Oh, and I dare that ass f*ck from 411 to say anything about her. Go ahead, f*ck knuckle, say one thing and please let me put you in your place. This is a dare. Take it.)
Lee Filas – Online Onslaught, Squared Circle Jerk
What in the world have you gotten yourself into now, GRUT?
Una Paloma Blanca! I’m Flea and the fickle finger of fate has found me again. Hyatte, of course can’t be found with a search warrant, so you get me for the next two news reports. Easy enough, as we have a PPV and all sorts of neato things going on, it’s just a matter of if I want to be innovative and original or if I want to rest on my laurels and simply continue to provide you with the mediocrity that has come to define the weekends. I guess it’s all a matter of interpretation. COMING SOON, in the spirit of the DEAN and the Gang’s DVD 500 (which I’ll expound upon, probably for Monday’s news) will be the IWC 100! Where you will get the Top 100 members of the Internet Wrestling Community based on influence, notoriety and all sorts of rules and guidelines that will be explained when I get around to it. Has anyone else done something like this? If so, I ain’t read it, or else it was so f*cking lame I forgot about it. No need to remind me, I know what *I’M* doing so be on the lookout for that next few weeks. This week is booked.
Quick flashback to last week, and boy, do I gotta tell ya I like feedback as much as the next guy but I never understand why people get so vile and vicious. And what is with everyone so adamant about “not having smoke blown in their faces?†Does that happen? And if so, where? I think that may be just a SLIGHT exaggeration, if not an outright fallacy. For all of you that took a shit on freedom to do what you want in a public place, I have two words for you
HOMELAND SECURITY
If no, WHEN that bill passes all bets are off and privacy / freedom as you know it will change forever. I’ll refrain from calling it a Gestapo (a term strictly reserved for the Internal Revenue Service) and will even refrain from getting all Orwellian on your monkey asses but the fact that something like this would even be considered is a scary, scary thing. But if you are all for turning control of your freedoms to a slew of government computers and a bureaucracy that has nothing better to do than to use the information against you under the guise of “apprehending the bad guys†then you get what you deserve. Banning smoking is just a drop in the bucket compared to Big Brother finding out that the Chasey Lain Fake Vagina you ordered, in addition to placing an order for your child’s Christmas gifts combined with a “suspicious†overnight flight to Mexico City, not only makes you a perverted child pornographer but also a terrorist and drug dealer. Castro can’t die quick enough to get me out of this place. But other than that, thanks for the feedback and God Bless America.
Let’s get to it .
SURVIVOR SERIES
How many of you are not ordering this on the basis of lack of buildup, sagging ratings and the fact that HHH ruins everything? Put your hand down Glorydog, I know your reasons. Fact of the matter is that the buildup for this show actually has been done with more planning and precision than just about any other PPV this year but interest has not been captivated due to misconceived perceptions about both shows in general. Oh, and that it’s tough to see the little things when the big picture is the constant harping on HHH and the end of a love affair with HBK. Who is to say that HBK can’t work a full schedule and defend the belt if he wins it? (Don’t say “Shawn†we all know HIS history of truth-telling). Hell, NO ONE thought Michaels would pull the SS match out of his ass and if all he can do is kick, punch and sell his ass off, that puts him MILES AHEAD of most of the other people on the roster. Show and Lesnar have used the Power of Paul E for nearly a month now to add credibility to what should be no more than a glorified squash, Trish and Victoria have been building on a burning hatred for one another and the whole Benoit Angle / Edge / Rey /Guerrero has been gong back and forth for months. So to say this PPV was just “thrown together†would be inaccurate – this, I think, will be a turning point for WWE and a prime indicator of future plans as we officially kick off the buildup to Wrestlemaina
World Heavyweight Title Elimination Chamber Match – Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Booker T vs. Kane vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Some Other Guy
Talk about a clusterf*ck. But then again, most of these “Six Pack†PPV matches deliver, the one most comparable is Hell in The Cell from Armageddon a few years back. Brawling, false finishes and general mayhem always work for me, especially when BLOOD is involved. General curiosity makes this match interesting right out of the gate, while the real mystery lies in who’s gonna walk with the belt. I said last week that HBK or HHH are a lock to win, but now I take that back. HBK / H are obviously going to feud, but I do not see any reason to have the belt involved – SummerSlam worked just fine under the premise that they hate each other’s guts. So let’s review the remaining participants and see who should logically win the Big Gold Belt
Booker T – 5 time champ, fans love him, men want to be him and is definitely credible as a champeen.
