Welcome once again to the Monday Edition, I’m Flea. Praise the Lord that I have a PPV to comment upon, I was dreading having to go see what movies made what money. Other than that, I am less verbose than normal at the moment so let’s just get to some news…
Come on, let’s go
FIRST OFF
Big thumbs up to the Survivor Series PPV. I got what I wanted, did you? HHH nearly got murdered by everyone’s favorite spot machine and how in the hell do you take all them bumps with a broken back? Question, questions and no one has the answer, so I foresee plenty of rumors going around this week to compensate for the fact that the Fed put on a hell of a show, with all the right people winning all the right matches. Of course I know not ALL of you feel that way and it really isn’t my responsibility to change you mind – but at least you can give thanks that HHH lost. Happy now? Who cares. Let’s see what went down….
As always, my thought from the Saturday News are in italics to give it the whole “hey, Flea had a plan to all this” feel…
World Heavyweight Title Elimination Chamber Match – Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Booker T vs. Kane vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Some Other Guy
Talk about a clusterf*ck. But then again, most of these “Six Pack” PPV matches deliver, the one most comparable is Hell in The Cell from Armageddon a few years back. Brawling, false finishes and general mayhem always work for me, especially when BLOOD is involved. General curiosity makes this match interesting right out of the gate, while the real mystery lies in who’s gonna walk with the belt. I said last week that HBK or HHH are a lock to win, but now I take that back. HBK / H are obviously going to feud, but I do not see any reason to have the belt involved – SummerSlam worked just fine under the premise that they hate each other’s guts. So let’s review the remaining participants and see who should logically win the Big Gold Belt
Booker T – 5 time champ, fans love him, men want to be him and is definitely credible as a champeen.
RVD – overrated and can’t speak to save his life, but I guess people like the dude for some reason or another. I like when people say (mainly about HHH) “He doesn’t need the belt to get over! Give it to someone else!”. Hey, dumbass – apply the same logic to RVD and get off his bandwagon. No reason at all for him to win.
Kane – after the Katie Vick debacle, he could use some credibility, but not at the expense of everyone else.
Some Other Guy – maybe another reign as champion would do him (and everyone who complains) good. Except for me. Although comparatively speaking, I would have no problem with Guy winning and then moving into something with Booker. Or vice versa.
So that means we have two eliminated on the basis of being lousy, two longshots, either of whom winning would be a nice change of pace, and two guys who have issues of their own and would not need the only singles title on their show to have a reason to fight. So the winner will be
You should know by now I don’t make predictions. Hell, I ain’t even INVITED to the Round Table anymore. But I will say the best ending would be if HHH wins, Steiner shows up, challenges him on the spot and kicks his ass for the belt. That’s what would happen in ECW – which I have been told is the template for all the good things that have happened to wrestling over the last 5 years. Might as well reform the f*cking Four Horseman while you’re at it.
You know, I have been wondering the appropriate time to quote / pay tribute to CRZ, who recently left the IWC for bigger and hopefully better things I think he summed it up best when he said this
From Valentine’s Day Smackdown, 14.2.2
Fucking A right on HBK wins it and I love it. Very predictable but all in all a good match, but nothing like Wargames. A + for effort, all guys busted their asses in the cage and don’t sell me on bulletproof shit when you have THREE “sports entertainers” flying through the glass like its butter. Plenty of BLOOD, which is what I like, and an ending that suits me just fine. Not its just a matter of “where do we go now”, which if HBK didn’t show you tonight why he is still the f*cking best thing going, then you just will never learn. I would be remiss for not pointing out that Some Other Guy hit every Lionsault this evening and have I told you lately that HBK is GOD? That haircut has to go but I can overlook that while I’m busy marking out I look forward to “where they are going from here” with Shawn, as the match possibilities are endless. Contrary to what will probably be “popular opinion” to one was “buried” or made to look bad here. Of course, RVD needs to just go away, sooner rather than later.
