*Preface:
I wish I was a mark again. I remember how awesome it was seeing Kane debut six years ago. I remember my friend Brandon, in his twenties, being visibly upset at work when Austin lost the title to Kane in a first blood match at King of the Ring five years ago. I remember seeing Mankind win the title and be paraded around by DX. I remember the Canadian-American wars, Austin-McMahon, the rise of Rocky, and Chris Jericho’s debut. I remember getting that feeling that I just don’t get anymoreWrestling used to be FUN. Thirty of us used to get together at a different persons house every week to watch RAW. The weeks used to revolve around Monday Nights. WWF PPV’s used to be the greatest nights of the month. Every Sunday before the pay per views, we’d all go to the beach in the morning, lay out, meet girls, and just have fun. After we packed up our stuff, we’d always go get food somewhere at the beach, get a table on the water, and just talk about the damn PPV for hours. About eight of us would all write down our picks on little scraps of paper, put them in a bowl with ten dollars each, and whoever got the most picks would take the money. It wasn’t about the money though, it was about the fun. As recently as two and a half years ago, wrestling was still pure, unmitigated fun.
No Way Out 2000, featuring Mick Foley’s last “official match” against Triple H in Hell in the Cell, was the end of that era. Wrestling was never quite the same for me after that. It wasn’t wrestling that changed, but our perception and enjoyment of it that was altered.
It’s all been straight downhill from there. Although we are all in separate cities now, there hasn’t been a beach/PPV double-header in close to two years. RAW has sadly become an alternative to Road Rules for the last few months. Smackdown is solid, but it lacks that certain something that ignites the sparks within me.
I don’t like being a critic. I wish there was some way to bring back the magic. I wish that there was some way to again make me feel the way that I felt while watching the ten man tag match on RAW in Dallas back in February of 2000.
If given the opportunity to go back four years in time, I might not click the Wrestleboard.com link again. Plain and simple, the cynical nature of the Internet Wrestling Scene has ruined my enjoyment of modern wrestling. I don’t like being conditioned to hate HHH, cheer for Benoit, and criticize the Undertaker. I see THOUSANDS of “marks” at WWE events cheering for the Undertaker and The Rock until their lungs are about to explode. Despite being read by thousands of people at 411Wrestling, being recognized and respected in the net scene, and having vast knowledge of the inner workings of this business, I still can’t help but feel a tinge of jealousy every time I see those people, because they possess something that I will never be able to truly regain…
-Yoooooooooooooooo, how the hell is everybody ??? I honestly hope the answer to that question is positive, and if not, best wishes that things turn around. I’ll skip the lengthy intro that most of you would probably skip yourselves anyway, because we’ve got a TON of news to get to…
– First and foremost, the Year in Wrestling series is about to kick into extreme overdrive. To answer a question I’ve gotten far more times than I could possibly count, YES, the series will definitely focus on the WWF and ECW in the near future. I’m also really excited about an upcoming Year in Wrestling special edition focusing on the rise and fall of the Global Wrestling Federation which graced ESPN airwaves a decade ago. I’ve got some great sources who were directly involved with the GWF, so it should be nothing short of explosive. For now though, look for the WCW emphasis to continue for at least a little while longer. I know it’s redundant, but (cue Headline News music)…
There’s a very real chance that the Year in Wrestling series could be coming to your local bookstore. I can’t get into many specifics as of right now, but the plan is to cover everything WCW from 1988 until 2001, including most major PPV’s. The book should be ready to undergo the editing process by December. As more information is finalized, I’ll post further details in my column here on 411Wrestling, as well as on my official subsite, The Bower & Anderson Connection.
What’s that ??? You haven’t heard of the The Bower & Anderson Connection. You’re missing out then friend. The Bower & Anderson Connection plays home to some of the best non-411 content on the web, easily. Here you’ll find instant RAW and Smackdown thoughts, brief video reviews, the famed “Bower Anderson Late Night Report,” and just about everything else you could possibly ever want or need. Bookmark the site that 411Wrestling’s own leader Widro claimed to be “passably entertaining,” and check back often, as it’s updated at least three or four times a day by me and Jay personally.
Finally, you heard it here first… We’re going LIVE… That’s right, starting as soon as Halloween, me and Jay will be coming live into your living room on a weekly basis with a yet to be named internet radio show. Well, technically it won’t be live, but the tape delay will allow for a bit more fine tuning and polishing (i.e. loopy sound effects and Tatanka’s theme music). Look for fresh analysis of the week in wrestling, a lot of sarcasm, chances to call in, and a special weekly feature called, “Ten Questions with your favorite Internet Wrestling Celebrity.” We’ve already got a few bonafide net superstars lined up, so look for the radio show to just be a fun, laid back, waste of an hour.
More on all of this, as well as a few other noteworthy news items can be found both here on 411Wrestling, and on The Bower & Anderson Connection.
Anyway, The Year in Wrestling 1993 is all but finished, but it still needs a bit of touching up. So for now, I’m going to just go ahead and do a “best of” column, with quotes from some of my rare early tape reviews here on 411Wrestling. Actually, they aren’t technically that rare, most can be found easily in the tape archive section, but it’s fun to pretend every now and then… And before you hit send on the nasty emails claiming that I “ripped off Hyatte’s idea” with the quotes, don’t bother, because you see, I KNOW I DID. I didn’t just magically come up with the idea. Say what you want about the guy, but if it weren’t for him I wouldn’t be writing this column right now. About 16 months ago, I wrote my first column for 411Wrestling, a video review of the first Clash of the Champions. I was flamed into the ground by anyone and everyone with access to a keyboard, especially in the 411 forums, about using a format too close to Keith’s. Anyway, I was all but ready to give up on the whole net writing thing. Anyway, Hyatte stuck up for me BIG TIME in his Midnight News, for seemingly no other reason than being a good guy. The flaming stopped completely, and it was nowhere but uphill from there. If you’re reading this, I haven’t forgotten it man, and I am eternally grateful for the help.ÂÂ
Anyway, here we go, beginning with some of the very first sentences I ever posted here at the 411…
***
For the record, I’ll be using this great site … WrestlingSupercards and Tournaments… for all my match times. My girlfriend strictly warned me that the next time she comes into my apartment and I’m sitting on the couch watching a decade old wrestling video with a stopwatch around my neck that she was dumping me for obvious reasons.ÂÂ
***
We get some wide angle shots of the ring announcer trying to pump the crowd up to no avail. Don’t know about you guys, but when an old man in a tuxedo with a handful of index cards asks me to make some noise, I do it, no questions asked.