RVD – overrated and can’t speak to save his life, but I guess people like the dude for some reason or another. I like when people say (mainly about HHH) “He doesn’t need the belt to get over! Give it to someone else!â€Â. Hey, dumbass – apply the same logic to RVD and get off his bandwagon. No reason at all for him to win.
Kane – after the Katie Vick debacle, he could use some credibility, but not at the expense of everyone else.
Some Other Guy – maybe another reign as champion would do him (and everyone who complains) good. Except for me. Although comparatively speaking, I would have no problem with Guy winning and then moving into something with Booker. Or vice versa.
So that means we have two eliminated on the basis of being lousy, two longshots, either of whom winning would be a nice change of pace, and two guys who have issues of their own and would not need the only singles title on their show to have a reason to fight. So the winner will be
You should know by now I don’t make predictions. Hell, I ain’t even INVITED to the Round Table anymore. But I will say the best ending would be if HHH wins, Steiner shows up, challenges him on the spot and kicks his ass for the belt. That’s what would happen in ECW – which I have been told is the template for all the good things that have happened to wrestling over the last 5 years. Might as well reform the f*cking Four Horseman while you’re at it.
WWE Title Match – Brock Lesnar vs. The Big Show
Here is a match that is getting no love. As most people cannot get past the point of “Big Show sucks and blah blah blah†(totally missing the point of this match) I will not waste your time on an extended diatribe as to why this match just may surprise people. Paul E has been meticulously trying to feed Brock a line of shit, attempting to install some kind of fear, to which Brock has ignored due to the fact he’s already beaten Hogan, Rock and UT, Show ain’t nothing but another obstacle in his way. More people should complain about what happened to Paul Wight as opposed to the incessant bitching about Some Other Guy, Booker T, Benoit, etc. Wight is a perfect example of someone who (because of his size) was in line for a push to the moon, but ended up having his head f*cked around with and in the end, being punished for what he is – a big motherf*cker. I think it is one of the most egregious mistakes that Vince and company have made. Benoit, for example, is no more over than Wight, by himself. But Benoit’s talents (his awesome in ring ability) are showcased, while Big Show is made to look like a fool 95% of the time. Having one of the best wrestlers in the world (albeit one who never invested the time to learn to talk) not being the World Title Holder is one thing – BURIAL is having a 500 pound monster lose to most of the roster (including that freak Jeff Hardy) over a two –year time period. If Big Show’s perception is that of apathy by the fans, they have no one to blame but themselves. In any case, Lesnar should kick his ass and let the jaded asshole MSG crowd cheer and cheer for Brock because they are cool. And SMART! If they do decide to carry this feud through the next PPV, I at least hope they have the common courtesy NOT to have a double DQ ala UT-Brock.
WWE Tag Team Titles Match – Edge & Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit vs. Eddie & Chavo Guerrero
OMG! OMG! OMG! MATCH OF THE YEAR! I don’t know which is more annoying to read – every match involving any (or all) or the above participants being called MATCH OF THE YEAR or people who still use OMG and LOL and all other general lazy writing. No, here is the most annoying thing –
Best / Worst. (Something). Ever
Get a f*cking clue already and a new phrase. I suggest watching old spaghetti westerns or Hitchcock movies, those are full of clever little sayings. I imagine this match will be given around 35-40 minutes and will be chock full of goodness, which has definitely been a change of pace from your standard “table†or gimmick tag match. It would be nice if they would keep the belts on Edge and Rey , set them up in an extended feud with the Mexicans and let Benoit and Angle blow off some steam beating the hell out of each other. Sure, their tagging trials and tribulations have been fun to watch, but in these fast paced PPV days, that shit can’t go on for more than a few months. Some fresh Guerrero blood should liven things up and let Angle and Benoit move on to bigger and better things. But please, no match of the year status.
