The Monday Edition 12.08.03

Hello, it’s Flea and I’m subbing for
Hyatte, obviously. Don’t worry as always, I have provided a Hyatte fix for
those who need it at the bottom of the column – between here and there is
commentary on a few things pulled from the newsline and a few other typed items
to get you started on Monday. If I would have planned ahead, I most certainly
would have asked Tammy Sytch to send me her Bitch, I would have gladly included
it I love what she is writing. Tammy, if you are reading, sometimes Hyatte
disappears for an extended period of time and I usually fill-in you are more
than welcome to send me a Bitch from the Sytch, should the occasion arise – I’m
at ryderfakin@yahoo.com. But I think Hyatte will
be back next week he is alive, for those of you wondering. I know I was. Tis’
the Season and all that – maybe I should do an IWC Dead Pool! nah, that’s
morbid.

 

I suppose I’m here for as long as Hyatte ain’t. Enjoy and if
you haven’t done so yet, read my Saturday Evening Post. Grazi.         

 

Come on, let’s go

 

FIRST OFF

 

I believe I’ll start off right where I ended yesterday Jerry
Tuite, professionally known as (yes, that’s what PKA means, I didn’t make a
“typo”) is DEAD at age 36 of what medical people describe as “an acute heart
attack”. Hey, if that’s how you want to sugarcoat it, fine with me – they
pretty much said the same thing about Hennig. What’s really important is that
we have our First Winner in the Wrestling Dead Pool!!!!, which can be found
exclusively at 1ryderfakin.com. A reader by the name of HB Lockings had
“Malice” on his list, so HB, if you are reading, please contact me by email

 

As for the rest of you, FLEA Advice says to get on the
bandwagon and give me YOUR Top Seven Choices in The Wrestling Dead Pool – you
can’t win if you don’t play! And remember – they always go in threes and it’s
the Most Wonderful Time of the Year for those who suffer from any kind of
depression / habit Be The First One on YOUR Block to have your pick come home
in a BOX! Details can be found at 1ryderfakin.com!

 

Widro described me as “giddy” when we talked about The Wall
croaking I guess maybe I was. Doing the Wrestling Dead Pool is my small way of
saying “Fuck You” to all these bastards who would rather live than die – and
because I’m sick of everyone expressing condolences for people they don’t even
know and shouldn’t care less about, because the wrestlers dying obviously don’t
care about you, their families, or anyone else except themselves. If that
bothers you, I don’t care. Go and check out 1ryderfakin.com – I have a nice
pick of The Wall / Malice up there with a quote from him. And I will continue to
“pay tribute” to each and every one of these selfish pricks, so long as they
keep dropping dead due to “death by misadventure”. Nothing cruel or unusual,
just a picture and either a quote from them or a quote about them depends on
who it is.

 

One thing that you should probably realize, if you haven’t
by now – Phil Mushnick is and always has been RIGHT! He has railed against the
dirty business of wrestling, more specifically Vince McMahon’s Company, for
almost 20 years now, much to the chagrin of many “online (read: not real)
journalists”. I am currently in the process of pulling old quotes from message
boards, columns, etc saying what a (insert your insult here) Mushnick
is .Jesus you should SEE some of the comments on this guy – he has been the
poster boy for people who “just don’t get” wrestling for years now, and has
been crucified and vilified by fans of wrestling strike that the fans of
wrestling on the Internet I tell you what just Google the name “Phil Mushnick”
and see what you find. Then, do a little research on various wrestling related
topics he has written over the last 5-6 years (since wrestling “boomed” again)
and see if you agree or disagree with him. As a fan of wrestling, you will
probably get pissed off – Mushnick attacks the wrestling business with the
vigor of a junkie on payday. But step outside the box for a few minutes and
you’ll realize a majority of he writes / has written hits the nail on the head.
Hard.

 

So The Mushnick Files are coming soon  -  probably after I
get done with The IWC 100 list. If you are Google searching on your own and
find some good quotes by either Mushnick or someone in the IWC bashing or
agreeing with him, send it to me – ryderfakin@yahoo.com.
All credit will be given! WOW! I guess I am giddy about this – FLEA is putting
the FUN back in funerals and you are welcome to come along on the ride!