WWE Title Match – Brock Lesnar vs. The Big Show
Here is a match that is getting no love. As most people cannot get past the point of “Big Show sucks and blah blah blah” (totally missing the point of this match) I will not waste your time on an extended diatribe as to why this match just may surprise people. Paul E has been meticulously trying to feed Brock a line of shit, attempting to install some kind of fear, to which Brock has ignored due to the fact he’s already beaten Hogan, Rock and UT, Show ain’t nothing but another obstacle in his way. More people should complain about what happened to Paul Wight as opposed to the incessant bitching about Some Other Guy, Booker T, Benoit, etc. Wight is a perfect example of someone who (because of his size) was in line for a push to the moon, but ended up having his head f*cked around with and in the end, being punished for what he is – a big motherf*cker. I think it is one of the most egregious mistakes that Vince and company have made. Benoit, for example, is no more over than Wight, by himself. But Benoit’s talents (his awesome in ring ability) are showcased, while Big Show is made to look like a fool 95% of the time. Having one of the best wrestlers in the world (albeit one who never invested the time to learn to talk) not being the World Title Holder is one thing – BURIAL is having a 500 pound monster lose to most of the roster (including that freak Jeff Hardy) over a two –year time period. If Big Show’s perception is that of apathy by the fans, they have no one to blame but themselves. In any case, Lesnar should kick his ass and let the jaded asshole MSG crowd cheer and cheer for Brock because they are cool. And SMART! If they do decide to carry this feud through the next PPV, I at least hope they have the common courtesy NOT to have a double DQ ala UT-Brock.
The jaded crowd cheered and cheered and then had to turn around and BOOOOOOOOOO their boy Paul E. as he propagated his own version of the “Survivor Series Screwjob” and did the old Judas act to Brock’s Jesus. And Jesus, what a load of bullshit. I ain’t one to throw around “chopped off at the knees” lightly but goddamn. What the f*ck is the point of Show winning? To extend the feud to another PPV? They could have kept the belt on Lesnar and done that. Show is officially Paul E’s pet project, which ain’t a bad thing, but Brock needs to get the belt back ASAP so the can keep pushing him as superhuman. Show was on the receiving end of the badmouth directed at Paul E. and that does not a champion make. I’m just flabbergasted that Vince and Company spent all that time building Brock as a legend killer to piss it away on a give and take feud with The Big Show. But then again, I got over Tony Schiavone dissing the first Cactus title win so this ain’t nothing but a thing, I guess. PERSPECTIVE! PERSPECTIVE!
WWE Tag Team Titles Match – Edge & Rey Mysterio vs. Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit vs. Eddie & Chavo Guerrero
OMG! OMG! OMG! MATCH OF THE YEAR! I don’t know which is more annoying to read – every match involving any (or all) or the above participants being called MATCH OF THE YEAR or people who still use OMG and LOL and all other general lazy writing. No, here is the most annoying thing –
Best / Worst. (Something). Ever
Get a f*cking clue already and a new phrase. I suggest watching old spaghetti westerns or Hitchcock movies, those are full of clever little sayings. I imagine this match will be given around 35-40 minutes and will be chock full of goodness, which has definitely been a change of pace from your standard “table” or gimmick tag match. It would be nice if they would keep the belts on Edge and Rey , set them up in an extended feud with the Mexicans and let Benoit and Angle blow off some steam beating the hell out of each other. Sure, their tagging trials and tribulations have been fun to watch, but in these fast paced PPV days, that shit can’t go on for more than a few months. Some fresh Guerrero blood should liven things up and let Angle and Benoit move on to bigger and better things. But please, no match of the year status.
Eddie and Chavo win the damn thing, but I was not all that impressed. Yes, it was very, very good, but I am not a fan of three way matches, the reason being is too much is going on for the camera crew to catch. Not sure if you noticed, but camera angles et.al. are an integral part of the presentation of wrestling, and six people flopping around like carp just don’t work. The Benoit / Angle showdown continues to get teased, whilst my prediction above of Mexicans fighting a Canadian and a midget in a mask will come to fruition on upcoming versions of Smackdown, which is nothing but good.