WWE Women’s Title Hardcore Match – Trish Stratus vs. Victoria
The idear behind this is that Victoria hates Trish and wants to kick her ass all crazy style. Mrs. Hyatte accepts the challenge and the stip is HARDCORE! Guess they can’t all be bra and panties. I’m sure I won’t be the only one to point this out, but Victoria (back when she was a Godfather Ho) took one of the most WICKED table bumps I have ever seen, literally looking like it killed her – so she is up for this kind of thing. Mrs. Hyatte has seen her share of bumps as well so I really don’t have too much to base a Woman’s Hardcore Match on except this:
From the It Ain’t Sumo PPV (remember that?)
Kiyoko Ichiki vs. Misae Genki for the Big Japan Women’s Championship.
Wow. This will wake you up, and how. Stiff, stiff shit. Lightbulbs a-cracking across some skulls. Barbed wire antics, including the full shot of the “It Ain’t Sumo†ad Genki has Ichiki in a Boston Crab (sort of) belly first on the barbed wire! Yikes. Ichiki is just as cute as a button until she starts getting violent. More light bulbs across the head of Genki (who in comparison, is big and butch). Blood everywhere from both participants. Ichiki finishes her off with a 360ish senton through a barbed wire table! Genki, by the way, way also covered with light tubes. Oh yeah, the moved missed, for the most part. Pinfall, even though Ichiki pulled her up at two, the ref counted to three. I think they might have gotten the International sign for “go homeâ€Â. It could have been part of a storyline but storylines don’t count here, remember? Fun match.
ME!!! – The Monday Edition 12.3.01
I highly doubt it will get THAT violent, but as least it will be stiff. The match, not what’s in your pants from watching women club each other over the heads with objects, Mr. Misogyny.
Tag Team Tables Match – Bubba Ray Dudley, Spike Dudley, & Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning & Rico
I think Netcop made a good point the other day re: this match – someone is going to get hurt due to sloppiness, which is never good. But come to think of it, so what? While the Smackdown brand is currently reinventing and re-popularizing WRESTLING as opposed to gimmick matches, anyone without the talent of Angle, Eddie, etc will continue to need tables and various items of plunder to entertain the viewing public. That’s kinda like drawing the 2 of clubs when you are working on a Royal Flush. At any rate, I’m always up for a good, stiff brawl, which unfortunately this ain’t gonna be. It’s strange – if this match (with the same participants) took place in ECW, the perception would be 100% different and the joint would most likely be rocking, However, on a show that has Women’s Hardcore, a new cage gimmick and what will likely be another classic with the 3 way Smackdown Tag Match, this will be nothing more than sideshow filler.
WWE Cruiserweight Title Match – Jamie Noble vs. Kidman
A last minute addition to the PPV, showing that yes, indeed JR is SERIOUS about the Cruisers. I love the Knoble character and wish that he and Nidia would get more than a 4 minutes per program. Kidman, it seems, has never regained his 1999 form that made everyone creams their jeans. Ah, the good old days when WCW would start a PPV with some good cruiser action to upgrade the “workrate†of otherwise shitty PPV telecats. Of course, ain’t no one gonna outshine Angle or Eddy but I think this will be a good match nonetheless. I would love to see Knoble and Benoit team up – at least it would add some personality to the otherwise less than verbose Benoit. Oh, and change Kidman back to a cut off jeans greasy looking scurb. Surprised they didn’t throw a ladder or “something on a pole†into this match.
