The Weekend Hotline News Report 03.01.03


Well, today hasn’t exactly been going according to plan so far. I was supposed to get up about 10 am and bang this news column out. Instead, it’s 1pm and I have assload to do, first of which being this column and second of which being helping Widro finish BRINGING THE MANIA. I’ve seen it and you will either love the new design or absolutely hate it as soon as you see it. I personally dig it and think you all should too.

As the last “wrasslin news” column before the Mania arrives, I planned to write a glowing retrospective of the site, and how far it’s come and the changes it’s seen but then I realized that I’ve only been doing this jazz for about two years, and I only really discovered 411 when Hyatte started writing his mop-ups for them. About six months or so after that I sent in a column when Widro and Ashish posted a “write for the site” thing on the newsboard. My first two columns for the site were a Bret Hart Profile and a Kevin Nash Profile. Those two profiles were enough to earn me a gig doing The Cheap Heat column. After WCW went out of business, it was tougher and tougher to come up with an actual column every week, so I ended up switching over to The Week In Wrestling which was far easier, since it was just goofing on some of the weekly idiocy that was the WWF. Two convenient Hiatuses from Hyatte and Eric opened up the weekend spot for me about a month ago, and I’ve been getting decent reviews from you guys since. I thank you for that.

Coming up on Monday, things will be changing again. The site that you know and love will still be here, but it will be surrounded by more options and columns than you’ve had before. I don’t know how much I’m supposed to give away, but you’ll be able to see what you want, when you want, and there will be new things going on all the time. As for me, I still have the weekend news at least till Hyatte and Eric return so you’ll see me right back here next week under a whole new color scheme.

227 baby! That’s what the scale said on Friday. Big 2 pound drop from last week. And that was with taking a day off this week because of the insane amount of work I had between my real job and preparing the Mania. Goal number 1 has been passed and Goal #2 has been engaged. Now on the road to 220. Stay tuned.


The winner of last week’s question, that being what’s a better name for RVD/Kane’s new tag team, was Grassfire, by a nose. Grassfire edged out “Team Spark it Up” by a narrow margin of 3 votes. However, the best of the others are listed here.

Jake: Hellfire and Brimstoned – How did I not think of this?

Tmurder989: Hellfire and Bluntsmoke

Anarchrist: The Burners

Tomfoolery: Hellfire and Bongwater

Damon D: The HHH Survivors, since both guys are trying to rebuild some cred after a feud with HHH

Paul W: You said that there were 3 possibilities in this match – I however have thought for a while that they will give the belt to Hardy – Still have him treat Shannon Moore like sh*t for a few more weeks until Shannon challenges Hardy and in a big shock beats him and wins the belt. What do you think about that ???

I guess you were right. I don’t see Matt Hardy holding the cruiser belt for any extended period of time, although there still could be a fun gimmick in making try to make weight before every match. Or, if he’s afraid of defending against someone, say he comes in over weight so he gets Disqualified. Another reader mentioned a big feud with Rey Mysterio, which would be a terrific way to get this gimmick started, but what do I know?

Our buddy checked back in, reclaiming his position as AOL loser of the week. finally to tell me why I was, in fact, lame: Yeah. You’re right. I’m the one with low self esteem. That’s why you had to justify your actions to me.

I didn’t justify, I explained for the slow folks. Like yourself.

In reality, I was trying to help you. Imagine being CONTENT. You don’t have to look like Rick Rude to be secure. But obviously you’re secure being insecure.

Whoever said anything about looking like Rick Rude? My exact words to you were “I’m 30-50 pounds overweight and decided to do something about it.” If you were paying attention, it’s 95% because my family has a history of heart problems, diabeties, and high blood pressure. I don’t want to die, sucka.

As a result, I have no intentions of going into any kind of details FOR you, regarding what’s really best for you.

See how he skillfully takes the time to write me back, yet once again has too much time to go into detail.

You want to live healthier: carrots, bananas, fish, subway sandwiches, etc. Counting pounds is for what? If you eat healthier, than you are healthier. You want to LOOK different. And if successful, you will. Would that make you proud? To look like someone else?

Counting pounds as a gaugable track of my success. If I eat healthier and do nothing with my body, how does that make me healthier?

And I can QUOTE YOU as saying (at least) 90% of fat people are lazy. That destroys the credibility of ANYTHING you say. Yes, YOU are a dumb ass.

Yes you can, and no it doesn’t. Much like people who are so fat they can now get handicapped stickers so they don’t have to walk their tubby asses across parking lots. Losing weight it is tough, but not impossible. Step 1 is to put the fork down. Step 2 is to join a gym. Step 3 is to stick to it.

Oh yeah, your sorry ass wanted to know why you are lame. Because the word pertains to you…


1 : having a body part so disabled as to impair freedom of movement
(and I don’t mean your stomach, I mean you have been brainwashed by society)

2 : lacking needful or desirable substance

Interesting theory. My brain is lame, because it has been brainwashed by society and my column is lame because it lakes needful substance. Both are probably true but everyone’s brain, to some to degree, is brainwashed by society. So, whatcha gonna do?