WWE Women’s Title Hardcore Match – Trish Stratus vs. Victoria
The idear behind this is that Victoria hates Trish and wants to kick her ass all crazy style. Mrs. Hyatte accepts the challenge and the stip is HARDCORE! Guess they can’t all be bra and panties. I’m sure I won’t be the only one to point this out, but Victoria (back when she was a Godfather Ho) took one of the most WICKED table bumps I have ever seen, literally looking like it killed her – so she is up for this kind of thing. Mrs. Hyatte has seen her share of bumps as well so I really don’t have too much to base a Woman’s Hardcore Match on except this:
From the It Ain’t Sumo PPV (remember that?)
Kiyoko Ichiki vs. Misae Genki for the Big Japan Women’s Championship.
Wow. This will wake you up, and how. Stiff, stiff shit. Lightbulbs a-cracking across some skulls. Barbed wire antics, including the full shot of the “It Ain’t Sumo” ad Genki has Ichiki in a Boston Crab (sort of) belly first on the barbed wire! Yikes. Ichiki is just as cute as a button until she starts getting violent. More light bulbs across the head of Genki (who in comparison, is big and butch). Blood everywhere from both participants. Ichiki finishes her off with a 360ish senton through a barbed wire table! Genki, by the way, way also covered with light tubes. Oh yeah, the moved missed, for the most part. Pinfall, even though Ichiki pulled her up at two, the ref counted to three. I think they might have gotten the International sign for “go home”. It could have been part of a storyline but storylines don’t count here, remember? Fun match.
ME!!! – The Monday Edition 12.3.01
I highly doubt it will get THAT violent, but as least it will be stiff. The match, not what’s in your pants from watching women club each other over the heads with objects, Mr. Misogyny.
This was pretty stiff and a plan is in the works for feud continuation as Victoria, bloody nose and all, wins the Women’s Belt. The only thing I could think of while watching Trish get beat up was Hyatte in a Mighty Mouse costume coming to save his damsel in distress and Trish giving poor old Glorydog a kick in the nuts for his troubles. Without consulting the handbook, I think that a vision like that is detailed on Page Six of “It ain’t a good idear to mix Moonshine and Hash, Hyuck”. I’m glad barbwire wasn’t involved.
Tag Team Tables Match – Bubba Ray Dudley, Spike Dudley, & Jeff Hardy vs. 3 Minute Warning & Rico
I think Netcop made a good point the other day re: this match – someone is going to get hurt due to sloppiness, which is never good. But come to think of it, so what? While the Smackdown brand is currently reinventing and re-popularizing WRESTLING as opposed to gimmick matches, anyone without the talent of Angle, Eddie, etc will continue to need tables and various items of plunder to entertain the viewing public. That’s kinda like drawing the 2 of clubs when you are working on a Royal Flush. At any rate, I’m always up for a good, stiff brawl, which unfortunately this ain’t gonna be. It’s strange – if this match (with the same participants) took place in ECW, the perception would be 100% different and the joint would most likely be rocking, However, on a show that has Women’s Hardcore, a new cage gimmick and what will likely be another classic with the 3 way Smackdown Tag Match, this will be nothing more than sideshow filler.
Netcarp can crow like there is no tomorrow as far as I’m concerned. Sloppy with a capital “a.l.m.o.s.t. k.i.l.l.e.d.r.i.c.o.”! Fuck this shit and f*ck anyone who cheers for it. The only redeeming quality of the match was the reunification of the Dudley Boyz, and that was at the expense of my main man Rico Constantino bleeding like a STUCK PIG due to errant behavior. The f*cking tag belts weren’t even on the line, but don’t be shocked if D’Von and Bubba ain’t cartin around gold quicker than you can say “gobble gobble”
WWE Cruiserweight Title Match – Jamie Noble vs. Kidman
A last minute addition to the PPV, showing that yes, indeed JR is SERIOUS about the Cruisers. I love the Knoble character and wish that he and Nidia would get more than a 4 minutes per program. Kidman, it seems, has never regained his 1999 form that made everyone creams their jeans. Ah, the good old days when WCW would start a PPV with some good cruiser action to upgrade the “workrate” of otherwise shitty PPV telecasts. Of course, ain’t no one gonna outshine Angle or Eddy but I think this will be a good match nonetheless. I would love to see Knoble and Benoit team up – at least it would add some personality to the otherwise less than verbose Benoit. Oh, and change Kidman back to a cut off jeans greasy looking scurb. Surprised they didn’t throw a ladder or “something on a pole” into this match.
