VPJG: I’ve got an idea for a new column. Simple stuff.
GRUTMAN VS. DANIELS! Basically, we pick a topic and argue about it in an AIM.
Kaisen316: ok
VPJG: Ready?
Kaisen316: sure
VPJG: Wrestlemania: Promising show or sure to blow?
Kaisen316: I say promising show
VPJG: I will take “sure to blow.”
VPJG: The two best pure wrestling matches feature almost cripples.
VPJG: It looks like they’re setting up Steiner vs. Test.
Kaisen316: Kurt Angle won a gold medal with his neck in worse shape than that
Kaisen316: Angle and Brock will be able to cobble together something good with what they have to work with
Kaisen316: Angle is too good to wrestle a bad match
VPJG: You could have said the same thing about HHH in 2000.
VPJG: Then the knee went.
Kaisen316: Yeah, but Angle’s neck has been a steady descent, he’s been wrestling with it for the last year.
VPJG: Kurt Angle shouldn’t be going on a fun run, and he’s fighting a guy who almost killed Hardcore Holly by dropping him on his head.
VPJG: But let’s say they manage to put together a somewhat decent match.
Kaisen316: They can put on a decent match without piledrivers and DDTs
Kaisen316: Now, I will give you that Hogan vs McMahon is destined to suck.
VPJG: Yes.
Kaisen316: As will Taker/Jones vs Train/Show
VPJG: As will Booker vs. HHH.
VPJG: Shawn and Jericho will be disappointing.
VPJG: I bet it opens the show.
Kaisen316: Well, I thought HHH/Shawn was going to be disappointing
Kaisen316: at Summerslam
Kaisen316: and it was the best match on the card.
Kaisen316: Shawn can still bring his A game, and if he’s going to do it anywhere, it will be at Mania, regardless of who his opponent is
VPJG: I don’t see Shawn putting forth that kind of effort for Jericho.
Kaisen316: The IWC has to realize it will be a good match, regardless of if Jericho wins or not.
Kaisen316: I do, just because it’s wrestle-freakin-mania.
Kaisen316: Shawn will not let his, possibly, last ‘Mania match suck
VPJG: We’ll see. I wonder if he still cares.
VPJG: If I want to see Austin/Rock, I have tapes.
Kaisen316: that I agree with
Kaisen316: Austin/Rock 3 is not something to sell a show on
Kaisen316: Things would have been better served to continue the freakin Hurricane/Rock feud.
VPJG: I agree.
Kaisen316: And to FINALLY let the f’n Hogan/Austin match happen
Kaisen316: which would have ditched the useless Hogan/McMahon match
VPJG: Yeah. I’d of loved that.
Kaisen316: But that would have required Austin returning as a heel.
VPJG: You should write them a letter.
VPJG: I mean, honestly, who wants to see Austin vs. Hogan?
Kaisen316: Hey, I applied for the television writer’s job. I got through the first round of cuts.
Kaisen316: unfortunately not the second :-)
VPJG: Wow!
Kaisen316: Now, I figure Matt Hardy/Rey will start the show
Kaisen316: which also will have to try really hard to suck.
VPJG: What the hell happened to Matt?
Kaisen316: ?
VPJG: Awesome gimmick, shitty matches.
VPJG: He and Rey are going to let me down big time.
Kaisen316: They stuck the belt on him to transition it to Rey.
Kaisen316: Besides, Matt is too good, they have to saddle him with something stupid so he doesn’t go and get over on them.
VPJG: I’ll saddle you!
VPJG: (This is called Grutman vs. Daniels)
VPJG: Really, this entire show makes me want to puke.
Kaisen316: no no no.
VPJG: I just realized my saddle comment might have sounded a little gay.
VPJG: We’ll talk about that privately.
Kaisen316: From a wrestling standpoint it won’t suck. I hope so!
VPJG: Yes, this show makes me want to puke!
VPJG: Cripple vs. Big Lug! Cripple vs. Great Wrestler Going Nowhere.
Kaisen316: The top four matches will not suck, and the filler is just that… every ‘Mania has it. Even the women’s match sould be watchable.
VPJG: Dinosaur vs. Dinosaur.
VPJG: Convict vs. Captain Ego.
VPJG: Clusterf*ck tag tittle three way.
VPJG: Clusterf*ck woman’s title three way!
Kaisen316: yeah, what the hell is the tag title three way
Kaisen316: Guerreros
VPJG: Yeah, that would’ve been fine. Maybe with a ladder.
Kaisen316: who else is in it?
Kaisen316: I don’t remember
VPJG: Benoit and Rhyno.
Kaisen316: and what happened with the Raw Tag Team Titles? Do those even exist anymore?
Kaisen316: why are they not pimping a match for those?