***
Jim Ross is at ringside holding one of the most ridiculous looking microphones I’ve ever seen. I don’t pretend to have been around during Biblical times, but I’d fathom to guess that the staff of Moses looked quite similar to this awful microphone that poor Jim is stuck with. The fans at ringside seem to be leaning waaaaaay back in their chairs, wary of the fact that the mic could turn into a serpent at any time.
***
Bob Caudle is at ringside “We have a huge crowd here in Charlotte. A number of celebrities are also here. A lot of us remember the old Leave it to Beaver television program. Well the new Leave it to Beaver stars Eddie Haskel. And we’d like right now for all you folks to meet Eddie Haskel.” We then cut to a sixty year old Eddie Haskel *IN CHARACTER* running into Jim Cornette at ringside. This is quite possibly the stupidest thing I have ever seen, seriously. “Hey listen, that’s a fine lookin’ tennis racket you have there Mr. Cornette.” Next…
***
Out comes Nikita Koloff in a white business suite for an interview, and to tell the truth, after five viewings, I still can’t make out a SINGLE damn word he’s saying. He does hold up a sign that says “Get High on Sports, Not Drugs” so at least it’s a positive message.
***
If you’re not familiar with Learning the Ropes, consider yourself to be amongst the lucky. I really can’t do the show the same kind of justice that RD did over at Wrestlecrap, so let’s just say that the show was the sitcom equivalent of an El Gigante/PN News best of seven series and leave it at that.
***
Armstrong loses consciousness as a direct result of the vicious claw and Windham scores the pinfall (13:35). ** Your “smart” friends may say, “ONLY Two Stars, but it’s Barry Windham in his prime against the vastly underutilized Brad Armstrong!” To that I say, go pop in your Super J Cup tapes and cry yourself to sleep you f*cking nerds. The match just didn’t make any sense. Of the 13:35, at least 11:00 was consumed by the Armstrong headlock. This isn’t a 90-minute draw fellas…ÂÂ
***
My God. The fun’s not over yet though. After seeing this clip which explains to us, in completely idiot proof fashion, the EXACT premise of the show, Tony turns to Lyle and says “So tell us what the show is about.” Lyle is kind enough to rehash exactly what the clip just told us in the form of one long run-on sentence…
“Well, you see, I play Robert Randall, a high school teacher who is trying to make ends meet, and what happens is the fact that teachers don’t make a lot of money unfortunately in this country, and this teacher Robert Randall that I play doesn’t make enough money, and he moonlights as a professional wrestler and they call him the Masked Maniac, and he has relationships with NWA wrestlers. It’s pretty interesting.” Ummmmm, ok.
***
We cut to a *very* large woman in the crowd holding a sign that says “Hunk! Hunk! Hunk!” We’re not quite sure of who the sign is alluding to, but each man looks to have his fingers crossed desperately hoping it not be him. My memory’s a little cloudy, but I seem to recall reading in the Observer that the woman tried to rush the ring and put both The Fantastics between two very large pieces of bread, slather them with mayonnaise and soggy bacon, and proceed to have an afternoon snack… Confirmation on this story pending from Meltzer
***
Damn Garvin is looking old here. While he may appear to be hovering around 65 or so, he is actually only 44 years old at the time of this match. Fifty bucks says he popped out of the womb with a full head of hair and a high school diploma.
***
We now rejoin Tony and Bob at ringside. An easel is set up next to them containing the blueprints for the “Tower of Doom” cage that will be used at the Great American Bash. Tony explains the structure to us, as well as the rules of the match. We get an extra treat as Bob Caudle unrolls a “parchment scroll” that Kevin Sullivan “found in a monastery.” This scroll contains the floor plan for the ancient Tower of Doom and is “THOUSANDS” of years old. Next…
***
More creative crowd signs are shown, including: “Sting Makes My Heart Zing” (get it, Sting rhymes with Zing), “Sting will strike tonight”, “Sting is #1”, and my personal favorite, a sign that says “Are the four horseman really brain dead?” with a big crudely drawn picture of what appears to be a four-headed llama. How four-headed llamas relate to the brain retardation of wrestling’s premiere heel stable is beyond me, but maybe I’m the slow one myself.
***
Many of you were kind enough to let me know that you enjoyed the screen grabs, so they’ll stick around for a while longer until we all get sick of them. As I previously mentioned, I just got done moving, and unfortunately I’m not quite sure where my capture card is for the time being. I packed about thirty boxes, one labeled “Kitchen” and the rest labeled “Other.” My guess is it’s packed up somewhere in one of the boxes labeled “Other.” I’ll have it up and running for the next Clash, but for now you’ll have to settle for crudely drawn substitutes that I made in the Windows paint program.ÂÂ
***
Armstrong is thrown over the top rope, but comes right back in with a sunset flip. Being the ring-savvy veteran that he is, Rotunda quickly grabs the top rope to avoid being taken over. OF COURSE Teddy Long finds it necessary to kick the arm of Mike Rotunda off the rope. It’s perfectly legal, and encouraged, to grab the ropes in order to have a normal hold broken, but there is apparently a special provision in the NWA Rule Book stating…….    ÂÂ
“In the instance of a sunset flip, in which opponent A comes from the outside of the ring to the inside with the flip on opponent B, and opponent A sees fit to grasp the top rope for support, the referee shall have the jurisdiction to kick the arm of opponent A off the rope if, and only if, said wrestler A displays the characteristics common to those of a rulebreaker. Common traits characteristic of a rulebreaker…ÂÂ
-Dresses in the same locker room as other rulebreakers.
-Hails from any country other than the United States.
-Is Black and does not have the words “Junk” or “Dog” in his name.
***
Ok, so I lied. In the previous Clash review I mentioned the fact that Clash II was the only Clash of the Champions show that the Sheepherders appeared on. Well, here they are on Clash III. I didn’t mean to get all Scaia on you, it won’t happen again. As a consolation prize for my error, I actually went out of my way to learn which one is which. After studying HOURS of old Coliseum videos, I’ve discovered a sure-fire way to distinguish the two. Luke is bald, while Butch has hair.
***
The crowd is going bananas, so Nikita and Williams both look over at each other, pause for dramatic effect, and then simultaneously throw up the *Double Thumbs Up.* The Georgia folk are obviously big fans of the double thumbs up, as they explode from the gesture, many throwing up their thumbs as well.
