes of one of his biggest fans.

And if he decides to play hardball and cry like a baby? Good Riddance and let him go hang with Foley and Bret Hart. Three legends that blame the misery in their lives on the man that created them, Vince McMahon.

Psalm 71:10-12

For my enemies speak against me;

those who wait to kill me conspire together.

They say, “God has forsaken him;

pursue him and seize him,

for no one will rescue him.”

Be not far from me, O God;

come quickly, O my God, to help me.

No matter what is said or what is done, those who are created always come back to the one who created them.

– FLEA 4.1.02 – The Monday Edition

* * * * * * *

And that’s all I got to say about that.

Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.

Flea