For the first time in years, the Survivor Series is NOT centered around some kind of crack-induced “tribute†to Montreal, which is a big plus, in my opinion. The MSG crowd is hit or miss and as usual, any show without active fan participation comes across as dull in TV Land. I would prefer to hear something along the lines of “Let’s Go Knicks / Giants / Jets / Hillary†as opposed to “Boring†but you never know how the “smarts†are going to attempt to put themselves over on TV. Other than that, Survivor Series should be an interesting show, if only for the reason the results should give a good indication of the future plans for Vince and company – whether the results will be something YOU like is, as always, a matter of personal taste and preference. Enjoy!
And now for something new
THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR(UM)
Prowling (wait – I think the word is trolling, f*ck if I know). Trolling around the 411 Forum a couple of weeks ago I noticed a thread where it was questioned why the Moderators of said forum do not get to offer their opinions on PPV’s via the “Rasslin Roundtable†Good Question! I don’t either, but then again I have my own column, so I’m alright. But, in an unprecedented moment of good natured grace I offered the FLEA OLIVE BRANCH OF COME ON AND JOIN ME to the Mods, namely
Carlos (formerly the preeminent recapper of HEAT here at 411 and the only Mexican I trust),
Danny CM (better known to all as “Mansion Fan†and the forum sig “That is All†– which is clever and ironic at the same time the kid NEVER stops posting!)
and the ubiquitous Big Mike Watters (who I call Big Boss Man – he seems pretty cool and appears to be someone who would enjoy a nice old fashioned DRINKING CONTEST, which always rates highly in The Book of Flea.)
All are wrestling fans and it is my pleasure to allow them this space to voice, vent or say whatever they want as always, please direct any and all response to their views to THEM, not me. Matter of fact, just go to the 411 FORUM and tell them all about it! It will save you the cost of a stamp for the email you would send!
And here we go! .
Mansion Fan’s Round Table
WWE CW Title: Jamie Noble V Billy Kidman
Surprised this belt is even mentioned anymore after the way they killed off the division. Noble was supposed to run with it, and did for a while…let’s try Billy again. God, I hope they give this match the time it deserves. Winner and NEW CW Champ: Kidman
Jeff Hardy, Bubba Ray and Spike vs. 3-Minute Warning and Rico
They really could have thrown in a fourth man here, left the tables, and made it a traditional SS match-up, but alas…we have this. Hardy and the Dudleys have been beaten to hell and high water, so they are due a win. But how would they get the Samoans through tables!??! A-HA, I see 3-Minute Warning accidentally putting themselves through tables, and causing the duke.
Winners: Dudleys and the Painted Hardy
Women’s Title(Hardcore): Trish Stratus V Victoria
A women’s feud that actually has some backing and storyline, nice touch. Trish has held this belt for forever and a day now, and beaten everyone including my grandma. So I see psycho Victoria taking the belt by beating the living hell out of Trish.
Winner and NEW Women’s Champ: Victoria
WWE Tag-Titles: Edge/Rey V Eddie/Chavo V Benoit/Angle
My pick for match of the nyght right here, and a hard one to call. I don’t see Benoit and Angle staying together long if they don’t have the belts. Edge and Rey JUST won the belts. But Eddie and Chavo deserve the belts. Hmmm…decisions decisions…I see Angle and Benoit arguing to start a new feud here, as Rey gets taken out, and Eddie hits a frog splash for the win on Edge.
Winners and NEW WWE Tag-Champs: Eddie and C-H-A-V-O
WWE Title: Brock Lesnar V Big Show
I hope this finally establishes Show for SOMETHING, but still don’t see him winning here. His first WWE title win was at a Series, but his second won’t be at this Series. Lesnar is turning and Heyman will in reality, turn on Lesnar as well. Heyman siding with Show!??! Perhaps…but Lesnar still wins here. Perhaps we see the Shooting Star Press!??! PLEEEEASSSEEE!
