Saturday Evening Post 10.25.03

Hello! I’m Flea, and I have been pulled
back into the mix here at 411 due to the fact that apathy is running wild and no
one seems to be able to say nice things about wrestling, unless it’s in one of
those gimmick columns where the esteemed writer thinks "Oh , I’ll be
original and point out all the positive things because every one else is
negative but then I will end the column with the irony of…oh go to hell, you
jerks. Picking 100 "writers" for the IWC 100 is no bed of roses and it
especially makes things cloudy when everyone tries to be "original"
but couldn’t if they were the only person left on Earth. Between that and humor,
some of the crap I read makes me want to puke. Who am I to judge? Because I can
and that’s just how it is…there is some fine work going on in the IWC, but
things are getting less and less creative and more and more poorly written /
attempted to be saved with ironic humor, etc. 

Hence, here I am with a return to
Wrestling News, in a format that, if you allow yourself to suspend disbelief,
you may realize (or even rediscover) why you are a "fan" as opposed to
a jaded lamebrain who thinks they can book better than Vince and will only say
nice things about the wrestling product in general when it feeds the needs of
the self – serving cretins who are blind to the problems of other promotions but
have no trouble nit-picking Numero Uno with half-baked rumors and innuendo and
commentary that proves, on a continuous basis to be DEAD WRONG, and the
ridiculous need to invent "catchy-phrases" as if the end game is
cutting a promo on the waitress at Denny’s. 

So, back to Saturdays it is…and the
last thing I will do is complain about "slow traffic" or "no one
reads on the weekends". Not my problem and if you want to find this report,
it ain’t like it won’t be here when you get back to work on Monday. Besides –
Hyatte and Eric S. will pimp and plug, at least if they know what’s good for
them. Or, to coin a phrase, because we is all tight like that, yo. YO! YO!

Let’s Get to
It…           

TOP STORY

By the time you read this, the
landscape of Professional Wres—-strike that —-the landscape of Sports
Entertainment will have changed forever. And I’m not talking about Hogan’s knee
injury ruining the PPV plans for TNA (I told you so – dealing with Hogan is like
playing Russian Roulette with a Derringer) or Vince’s appointing Heyman to be a
placeholder until the woman who revolutionized the face of Sports Entertainment
returns. Although, if you said the latter, you would be very close. Of course,
I’m talking about the impending nuptials of Stephanie McMahon and Jean Paul
Levesque, better known as HHH, and, as a couple, better known as "those
power hungry assholes who are keeping people like Jericho and Benoit from
walking around with Ze Gold". Of course, all the amateur comedians are
popping up with columns this weekend saying how "HHH should just change his
name to McMahon ’cause he’s so pussywhipped". And how bout this one!
"You know what you get when you breed A McMahon and a Helmsley? I don’t
know, but that kid will be born with his OWN GLASS CEILING!"….THE WIT!
Goddamn, I hate humor in wrestling columns. At least overt attempts at humor.
The Number One way to drop down the IWC 100 List? Try to be funny – some people
have it, some don’t – but for some reason everyone * tries *.  Give
up. 

The fact that HHH is now firmly ensconced
legally in the McMahon family should be neither a shock or treated as anything
other than Good News, if you think long term. Marriage does weird things to
people, especially the Female, as the Female’s natural instinct is of the
Maternal Nature, with about 1/8th Black Widow Spider in case things get out of
hand. And by out of hand, I mean "Hey Steph, my career is more important
than giving the world more McMahon offspring, you’ll have to wait." HA!
Bullshit! She’ll be knocked up within a year. Which means….I’ll get back to
that in a second…let me grab something from the newsline…

There are rumors that Shane and
Marissa McMahon will be having their first child.