VPJG: My boy L to the ance has a title. W to the illy is injured.
Kaisen316: You hate Lance Storm
Kaisen316: The Dudleys vs Storm/Regal was supposed to be the match, I guess that’s not happening anymore
VPJG: Dudleyz are evil now.
VPJG: KVD vs. Dudleyz.
VPJG: I like KVD. Katie Vick… Dead.
Kaisen316: I prefer Grassfire
VPJG: Yeah, you would.
Kaisen316: Yeah, I do. But it’s ok that you don’t know what you’re talking about… you’re from downstate. There is no way that all the good matches on that card can suck
VPJG: So, as we prepare for war against Iraq, a war which may envelop the entire world, how can you possibly endorse a puke enducing show like Wrestlemania?
Kaisen316: and if three of the four of them hit it off, it’ll be worth the price of admission
VPJG: Did you diss downstate?
Kaisen316: The war will be over by Wrestlemania
Kaisen316: Umm, yes, I believe I did diss downstate
VPJG: Yeah, cause Upstate NY rules! Albany, Buffalo, Ithaca. Can’t forget Ithaca!
VPJG: I mean, what the hell do we have downstate?
VPJG: Wait…
VPJG: Oh!
VPJG: Yeah!
VPJG: NEW YORK FUCKING CITY!
Kaisen316: You also have Long Island and MILES OF TRAFFIC which negates the coolness that is NYC
VPJG: Not as much as you’d think if you have a good route.
VPJG: You take the Cross Island to the Grand Central Parkway to the BQE and boom, you’re in.
Kaisen316: The LIE should be blown up
VPJG: As should this card!
VPJG: Angle should not be wrestling.
VPJG: I’d be singing a different tune if it was Benoit vs. Brock.
Kaisen316: I will grant you that Angle should not be wrestling, but he wants to go out with a big dance, I can’t blame him for that. And I don’t think it’s going to suck nearly as much as you do. He’s wrestled (REAL wreslted) through worse and won
Kaisen316: This is child’s play compared to that.
Kaisen316: And no you wouldn’t… you took the anti side
VPJG: Yeah, but that was for a gold medal.
Kaisen316: Benoit vs Brock would not have been a good main event. People don’t buy Benoit as a threat to Brock yet.
VPJG: This is for a piece of tin.
VPJG: I do.
Kaisen316: Because we’ve already established you’re from down state and know nothing
VPJG: People should not risk their lives to fake fight.
Kaisen316: No, he shouldn’t be risking his life, but I think he’s got it under control
Kaisen316: he knows his limits.
VPJG: Uh huh. I bet with over 50,000 people screaming at Brock, he won’t make a mistake.
Kaisen316: Not when he’s taking a never walking again risk
Kaisen316: Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think this is the smartest thing Angle ever did either, but I trust the man to know his own body
VPJG: Kurt won’t screw up. I don’t doubt that. Brock, on the other hand…
Kaisen316: OK, well, that’s true
VPJG: It’s not worth the risk.
VPJG: And it won’t be as good as Benoit vs. Brock with no injuries would have been.
VPJG: And Hogan McMahon will suck.
VPJG: And HHH can’t stop sucking.
VPJG: And Matt Hardy can’t mesh with the cruiser style.
Kaisen316: Hogan/McMahon will certainly suck
Kaisen316: I can’t argue with that
Kaisen316: HHH/Booker, not so sure about
VPJG: Time for the final argument. You may go first, if you wish.
Kaisen316: ok
Kaisen316: Over the course of 19 years, Wrestlemania has sucked a total of once. Regardless of how bad people might think the card looks, the wrestlers bring their A game to ‘Mania… because they know the amount of people watching… evne matches that should suck sometimes come out good. There are matches we are looking and and saying “Yup, that will be good,” but even the ones that should suck will probably be good…. and in the end, they will tell the story they have to. Hopefully the brutally bad ones will be short enough not to be too painful
VPJG: And now, the retort.
VPJG: There are too many recycled and bad matches on this card. The good matches feature men who are risking their well being, not allowing me to really care about the outcome of the match. Upstate NY sucks, and so will Wrestlemania.
Kaisen316: now that was unecessary
VPJG: Now, the interactive part! E-mail me, VPJG@aol.com voting who you thought won this battle of the greatest young minds on the Internet. The winner gets to pick next week’s topic!
VPJG: Don’t worry, I’ll be fair.
Kaisen316: and somehow, Grut will win unanimously every week
VPJG: Unless Little Miss Ithaca has an objection to this.
Kaisen316: Not at all… and Ithaca sucks
Kaisen316: It’s no Albany
VPJG: No, it sure isn’t. This is Grutman signing off! Remember, Daniels eats poop!
Kaisen316: And Grutman loves Men.