In a sense, I understand the dude’s view, as misinformed as it may be. People should just be happy with themselves for who they are and not try to reach this societal view of perfection. In a perfect world, this is true. In a real world it isn’t. I’m never going to be Brad Pitt or Fabio, and I’ve accepted that. But that doesn’t say that I’m happy walking around 20-40 (yeah, ten less) pounds overweight. That’s just personal to me, because there’s no reason for it.

Aaron B: Hey, I just wanted to tell you I read you every week and you have one of the more enjoyable columns. I’ve followed your weight loss updates and I’ve got to ask you, are you doing anything special to lose weight? I’ve been working out the past 2 months, I haven’t drank pop in 5 weeks(I used to drink it almost every day), drink protein shakes, and I’ve improved my diet quite a bit. After doing all that, I’ve actually gained weight. I’m somewhere between 210 and 215, depending on the day. I’m trying to get down to about 195-200 but I can’t seem to lose a little bit of weight, let alone 10-15 pounds. Do you have any suggestions? Maybe something that you did? I appreciate any feedback and keep up the good work!

Keep in mind, folks, if you’re on a lifting regiment with your cardio, you may not be losing weight. If you’re building muscles at the same time you’re dropping fat, you could actually be putting weight on while doing everything right. The amount of weight you actually carry isn’t important in this situation, but it’s your percentage of body fat. I got a letter a couple weeks ago from a dude that said losing weight and weight training are two things that basically fight each other. When you’re trying to drop weight, you have to eat less and do 30-45 minutes of cardio. This makes your body burn the fat on yourself and break it down, etc, etc. When you’re weight training, you are supposed to eat MORE and lift weights. The lifting tears muscles in your body, and takes more calories to rebuild them. The muscles bulk up heavier than they were before. You pretty much can’t do both successfully at the same time.

If you ARE trying to do both at the same time, don’t get held up on the fact that you’re gaining weight because as you lose the fat, you gain the muscle, and muscle weighs more than fat which is why you see NFL Safeties being 5’10” and weight 210 pounds but they’re still healthy with about 2% body fat.

Top Story

Austin made his big return at No Mercy last week, and rather than appear on Raw and pop the rating they wanted, the WWF did something that could actually be considered as smart. They started the show with an “Austin is barred from the building” deal, which generally means “Austin will be here at some point tonight.” All the while pimping his appearance next week and getting people to watch all the way through, hoping he’ll show up, but actually the whole show is to pimp to a Rock/Austin meeting next week. That, my friends, is episodic television.

Now, next week, the Rock shouldn’t be in the building, because of a personal hollywood appearnce, but he should have a message delivered to Austin via messenger, or something.

The ‘net is down on Austin, but I’m not. I got hot and cold with Austin, between liking him and hating him, but I’m good with him for the moment. Sure it kinda sucked the way he left, but everything about Raw is Austin. It’s barely Raw without him. Can he single-handedly pull the show out of the shitter? Probably not, but having his influence there can’t hurt. Austin knows the business, and he knows what people want even if it is occassionaly tainted by paranoia. They should listen to him.

Austin hasn’t wasted any time letting his opinions known, as I’m sure he doesn’t have to, as I’m also sure he got offered some sort of shit to come back again, so he doesn’t have to worry about getting fired for running his mouth, at least not for the foreseeable future. Austin is a huge proponent of dropping the creative staff and letting the wrestlers agents book their own promos. This is a decent perfect world idea, but as we know, they don’t live in a perfect world. I can see droppign the scripted promos, but the creative staff needs to be around to book who wins, who loses, and where storylines will go.

Oh Yeah, Rocky’s Back, too

The Rock was on Byte This last week and spoke about a lot of things. First of which being Austin wasn’t all too happy with his “Get the F Out” promo and Rock said their first meeting back together should be electric. It will be, regardless of the get the F out promo or not, because they’re both guys that can work a crowd.

And can the rock come up with the heel magic or what? He managed to turn the crowd on him in an instant by just being a total, complete dick and kept that up all through the night. The Rock’s heel turn was a couple year’s in coming, but it’s been worht the wait, thus far.

However, should they build a promotion around a guy who only does three month stints? Probably not.

And since I have no more time to write this with site coding and whatnot, let’s move into

In Other Reading

Marking My Territory 03.01.03: WrestleMania

(03.01.03)Dino Zucconi
GUESS what THIS column is about!

Counterfeit Pennies 02.28.03: Getting To Know Andy McIntyre

(02.28.03)Chris Biscuiti
Read this if you like the concept of a pro wrestling talk show that airs your calls every week on a free format radio station. The best part is that there’s no egos involved just a genuine shared passion for the industry.

Smarks News Update – 02.28.03

(02.28.03)Tim Livingston
Yes, finally, SOMEBODY FROM THE SMARKS is gonna do a news report, except I probably should have done one a long time ago…

From Parts Unknown 02.28.03: For The Revolution Of The WWF! Pt. I

(02.28.03)Sylvain Parent
First in a three part series in which I deconstruct the character and context of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin in order to expose the myths regarding this smark favourite and the near-legendary angle(s) that made him.

No Gimmick Required 02.27.03: The Exploitation Of Fame

(02.27.03)Raywat Deonandan
WWE will have no future if it can’t stop eating the present
Thank You Widro.

In Conclusion

Something longer next time, I swear but I got a lot of work going into the new site. Have a good week, all.