Winner and still champ: Brock Lesnar
Elimination Chamber World Title: Trips V HBK V Booker T V Kane V Chris Jericho V RVD
Ok, here goes. Trips has held onto the title too long, and has teased losing it enough. Kane…if he would have won it, it would have already happened. Booker T has a legitimate shot, but I just don’t see it coming to him just yet. I don’t see Chris Jericho breaking from the tag ranks either yet. His teaming with Christian is GOLD< and I see them holding the tag straps for a while. If all works, I hope to see HBK and RVD pair off at some point, and I predict either of these men to walk out the champ. But who!??! Dammit....ummmm...ummmm...{flips coin} Winner and NEW World Champ: R-V-D * * * FLEA: Thanks Manison Fan up next it’s Mi Amigo Numero Uno .CARLOS! PPV PICKS FROM CARLOS
Hello all! My name is Carlos Mahuad. You might have forgotten me from my column The Main Event and about a year of Heat reports with a few SD! and RAWs thrown in, which are still available in the archives for your perusing pleasure. Apparently there is a PPV on this weekend, and these are my predictions: Edge and Rey will retain the titles, Victoria will win one, Brock will beat the crap out of Big Show, 3 Minute Warning’s push will continue with a victory, Kidman will go back to the Jobber squad, and HHH will have sex with Shawn Michaels on top of the cage. Ok, not really. I don’t know who will win the big cage match, but I suspect it won’t be HHH or Shawn. Call me crazy, but I think RVD or Kane walk out with the title. I’m putting my dinero on Van Dam. Well, that’s all I got for you. I have to go think about something I may or may not do with Widro and/or Grutman sometime in the near future. Adios!
WIDRO AND GRUTMAN?!?!! ¿por qué en el mundo usted desearÃÂa hacer cualquier cosa con esos gringos? FLEA es la única quién importa~!
* * * *
FLEA: and last but not least .
BIG MIKE WATTERS IS NOW FAMOUS!
World Heavyweight Title Elimination Chamber Match – Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Kane vs. Booker T vs. Ron Vam Dam vs. Chris Jericho
Please Krom…let this be the match that they move a title to someone other than Triple H. Putting it on Michaels would be hotshotting, even though he is arguably more over than anybody in this match. Kane had his chance. So did Jericho. Toss up between Booker T and RVD…and I choose Booker T. He is the second most over and and can cut a promo. RVD just hasn’t learned how to speak yet.
Winner: Booker T
WWE Title Match – Brock Lesnar vs. The Big Show
For all the monster push they are giving lame ass Paul Wight, they have no choice but to put Brock over. The WWE insults all our intelligence with this one.
Winner: Brock Lesnar
WWE Tag Team Titles Match – Edge & Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit vs. Eddie & Chavo Guerrero
Angle and Benoit have their heat. Edge and Rey have the belts now…and honestly…the Guerreros deserve it more. Good Tag feud if you give the straps to Eddie and Chavo and have Edge and Rey chase them.
Winners: Los Guerreros
Tag Team Tables Match – Bubba Ray Dudley, Spike Dudley, & Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning & Rico
I truly do not care about this match. Truly.
Winners: Three Minute Warning and Rico
WWE Women’s Title Hardcore Match – Trish Stratus vs. Victoria
Woman’s Hardcore match? Ok. This is my upset pick…cause I smell some sort of interference…
Winner: Victoria(but the crowd won’t give a damn)
WWE Cruiserweight Title Match – Jamie Noble vs. Kidman
I have mixed feelings about this…it seems as if they wanna really push the fact that Noble is a dominant Champ…and if they take the belt away from him in a match that was so poorly fronted…well…basically…they take away his entire gimmick for no reason.
Winner: Jamie Noble
William Regal & Lance Storm vs. Goldust & The Hurricane
Filler matches could get worse than this. Goldust works hard, Hurricane still has skills…but the powers that be seem confused as to what to do with Regal and especially Storm. Still though…Regal and Storm go over.
Winners: Regal and Storm
* * * *
And there you have it ladies and germs. The Mod Squad has spoken and it has been my pleasure to give them a forum (HA! GRUT YOU AIN’T GOT NOTHING ON THE WIT OF FLEA) to express their views and picks. And before the emails start – NO ONE ELSE is invited to participate, unless, of course, I get something in my inbox from a certain man named Al. Thanks guys!