***
We cut to a fan at ringside wearing a logo hat of his favorite tractor company. It’s not just any hat though, it’s one of those old 80’s hats that has the netting on the back. It’s the kind of hat that you could dunk in the water for a few seconds and then pull up a cap full of trout.
***
The majority of the PWTorch faithful tend to be cynical Powell clones though. It’s comical to read the reader feedback to RAW each week. The WWF could put on the Raw to end all Raws with an HBK/Bret Hart Iron-Man rematch, and dozens of idiots would still be writing in with reviews like…
Dirk Flannagan (Leweyville, Kentucky) (1.0)… Did Russo write this hog-wash! This is the last timeIever watch RAW. I know I said it last week, and the week before that (and the week before that) but I mean it this time. I am pissed! What, did Russo write this crap? Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels both wrestled poorly. Shawn got his head rammed into the turnbuckle early in the match, but by the end of the match he was acting like it never even happened. He could at least sell. But then again, I guess the Clique doesn’t have to sell because HHH has Vince in his back pocket.
***
These poor Russians have not been the recipient of any way, shape, or form of character development, and thus have to resort to methods such as waving the Russian flag, pantomiming the act of standing in a long bread line, and giving the thumbs down to American fans to get any kind of heel heat. You almost have to feel bad for the guys. One thing’s for sure though, if a masked Russian points at me and gives me the thumbs down, he WILL be booed out of the building. There are some lines you just don’t cross, and the thumbs down is definitely one of them. That’s when it stops being fun and starts getting PERSONAL.
***
If your ideal wrestling match consists of nothing but an armbar and a shoulderblock, by all means drop EVERYTHING you are doing and obtain this tape. If not, you can throw this match into the old ** bucket.
***
Not a terrible match, but not necessarily one that I would wrap up under the Christmas tree to give to your “smart” friends either.**
***
Bonus Match!!! Yes!!! The Blackmailer vs. “The Total Package” Lex Luger. Our announcer let’s us know that The Blackmailer is from parts unknown. Several minutes later, JR informs us that our blackmailing friend is from Cuba. My Encyclopedia Britannica’s have long since been discarded, but I seem to remember Cuba being discovered sometime before 1988. The Blackmailer is your generic “prelim bum” in a black mask and long black tights. Of course the announcers put over the fact that the man behind the mask could be ANYONE, yes ANYONE! I’m sure conversations across America at the time of the match went something like this…
“Hey, who do you think the Blackmailer really is ?”
“I don’t know Gus. Maybe it’s Hogan!”
“No way Petey, your crazy! It looks a lot more like the Warrior!”
“Not a chance, his arms aren’t big enough. Maybe it’s Flair!”
“Yeah, that’s gotta be it!! It’s Flair!!”
“Whooo!”
“Whoo!”
***
Anyway, Luger does his thing where he shakes each pectoral in an alternating pattern (e.g. left peck, right peck, left peck, right peck). This mammary wobbling exhibition goes on for a good thirty to forty minutes before we get to the actual match. The Blackmailer watches Luger’s jugs dance with a big smile on his face, carefully calculating how the video-taped evidence could be used to blackmail Luger at a later date.
…
The Blackmailer is floored and Luger smiles at the crowd and does his thing again, making his pecks dance like Captain von Trapp and Mother Abbess from The Sound of Music. Jim Ross LOVES it when Luger makes them wobble. Speaking of Ross, JR refers to Luger as “The Package” for most of this match, resulting in mildly humorous double entendres throughout the match.
…
The Blackmailer repeatedly kicks Luger in the head from the ring apron. Not dancing anymore, are ya fellas ? Hiro Matsuda is screaming at the Blackmailer in Japanese and is like “Bluuh Bluuh BLOO BLOO YAAA YAA BLOO.”
***
The crowd pops HUGE for the Fantastics entrance. It’s funny to see a bunch of grown men cheering wildly for two quasi-gays wearing red sequins and doing silly little dances.
***
BUT WAIT!!! Kevin Sullivan slips into the picture and puts a heavy duty padlock on the chain link door that leads downstairs, trapping Sting, JYD, and Michael Hayes in the basement. OH NO!!! Bob Caudle plays the clueless idiot, with lines like “wait a minute Kevin, I don’t think you realize that Sting and his teammates are down there,” and “There must be a misunderstanding here Kevin.”
***
Head of Security Doug Dillenger is shown trying to unlock the gate with what appears to be his house keys. Not sure how many MasterLocks® have keys that also fit a 1987 Ford Taurus.
***
By the way, yes it has taken Sting, JYD, and Michael Hayes a good six minutes to find the ring.
***
Ross informs us that we will now be taking a look at tonight’s lineup. When I hear “we are now gonna take a look at tonight’s lineup,” I markishly believe that we are going to view a rundown of the nights matches. Silly Mark!!! We are actually going to watch a ten minute montage with clips of all the NWA Superstars doing their vintage moves, while generic 80’s music blares in the background.
***
The National Anthem plays as a high tech laser show lights up the Superdome. Every time the lasers flash, we can see how ridiculously small the crowd looks here tonight. 5,000 was a very good number for the NWA at this point, but the building is just MASSIVE for a crowd of 5,000. Don’t know who’s bright idea it was to hold a Clash of the Champions card in an EIGHTY thousand seat arena. That’s like holding your fourth grade birthday party at Yankee Stadium, even though you know that your grandparents are going to be the only ones actually coming.
***
Samu hits some normal chops, which the announcers shill as being “Samoan Chops” because of the whole race thing. I could see Ross being like “Some nice big BLACK chops by Butch Reed.”
***
Fatu breaks free with the Samoan headbutt and works Lane into the Samoan corner. Another zany Samoan mishap occurs, as Fatu accidentally clobbers his own teammate yet again. Samu retreats to the outside, where Paul E. hands him his big goofy cordless phone. Samu is a stupid Samoan, so he grabs the phone, holds it upside down, and screams such intelligible comments as “BLAH BLOO GRAAH YELP YELP.” Ahh, the Island of Samoa must be glowing with pride.
***
The crowd is all jumping up and down and stomping their feet and the arena is literally shaking. The Samoans are so flustered that they start fighting each other. Samoans are only one step above your common petting zoo animals in the intelligence department, so it makes sense for them to moronically fight each other when they get confused, right NWA ?