Really, really good match with one of the coolest spots I have seen in awhile – Kidman gets caught in the corner, feet on the ropes and gets PLANTED head f*cking first with a DDT. Bitchin move that, of course, gets two. Kidman no-sells the whole thing and hits the Shooting Star Press 20 seconds later to win the match the belt and to justify why I despise all the f*cking cruiser matches. I don’t have the patience to explain, but anyone who thinks that division should be taken seriously after tonight should have their head examined.
For the first time in years, the Survivor Series is NOT centered around some kind of crack-induced “tribute” to Montreal, which is a big plus, in my opinion. The MSG crowd is hit or miss and as usual, any show without active fan participation comes across as dull in TV Land. I would prefer to hear something along the lines of “Let’s Go Knicks / Giants / Jets / Hillary” as opposed to “Boring” but you never know how the “smarts” are going to attempt to put themselves over on TV. Other than that, Survivor Series should be an interesting show, if only for the reason the results should give a good indication of the future plans for Vince and company – whether the results will be something YOU like is, as always, a matter of personal taste and preference. Enjoy!
The crowd was into it all night, which is a good thing – but is it really still en vogue to chant “you f*cked up”, especially when the blown move was “psychology”? That’s enough to make a grown smart do the j.o.b. to the kay.fay.bee. But if a gun was pointed at my head and I had to give a “yes or no” answer to re-ordering the PPV, I would say go ahead. Not a bad match on the card, really, and the title win by HBK is the dead nuts for hardcore marks, especially since many of us were deprived of one last Cactus Jack win.
HAVE YOU HEARD?
Of course, the biggest news to come out of the MSG, New Yawk production of Survivor Series was the debut of Big Bad Booty Daddy Poppa Pump Scott Steiner, who, in typical Booty Daddy fashion, interrupted a fine little meeting of the minds between Christopher Nowiski and Matt Hardy V1.0. See, Nowinski was using his Harvard intellect to explain to us why New York City is full of people who are, for lack of a better word, “stupid” and he was contradicted by the formerly hillbilly marble mouthed Matt Hardy V1.0, who pulled out the Mattitude thesaurus and proclaimed that “stupid” in Mattitude language, means “loser” so, HYUCK! .well, Poppa Daddy Pump ain’t no monkey’s uncle and came down and beat the f*ck out of the both of them, much to the delight of the NYC crowd, who chanted “Steiner” conveniently forgot that Saginaw, Michigan is not Suffragette City, but nonetheless, they is Hootches and HOLLER when presented the opportunity to cheer a big disgrace to the human race. Daddy Booty Bad Pump is still undecided at this point unto where he will raise mayhem but at least they kept his initial acceptance speech to two catch phrases instead of seven.
In other PPV news, it looks as though HHH may have suffered an injury, which may or may not be a crushed larynx. Naturally, the injury occurred when RVD was trying to show off some bullshit looking frogsplash and according to reports, ran his shinbone into H’s throat. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy. Of course, H will be blamed for this somehow. I know one RatDiva that is praying for a speedy recovery.
OH AND THE GODDAMN FUCKS JUST RUINED MY MORNING. I was checking around to see if there was anymore news on the Dudley reunion (both Bubba and D’Von are always good interview subjects…here is what I found…
To answer a question I keep receiving, several sources have informed me that D-Von Dudley will now be a full time Raw performer, back with Bubba Ray and Spike. If they want to strengthen the Raw brand tag division, this is probably the best move they could make. “Reverend D-Von” wasn’t going anywhere, and after an initial push, Bubba Ray’s singles career was pretty much dropped after he faced Triple H once (Triple H Effect, anyone?). The reaction at the Garden showed that the fans were definitely into the return of the Dudley Boyz. I have not been told this, but I except D-Von’s return will be explained as being part of the “Big Show trade”.