 

OK, enough of the fun stuff There’s plenty on the newsline
to comment about, so that’s what I think I’ll do right down the list

 

HAVE YOU HEARD?

 

Nathan Jones has retired / quit the WWE, as it appears that
the Wresting Life just isn’t the life for him. Many people are rejoicing this
decision by the Australian ummm what was his gimmick? The original promos were
BRILLIANT, as they basically re-created the Mankind character for the 21st
Century seeing as Mick decided to go the goof route with the gimmick, leaving
plenty of room for a psychotic reaction. Unfortunately, Nathan’s first move was
a botched spin-kick, which I don’t believe made television, but I have seen the
video on someone’s or other’s message board avatar (if it was YOU, no need to
write me – I’m just giving some background) and he blows the move something
fierce .who ain’t? But that one blown move pretty much sunk him right out of
the gate and put the label of “clumsy stiff” on his resume, in a manner the
likes of which has not been seen since Sid Vicious. Jones then took some time
off due to injury and to “refine” his skills, with the help of not only the
trainers, but luminaries like The Undertaker and Paul Heyman. People complain
all the time about “the look” that Vince likes so much well no shit. Jones
“looked” as if he would rip your head off – which is the effect I think the
wrestling business is going for when they create a Monster. Unfortunately, this
Monster did not have a heart, so in Australia he sits, out of the wrestling
business, most likely miserable that he could not cut the mustard and wondering
if he cannot make it in a business where people literally bent over backwards
in an effort to help him succeed, what POSSIBLY could he do with his life? Boy,
if Jones ain’t a candidate for the Dead Pool, I don’t know who is   

 

According to the latest Torch rumors, WWE has no idea what
to do with Mick Foley but they are certain that he will not be having a match
anytime soon. Maybe someone * is * listening!

 

Also – from the same rumor mill, some people obviously
aren’t listening / paying attention

 

Below expectations…

WWE Survivor Series looks to have done about 500,000 buys. That is below the
625,000 buys WWE was expecting for the PPV.

Early estimates are always low. E-I-E-I-O. It’s way too
early to start to crow. E-I-E-I-O. With Doom and Gloom here and Negativity
there, it makes one wonder why I care. Because lack of education hasn’t hurt me
none, Kodachrome – I can read the writing on the wall E-I-E-I-O.

 

Also,

 

Jon Dalton (Jonny Fairplay) from
CBS’s Survivor has interest in joining WWE once Survivor ends in a few weeks.
He has turned into the show’s #1 villain.

It’s pretty comical that a show like Survivor needs a
“Number One Villian”. I haven’t watched Survivor since the first season, when
it was brutally apparent that this “reality TV” crap was just another ingenious
way for Television to waste people’s time by allowing them to vicariously live
through people a whole lot more stupid than they are. Hey Bonehead! It ain’t
“reality” when they have to edit the show in a format to make it more
interesting, complete with musical accompaniment and plenty of quick camera
shots to beat the “real” message into your empty heads – that it’s FAKE, but
for the most part, mindlessly entertaining. Jonny Fairplay will do just fine in
the wrestling business. Perfect name too – I hate him already!

 

From Jess McGrath at 1wrestling.com

 

WWE has released Shannon Ward
from her developmental deal.

 

Ward had been working in OVW as
Lucy, managing Southern tag team champions Nova & The Idol (Aaron Stevens).
She had also worked Ring of Honor. Her biggest claim to fame, though, was her
run in WCW as Daffney.

 

Ward is scheduled to appear at
the final OVW TV taping of the year on 12/10, where presumably she will be
written out of storylines.