***
In more of that traditional NWA racial sensitivity, JYD is accompanied to the ring by a band of goofy, overly stereotyped black “Jazz players.” They are slinging around their instruments, doing ridiculous dances, and basically fitting to a T the traditional 1930’s stereotype of the fictitious “coon” character. Jim Ross says, “JYD is surrounded by HIS people tonight.” (i.e. He’s got BLACKS with him). Michael Hayes makes another gem of a comment, saying “I think they opened for us in Nigeria.” Ross and Hayes add that, “It looks like they’ve had too much to drink,” and have hearty laughs as their bellies wobble. Way to reel in those demographics boys!
***
More punches and stomps by Reed on JYD, followed by the old “drape opponents arms over second rope and act like there is some possible way to choke him from that position” move. Long pulls Reed off, because it is blatantly illegal to choke the armpits of your opponent on the second rope.
***
Bob Orton vs. “Captain Redneck” Dick Murdock. Not quite sure who is the babyface here and who is the heel, due to the complete lack of any form of crowd interest. Both men are in tip-top shape, Murdock in particular, who appears to be wearing a pregnancy preparation vest.
***
The fans at the Superdome came to see Flair, they came to see Muta, they came to see Sting. They did not come to see a twenty minute battle for wristlock supremacy. *
***
Ross took offense to what the Sheik said and pulls his finisher (the Combat Kick) out of nowhere. In customary Ranger Ross form, the kick misses the head of the Iron Sheik by a good 4 feet. Ross makes the cover for 1, 2, OH NO!! Rip Morgan is in with an Iranian flag in his hand and HEELISH intentions in mind. Ranger Ross is beaten unmercifully by Morgan and the Sheik until the referee stops the match and calls for the DQ (1:56) *. I’ll let you guess what happens next. Your choices are…
A) Ross mounts the superman comeback, fending off both men by himself and establishing a bit of
much needed credibility for his joke of a character.
B) Ross is saved by a fellow babyface who the NWA could not fit into the television block and
utilize for the show.
C) JYD, having just wrestled and really having no reason to involve himself, makes the save and hugs Ross
because they are, of course, both black.
***
Steiner rushes Spivey and clotheslines him over the top rope. During the chaos, Missy Hyatt slips her “Loaded Gucci Purse” to Eddie Gilbert, who clocks Sullivan in the arm with it. Sullivan is out COLD from the trauma to his bicep, and Gilbert easily gets the three count at (3:51).
***
The Ultimate Warrior vs. Owen Hart
The Warrior comes darting out to his old-school music with all the bells and jangles and “DUH! DUHDUH-DUH!’s” The Garden ERUPTS for this clown, as he run downs his full bag of Ultimate tricks. For those not familiar with the Ultimate Warrior’s sac of tricks, the big three consist of…
*The Rope Shake* This is the Warrior’s primary trick. The name might be a bit deceptive, as their is much more involved with this action than just the shaking of the ropes. Well, actually there really isn’t. The Warrior runs out, firmly grasps a rope of his choice with both hands, and violently shakes around like an epileptic Japanese kid after too many episodes of Pike’ton.
*The GO-rilla press Motion* This one is a bit more complicated, so stick with me on this one, as you might need to read the explanation several times in order to grasp the concept of the motion. The Warrior looks to the sky and raises his goofy, cartoonish arms into the air. The announcers play it off as the Warrior “gaining strength from the Gods,” but unless the “Gods” are anabolic in nature, the Warrior sure as hell isn’t gathering his strength from them.
*The Rain Dance* This one is a bit more complicated as well, as Warrior uses a quasi-combination of his other tricks to perform this riveting routine. The Warrior huffs and puffs for a while, slowly begins to trot in place, and then starts pumping his fist up and down into the air. It’s really not as ridiculous as it sounds… in fact, it’s actually much more ridiculous.
***
Owen rushes the Warrior, but gets hiptossed twice. The crowd is all like “YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!” and the guy holding the camera begins making this WEIRD high-pitched, owl-like noise that is like “HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” It honestly makes me uncomfortable to even listen to.
***
In one of the funnier things I’ve seen in my young life, Owen begins mocking the Warrior’s *Go-rilla Press* motion, complete with silly running in place motions. The guy with the camera is all like “Well-uh-how-wh-wh He doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into! HAAAA HA HA.” Owen hits the enzuigiri again, and to the complete and total shock of NO one, the Warrior no-sells and starts hulking up again. The guy with the camera is all like “HOOOOOOOOOOO!”
***
An Owen suplex attempt is blocked and ultimately reversed by the Warrior. I guess the Warrior feared that the Warrior to Owen offense ratio was slipping below the 3,200,000,000,000,000,000,000,000:1 level.
***
Anyway, The Warrior arouses the crowd with a little bit more rope shaking, dancing, and posing before retreating to the back to undoubtedly do something really REALLY strange
***
Sunny makes her way to the ring much to the delight of the sold-out Garden crowd. The fella with the camera begins violently shaking at the sight of Sunny. Hmmm. His friend turns to him and says, “Gosh she’s PURRRTY.” The guy with the camera doesn’t respond, but keeps on shaking. Sure hope I’m reading too much into this.
***
The HillBillies do some HARDCORE square dancing in the ring, much to the displeasure of the BodyDonnas. The guy with the camera begins stomping his foot and letting out his now trademarked “HOOOOOOOOOOO!” He seems to be VERY excited about seeing Sunny AND a square dance within the same two minute time bracket.
***
The Godwinns do some of their down-home double-teaming, as one of the camera-man’s friends steps in front of the screen. He’s no ordinary friend though. He appears to be wearing an ESKIMO suit. I realize its New York, but its in the middle of summer and there’s no ice huts for MILES.
***
The Bodydonnas regroup on the outside as the farmers do some RIDICULOUS dances in the ring. You see, they are FARMERS, so they are STUPID, right Vince. Not sure what demographic they were meant to appeal to, but NO farmers that I have ever met have stopped talking in mid-conversation and began doing handstands while wildly throwing about their legs.
***
Sunny jumps onto the apron and is all like “Stick em up! Give me all your crack-cocaine and any sexually transmitted diseases I may still be in search of.” Actually she just smiled, but its FUN to pretend. Phineas makes his way over to her with a dopey, confused look on his face. You see, the story here is that an attractive woman like Sunny would never go for a lowly, stupid, farmer. Phineas grabs her by the head and kisses her as the man with the camera starts violently convulsing again while screaming, “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH YEAH!!!!!!!!!” After laying on the smooch (and undoubtedly contracting several varying, antibiotic-resistant forms of oral herpes), Phineas hits his finisher (not sure what its called, but for arguments sake we’ll call it the “Stinger Splash”) and covers Skip for the three-count. Our friend the camera operator is nearly having an orgasm, SCREECHING “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!” over and over and over and over. The Madison Square Garden crowd blows the roof off of the fabled arena as the silly farmers do what they do best: stupidly dance.
