– Train kept a rollin’
– Taped from Bingoland
– Your host is Joey.
– Opening match: Mikey Whipwreck v. Stevie Richards. This match marks the debut of Stevie’s trademark “Raven Lite” look, with the cutoff shorts and half-shirt. Mikey brings out Hack Myers to counteract the Raven effect. Mikey gets a quick lariat for two. Dropkick gets two. He works the arm for a LONG time. Stevie comes back, but takes a rana and gets pinned at 7:34. Horribly boring match. ¼* Pitbulls hit the ring, followed by Public Enemy, and they brawl to build heat for their title match later tonight.
– Clips of Tsubo Genjin (?) going over Tony Stetson with a kneedrop. Whatever.
– Axl Rotten v. Ian Rotten. And you thought Rock v. HHH was played out. Lotsa barbed wire here. And uh, yeah, that’s about all I have to say. Ian gets an anticlimactic chairshot for the pin at 9:03. DUD
– Raven, Stevie and Beulah do the Exposition Special and explain the whole deal with summer camp and how Dreamer stole Beulah from Raven, who was the only guy who ever treated her with class and dignity.
– Raven v. Tommy Dreamer. Heyman had to be seeing $$$ with this feud by this point. Brawl to the back right away. Dreamer bleeds and they fight to the Eagle’s Nest. Back to the ring, where Dreamer gets a sleeper, and back to the floor some REALLY silly weapons (the infamous plastic dinosaur and a dozen eggs, to name two). That’s just SO Memphis it’s not even funny. Back in, Raven delivers two DDTs, but Raven wants on the floor. It backfires, and Stevie interferes. Dreamer hits a gorgeous floatover DDT on Stevie, then on the ref. He then piledrives Beulah for the first time, which pops the crowd of sexually inadequate, misogynistic losers HUGE. No contest at 8:02. Another super intense brawl from these two. ***
– ECW TV title match: Eddy Guerrero v. Dean Malenko. You may have heard of this match before. We kick it old school on the mat to start. They trade boots to the head, and Dean bails. Super hot pinfall sequence leads to a Deano lariat. Eddy’s tilt-a-whirl is reversed to a headscissors, and Eddy responds in kind. Back to neutral position as the crowd applauds. Dean goes for the knee, while Eddy fights for an armbar. He gets a cross armbreaker as the fans focus their interest on something happening in the crowd. Don’t e-mail me about it, I don’t care what it was. Test of strength leads to a uranage by Eddy, and the slingshot senton for two. Malenko goes back to the knee, using an indian deathlock into a surfboard, then rolling him over into a pinning combination while holding the submission move. That’s just MEAN. Dean clips him and works the knee. Kneebreaker, and Eddy clings to the ropes for sanctuary. Dean drags him back and slaps on the kneebar. He moves to an STF. That’s the difference between matches like this and matches like RVD has: Every move here MEANS something and leads to something, even during the fast-paced action sequences. Eddy gets a fluke sunset flip for two, then a fisherman’s suplex, but he can’t make the pin. Powerbomb gets two as he revives. Tornado DDT is blocked once, but not twice. It gets two. Top rope rana gets two. Eddy goes into a painful looking cross between the Liontamer and the Sharpshooter. Guerrero puts him on top and shoves him to the floor, but Dean hooks a bodyscissors and takes Eddy down with him. Dean suplexes Eddy to the floor, and misses a pescado as Eddy simply walks away, then heads up and hits his own highspot in the form of a tope. Back in, Malenko brainbuster leads to a reveral sequence, and Guerrero gets his own. Frog splash gets two. Blind charge misses and Dean gets a northern lights suplex for two. Cloverleaf is stopped in the ropes, then another try is thwarted. Tiger bomb is countered by Eddy with a small package for two. Eddy hits his springboard rana for two, impressing the fans. Small package gets two for Eddy. They fight on top and Eddy powerbombs him for two. The bell for the time limit rings at 25:42, which I guess is 30 minutes in wrestling terms. An awesome match marred only by the dumbass fans ruining the middle portion and the non-finish. ****3/4