 – The Torch

Rumors? I don’t think pregnancy is too
tough to confirm. Is it possible that Keller has sources that have never heard
the old saying about being "kinda pregnant"? Anyway, the first
Grandchild is normally the most treasured, which leaves H and Steph taking
second place in the eyes of Daddy Vince. The case * could * be made that Shane
and his wife have been married longer, but that’s kind of moot – first is first.
Unless they end up having a GIRL (hey all those bumps might have knocked the
Male DNA right the hell out of Shane’s sperm), then they are f*cked. On the
other hand – I’m not sure what kind of effect all those stero…GROWTH HORMONES
have had (or will have) on HHH’s reproductive system. I say we consult the
Medical Journals:  

Anabolic Steroids(*)
and the Male Reproductive System

AS are derivatives of testosterone,
which has strong genitotropic effects. For this reason, it will not be
surprising that side effects include the reproductive system. Application of
anabolic steroids leads to supra-physiological concentrations of testosterone
or testosterone derivatives. Via the feed back loop, the production and
release of luteinizing hormone (LH) and follicle stimulation hormone (FSH) is
decreased.

Prolonged use of anabolic steroids in
relatively high doses will lead to hypogonadotrophic hypogonadism, with
decreased serum concentrations of LH, FSH, and testosterone.

There are strong indications that the
duration, dosage, and chemical structure of the anabolic steroids are
important for the serum concentrations of gonadotropins. A moderate decrease
of gonadotropin secretion causes atrophy of the testes, as well as a decrease
of sperm cell production. Oligo, azoospermia and an increased number of
abnormal sperm cells have been reported in athletes using AS, resulting in a
decreased fertility. After stopping AS use, the gonadal functions will restore
within some months. There are indications, however, that it may take several
months.

In bodybuilding, where usually high
dosages are uses, after stopping steroid use, often choriogonadotropins are
administered to stimulate testicular function. The effectiveness of this
therapy is unknown.

The various studies suggest that
using more than one type of anabolic steroid at the same time
("stacking") causes a stronger inhibition of the gonadal functions
than using one single anabolic steroid. After abstention from anabolic
steroids these changes in fertility usually reverse within some months.
However, several cases of have been reported in which the situation of
hypogonadism lasted for more than 12 weeks.

A well known side effect of AS in
males is breast formation (gynecomastia). Gynecomastia is caused by increased
levels of circulating estrogens, which are typical female sex hormones. The
estrogens estradiol and estrone are formed in males by peripheral
aromatization and conversion of AS. The increased levels of circulation
estrogens in males stimulate breast growth. In general, gynecomastia is
irreversible.

AS may affect sexual desire. Although
few investigations on this issue have been published, it appears that during
AS use sexual desire is increased, although the frequency of erectile
dysfunction is increased. This may seem contradictory, but sexual appetite is
androgen dependent, while erectile function is not. Since sexual desire and
aggressiveness are increased during AS use, the risk of getting involved in
sexual assault may be increased.

credit: http://www.sportsci.org/encyc/anabstereff/anabstereff.html

(*) This if HHH actually uses steroids.
Of course, he’s more into the actual "growth hormones", so to keep any
false rumors or legal action being taken, I will include the Medical Version of
what Growth Hormones do…

The Morris laboratory focuses on
studying the ontogeny and signal transduction of the receptors that mediate
the effect of the lactogenic hormones growth hormone (GH) and prolactin (PRL)
in the testis. Deficiencies in GH have been associated with decreased
fertility and disruptions of spermatogenesis in humans. However, little is
known about the direct molecular events involved following Leydig cell
recognition of either of these pituitary hormones and subsequent events within
the nucleus. We were able to provide the first demonstration that, as a
function of age, the progenitors of Leydig cells express the highest levels of
functional GH receptors in the testis. Treatment of these prepubertal Leydig
cells with GH, but not PRL, resulted in increases in the expression of the
cellular components that are essential for steroidogenesis. GH enhances the
levels of the mitochondrial protein, a steroidogenic acute regulatory (StAR)
protein that performs an essential function in the transport of cholesterol
for steroid metabolism. This effect is blocked by the concomitant inhibition
of serine/threonine phosphorylation. Two additional steroidogenic enzymes are
enhanced by GH treatment of these progenitors, resulting in significant
increases in testosterone production.

credit: http://www.diseasedir.org.uk/glossary/xchrom.htm

Whoa. That’s fairly wordy and probably
takes a degree or two in something to understand. Luckily, the people that sell
growth hormones can put it into laymen’s terms!