***
Triple H throws Razor to the outside and rams his back repeatedly into the ring apron. Ramon is selling like crazy for Hunter, because they are all *BESTEST friends*Awwww.
***
I get a lot of emails asking where I’ve been and why I’ve been only putting out a review every 3 or 4 weeks. Well, I could answer the question with a bullshit excuse, or the truth. If you’re interested in the bullshit excuse, scroll on down to the paragraph cleverly titled “Excuse A.” If you’re interested in the true reasons, look no further than “Excuse B,” conveniently located directly underneath “Excuse A.”
***
Finally, we’ve got Jay Bower under 411 contract now too. Jay is my real-life twin brother and for the first time in 3 years, we’re now housed on the same site. As those of you who frequented the Smarks know, Jay’s a hell of a writer and he’s a real workhorse too. While my column frequency is so bad that one reader once told me that he “could time his girlfriend’s period based on when my next review was coming up,” Jay pounds out quality columns faster than Carl Lewis. I guess when you’ve got a girlfriend who looks like this though, writing is a welcome distraction from the real world.***
We cut in with the traditional Family Feud circus-like music. The game show set is made up to look like a quasi-wrestling ring, complete with “ring ropes” and cartoonishly large turnbuckles. A microphone drops from the ceiling as the normal announcer introduces the contestants as if they were coming out for a BIG MATCH!!!!!!!
***
GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies Of Wrestling) was a semi-successful women’s wrestling promotion that existed during the latter part of the 80’s into the early 90’s. I could be completely wrong with those years. If I am and you caught me, give yourself a hardy pat on the back and hit unsend on that hateful email. That’ll save me the trouble of writing you back pretending to be embarrassed about my error and excited about the correction..
***
We’ll use an improvised star rating system to fairly rate the hotness of each Gorgeous Lady of Wrestling.
Jackie Stallone: While her actual role is never fully addressed, I’d presume that this *cough* able-bodied woman held a managerial role in GLOW. I’m not sure if you guys ever saw the movie “Mask” with Cher and her mutuated pig-baby, but Jackie Stallone looks ALOT like a cross between Cher and the previously mentioned swine-child. I’m guessing her age is somewhere around fifty or so, but her wrinkles make her look as if she’s MUCH older. Our friend Jackie looks like she’s spent half of her adult life naked in a cigar lounge. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Take Mrs. Grut for example. She’s spent quite a bit of her life naked in a cigar lounge, as I’m sure Josh can attest to, but she still looks VERY good naked.
DUD
Mountain Fiji: As her name may or may not imply, this woman is BIG. From what clues I can gather, she’s also Fijan as well. Imagine Fat Albert with Aunt Jemima’s hair and you’ve got yourself a frighteningly uncanny mental image of Mountain Fiji. Just don’t imagine it while you’re trying to fall asleep. I made that mistake last night. I ended up having a terrible nightmare and waking up covered in sweat and ketchup Not a good thing.
DUD
Lady Godiva: If your idea of a good time is looking at pasty Brittish women, then I think I’ve got the perfect girl for you my friend. Lady Godiva is a blonde-haired, Brittish wrestler who’s skin is fairer than a little-league umpire. She talks with a Brittish accent so terribly unconvincing that I honestly feel as if my intelligence is insulted.
DUD
Justice: She’s black, from Harlem, and wears black leather gloves with the fingers cut off. If that doesn’t scream BULLY, I don’t know what the hell does.
*1/2
Hollywood: OH MY GOD. Quite possibly one of the hottest women that I’ve ever laid my eyes on. She makes me want to track down hours and hours (and hours) of old GLOW tapes just to see her in action. If you’re inviting some of your DVDVR friends over to watch this tape, do Anderson a favor and make sure you put plastic over all your furniture. You’ll thank me by party’s end…
***
GLOW:
The women of glow are playing for “An unnamed national charity to teach kids sports”
*Note: Hundreds of thousands of children in America don’t have enough food to eat. Hundreds of thousands of children in the United States don’t receive proper immunizations and booster shots because of their level of poverty. This is not important though. What IS important is the fact that hundreds of thousands of children don’t know how to properly play a game of badmitton or field hockey. The woman of GLOW recognize this problem, and they are taking it upon themselves to make sure that even though these kids have a 50 percent chance of dying of starvation, at least they’ll know the proper way to play TETHERBALL.
***
The correct answer trend continues with Brad Armstrong, who just so happens to be wearing the nerdiest set of glasses that I have EVER seen. They are nearly twice the size of his head. It looks like he’s wearing a pair of hollowed out frisbees over his eyes. Ironically enough, Armstrong comments that he thinks most people wish that they were born with better looks. NUMBER THREE! NUMBER THREE!!! ITS NUMBER THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gosh, ProWrestling Torch won’t be publishing many of my guest editorials with blatant overuse of the exclamation point like that :(Oh well, they all look the same anyway and all start with either, “I strongly agree with Jason Powell….,” “I think that Bruce Mitchell was right on point when he said…” or “I’m very happy with my Torch subscription and would recommend it to…”)
***
Well, there’s no easy way to say this. Jim Ross, arguably the most influential man in WWF who’s last name isn’t McMahon, just comes off as a complete and total MORON in these episodes. He just appears to have NO common sense with some of his answers. We’re only covering the first episode of the week-long series, but he gets progressively worse and worse as the week goes on. He’s a straight-up liability to the team, and I almost wonder if they are going to start taking wishes AWAY from the terminal kids due to Ross’s poor gameplay
***
WCW’s got two strikes and Sting is in the clutch. Not sure if that’s such a good idea. Sting proves that he is paying absolutely NO attention by answering “height,” the very answer given by Brian Pillman FIFTEEN seconds earlier. To prove that it wasn’t just a fluke and that he actually DOES have all the brainpower of a wooden peg, Sting answers that most people wish that they were born with more “muscle.” Don’t know about you guys, but I for one wish that I would have popped out of the womb capable of military pressing 500 pounds.
***
We switch sides back to the GLOW women who hotly contest their answer before finally all deciding on one knockout answer: “Education”
Let’s take a look at this shall we ??? Most people wish that they were born with more EDUCATION ? Don’t know about you guys, but I LOATHE my parents because I wasn’t born with a doctorate in medicinal science.