HEADLINES
Number one with a bullet this week is Kurt Angle, the fascinating interview he did with USOlympicTeam.com (right here) and his plans for not only possibly attempting to qualify for the 2004 Olympics but the possibility of he and Brock Lesnar tearing down the house, most likely at Wrestlemania. This rumor has been going around for a while and I think the buildup for it would just be off the charts, as well as the match itself, obviously. Problem is, do you think the public would buy it, seeing as WRESTLING IS FAKE in most people eyes, regardless of the fact that you have two of the best legit “wrestlers†on the planet, and the fact that both competitors would most likely pull out all the stops to make it as “real†as possible. Hell, Angle pretty much says so in his interview..
Angle: “You’re going to see the brutality.â€Â
And he ain’t talking about some thug with a toaster or a scarred freak with a table, he’s talking STIFF STIFF STIFF with a side order of STIFF. Angle mentions he thinks the fans would go apeshit over the whole thing and I can’t say that I disagree. Even the lamest of the lame can pick up on intensity and the fact that although worked, two guys are really going at it, which is how the infamous Pillman 2000 Match has achieved legendary status. But in reality, do you think that any “normal fan†would buy that Steven Regal had one of the best pure “wrestling matches†in the last 5 years? At any rate, if given the proper buildup and attention, this could be a big deal. However, Kurt has other plans on his mind, namely the Olympics and his intent to make another run for the gold. Click on the interview and read the whole thing (if you haven’t already) and form your own opinions on the situation
My opinion is this. Angle is f*cking nuts if he wants to return to the Olympics. I say that from a purely jealous and selfish point of view as I think Angle, in the next couple of years, will be the best “professional†wrestler on the planet and will most likely have a career that will equal icons such as Flair, Hogan as Austin when all is said and done. To have him away from WWE for an extended period of time would be a disappointment, especially when he is putting himself into a no-win situation. Not that I am doubting his ability (someone who wins a Gold Medal can never have their ability or work ethic questioned) but the reality is that Angle has been away from “real†wrestling for the better part of seven years and he is not a young man anymore, at least in terms the physicality and training required for competition at that level. Anything short of total domination may be viewed as failure, in the eyes of the public anyway. Angle, in his interview, set very realistic guidelines to his plans, which hinge on his health and the condition of various injuries that he carts around due to “sports entertainmentâ€Â. But if he does end up attempting to recreate the magic of 1996, more power to him. I just would prefer that he continue to entertain me in his quest to become the best “pro wrestler†on the planet. I relate this to Michael Jordan, whose ego, pride and work ethic cannot overshadow the very real fact that he just can’t keep up with the level of play and competition of the current crop of athletes. I still consider Jordan to be one of the best that ever played but sometimes you have to know when to fold them. Can Angle compete? Definitely. Can he win? It’s quite possible, given his talent and drive. Who will benefit the most? Only Angle and strictly from a personal level of validation. Vince and WWE do not need Kurt Angle to win another Gold Medal – one is enough for their purposes – what they need is a healthy Kurt Angle and a PRESENT Kurt Angle. If he is away for a year, it’s a bad thing and if he, God forbid, should get seriously hurt training or competing then everyone loses. That’s just my opinion and as mentioned, I am taking a very selfish standpoint on this. Since Austin left, Kurt Angle has moved into the number one spot on my favorite list and I would prefer him to stay right where he is. Check out the interview, it’s good stuff.
I would be remiss not to mention that Chyna and X-Pac are getting married. That’s enough of THAT visual. Yikes!