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Brazilian Muira
Puama Root –
Amazonian aphrodisiac, commonly referred to as Potency Wood or Raiz del Macho
(Root of the Male).

Brazilian
Catuaba Bark – The historic
traditional use of this herbal tonic is legendary. Catuaba is the most famous
of all the Brazilian aphrodisiac plants.   Many songs praising its
wonders have been sung by the Brazilian Indians.

Ginkgo
Biloba – One of the most popular herbal
supplements in Europe. Ginkgo improves circulation, memory and alertness. It
has been clinically tested for increasing blood flow to the penis – 30% more
than Viagra® in some cases. 

Mexican
Damiana Leaf 
– Has a strong and
long-standing reputation for enhancing sexual activity that dates back to the
ancient Mayans. 

Panax
Ginseng Root –
Korean Ginseng has been know for thousands of years to enhances sexuality for
both men and women. Many think of ginseng as an aphrodisiac because it seems
to strengthen sexual desire and helps the body handle stress. But what ginseng
really does is help normalize and balance your body, so your own sexuality
shines through.

Saw Palmetto
Berries – Acts to tone and strengthen the
male reproductive system. It is commonly know to
increase
libido, virility and performance. It is also know for increasing blood flow to
the sexual organs and
supporting the general health
of the prostate.

Avena Sativa
– Commonly known as green
oats extract, was first mentioned in German Pharmacopoeia well over 200 years
ago as a powerful aphrodisiac. Independent studies show that Avena Sativa
dramatically increases sensual stamina and sensitivity.

Epimedium
– Often referred to as Horny Goat Weed, is
known to
act as an aphrodisiac. Epimedium helps stimulate the sensory nerves and
thereby increases sexual desire and pleasure, and thus indirectly increasing
sexual activity. 

 

Tribulus
Terrestris


– Often
referred to as Gokhru
Fruit

and Ji Li, is known to enhance
testosterone levels by increasing Luteinzing hormone (LH)
and by strengthening the kidneys and liver.  Ji Li has been used
in China and other Eastern cultures for centuries as a folk medicine for
impotence, and has recently been introduced to the West.
 

 

Ashwagandha
– Often referred to as Indian Ginseng, is used as a tonic, primarily for men.
Ashwagandha is reputed to restore energy, vitality and mental function.
Ashwagandha is a well-known aphrodisiac, touted for its ability to enhance sex
drive.

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Hmmm….after
reading the advertisement, it’s not all that bad! To hell with the medical
warnings! HHH, thankfully, will be just fine! The Race is On to provide the
First Male McMahon offspring and although, as mentioned above, Shane has a head
start, never fear that HHH and Steph will find a way to win. And luckily for us,
a pregnant Stephanie is a Stephanie that will not be on TV! So CHEER UP, Neil
Negative (hawr!)! The End of McMahon domination (as well as HHH being the end
all and be all of wrestling) starts Saturday with The Marriage and will
eventually culminate with child bearing and No More Stephanie on TV. This time
for good! Because you * know * that they would never do any kind of Angle or
Soap Operatic storyline around this!