***
The Z-Man, fresh off of his victory in WCW magazine’s “SEXIEST WRESTLER” contest, steps up to the plate against Mountain Fiji, who incidentally is fresh off of her victory in GLOW magazine’s “SEXIEST 600 POUND WOMAN FROM FIJI WEARING A YELLOW SHIRT AND WHO’S NAVAL LOOKS MORE LIKE A MILITARY BUNKER THAN ACTUAL HUMAN ANATOMY” contest.
***
“Rossie,” obviously hesitant to give any answer that might actually make him appear to be *gulp* intelligent, answers “You know Ray, I’m going to be original and say DAD.” Unfortunately for Ross, originality only counts in the third grade science fair (i.e. “DOES SODA MAKE YOU PLAY BASKETBALL BETTER?” or “WILL MY DOG FLOPPY STILL BE ABLE TO PLAY FRISBEE AFTER DRINKING 3 GALLONS OF EGG NOG?”) Strike TWO….
***
Sting casts a devilish leer in the direction of Hollywood and responds, “A curvaceous woman,” complete with a cheesy pantomime of touching said invisible curvaceous woman’s curves. Mountain Fiji smiles and puts another pepperoni log in her mouth. Just out of curiosity, who actually buys these things??? Whenever I go to Publix, I undoubtedly see half an aisle reserved for long, hardened, five-pound pepperoni sticks. What ON EARTH does one do with these things ? Eat them as is ? Slice them and make THOUSANDS of pizzas ? The only possible use that I could ever think of for these things would be sexual, but what woman realistically wants to pleasure herself with CURED PORK. Seriously. If anyone out there has a girlfriend or wife who just SCREAMS for salted, dried pig meat between her legs, please let me know so I can be sure to cast myself off the side of the balcony sooner than later.
***
Sting once again proves that they don’t exactly look too closely at one’s SAT scores in determining who to make the World Champion. Let’s listen to the question. “Name a place where you see men flexing their muscles ?” Sting answers, “Their wife.” ……. “Name a place….” …. “Their wife.” … “Place” … “Wife.” Hmmmm.
***
Jason from Wrestling Supercards and Tournaments in a hell of a guy. I love Jason. Jason loves Lesbians. These Lesbians look like they’ve heard ALL about Wrestling Supercards and Tournaments from their girlfriends. Word travels quickly… It’s also come to my attention that minors may be illegally viewing the previously mentioned lesbians. If you are not age, you’ll have to settle for this picture of a scary clown instead.
***
Things kick into goofy overdrive with the Eliminators, as they begin with a series of moves which look more like a synchronized swimming routine than a wrestling match. Goes a little something like this… Saturn and Kronus both hit Bubba with a couple of matching kicks to the chest, then each grabs one of his arms and throws him into the corner. Bubba conveniently bounces back, as both Eliminators go down on one knee. They look at each other, both raise their arms and hit Bubba with two elbows, which they manipulate into 2 backfists to follow up with. Bubba again cartoonishly falls into the turnbuckles, comes bouncing back, and receives a pair of matching side kicks by the Eliminators. I feel like the Nutcracker Suite should be playing while this little routine is going on. Bubba is playing a cartoonish heel straight of Home Alone tonight, leaving me hoping for his sake that there are no glass ornaments laying around ringside, and that there is NO tar on his boots. Saturn and Kronus stand in the MIDDLE of the ring and discuss their upcoming spots with each other in the most matter of fact way that I’ve ever seen, complete with pointing and head nodding.
***
RVD goes for a slingshot elbow, slips on the rope, and only slightly grazes Lance Storm. The classy ECW fans respond with the always flattering “YOU FUCKED UP!!!!!” chants. I’d like to see half of these fat greasy bastards as much as fit between the ropes, let alone pull off a move of that difficulty level.
***
Sandman stares drunkenly into the camera and repeatedly rams beer cans into his forehead. Before the match even starts, Sandman’s head is cut all to hell and he’s bleeding like a pig. At the same time, Joey Styles lets us know that the Sandman has “earned the respect and admiration of die-hard old-school wrestling fans.” Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. After Sandman’s intro, which is roughly 2.6 times the length of HAMLET, Terry Funk makes his way to the ring.
***
The ladder is set up in the corner, and soon after Terry and the Sandman start climbing up opposite sides of the ladder. They race each other (in exaggerated slow motion) up the sides of the ladder, yet I’m not exactly clear as to why they would do this. In the normal ladder match, they are trying to reach the top first to get the belt. In this match, they are just trying to reach the top first for the sake of reaching the top first. I don’t think the ref’s gonna grab the house mic and say, “Well, it appears as if Terry was the first to slap the top of the ladder…… Ring the bell boys.”
***
Funk puts the ladder across his shoulders and starts SPINNING around in circles like a helicopter. Common logic would dictate that if a 53 year old man was spinning in circles with a LADDER on his shoulders, you would be wise to veer away from his direction. No common sense in place for this match though. Instead, both Richards and Sandman walk right into the crazy old Funker, who looks more like an a Erector-Set toy than an actual geriatric. Tommy Dreamer makes me laugh out loud by feigning emotion and saying that “This is the greatest three way, hard way, match that I’ve ever seen.” The Sandman is having a tough time even standing up in his drunken state. Joey Style’s instead writes it off as “Spaghetti Legs.”
***
Alright, as if the previous Sandman spots weren’t enough to fulfill the drunken injuries quota, we get one more to cap off the evening nicely. The ladder is set up against the ropes with Richards and Funk battling near by. In theory, the Sandman would attempt to jump off the top turnbuckle to the outside, landing on the ladder and knocking it into the faces of his opponents. Reality doesn’t always mirror theory though unfortunately. The Sandman goes up top, throws his body off awkwardly, and nearly misses the ladder before splatting to the concrete. Because of the strange angle he hit the ladder at, instead of sling-shotting into the faces of his opponents, the ladder instead flies into the crowd. HA
***
The Sandman regains the upper hand and does that spot we’ve all come to know and love referred to as the “Wrap the Drunk in barbed wire and let him run around trying to poke people,” spot.