 

Checking the message boards for “instant opinion” on this,
you would think the WWE got rid of Kurt Angle. I think the only reason she was
even “over” at all with the IWC is that it’s 1) cool to be different and root
for the “Underdog” (for a great example of that, see the Stevie Richards
worship) and 2) because she was actually “getable”. If we are honest with
ourselves, there ain’t a chance in hell that Trish or Stacy or and WWE Diva
would actually “do* you, but a chick like Daffney (or someone like TNA’s
Lollipop) with the right amount of booze in you bloodstream to make your
normally mushed-mouth tongue churn out the Velvet Pick Up lines, the right
amount of loneliness and “what the f*ck, I’m horny” attitude from her and given
the right circumstances with the moon in Venus and the Sun in Mars, you could
probably f*ck her or at least get to third base. Of course, if she started that
SCREAMING bullshit, off with her head. So OVW will have to get by without
Lucy Good Luck to her in the future, I’m sure TNA will come calling the best
thing about this is in the mail the other day I received a WHOLE BOX!!!!!  full
of OWV shows to watch, thanks to My Favorite Person in Kentucky – Drew Deuce.
OVW! OVW! OVW!

 

ANOTHER WEEK OF THIS CRAP

 

RAWr this week is at the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, California.
Expect more Foley hijinks as the hard sale for this coming weekend’s Armageddon
PPV features what will most likely be a non-finish to the Kane and Goldberg
match. By non-finish, I mean HHH will run in with the sledgehammer and then
Goldberg will spear him and then Kane will chokeslam Goldberg or something like
that. How will it turn out? Will FLEA be right? Only one way to know and that
is to watch for yourself.  

 

Smackdown will take place at the Sports Arena in San Diego, California.
Since the Smackdown Brand does not have a PPV, expect more hijinks from Lesnar
and Bob Holly also, how do you think they will explain Nathan Jones not being
around anymore? He could have at least done an injury angle or something I say
they BURY him. Ha ha ha hah hawr I love when Vince gets vindictive can’t spell
Jarrett without G-O-N-E!! Lex who? Or maybe they’ll just pretend like he never
existed – as far as the fans are concerned, I doubt we will even remember him
in two years, except as the Butt of a Joke. Like Al Green as Dog.

 

PAGE SIX

 

Hyatte should be back next week .also, I think 411Black will
be done by next week, so ummm how about some real news and then I’ll give you
your Hyatte fix

 

From CNN.com

 

Supreme Court allows Rosa Parks to sue OutKast

 

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court refused Monday to
intervene in a lawsuit over the hit song "Rosa Parks" by the
Grammy-winning musical group OutKast.

 

The action, taken without comment from the justices,
means the 90-year-old civil rights figure can go ahead with her lawsuit against
the band.

 

The 1998 song is about the entertainment industry and its
lyrics do not refer to Parks by name. The chorus of the song goes, "Ah-ha,
hush that fuss. Everybody move to the back of the bus."

 

Parks claimed that OutKast violated her publicity and
trademark rights and defamed her. She lost her first round in federal court,
but a three-judge panel of the 6th
U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals
in
Cincinnati, Ohio, reinstated part of the lawsuit
earlier this year.

 

The case will now return to a lower federal court judge.

 

Parks wants all references to her removed from future
versions of the record.

 

OutKast has argued that the song is neither false
advertising nor a violation of Parks’ publicity rights and is protected by the
First Amendment.

 

Parks made history in December 1955 when she was arrested
for refusing to give up her seat to a white man on a Montgomery, Alabama, city
bus. Her arrest triggered a 381-day boycott of the bus system by blacks and led
to court rulings desegregating public transportation nationwide.