HEADLINES

Paul Heyman is back in charge of
Smackdown, albeit as an on-screen character, which will go about as far as Vince
will allow. Don’t get me wrong, Heyman will have a ton of on-screen leeway and
does a fabulous job of injecting much needed life into the program, but the
hopes of him booking the show A-Z are not promising, as the first thing Paul E
would most likely do is get rid of the Vince and Sable Old Folks Make Out
segments and replace them with 30 minute matches, something that is totally
unacceptable at least as far as Vince is concerned. And maybe as far as the
Sports Entertainment Viewing Audience is concerned, if you judge by the Neilsens
Ratings. While I’m on that topic, I happened to find the ULTIMATE Mea Culpa the
other day (even though it was not presented as such). Sometimes it pays to read
between the lines…

Yesterday’s New York Times had a
very interesting article about the fall television season thus far being a
disappointment for programmers. In the piece, they mentioned that prime time
TV viewing in the 18-24 male demographic is down almost 20 percent from last
season. The drop in men 18 to 34 was off about 12%. There are two interesting
things that came out of the piece. One is that some network executives are
questioning the methods that Nielsen uses to determine the actual audience
size (a process that many in the TV business have doubted for years). Nielsen
polls a small audience and then extrapolates the numbers nationally to
determine “what the country is watching”, even though it’s only based
off of a very small percentage of the viewing audience. As far as wrestling
goes, with the numbers down in that demographic, which is one of the key
groups that watch WWE programming, it makes WWE’s recent ratings numbers
seem a little better.

 – Dave Scherer, Thursday,
1wrestling.com

So, people are not totally turned off
by the direction either product has taken over the last six months. People are
still watching, which is what I have been trying to tell everyone for quite some
time now. Even against tough Monday and Thursday competition  (especially
since Baseball has entered the Prime Time Postseason Games) our little Sports
Entertainment shows have maintained a steady audience. It may not be what * you
* want to see, but sometimes, that’s just how life is. You should probably
adjust your expectations unless you prefer to 1) boycott or 2) cry for the next
couple of years until the most recent generation of Superstars will get their
chance to shine. Progress has been made as the next batch of Main Eventers are
being seasoned and Vince’s nostalgia trip appears to have subsided. Hell, we are
finally getting Vince vs. UT out of the way, which is one of the final leftover
/ unsettled business items of the Attitude Era. So just hang in their and take
solace in the Brock / Benoit program, Eddie wrestling his ass off, Cena is
getting better by the moment and the mid- card packed with Japs, Rhynos, Rey
Reys, and plenty of Tag Teams that, with a little more ring time under their
belts, should provide a stable division for the next few years. And don’t forget
Kurt Angle – the Best in The Business. Sure a few things need to be tweaked, but
it’s not all sour milk on a Sunday Morning.      

The situation on RAW is a little more
confusing, due to the egos and players and the general lack of wrestling talent.
And I’m not talking HHH. Can you say Goldberg? Jesus (oh, sorry) will this guy
ever get the hell away from my TV? He’s never happy, can’t stay healthy and
sucks in the ring and on the mic. Sure, it’s fun to watch him squash some
mid-carders, but how much more do we have to take on a regular basis? Rumor has
it that Billy Boy is none to happy about Good Ol JR saying "LOOK AT THAT
MONSTER BATISTA! HE’S BIGGER THAN GOLDBERG!…Billy is very sensitive about his
larger than life image and would prefer that if a choice of believing his Myth
vs.Your Lying Eyes needs to be made, your siding with the Big Bald Baby.
Evolution is the best thing not named Eddie or Angle on either show, just
because Flair will not allow the angles to fail. He, once again, is proving why
he is the Best, at least on the Mic and, like Paul E., in his passion for making
you mark out for what’s going on. Orton is being touted as the next big thing –
and if you have never seen Batista in OVW…hang on…

Hey Drew Deuce! Where’s my tapes?

In OVW, you are missing something. He
goes by Leviathan and is promoted as a brutal monster, some of which came across
in his GB beatdown on Monday. It bummed me out that his first duty in WWE was
D’Von Dudley’s Precher Gimmick sidekick, but at that time (the infancy of the
Brand Spilt) they were throwing shit against the wall and seeing what stuck.
Batista has found his niche – apparently the "Enforcer" of Evolution,
much like Arn was with the Horsemen. Visually, I’m scared shitless of Batista,
but I’d rather take a beatdown than a AA tire iron across the kneecap or skull.
That’s why Arn ruled, despite his lack of supposedly necessary size for the
Enforcer gimmick. He would f*ck you up all sneaky like and then gloat about it,
while you pondered how to stop the bleeding or if limping to the hospital is
really how you wanted to spend your Saturday Night.