***
It really does mean a lot. I was bracing for hundreds of angry emails, but I could literally count the “Ken Anderson should be Fired” messages on one hand. So, thanks for either A) Understanding my reasoning behind reviewing it or B) Not taking the time to flame me. Either way, I love you. If polygamy was still legal, I’d ask each and every one of the 411 readers to take my hand in marriage. Because I am neither a polygamist nor am I gay, I’ll refrain from doing so. There’s always next year though…
***
Let’s get some quick business out of the way. The 411Wrestling T-Shirts are now officially available and can be purchased right HERE. The shirts cost $15.95 and come in a wide variety of sizes, so whether your a petite smart or a chunky mark, your size should be readily available.
***
Steiner gets a little impatient and ducks to to the outside. He fetches the LEAD PIPE, probably because the revolver, rope, knife, and candlestick were all missing in action. Steiner swings for the fences, but Booker T ducks and Steiner catches nothing but post. Tony SHRIEKS at the top of his lungs, screaming that “HE TRIED TO KILL BOOKER T! SCOTT STEINER JUST TRIED TO KILL BOOKER T!!!”
***
Steiner lands a HUGE belly-to-belly suplex on Booker, which almost results in a three-count. Half of the Panama City crowd is all like “NOOOOOOOO!” and the other half is all like, “Spring Break, WHOOOO! Spring Break!! BEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!! BEEEEEEEEEEEER!! Where’s THE ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoooo!!!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!! TITS!!!!!!!!!!!” Scott Hudson points out the fact that these two men have had THIRTY-ONE championship reigns between the two of them. Yeah, title belts still mean something… Booker is locked into a bow and arrow type of move, and Steiner wrenches WAAAAAAAY back on it for maximum discomfort. Booker T looks to the crowd to help him escape. Half of the crowd is like “YEAHHHHH!!!!!! ESCAPE BOOKA!!!!!!” and the other half is like, “Where’s the WET BAR!!!! We want PUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSY!!! PUSSSSYYYYYYY!!!! SNATCH!!!!! SPRING BREAK!!!!!!! SNATCH!!!!! WHOOOOOO!!!!”
***
Back in Panama, we cut to more Vince McMahon footage. Trish enters Vince’s office and they drink some champagne. Vince makes a stupid pun comparing Trish’s boobs to champagne glasses and then tongues her. Why is this shit taking place on the final WCW broadcast anyway ???
***
Chavo comes out to a pretty good reaction, but Helm’s reaction is just off the hook. The second “Vertabreaker” starts playing, the crowd is behind him. He really should have kept his NAME and his gimmick. How f*cking stupid is it that an established wrestler like Helms has to change his NAME when he comes to the WWF because the owner’s son thinks that the WWF fans are so stupid that they might accidentally mistake a 180 pound CRUISERWEIGHT for himself. It’s just stupid.
***
Michael Cole barges into Vince’s personal dressing room. Because mainstream America is just DYING to see an old dirty man’s sexual escapades, Vince McMahon is sitting on the couch having his nipple played with by Trish Stratus. Cole tells Vince McMahon that WCW fans and wrestlers alike are mortified that Vince McMahon will kill off everything that WCW stands for. Don’t worry guys, those fears are more than warranted. Vince snaps at Cole and screams…
“How do you feel about YOUR job security… GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.”
Cole leaves, and Vince McMahon spouts off some STRANGE gibberish about dominance and gawks at Trish while proposing a “Toast to being FORCEFUL.” Nothing sends WCW off in a classy manner like a borderline suggested rape by a filthy old married bastard…
***
Storm and O’Haire start things out and go right to work with the numerous reversals and counter-moves that start off every WCW match involving wrestlers other than Luger and Bagwell. The crowd is all like “USA! USA!” and Storm is all like “CAN-A-DA! CAN-A-DA!” and the Iron Sheik is all like “HEIN-SCHVEN-KRAAA!!” and Slaughter is all like “MY BOOTS CAME FROM SADDAM” and the crowd is all like “WE’VE NEVER SEEN HUSSEIN WEARING CURLED, POINTY SHOES” and the PTC is all like “GET THIS SHIT OFF OF TELEVISION, OUR KIDS DON’T NEED TO BE EXPOSED TO IRANIANS,” and Slaughter is all like, “I’LL HAVE A SPICEY CHICKEN SANDWHICH, A FIVE PIECE NUGGET, AND A BIGGIE MR.PIBB…AND THATTTTTT’S AN ORDER!!!”
***
Next time your trendy friends ignore the fact that they used to watch wrestling two years ago and poke fun at your hobby, citing that “it’s all fake,” show them a tape of Wrestler A performing the CATAPULT on Wrestler B and their tune will quickly change. Nothing says “authentic” like Wrestler A grabbing the legs of Wrestler B, falling back, and having the Wrestler B cartoonishly jump head first into the turnbuckle. While your at it, next time your passing a coworker in the hallway and he accidentally nudges you in the cramped quarters, fling yourself head first into the water cooler (taking it out if possible.) Your boss will undoubtedly gather the higher-ups together and say, “You know, Johnson can really sell, I think he’s in line for a raise… How does an extra 20K a year sound ?”
***
Commercials: Uncle Kracker has a hot new CD out, and it just so happens to feature the hot new tune, “Follow Me.” Honestly, I’d rather get my wisdom teeth removed with a pitchfork than listen to another ten seconds of this damn song, but hey, maybe it’s just me… I know you’ve got 8 bucks, so how about you cut the bullshit and go ahead out to your local theatre to take in an afternoon showing of Blow … ATT CARES, and then want you to know it. If you sign up for their broadband internet service, they’ll go ahead and let you call long distance for only $.07 a minute. I question who the hell still uses land lines for long distance when 99% of cell phones offer FREE long distance with your regular plan. Give me a break, how is it that it costs a penny to make a local call, but the second you cross those area code limits it suddenly costs hundreds of dollars to carry your voice along that telephone line… Lord knows EVERYBODY wants Buff Bagwell on their Mastercard, so go ahead and make a few phone calls to the WCW office. I’m sure ANY girl would be begging for a second date with you if you gave the waitress at Carrabas a credit card with a topless picture of Diamond Dallas Page on it … If you have trouble getting your car to perform simple tasks such as STOPPING, Meineke might just be the place you need to call…
***
–Tattoo Match:
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Shawn Stasiak (w/ Stacey Keibler)
In a moment of sheer marketing genius, the higher-ups at WCW decided that the best way to draw millions upon millions of dollars in revenue would be to hold a “tattoo match.” The rules are simple friend… If Bam Bam wins, he gets to tattoo Shawn Stasiak in the middle of the ring. I don’t have any tattoos myself, but I have spoken to friends who do indeed have tattoos or have friends who do indeed have tattoos. The tattooing process takes up to five hours, which leads me to believe that we might not witness an actual tattooing on tonight’s broadcast, unless of course Turner ok’d a four hour overrun. If there’s one thing we can all agree on though, it’s the fact that Tattoos = RATINGS.***
Stasiak slips off and hits the hangman’s neckbreaker for three to end the match at approximately 45 seconds or so. Tony S is pissed, dejectedly screaming that their “WILL BE NO TATTOOING HERE ON NITRO TONIGHT.”The economy isn’t great and the stars are definately running short, so I’m going to have to refrain from wasting any of my precious, five-pointed beauties on this lame excuse for a match.