– ECW World title: Shane Douglas v. The Sandman. Woman is with Shane following the events of Three Way Dance. Sandman jumps him, but Shane comes back with an elbow and elbowdrop. Snap suplex, but Sandman tosses Douglas to the floor. Back in, Shane catches him with a DDT and elbowdrop for two. Douglas hits the rolling necksnap, and the Dean Douglas rebound splash that was his primary move in the WWF. Sandman tosses him again and they fight to the floor. Douglas gets vicious tossed from the apron to the railing. Sandman stalks Woman, allowing Shane to hit the FAT GUY OUTTA CONTROL plancha. More brawling, and back in. Sandman goes aerial, but misses. This match is dying. Douglas gets a bad-looking backbreaker, and for some reason hooks a cross-face chickenwing, despite no build to the move. Woman suddenly whacks Shane in the knee with the cane, Sandman falls on top, and we have a new champion at 7:50. Crowd chants “you got f*cked” at Shane, followed by the instant classic “Shane is Dead”. So Shane gets revenge on the crowd in the best way possible: He pulls out a Monday Night RAW t-shirt and puts it on, bidding ECW goodbye. Dean Douglas would debut shortly after and SET THE WORLD ON FIRE, BABEE. Y’all get what y’all give *1/4
– ECW World tag title match: The Public Enema v. The Pitbulls. Pitbull 1 punches away on Rocco to start. Much stalling results. Pitbull 2 press-slams Rocco through a table on the floor. Nice spot. Grunge tries a 2-on-1 and gets killed. Rocco rolls back and takes a chinlock, playing hoodie-in-peril. More resting. Pier-six erupts and everyone brawls. Nothing worth noting. Back in, Pitbulls 2 goes up and misses whatever, and Grunge gets a two count off it. Table gets involved. Grunge pump splashes Pitbull 2 through it. Back outside, more quality camerawork ensues as we miss everything. Pitbull 2 has absolutely tapped an artery once line of sight it restored. He makes 0.6 Muta effortlessly. Steel guardrail to the head gets two for Pitbull 1. Superbomb is reversed to an ugly rana for two. Pitbulls hit a slingshot shoulderblock for two. Public Enemy gets a weapon, but the Driveby misses. A simple rollup gets the pin on Pitbull 2 at 16:39, however. Shave 10 minutes off that and it’s watchable. *
– 911 v. Ron Simmons. Chokeslam, goodbye. DUD
– Terry Funk v. Cactus Jack. Jack invites Terry into the crowd with him, and we’re underway. Up to the Eagle’s Nest, where Terry lays in some STIFF chairshots. Jesus H. Criminy, no wonder Mick can’t remember his way home. Jack dishes out his own. Cactus elbow through a table misses and he eats table sandwhich with a slice of table. They fight back to the ring. Funk smashes a chair into Jack’s injured knee, and we’re finally in the ring. Funk brings a table and they hit each other with it. More brawling outside. Funk pulls Cactus off the apron and he SPLATS on the floor. Back in for some weapons. This is turning into FMW. Weapon of choice: A broken beer bottle. Funk tears up his face with it. Mikey comes to help, but Funk takes him out. Ditto Hack Myers. Funk goes for the spinning toehold (talk about sticking out like a sore thumb ) but Jack escapes. Sandman runs in, but Jack quickly DDTs Funk and gets the pin at 12:55. Gory and super-intense brawl from the two best friends. ***
– After the match, Funk throws a tantrum and returns with the flaming branding iron. Crowd digs that one.
The Bottom Line: Hey, what can you say? Eddy v. Dean! Raven v. Dreamer! (A feud that I love) and Cactus v. Funk = Two hours of ECW goodness. To quote Dean Rasmussan’s merry band of tape reviewers, GET ALL THIS!
ECW 95 Month continues later this week with Hardcore Heaven 95!