Also on RAW, there seems to be a little
romance in the air as Christian appears to be seriously considering getting all
up in Lita’s area, while Some Other Guy is making Mrs. Trish Hyatte’s toes
curl…

Ryder Fakin: So tell me, Hi-Rate…you think its a coincidence that Trish now has a boyfriend on TV named Chris? A secret crush played out in front of millions? You think she is cruel enough to say “OH CHRIS I LOVE YOU” on National television, knowing what it’s doing to you?
Subconscious maybe? hmmmm….she’s all yours! 

Auto response from Hyatte1com: (deleted for reasons that I ain’t even
touching)…blahr blahr blahr

Needless to say, it’s a fascinating
story line on many, many, MANY different levels!   

Also on RAW, the Kane saga continues
and I have no idea where they are going with it. Well, to Survivor Series in a
(most likely) heavily stripped or gimmicked Kane vs. Shane Blow-off, which Kane,
literally, HAS to win, or he might as well go back to being a Dentist. That
promo freaked me out, as Kane finally portrayed anger and intenisty, which is
what I like. What I don’t like is the continuing car crash, fire, hospital,
"is he dead again or are we going to set the record for no-selling"
type of angles that, for whatever reason, the Creative Staff thinks we need. I
don’t do this often, but I will delve into fantasy booking, or at least what I
think is good booking, based on my 25 + years watching…

If Shane is to be the Final Victor in
the Blow-Off feud (which is wrong, I think)

• Kane tells him he’s going to kill
  him. 

• Shane, week after week, puts up a
  valiant fight but continues to get beat down at every turn.

• At the PPV, Shane finds the courage
  to overcome the odds and manage to beat the Monster with an incredible
  display of  intestinal fortitude and disregard for his own life.

If Kane is to be the Final Victor in
the Blow Off feud (which is what should be done)

• Kane tells him he’s going to kill
  him

• Shane, without the need to be a
  cowering babyface due to history of being a Daredevil maniac in his matches,
  says "Bring it", but not with the Same Gusto as he did Blackman or
  with the same lame Comedy Bullshit he pulled with the Big Show. More along
  the lines of his match buildup with Angle at KOTR. 

• At the PPV, Shane pulls out all the
  stops, with Kane no-selling everything and beating him to a pulp. And
  telling anyone who doesn’t like it that they got theirs to get anytime they
  want to get on up. Make a MONSTER out of him and pull the plug on this
  ridiculous push that Shane appears to be getting. Maybe Shane just wanted
  one last (yeah right) run before he becomes a Father and has to act like a
  normal human being. He has the perfect template in what * not * to do – all
  he needs to do is watch Vince for more than 5 minutes. I have confidence
  that they will end this feud properly and match Kane up with a more believable,
  suitable opponent, especially if they continue to push his evil, dark
  side.        

ROLL THE DICE

Of of the funniest things I have read /
heard all week is Low-Ki’s decision to not wrestle the next Ring of Honor show.
The reasons vary from "schedule conflicts" (his story) to "I
don’t wanna Job – itis", which is the rumor floating around by those in the
know. I listened to Mike Johnson’s commentary over at 1wrestling and he notes
that Low-Ki was booked to face up-and-coming-soon-to-be-Indy Legend Homicide at
a show in New Jersey, with Homicide "going over" (that means win).
Low-Ki countered with the idea of doing a "15 Minute Draw", which
everyone agreed was horseshit, especially in The Main Event. Remember the last
time Low-Ki performed for Ring of Honor? Here’s a recap…

In a much more interesting story, it
appears that Low-Ki legit knocked some dude cold at the CT Ring of Honor show
Saturday Night. From all live accounts, Ki was wrestling in the main even
against Danny Maff, who I have never heard of, but if the buzz around this is
any indication, this may have been his ticket to stardom. Low-Ki, you probably
have heard of – if not, think the local neighborhood midget with a voice
like James Earl Jones. About six minutes into their match, Ki went for “a
kick to the back of the head” and WAM! Maff is seeing stars, out cold. When
I first read this, I thought “well it has been more than seven years since
HBK pulled the “out cold from a kick to the back of the head work/shoot”
and using Cornette’s “seven year gimmick recycle” logic, it made sense
that this angle would help set up additional angles, etc. But apparently, I
was incorrect in my rush to judgement – later reports said “the dude was
knocked silly, legit”.