Mass confusion set in as everyone is trying to determine why RAW’s ratings went to shit. I thought the ridiculous theory of the “HHH Effect†was done and buried, but when you need someone to blame, blame HHH. At this point, I am joining Eric S., not in 100% agreement, but in the idear that there is just is no point in talking about this again and again and again and again and again I will be watching and what I want to see is good programming ratings be damned. It does me no good to blame HHH, Vince, Stephanie, Gerwitz, etc. So I will just reserve any and all future comments. I would like to ask this question – why was the “Justin Credible Effect†never trumpeted as ECW went the way of the dodo bird? This constant hard on for HHH ruining the business is getting to the point of absurdity, but I’m sure that will not stop people from blaming him. Looking back in hindsight it was the magic of Austin combined with the unwashed masses need for escapism that drove RAW to a 6.0, and in regards to the recent ratings woes, Eric S. is correct on this issue – what we are seeing now are various symptoms of illness and not the illness itself. Where the responsibility lies for that is a matter of debate – but in my opinion anyone who crows about one specific wrestler’s “effect†has an ulterior motive and it ain’t “what’s good for the businessâ€Â. More specifically, until Scherer and his gang came up with the “effect†theory, blame was placed somewhere else – who was it? Ha ha ha ha hah ha, thank GOD for short memories or contradictions would just ruin everyone’s fun. And I am still waiting for the follow-up to “HHH is keeping Steiner out of WWEâ€Â.
THE ROSS SAYS THIS
The only real item of note from Good Ol JR was his feeling like he needed to apologize for his remarks on Veterans Day. I ain’t touching this one with a 10 foot pole STICK, I know how weird people get when you start get into “my country is better than yours†like it really matters outside of not having to live in the Artic or something. Oh, and Ernest “the Cat†Miller has a very good chance of gainful employment with the Fed. Allow me to now laugh at JR’s Sooners, who, once again, successfully managed to step on their dicks! BOOMER YOURSELF RIGHT TO THE COTTON BOWL, OKIE.
ROLL THE DICE
Cool rumor going around is that Brick and Big Show have “heat†which is one of them there “smart†terms for saying “they don’t like each other very muchâ€Â. Brock apparently is a little perturbed that Big Show was to “stiff†(Show didn’t pull his punches and stomp his foot) and Brock’s beatdown on Thursday may have been a “shoot†(he was really hitting him with that chair) due to it’s brutality. As a follow-up to my PPV thoughts, I think it would be WAY cool if Show just stops “selling†(acting like Brock’s offense hurts) and Brock just has to beat the shit out of him. Is there a “smart†term for beating the shit out of someone? I guess that would be another “shootâ€Â, or maybe “stiff†or maybe just “break kayfabe†which doesn’t make sense, because Brock’s character really isn’t a gimmick – I had this same problem when Shamrock was around. Some story.
PAGE SIX
Hope you enjoyed all of the text contained above and be sure to come back for the Monday Edition where it’s still up in the air about what will be included, but at least I know I will have a PPV review to fall back on, if need be. Until that time, we have Part III in the look back at some of my favorite Internet Wrestling Community columns. This one stuck out in my mind because I am (well, was) a huge Cactus mark and thought what occurred at the Royal Rumble 1999 was just about the most God Awful display of stupidity in Mick Foley’s career. That includes his sunset flip w/ a concrete landing and various other suicidal bumps he took in WCW years ago at a PPV that I can’t remember at the moment (Cactus was fighting PAUL FUCKING ORNDORFF and killing himself to make PAUL FUCKING ORNDORFF look good.) Looking back three years later, RR99 is now folklore and textbook material on the way not to be a good father (thanks to “Beyond the Matâ€Â) and Foley has been nothing but apologetic since. Oh yeah, he also hated the Rock for the longest time for not coming around to see why Mick is such a f*cking moron for allowing the match to get carried away like that. Yeah, blame everyone but yourself. And don’t even bother to email your flame comments to me – Rock was still an infant as far as pro wrestling and in ring saavy, Cactus should have taken charge instead of screaming for more chair shots. Was Rock wrong for not checking on him? Yes, he was, but mistakes are made. Was Mick wrong for allowing his family to bear front row witness to his suicidal tendencies? That’s really not my place to say. Would this have made an absolute KILLER feud a year later based on Mick’s holding a grudge? Damn right it would have and I wish it could have happened. Foley legit pissed at life and channeling that into his matches and promos is (was) one of the most beautiful things in wrestling. So this week, we look back on another column published on the WrestleManiacs site, this one is by Marc Coale, whose column “From the Dark Side†is one I always looked forward to reading (as all the cool kids say) “back in the dayâ€Â. More recently, his columns appeared over on CRZ’s site and I might as well plug Odessa Steps Magazine and give you this here link for the full effect. The column below echoes many sentiments
FROM THE FLEA’S BAG – featuring Marc Coale
How many chairshots could a wrestler take if a wrestler takes them flush? (Or How Much is Too Much?)