***
Vince McMahon is shown talking to Steven Regal backstage at RAW. Both verbally BLAST WCW for a few minutes before having a good laugh at its imminent death. Alright, simple logic would dictate that if you just spent X million dollars on a company, you would want to build off it’s rich history and strong talent base as a way of hyping the forthcoming angle in the eyes of the casual WWF fans who may have never even turned on Nitro before in their lives. Instead of introducing WCW as a strong foe of the WWF to the casual fans, Vince chose to introduce WCW to the fans as nothing more than a joke of a federation that could NEVER hold a candle to the WWF. Instead of pointing fingers at Buff Bagwell and Booker T for the failed Invasion angle, maybe Vince should be looking at his flabby old countenance in the mirror. He could have built WCW up as a credible threat, but he just couldn’t resist burying the company that he now f*cking OWNED. Instead of capitalizing on the past glories of WCW, Vince went ahead and turned his purchase of WCW into yet ANOTHER self-masturbatory ego stroking session. I swear to God this guy has some MAJOR f*cking issues. The blame of the failure of the WCW Invasion angle lays squarely on the back of one man, and it sure isn’t Buff Bagwell.
***
Commercials: If you use 1-800-CALL-ATT, Destiny’s Child will pull up and invite you into their personal limo to use the telephone… Pokemon 3 is in YOUR theatres TODAY… Valvoline motor oil will somehow increase your sexual activity by 300%… AOL still sucks… Sylvian Learning Centers dances around their words for what seems to be hours, trying desperately not to directly say, “Call us if your child is a RETARD.” … More pretty girls pretend to like WCW. Bob Ryder immediately posts a news bit saying, “NewsFlash, I’ve never kissed a girl. These girls are obviously internet smarts and OBVIOUSLY obtain their information from 1wrestling.com. If one of these girls would like to be my girlfriend, I’d be more than happy to offer her a FREE month of 1wrestling premium service. Demand for our premium service has been OVERWHELMING, despite the fact that nothing of consequence has happened news-wise in close to a year, and everything that has happened is reported everywhere else for free. If you sign up for the premium service, you can also hear Joey Styles reading almost word for word from the Torch newsletter too!!!”
***
Tony is cut off mid-sentence as we cut to RAW live, as Vince McMahon f*cks up by coming to the ring WAY too early. Vince pulls the old “You didn’t cheer loud enough, so I’m going to come back out again” routine to oh-so-discreetly cover up for his error. He can put all major competitors out of business, but he can’t even comprehend a simple time cue.
***
Vince McMahon gets in the ring, probably with a gigantic f*cking erection that he got from thinking about himself, and proceeds to give a long-winded promo which accomplishes nothing but burying WCW and putting himself over. Genius… pure genius…
***
As long as we’re jumping on the outdated bandwagon of poking light-hearted fun at 1wrestling, how bout some corny smart jokes ???
Q: What do you get if you combine the Grinch with A few dozen Pop-Up Ads ?
A: Bob Ryder
Q: What do you get if make people pay to visit 1wrestling.com ?
A: No page hits.
Q: What’s the difference between reading the news at 411 and reading the news at 1wrestling?
A: A few dozen pop-ups.
Q: What do you get if you cross the elephant man with WCW Live ?
A: Bob Ryder
Q: What do you get if you poke light-hearted fun at Bob Ryder ?
A: Sued for slander.
Q: What do you call a late-breaking story about Ric Flair signing with the WWF ?
A: The current edition of Joey Styles hotline report at 1wrestling.
Q: What does Bob Ryder do for fun ?
A: Add more pop-ups.
Q: What’s the best way to crash your computer ?
A: Visit 1wrestling.
Q: What’s the most commenly overheard thing when Tommy Fierro walks by ?
A: Mom, is that Corky from Life Goes On ???
Q: What’s does Corky from Life Goes On say when Bob Ryder walks by ?
A: Mom, when did Mr. Belvedere go bald ?
Q: What’s been the best part of the Invasion angle thus-far ?
A: Bret Hart returning to lead WCW. *Credit: 1wrestling.com
Q: What’s been the biggest news story of the past month ?
A: Kevin Nash signing an exclusive long-term contract with WWA. *Credit 1wrestling.com.
***
Anyway, most of the stuff sold on the net looks like someone took a 30th generation tape and ran it through the washing machine. RF Video is the only company I’ve ever seen who can make a second generation video look to be fiftieth generation. Anything from RF is best viewed when drunk… That way you can somewhat ignore the fact that the top half of the picture is on the bottom of the screen and the bottom half is on the top of the screen. The solution, “adjust your tracking.” Yeah, THAT will fix the problem… I ordered “Best of Raven in ECW” one time and I think they accidentally sent me “Best of Squiggly Lines: Volume 2,” and also included, “V-Hold, WHAT V-HOLD ?” for free. On a side note, I’ll probably be publicly apologizing for these comments as well in my next tape review. As Shaggy would say to Scooby, “Keep your eyes peeeeeeeled.”
Well, I think that’s basically it for now. I still didn’t get a chance to go through most of my stuff, so if the quotes get a decent enough response, maybe I’ll post the rest of them at un undisclosed later date. Until then, keep your eyes open for future developments on everything. Hope all is well, and as always, drop me an email and let me know what you liked, didn’t like, etc… I love hearing from you guys, and have met many people through 411 that I genuinely consider to be friends. Have a GREAT week, and don’t forget to check out The Bower & Anderson Connection!!!
I’ll send us off by linking to what is without a doubt the best email I’ve ever received from a reader. It came in response to my video review to WCW Nitro: A Night of Champions, the last broadcast in the history of WCW. Stuff like this email is what keeps me coming back for more. Again, hope all is well guys, and I’ll be back before you know it with The Year in Wrestling: 1993 WCW.