Ye
Old Fleabag, The Monday Edition 8.18.03

So, it’s probably for the best that he
is going away. When that incident occurred, Ki also had issues with a Ref and
some Fans that was none to pleasant, something that Low-Ki profusely apologized
for after the fact. Johnson also mentioned that Ki plans to "move to
Japan" around the first of the year, which is probably the best for
everyone. Let’s face it – the guy has talent, but he’s a f*cking midget and will
never be taken seriously in the United States. At least in Japan, they value a
stiff kick and innovative moves as a reason to respect someone in lieu of
forcing them to work a specific "style" and / or making sure they are
the cooooooolest by gawd thing on Velocity or Heat. Good luck to him – Johnson
says he may try to get an interview, but don’t hold your breath…Ki is a very
private person and, as a general rule is not crazy about breaking kayfabe, as he
has an image to maintain. 

Also on the Indy Scene, the future of
the promotion that ain’t ECW may be in jeopardy due to lack of interest / slow
ticket sales. MLW, which runs in Florida, had promoted a big show in
Jacksonville, which was met with apathy, causing the show to be
"postponed"
(cancelled).            

"Despite inaccurate reports to
the contrary, MLW made its decision to postpone its October 24th event based
strictly on soft ticket sales. MLW’s decision was based strictly on business
and what was best for the long-term. We urge fans to contact Ticketmaster for
refund information."

 – "Bankruptcy" Court
Bauer, MLW Owner, who is never called a "Money Mark" to his face

I don’t know what the problem was,
outside of MLW may have tried to open into new markets too soon. They have drawn
well in Ft. Lauderdale and put on a hell of a show to a packed house in Orlando
a few months ago – which is where I think they should have run the planned
Jacksonville show. Running a wrestling promotion these days is not the easiest
or most profitable thing in the world to do, why go out of your way to fail?
Willie Sutton, the famous bank robber, was asked "why do you rob
banks?" His answer: "Because that’s where the money is". They
would have done just fine coming back to O-Town. I really, really, really would
hate to see another promotion bite the dust for lack of business sense, which
may happen as Bauer apparently *  is * following Heyman’s template for ECW,
right down to the part where you have to put your alternative promotion out of
business  – in that case he has the perfect first name because that’s where
he will be. Maybe Low-Ki is right to get the hell over to Japan. I hope the get
things straightened out – TNA appears to be going in the "We need
Hogan" direction, which is good business sense if you want a TV deal, but
bad in the long run as people like Styles, Daniels and Raven get relegated to
second banana status for an egotistical, cancerous has-been and a self-aggrandizing
never-was. We need all the alternatives we can
get.        

PAGE SIX

That’s all from me today, I suggest you
check out 1ryderfakin.com – I think I will
cover the Kobe Trial on a daily basis once it gets going, along with News,
Political, Social and Music commentary, when I feel like it. I plan to keep the
Saturday Evening Post here at 411 100% wrestling, which is what, along with
actual positive thoughts, is what BOSS wants for 411 News. You guys stepped on
your dicks with the "Oh wrestling sucks, I don’t watch anymore, but I will
waste your time with 1,000 words of why things suck, blah blah blah" Netcop
can get away with that. So can Eric S. and Hyatte – they are established. YOU
can not. Hence the need for FLEA to come and clean up the mess. Like always, I’m
here when needed.

FLEA – 1ryderfakin.com