By Marc Coale
The Internet community was all abuzz six months ago when Mick Foley took the leap off a top of a cage and the Nestea Plunge through its roof at King of the Ring. We lauded his bravery and daring and trumpeted him as the hardcore hero. And I freely admit to leading the bandwagon. If you read my column then (or when it was rerun after Foley won the WWF Title), you know I have been a fan of his for over a decade. However, you can count me among the people who found it extremely difficult to watch the end of the I-Quit match at the Royal Rumble. I was certainly not like Michael Cole, doing his best Jim Ross impression, screaming “Stop the damn Match!” But I was wondering when it was going to end and just what kind of state would Mick Foley find himself at the end of the evening. Would be in his hotel room or in a hospital bed?
As big a fan as I am of Foley and Terry Funk and Stan Hansen and ECW, I really don’t care for the “extreme” style of brawling that you can find in South Philly on a regular basis or some of the “garbage” promotions in Japan like FMW or IWA.
I really don’t need to see weapons matches, especially on free TV. If I see New Jack rolling out his shopping cart full of tin sheets, stop signs and hospital crutches, I hit the fast forward button. I’ve seen one FMW tape, probably for the same morbidly curious reason I’ve seen one Faces of Death tape. How many barbed-wire baseball bat matches do you really need to see?
Some elitist wrestling fans (is that an oxymoron?) will say that “garbage wrestlers” only do so because they don’t have the skills of someone like Chris Benoit or Rey Misterio Jr. The logical and correct response should be what people like Mick Foley lack in inherent skill they more than make up for in heart and courage. And what about people like Sabu, who have skills and STILL excel at “extreme brawling?”
People who have been in the ECW locker room after a show will tell you that it looks like a MASH unit. Broken bones in his corner, guys getting stitched up in the other. And in ECW, where many people show up specifically for the blood and circuses part of the show, they at least give more than just bloodsports on a card. At the last Arena show, you had the Dudleys and Public Enemy in a typical ECW brawl. But you also had Taz and Shane Douglas doing what I would call an old-school brawl. To go with that style, you also got to see a great high-flying match between Super Crazy and Yoshihiri Tajiri.
Fans, however, rarely see behind the curtain. They don’t get to see the carnage of the post-match locker room. All they know about is what they see at ringside and you never really know how much of that is a work.
I was talking to a wrestler last week for a newspaper article and we were talking about selling an injury in the ringside and how hard it is to tell from the audience just how hurt a worker may be. The thing he told me is that the adrenaline rush is so great, a wrestler may not know how injured he is until hours later. This wrestler took a bad bump and continued to match only to find out later he had broken ribs and had to be taken to the hospital because the pain was so great.
In the aftermath of the I-Quit match, I could not help but think of an interview that Mick Foley did when he was in ECW. Cactus Jack had just turned heel and was berating the bloodthirsty fans. He did a powerful interview where he talked about previous “hardcore” wrestlers like Ray Stevens and the Dynamite Kid and what their “crowd-pleasing” style had done to their bodies.
Ironic moments like that make me wonder just how much Mick Foley’s body can take and for how long. As much as I love him as a performer and admire his ability and “testicular fortitude,” I’d rather see him go out a little before his time while he can walk away from the business, the emphasis being the word WALK. I would prefer recalling his career highpoints like winning the WWF title than moments like the Royal Rumble or, god forbid, the match that leaves him crippled for life or worse.
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This has been The Saturday Matinee and I’m Flea.