 

* * * * *

 

Ain’t that something? After a lifetime of being the poster
child for the Civil Rights movement, she sues over Trademark Rights and Public
Defamation. As Don King says “Only in America” that reminds me of an old
Jackson Browne song

 

But Rosie you’re all right — you wear my ring

When you hold me tight — Rosie that’s my thing
When you turn out the light — I’ve got to hand it to me
Looks like it’s me and you again tonight Rosie

 

THE PARANOID HOOLIGAN

 

Here is something that I have had for quite sometime, but
have never got around to using. Might as well do it here’s YOUR Hi8-Spot

 

* * * * *

 

1998 and Beyond …

 

As the last gifts get torn opened, the last cup of Egg Nog
gets nogged, and the last drunken relative gets escorted out the door to his
car (and spotted vomiting his turkey dinner on his way to the car); we can
finally turn our attention to the New Year and what it holds for the sport of
wrestling. To no one’s surprise, the internet will surely hold an abundance of
guesswork from would-be soothsayers, many of whom will surely include the
hopeful (more likely hopeless) prediction that the WWF will rebound from the
rather large hole that Mr. Bischoff cheerfully dug. There is no real fact in
these predictions…only rank desperation, so I implore you not to take these
not-so-subtly hidden prayers as gospel. Indeed, should the WWF ever rebound
from their current problems (I can guarantee that they will, if only for the
fact that this sport is very cyclical in nature), it will take more than just
twelve months…check back with me in three years.

Not that any of this matters. To me, 1998 represents one thing and one thing
only…we are now only two years away from the Millennium. Personally, I don’t
think God, Allah, Budda, or whichever deity that you particularly worship
intended us to survive past the calendar year 2000. Crime is up, our children
are running rampant, an idiot like Jenny McCarthy gets her own TV show, the
price of Spam skyrocketed, and the Spicegirls are a success; if those are not
Biblical signs of Judgement Day, I don’t know what is. Alas, the business at
hand is wrestling, so let’s pretend that everything’s okay in the universe and
dance the dance that is expected. In other words, let’s make some New Year’s
guesses as to what the future holds….just remember, they are only
guesses…for it is against my beliefs to make any predictions.

THE WWF IN 1998

– Owen will become the most popular figure alive. Vince will struggle with the
idea that he will have a WWF champion that is actually named Owen.

– Steve Austin will say "Damn" and "Hell" a lot. He will
constantly refer to himself and to whomever he is talking to/about as a
"SOB". He will also make frequent use of his middle fingers.

– Either Cactus Jack, Mankind, or Dude Love will take some ugly bumps.

– The stress of losing the war will finally cause some major hair loss for
Vince McMahon (and about bloody time).

– Goldust will………oh I don’t have a friggin’ clue what he’ll be doing.

– The Godwinns will continue to draw no heat whatsoever.

WCW IN 1998

– Eric Bischoff will drown in his own pool of self importance. (Hey, one can
dream can’t one?)

– Hogan will begin his annual 6 month vacation come February…and the whole
internet will bitch about it.

– Bret Hart will continue to speak in that monotone of his.

– Sting will get his ass back into the rafters, basically because no one in
management wants to lose the heat he has. Sting won’t complain though, he’s
quite happy making millions for doing nothing.

– Savage will either re-sign or resign. His contract ends in January.

– Schiavone will consistently remind us each week that this is the BEST NITRO
EVER!!!!!!!! (or that this is the BEST THURSDAY THUNDER EVER!!!!!!!!!!).

– The Luchadors will continue to put on unbelievable matches, and no one will
care.

– The Villano power base will strengthen, (long live the Revolucion).

OTHER STUFF CONCERNING WRESTLING 1998

– SCOOPS will break down about 30 more times.

– Someone will write to me about how bad my writing is about once a week.

– about 1000 new websites will open, and they will all seem alike.

– I will continue to be a sad, sad person.

Thus, we leave the old and enter the new. Resolutions will be made…and will
be broken about an hour later. The fat will stay fat and the skinny will stay
skinny. Life will go on as scheduled, (at least until the year 2000, as
previously stated). I leave you with this quick little insight. Expert
scientist and all around ninny/smart guy Steven Hawkins (or Hawkings?) cleared
it all up when he said that if time travel was possible, then folks from the
future would have already visited us with warnings about where we went wrong.
Since they haven’t come, you can present a decent case that we may have no
future at all. Well, either that or time travel is just plain impossible now
and forever. Who know…and more importantly….who cares.

 

This is Hyatte.

* * * * *

Thanks for reading THE MONDAY EDITION, I’m Flea.