– Buck, 1wrestling.com.
No, the reason that Bubba’s single career was dropped is because no one buys his 2 bit Indy carney act if it ain’t part of a tag team. H, if I remember right, went out of his way to make Bubba look good – but no one in their right mind buys Bubba as the champion! There is no “effect”!!! and please, I want the follow-up to “HHH is keeping Steiner out of the WWE!” C’mon! That certainly proved to be accurate! “HHH Effect”, horseshit.
Oh, and I caught Piper on the Stern show this morning. He came off like any other bitter old timer “back in my day we drew people with hard work and didn’t need all this “entertainment” to get over! Man, this guy used to be cool, what happened? Of course, people came to Wrestlemania to see HIM, not Hogan and certainly not that star of stars, Mr. T. The whole interview was just depressing as we watch Piper continue to dissolve into a shell of his former self, becoming more and more delusional and revisionary each time he does an interview. I think that Piper is promoting a book or something, I really have no interest in him anymore. Take him and RVD, team em up and send them to every Indy spot show on the planet – anything to remove the both of them from doing any further damage.
ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP
Both shows are in Connecticut this week; RAWr is in Bridgeport and then taped Tuesday and appearing on TV Thursday will be Smackdown. Expect mucho fallout from the PPV’s as I adore them for HBK but despise them for Big Show. Should make for a fun week, nonetheless.
THE LINKS ARE ON ME
Daniels has the week in review for you, I sawr that already…
I have no access to the site at the moment, possibly due to MONSTOROUS TRAFFIC or probably BOSS and / or Hashish forgot to give the monkey a banana to keep the hamster in line. But there are plenty of Monday goodies for you I’m sure. Of course it’s doubtful you are reading this if the site is down, but just keep trying. We at 411 are here for YOU!
Oh yeah, I received this in my mailbox, check it out…
Hey Guys –
Spoke with Wid about helping me out with a plug this week and he said you guys would be kind enough to oblige me. :) Here’s the details… I’m attempting to unload my entire wrestling collection, including videos, T-shirts, posters, magazines, figures etc. so what I’m looking for is a simple plug for the auctions. Feel free to insist everyone buy something. :) Here is a link to my eBay page which has a list of everything available.
http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/ecwgalatea/
The auctions will be ending next Saturday and Sunday, so anything between now and then would be very cool .
Thank you kindly, :)
Miss Galatea
Galatea@MissGalatea.com
www.missgalatea.com
My pleasure, more than happy to plug and I will fer sure go and check out what’s doing over there. My advice would be for you to do the same. As a matter of fact, Christmas is coming up, which is the time for GIVING, so go check it out and get FLEA something for being such a nice and dependable source of weekend entertainment! Okay, so maybe it’s not all that cool to ask the readers to buy me stuff, but I’m just trying to get you to go check out Miss G’s auction. So, go go GO!! Tell her Flea sent ya!
PAGE SIX
Thanks for joining me again for the extended weekend of reports, back to normal again next week. Until then, here is your fix of Glorydog as we all know how much everyone misses him when he ain’t around
THE PARANOID HOOLIGAN
Not sure if you noticed
I’ve been told that someone is badly, desperately looking to “put me in my place” for the honor of the Rick. He has DARED me to go after his girlfriend.
I’m sorry, but from now on, I leave girlfriends and wives OUT of my little barbs and the like. No more. Wives and girlfriends are out.
The guy will have to think of a better way to get my attention. Girlfriends are out. His girlfriend, named Heather, I think, is out.
Heather is OUT. She is out.
What time you want me to bring the bitch back?
BOOYAA
This is Hyatte
* * * * *
See you next week!
Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.
